Trusting your partner
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=13943
Printed Date: 25 October 2025 at 5:28pm
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Topic: Trusting your partner
Posted By: Jennz
Subject: Trusting your partner
Date Posted: 26 January 2008 at 11:06am
I was just curious about trust within other peoples relationships. I know it varies for people, feel free to not answer if you think I'm prying! Just curious really. I had a friend who wouldn't even let her DF have a bachelor party as she didn't trust him 
My Dad is married and there is no trust within their relationship- they are still together, have been for years and I would say they will be for a long time yet. Its not something I personally 'get' but it seems to work for them. I trust DH implicitly. I trust in his love for his children, for me and us as a family- hes an intelligent man and he knows that he would be destroying that if he ever cheated. I also trust that if he were to ever cheat, even though I would be heartbroken, I am strong enough within myself to get over it and build a new life. I was talking to a friend about DHs 30th and I was saying that we probably wouldn't be able to have a big party for it so I was thinking of sending him and his bestie to Las Vegas for a weekend and she was horrified! She couldn't believe that I trusted him enough to consider letting him go on his own. For me I didn't even really give it a second thought- didn't even occur to me to think along those lines. So what do you guys think? Where do you fall on the trust scale? Do you think its possible to have a good relationship with little or no trust? Do you think its possible to be too trusting? ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3 
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Replies:
Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 26 January 2008 at 11:34am
i trust DH completely. he's been away on a couple of boys trips and the thought of him cheating would never even enter my mind. 
i couldn't imagine having a relationship with no trust, for me, i just don't see how you could live like that and be happy at the same time...... ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 26 January 2008 at 12:11pm
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Well my DH is building his trust back up with me. We had some issues last year which resulted in him living with his parents for a week. We now have a good relationship but as for trusting him its not quite up there yet, but I know he can't get up to much in Waiouru at the moment with his cousin there. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: tishy
Date Posted: 26 January 2008 at 12:22pm
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In my opinion life long relationships need to be build on trust and communication above all else.
If either of those aren't present then I see the core foundations of any partnership to be unstable. Maybe your friend had a bad experience in a previous relationship. My brothers ex-gf accused him of two-timing her in a night club, based on the story from a friend who had only met him once. He went as far to acquire the security video from the night club to prove he wasn't in the building that night but nothing was going to convince her otherwise. In that case she had been cheated on before and started off each new relationship on the presumption that it was inevitable that it would happen again. |
Posted By: EmDee
Date Posted: 26 January 2008 at 12:31pm
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I completely trust my DH, I couldn't imagine being in a relationship that doesn't have trust and communication for those times when that trust is tested (hasn't happened yet). I agree that relationships need to be built on trust to be happy and fulfilling. ------------- DS 8 DD 6 DS 4 DD 2 |
Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 26 January 2008 at 12:33pm
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Yeah shes had numerous bad experiences so I do understand why she would feel that way herself- but she knows me and my DH so I thought she might see that differently.
I've been cheated on in my past and it did effect me for a long time- basically ruined my relationships for the next 5 years. But I learned some good lessons and got to a point where I figured I could spend my life miserable not trusting people just waiting for them to prove me right or I could trust and be happy in the mean time knowing that if the worst were to happen, I would be hurt but ok. I don't think if someone cheats on you it hurts any less just because you didn't trust them in the first place. I think its different working towards building trust vs living in a constant state of mistrust (like my Dad  ). ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3
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Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 26 January 2008 at 2:12pm
Well I sure as heck wouldn't be sending mine to Vegas for a birthday with his bestie...I'd be horrified at the thought too! Fancy leaving me behind when it is one of the cities I most want to visit!!!
Hehehehe....seriously though...I trust B completely, in any situation. No question. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Sarah Beth
Date Posted: 26 January 2008 at 2:38pm
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M & I have had or issues in the past, but that was my trust issue nothing to do with him. I got counselling and now trust him completely.
As for Vegas, I am with Paws, I would tag along too, but then he would be free to do what he wanted (hey, fancy a trip  )------------- "> 
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 26 January 2008 at 3:26pm
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I completely trust my hubby, wouldn't be able to live the life we do if we didn't have complete trust in each other. We were separated for 5 months after only being together for 2 (when he first went to Afghanistan). There was no question whatsoever about trust.
I would definitely send my hubby away for a boys weekend. I even helped organise all the guys for his stags night so that he would get absolutely trollied in the best company! But then again I know DH's friends would never put him in a position where he would or could cheat... The only thing I don't trust DH with is money! He's such a shopaholic! |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 26 January 2008 at 4:30pm
Well I do get my staff travel back next month.....
(sorry for the TJ!!) ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Sarah Beth wrote:Posted By: HippyMama
Date Posted: 26 January 2008 at 7:07pm
Here too 
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Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 26 January 2008 at 7:23pm
I trust DF - I don't trust single females in general. (in that way at least) I don't think I'd send him away for weekends like that... even if they have all the good intentions, all it takes is a few too many drinks and they wouldn't even know who they're sleeping with =/ Plus I'd miss him  -------------  
 
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 26 January 2008 at 7:27pm
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I'm not sure how a relationship would work without trust?
