Advice needed
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Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: Toddler Times
Forum Description: Is bubs growing up and getting into everything? How do you train them to use the potty? When do you start feeding solids? Share your tips and advice here!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=13691
Printed Date: 28 July 2025 at 6:53am
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Topic: Advice needed
Posted By: LuluS
Subject: Advice needed
Date Posted: 17 January 2008 at 12:17pm
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Hello everyone, I'm new here but I was hoping someone could help me with some advice.
How to deal with relations who visit with child who often misbehaves whose parents tell him off - but the discipline goes no further - and so behaviour carries on. We have been asked not to tell him off in our own home while child goes thru this phase (so far it's been about a year and counting). |
Replies:
Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 17 January 2008 at 12:47pm
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I personally would start making the visit's at their house It is after all you house and I find often my kid's will listen to someone else better then me so I often the the person's who's house we are at to have a word to him. Prob not much help. ------------- Deborah Mum to:   
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Posted By: The_Stuarts
Date Posted: 17 January 2008 at 12:57pm
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We have a rule that in our house the children, and adults, live by our rules. Same goes when I visit my sister, when in her house we abide by her rules.
Put your foot down now and if they don't like it they don't have to visit. loadsofkids suggestion of visiting them instead is a great one or you could try and meet at a public park or something. Finally (as a last resort) if it's really bothering you and being forward with the parents isn't working you could always try embarrassing them by loudly telling your child/children that here is a prime example of how they should not act. ------------- http://lilypie.com">   http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: thunderwolves
Date Posted: 17 January 2008 at 5:21pm
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I would just go by my house my rules, I do this with all the kids that come through my place, and they learn pretty soon that you mean what you say... ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 17 January 2008 at 7:54pm
| just out of curiosity, what is the behaviour and how old is the child? |
Posted By: LuluS
Date Posted: 17 January 2008 at 9:27pm
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He is three and sulks, ignores what he's told to do, ignores what he's told not to do, goes where he's been asked not to go, has tantrums when parents try and make him behave nicely, whines and generally carries on.
Its quite tiring. |
Posted By: kezplanet
Date Posted: 17 January 2008 at 9:38pm
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Have a nice quiet conversation with them about their childs behaviour and how it is not acceptable in your house & if they can not control their child or are not happy with you dealing with the situation ask them not to bring said child with them & as loadsofkids suggested arrange to meet them at another place What shocking behaviour - I wouldn't take my child out if this was continuing behaviour I would be too embarassed ------------- Kerryn, Mum to Ashlyn(29/3/04), Anastasia(1/11/05) & Abigail (24/02/09) |
Posted By: BabyOnBoard
Date Posted: 17 January 2008 at 10:11pm
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You are a better person then me for being so calm and polite about it!!
I would have to agree with the 'your house your rules' talk to the parents about it and if they don't agree then the park sounds good! Good luck ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 18 January 2008 at 7:39am
| okay, i was wondering - cause i don't know you - if perhaps you were over-reacting with a normal child behaviour, but since you've said that, I don't think you are over-reacting at all. my son is three - and he is pretty energetic and ...full-on. I would be mortified if he carried on like that, especially as we have certain rules in our house too. As uncomfrotable as it might be, i would have to sit down and say that you have rules that you want everyone to abide by, and if he won't, then you'll have to rehtink visiting. |
Posted By: The_Stuarts
Date Posted: 18 January 2008 at 7:48am
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Maybe because he's been allowed to get away with it for so long he thinks it's perfectly normal behaviour. That's really sad for him and will cause problems as he grows up and no parents want him to come over on play dates/sleep overs with their kids.
Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind and I'm pretty sure this is one of those situations. p.s. Well done for being patient for so long, I certainly couldn't have. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 18 January 2008 at 8:24am
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We have good friends who have a daughter who behaves similar to that- we don't have them over very much anymore. We tend to go to their house now or only have them over for short visits. Its a shame as it has taken a real toll on our friendship- they have kids both similar ages to ours but we just wind up feeling really resentful after each visit.
We've had a wall drawn all over with vivid. Our dining room chairs are totally stained with red jelly where she tipped her bowl over and mashed it into the marterial with her hand (while they stood there pathetically saying 'don't do that' but not doing anything to stop it!!!  ). Shes broken countless toys and never ever listens to either of her parents- we don't allow her upstairs as thats where Charlottes books are kept and she has a tendency of ripping pages out of books, but they honestly spend most of the trip arguing with her on the stairs trying to stop her ripping the stair gate off its hinges!
Argh anyway- thread jack over  I would totally have a word with them- hopefully you can be a bit more up front as they are family. If not then just minimise the visits to your house and try to go to theirs instead.------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3 
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Posted By: LuluS
Date Posted: 18 January 2008 at 6:53pm
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Thank you very much for your helpful advice and also for your comments which make me feel not quite so alone.
As we haven't had a toddler yet, I wasn't entirely sure as what might be perceived as 'normal' three y/o behaviour as I know they have 'ants in their pants' and only a wee attention span. I wanted to know if I was over-reacting before tackling the issue. Many thanks Lulu |