Temperament - I don’t understand
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=13485
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Topic: Temperament - I don’t understand
Posted By: FionaS
Subject: Temperament - I don’t understand
Date Posted: 09 January 2008 at 8:51pm
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How similar are your kids temperaments to your own? This topic is really fascinating to me.
...how is it that 2 parents, who are quite similar temperament wise, from 2 families of very quiet and gentle people can produce a kid who is the TOTAL opposite of them? Elle is an amazing joy but she is also loud, demanding, a control freak (for want of a better term), fiesty and can be very grumpy. There is almost nothing gentle about her. If she can run freely she is the most delightful child ever but at home she is 95% fiesty. Her Dad and his family are very VERY laid back and "cruisy" people and my family are quiet and reserved, albeit perfectionists. I thought things like tantrums, shouting, screaming, hitting etc were learned but there is no way at all that Elle has witness these things, nor have they been encouraged in any way and yet her behaviour is dominated by them at the moment. She MUST have what she wants, exactly when she wants it. I often feel bad, like I'm doing something wrong but it really is just temperament. Over time we will be able to "direct" her determined energy but at the moment it is just growing day by day. I'm wondering if it is a sign of intelligence...large potential and large frustration at the limitations of being a small person. What are the different temperaments in your family like? ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Replies:
Posted By: miss
Date Posted: 09 January 2008 at 8:57pm
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SKIP has a booklet on temperament! Some behaviours are learned, some are inherent to the child's natural personality.
Lily has a lovely laid back temperament, apparently like I was as a child (so some degree of heritability there!) thankfully not like DH at all - who as his parents keep telling me, was a sh!t of a kid! -------------  
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Posted By: miss
Date Posted: 09 January 2008 at 8:58pm
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Oh also some of those behaviours are probably age appropriate and transitory. I remember a couple of kiddies I taught at preschool being monsters turning into lovely calm laid back kiddies! -------------
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Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 09 January 2008 at 8:59pm
Yes I read the SKIP book. Helpful but pretty basic stuff. I know the theory but it is interesting to see how it plays out in reality. I wish we had a laid back kid but we don't and everyone keeps saying it is good to have a kid with "spunk"  good...but hard work! But then all kids are  ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: miss
Date Posted: 09 January 2008 at 9:01pm
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YEah, it is funny when you have quiet parents and then this loud, full on kid - they sit there at parent interviews shaking their heads wondering where they came from! -------------
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Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 09 January 2008 at 9:05pm
That'll be us! She'll teach us lots I'm sure. ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
miss wrote:Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 09 January 2008 at 9:06pm
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Fiona you just decribed out Mikey course he is just like me where as Alan. Like you say it is nothing you are doing just the way she is and as she get older you will be able to direct her. ------------- Deborah Mum to:   
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Posted By: yummymummy
Date Posted: 09 January 2008 at 9:12pm
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Hmm I can't say we are all that different. We are all quite happy and relaxed normally unless we are not getting what we want
Seriously though Gina is quite a happy relaxed baby so hoping the next one will be too - will be interesting to compare their personalities once we have more than one. Both my parents & DH parents say Gina is a more happy relaxed child than either of us were but she too has her moments. I don't know if you can really get a child that is quiet and introverted all the time. What were you and DH like as kids? ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 09 January 2008 at 9:22pm
Well we all know parents have selective memories but apparently we were very calm, relaxed and happy kids. Neither slept a lot during the day but neither got upset about it...we both just loved to watch the world go by. I was a talker from an early age, just like Elle, but I wasn't grumpy or loud. ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: yummymummy
Date Posted: 09 January 2008 at 9:26pm
Apperantly (if parents are to be trusted) I used to throw the worst tantrums if I didn't get what I wanted. And DH didn't fare much better. Gosh what are we in for   ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: BabyOnBoard
Date Posted: 09 January 2008 at 9:29pm
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Apparently Arabella is like I was as a baby - really content and social but I can see my stubborn streak coming out in her already - Even at 3 months she knows what she wants lol ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: Mum2ET
Date Posted: 09 January 2008 at 9:37pm
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My mum says that Ella is exactly like I was when I was her age- really easygoing, always smiling and happy and desperate to be able to move around and investigate everything. She is going to keep us on our toes, once she figures out how to crawl I am really looking forward to seeing how her personality develops and grows as she becomes her own little person. ------------- Mum to Ella (5) and Tom (2) |
Posted By: ShellandBella
Date Posted: 09 January 2008 at 9:59pm
Bella definitely takes after her father...very laid back and cruisy (unlike me who is highly strung and impatient  !)
Don't know if you believe in the whole "babies choose their parents" but perhaps there are some lessons to be learnt by having a 'feisty' (for want of a better word) child...? I know Bella is teaching me to chill out a bit more! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 09 January 2008 at 10:57pm
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Not much to say except welcome to the world of the "pre-two's"
(which is closely followed by the "terrible two's" a short spell of the "questioning three's" then onto the raging bossy 4 year old "i'm ready for school" or "I think i'm the boss" or "I'm feeling sorry for myself and i'm gonna make you feel guilty about it" tantrums. Oh the joys of the tantrums. Luckily thrown in there somewhere is a small snippet or sanity sometimes. lol.. seriously, do all you can but somethings you will never be able to figure out. Fiestiness i am sure is another one of those recessive genes.. Ayja inherited it along with her short stature and red curly hair! ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
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