I trust Willie, from time to time I do get these niggly little doubts but they're based on what we went thru before we separated and he is a totally different person now, I just have little insecurities every now and then. But I do 100% trust him. -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: miss
Date Posted: 26 January 2008 at 8:00pm
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I trust DH. I don't believe in accidents happening when people are drunk, but I also don't believe in blaming the woman for a man's infidelity! (it is both not just one!)
But yeah, 100% trust for DH and him for me. -------------  
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 26 January 2008 at 8:25pm
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I agree Miss. We had infidelity issues before we separated and I totally held him to account for his part in it. Funny thing is that we got back together 18 months later, yet I have never spoken to the woman again even tho she used to be a very close friend. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Bubbaloo
Date Posted: 26 January 2008 at 8:41pm
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I totally trust Jesse not and if I didn't every time he has a gig I would be a right mess. He knows I wouldn't stand for it and would be kicked to curb straight away. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  Was danni-chick Mum to James My Angel 28/07/08 |
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 26 January 2008 at 9:04pm
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I trust DH with my life, and my kids life no question.
I love him 100% and he's my bestest friend in the world. Unfortunately I'm questioning that trust at the moment, and it's effecting our relationship. Instead of him being here trying to work it out, he's at a stag do. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 26 January 2008 at 10:36pm
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I trust Tobin 100% but he doesn't trust me... I find it VERY hard as it isn't based on reality but on his own insecurity (and depression rah rah)
He is much more trusting now he is on meds though! |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 26 January 2008 at 10:41pm
| finally am getting trust back with dh, but finding it more difficult to trust that the dishes will be done, if I ask him to. strange I know, but strangely important too. |
Posted By: 3boys
Date Posted: 26 January 2008 at 11:01pm
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I trust my DH 99% - but as my father and most of the other men in my life have cheated on me I just can't quite get to that 100% figure.
Edited - sorry, my father didn't cheat on me as such (lol) but I watched him cheat on all of his wivesssss..... ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Roxy
Date Posted: 26 January 2008 at 11:37pm
My poor husband would never have time to get upto mischeif.he too busy running two farms.I trust him but.....having lived the life I lived before I met him and actually getting some moralls I have to be a kill joy and say many many married and attached men will cheat if the opportunity presents itself and they think they can get away with it......I worked at a bar for awhile and was also a bit of a ratbag and had a bit of fun with a few attached/married guys  so I can say that first hand.Its sh*ty eh.and Ive cheated on past relationships and lied and just conveniently put it outa my mind.Sux though cause Im very aware how easy it is to get away with sh*ty things.anyway...Im nothing like that old me anymore and am mortified I was ever so horrible......Please dont hate me... ------------- Caleb 15/11/02 Brooke 14/11/05 |
Posted By: Roxy
Date Posted: 26 January 2008 at 11:39pm
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and another thing...women and men think so differently from each other...but after saying all that there are so many great guys out there too,....hope you all have one of them ------------- Caleb 15/11/02 Brooke 14/11/05 |
Posted By: yummymummy
Date Posted: 27 January 2008 at 1:46am
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I trust DH and he trusts me.
I have never been cheated on so maybe that's why I find it easy to trust him - of course I do. He has been cheated on (in a previous relationship) but that does not seem to have affected our relationship ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 27 January 2008 at 5:07am
Yeah I had a 'friend' who used to have a thing for attached guys- last I heard she was dating a married guy with 3 kids  Hopefully she grows up sometime soon like you Roxy!
Imagine breaking up a family? I totally agree that its not all the girls fault (I mean the guy is the one who is betraying his partner and kids) but imagine how that would feel, knowing you have forever changed the lives of someone elses children by taking their father away from them. I guess you could say if a guy is cheating with you, then in all likelihood he would have done it with someone else, or left them anyway but still- pretty horrific thing to do. Not trying to make you feel guilty for your past Roxy- just pondering! I have been with guys who I knew would cheat if given the opportunity- I never let myself get particularly attached to any of them as I was young and never really considered them long-term marriage material. One of the many reasons I married DH is that I knew he wasn't that type. I could be wrong, I guess most woman would feel that way about the man they marry, but I don't think I am. Personally I couldn't forgive cheating. I think drink is a lame ass excuse too- if they're sober enough to get it up then they're sober enough to know what they're doing! I'm forgiving up to a point but cheating for me is a deal breaker- DH knows that though. Wow Nikki I hadn't thought of it being the other way around! I guess everyone just thinks of guys being the randy ones- but lots of woman cheat, and lots of guys get jealous/paranoid too. I had a partner who didn't trust me and it was what split us up in the end. Drove me mental but looking back I think he had mother issues and was really insecure rather than anything to do with me. Trusting that the dishes will be done if he says he will? NO WAY! lol  ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 27 January 2008 at 9:22am
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Well, I trusted my ex boyfriend with all my heart, we started going out when I was 15 and he was 16, then when I was 20 he broke up with me one Monday, and I found out he had cheated on me that weekend with some little skank(who he is still with now might I add) so I was totally heart broken and I had trust issues for a long long time. That was in 2003, so its been a long time since then and I have a great new partner who I love and trust. It always used to be in the back of my mind "Would he?" but then I got over that, you cant go life wondering if your going to get cheated on, you just have to trust them, cos if there is no trust there is no relationship. ------------- |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 27 January 2008 at 10:02am
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I trust DF wouldn't be marring him if I didn't. Also he's a very honest man and isn't even vaguely interested in other women. He's very much a man's man and prefers to hang out with his mates and go bush and do guy things.
