From A Newbie (now a groupie)
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=13025
Printed Date: 03 October 2025 at 6:39pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: From A Newbie (now a groupie)
Posted By: 3boys
Subject: From A Newbie (now a groupie)
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 9:53pm
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I found OB when I was about 30 weeks pregnant. It was the first forum I have joined or even read.
Confession: I lurked in the Aug 08 Mums 2 B thread until all the Aug 08 babies were born. I never posted. But I got to know all the names and enjoyed all the wonderful babies and their mamas. I decided to join when Cohen was about 3 weeks, thought I would join in the Aug 08 mums thread. But everyone knew each other so well it seemed a bit random for me to start posting (strange lack of confidence I know). I think I did post once or twice, but as I did not know the online guidelines(intro's etc) I think this appeared very random. Since that time I have posted more and more and have been enjoying the support on here and what I have learnt from other mamas and their experiences until I logged on today. This place can be really scary for a newbie like me. I thought it was a place where you got support and advice and gave it too. Now I just think I am very naive in this online world. As a newbie it can be really hard to join a group such as this - you all appear to know each other so well and when it gets bitchy - well it puts you right off. I think we should spare a thought for all those lurkers like me, who want to be a part of this supportive community. If they are lurking today, they will be reading (as drama hooks us all in) but maybe not joining. The strange thing is despite our difference we are all trying to do the same thing - raise our children. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 9:59pm
 wow 3boys i hadnt even considered you a lurker or a newbie - felt like you had just slotted right in...
you'll find tho its the same with boards all over the place... and i agree they can be very intimidating when it feels like they all "know" each other. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 10:00pm
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You summed that up nicely 3boys.
Hey if it's any consolation, I'm a September mum and the July/August girls welcomed me on to their board no questions asked... So please come and join us, we really are kind of cool   ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 16 December 2007 at 10:58pm
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I found this too when I first joined, someone once made a comment about newbies not knowing what they were talking about, and it made me feel very unwelcome.
There are a lot of dominant personalities on here (which don't get me wrong, is NOT a bad thing!  ) but yes it can be very hard.
From another newish member, I find it very difficult when people ask for advice but then don't listen to people who don't actually have children yet. There are a lot of educated people on here, especially those in legal and education roles who know a lot of theory about parenthood, but I feel that sometimes if you don't have a kid already you're not really part of the 'club'. I agree about this being a scary place - I often don't involve myself in conversations because some people won't back down until they 'win'. But yes, it's a community like any other, and you have to take the good with the bad. Having said that, a little bit of controversy is quite interesting sometimes, but the old saying 'think before you speak' should probably be adhered to a bit more by some people. |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 17 December 2007 at 9:16am
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Now, this is JUST my opinion, BUT, I do find that something that happens in forums everywhere is one person asks for an opinion or whatever and one person has a differing one, well, that person gets flamed. In real life, not everyone agrees or is even nice. It is nice to feel all warm and fuzzy on here, but it is important to remember that not everyone's opinions are the same and not everyone sugar coats their opinions either. Sucks, sometimes, but thats the way it is.
Emz, I hear what you are saying about people not listening to opinions form non baby people, but to be honest, I take non baby advice with a grain of salt as well. I respect educated advice, but really do take the "well, if you haven't actually been in that situation, it's hard to know" stand. No offence intended to you, either, I enjoy reading your well thought out and informed advice. Coming from a teaching background gives you some great insight, and man, you must see it all! I'm sorry if it seems intimidating for newbies, and it must do, I imagine, especailly over the last few days. Just remember, there are lots of great people in here, but as in life, there are dominant personalities and differing opinions, so just "avoid" the school yard if you can! ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 17 December 2007 at 10:02am
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I definitely agree with you that if someone asks for opinions, then they will (and should) get differing sides of the story.
I also understand what you mean about taking things with a grain of salt. I'm only really talking about the times when someone asks for advice, some of us give it (and often it is the same advice that people with kids give or has worked for other people) and we get shot down for it. I love the fact that this site is available for support and opinions, but sometimes I feel there are a few on here that, well I don't know, maybe get bored or agitated and decide to cause a stir (or maybe they just don't think). And like fattartsrock, this is just MY opinion!
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Posted By: almostthere
Date Posted: 17 December 2007 at 10:27am
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Can i just say i completely aggree! TO be honest i wont be giving any advice on babies until i experience it for myself, as I find it difficult to take advice from others who havnt been somewhere i have eg. T1 Diabetes.
And these things dont just happen when you are a newbie either. I belong to another webiste which i have been a member of for a year or so now, and I still feel like im not part of the club/group but hey the websites are interesting reads and obviously im not really put off by them. I would also say that, interestingly, I am a dominant personality in RL but on webistes i tend to be more of a wall flower.. GO figure! ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2128f6"> 
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2128f6 - chart |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 17 December 2007 at 10:44am
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Sorry but I agree....if you don't have kids sure I don't mind you expressing your ideas but I'd be taking it with a huge grain of salt....no matter your background things can change vastly when you are plunged into a new situation. Goodness knows a lot of my ideals went out the window.
I'm sorry if that hurts some people but that is life...it's a lot easier for someone to accept advice from another person who has "been there and done that". ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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