Hi ladies- have posted this in 'kindy adn beyond' but thought I'd also place it here for more feedback!

Some of you might know me from the ttc board where DP and I are trying for our first baby together. He has a couple of kids from a previous relationship who live with their Mum; the kids are great and we all get on well. However we are also in the unusual position of taking on the full time role of caregivers to another child from his family who he raised from a few months old. This wee boy is now 4 going on 5 and a real sweetie. His biological parents for various reasons are not and will not ever be around for him and so we (I!) have agreed to give him a full time home with us as he really needs a Mum and solid family environment. I'm a bit nervous about the task ahead as I don't have any children of my own (yet). Both of our families think this is the best idea and admire us and love us for doing this, which is nice but I am more worried about the practicalities of this little boy who is going to live with us in a few weeks! He is excited and looking forward to it, as I am but I just feel I don't have the support I might need to cope with what I'm sure is going to be a difficult initial few months. The wee boy is lovely but the last couple of months has started showing signs of uncertainty about where he belongs and has been acting out etc because of this. I understand this completely and both DP and I have allowed for it, but as I am going to be doing at least half of the parenting then I want to be more confident about what I am doing! We have lots of family suipport although they aren't physically very close to us at all- about a solid half hour drive to the closest. We are in a new area too so I don't know many people and don't really know where to start looking. I appreciate that when he starts school next year I will meet other mums through there but until then I wondered if you experienced mums had any suggestions about what to do with him while we're at home together when his dad is working, or cheap (free?) places I can take him to keep him amused? I don't want to resort to dumping him in front of a tv as thats happened a bit in the place he's been staying in the last 18 months, even though he has been happy there. The other question I have is are there any groups or support for new 'instant' Mums in my position? DP isn't worried about it (obviously) as he raised him- although he does see why I am a bit nervous about it. It feels a little overwhelming although it IS something I want to do. I'm working part time and studying part time as well as ttc (which we are very keen on). DP is working full time but hours that will allow him to happily take care of the child when I'm working or studying. HE's a good committed Dad, just far more relaxed about things than I, although like I said he is trying to see my point of view.

Sorry for the long post but I feel I need some help here. Theres many things I"m afraid of, including losing my independance and being bored- I know that sounds terrible!  But I am pretty independant and it's scary thinking of taking on a child who's not 'mine' full time. I really do think it'll work out fine, but I want to do it right and so everything is 'solid' for him. He's been through enough heartache being dumped twice by 2 Mums already- I certainly don't want to be, and won't be the 3rd!

Any advice greatly appreciated.

Wow, what a nice response! Thanks guys

I will definately look up some parenting courses as well as just try to relax about it. I was feeling guilty for being worried about losing my independance and concerned I'd be crap at this whole parenting thing too! Such a massive change for me, I've given up a well paid fulltime job so I can study and look after this wee boy, so no longer have the finacial independance I had as well. It's all a bit scary but a little less so knowing I have friends here. Thanks heaps, it took me ages to pluck up the courage to ask for help here, even though I've been on the ttc threads for a while now.

Will let you know how I get on.... (with everything!)...  

Hi ladies! Merry Christmas and thanks heaps for all the great responses!

We've just returned from having all 3 kids for two days and I must say I'm tired. But I've made the decision to set a date for our new wee mans arrival, and it will be in just under 3 weeks time. Yikes!! But I must make the decision otherwise I'll be fluffing about for ages worrying about what if's and maybes!  I thought this date would suit as that would give him a few weeks alone with us before shcool starts- he's been going to regular kindy and has had his half day at his new school so is very excited about it, which is good.

I've had lots of good ideas from you guys about activities and have also chatted to DP about my worries abit more these hols. He's trying to be as supportive as he can but I don't think he still quite gets what I'm worried about. But at least he supports us setting down house rules together, attending parenting classes etc. I really noticed how attention seeking this little boy is today- of course that's logical, I know but it's still really hard to deal with sometimes! In the New Year I shall go to Plunket and ask about local support groups, also will visit the library and hunt out books that may help with this situation.

Busymum- thank you for your kind words, we are not going through CYFS, just doing it as a family although both DP and I see the benefits in getting at least legal guardianship of the child. The biological parents are not nasty people or unkind, just a bit hopeless and not interested so there's never been a bond developed. I know they want what's best for the wee boy and recongnise that we can give him a much better home and opportunities than they can (I don't mean that in a bad way, it's a bit hard to explain without sounding big headed- its not like that at all, I mean, I still don't think what I'm doing is that great because I've been worried about it and how good a Mum I'll be etc!! ). Anyway, he will still see them as part of his extended family although I personally think it would be a good idea to limit contact until he is well and truely settled with us. Just so he knows who is who etc!

I also spoke to a couple of members of my family who gave great advice and support if DP and I need a break as a couple. I'm really worried about losing what we have as a couple....especially when we're ttc ourselves. I don't want that to be put on the backburner even though DP said that absolutely wouldn't happen. I'm a bit of a worrier by nature I know but just want to be as prepared as poss and cover as many bases as poss too! I"m feeling better about not being left all on my own to cope with the little guy, and we have actively sought ouy ways so that I at least can still have my own time. I know that probably sounds selfish but I enjoy my own company and solitude sometimes!!

Lastly, I'll definately stay on these boards and ask for help!!! The feedback and support I've had online has REALLY helped at this monumental time of change in our lives. I guess I also need to start looking at this as a new, exciting chapter of my life, not simply the end of freedom and independance!