Its nice makes me feel safe and secure in our relationship which is a nice way to be. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 27 January 2008 at 11:10am
I had to comment on here cause one stage i was that single woman and the 'other' woman. BUT in my favour i didn't know he had a GF and I did ask him if he did and he said no. We hung out for a week ( he never made any phone calls what so ever and never mentioned 'her') So really its unfair to blame 'single girls' cause most times they are a victim just as much as the GF. Oh and no matter how many drinks a guy has had he still knows whats right from wrong and that hes not with his Wife/partner. That is NOT an excuse in my books! ------------- Ann 
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 27 January 2008 at 11:18am
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as for trust when i first got with DH I was so insecure and jealousy was my middle name...(I blame emotional abuse in previuos relationship) I am passed that now and totally trust DH. He goes away with the boys on weekend trips (normally with the soccer boys - whom most I wouldn't trust as far as i can throw them BUT I trust dh)
The green eyed monster rears its ugly head sometimes.. specially when had way too much to drink and a random girl goes up to DH and talks to him... Its kind of marking my territory I go over plant a kiss and walk off again LOL... oh and DH knows I would leave if he ever did cheat on me - and visa versa ------------- Ann
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: JadeC
Date Posted: 27 January 2008 at 11:51am
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I trust my DH implicitly, I'd trust him if he were drunk with a naked chick on his lap!!
I don't really buy the "too many drinks" argument, my friends and I will often go out and drink, and I've never fallen in bed with someone else, so I expect the same standards from DH. ------------- http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 27 January 2008 at 12:07pm
I understand that - can't stand people who blame someone for being with their man if they didn't know the guy was taken. I say rain down hell on the man in that case! (both of you )
Didn't mean to offend anyone with the alcohol comment - neither Mike or I drink at all, so I'm not really an expert on it. I just don't trust alcohol in general - it makes me act like a complete git.
I guess I find it hard to relate to being cheated on.. I've cheated on a few "insignificant others" in my time, but I've never had someone do it to me, (that i've heard about at least) significant or otherwise -------------
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Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 27 January 2008 at 12:24pm
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no offence taken at all ------------- Ann
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 27 January 2008 at 12:29pm
me too but I do drink (socially) LOL ------------- Ann
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 27 January 2008 at 12:35pm
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I trust Ben completely, I know he would way rather go out with his dirt bike than goi out with girl on the sly. This sounds really lame but I kinda like it when girls try their luck with Ben cos I know he would never do anything and it makes me feel good that he would rather have me and my saggy body than some young sl*t
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 27 January 2008 at 3:31pm
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I trust Phil , mainly because i know he loves me more than i love him (tho i do love him a lot, he just loves me more)and i know that as far as hes concerned with me he feels hes hit "the jackpot"-does that sound conceited? its not supposed to
I would also never cheat on him, the thought of hurting someone so good and kind actually makes me feel sick, plus i know he is my future and i wouldnt want to mess that up-with him and Caitlyn i am finally "at home" I think every past relationship you should learn something from , and they should make you a bit wary , but a past relationship is just that, the past, and imo its best to start your new relationship off with the attitude that you'll give it a chance,then see what happens. I have a question, which would bother you more? your man cheating with a one night stand , or your man cheating over a period of time (with the same person) ? |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 27 January 2008 at 3:39pm
| I trust DH. He would never cheat on me because he knows he would be out without a second thought. Hes welcome to look at other chicks, that doesn't really bother me because I can't say I never look at other people and think they are hot or whatever, we just don't make it a big deal.. because everyone has eyes and looks at other people whether they admit it or not because it's totally natural. So long as you know it's only looking, who cares? |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 27 January 2008 at 9:08pm
| I used to accuse hubby of cheating all the time till my mum said to me one day 'if you think he is cheating and keep telling him you think he is then he might aswell cheat because you already think its happening' made me realise that i might actually be pushing him away. |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 27 January 2008 at 9:13pm
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Personally if Ben had a one night stand I wouldn't want to know but if it was more than that I'd be out of here. I don't give 2 hoots about Ben looking, I'm pretty open that I look at other boys. I just don't think its possible for me not to check others out so I don't expect Ben not to.
It doesn't matter where you got your appetite as long as you come home for dinner
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 27 January 2008 at 9:22pm
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I had a think about this overnight and I was the other girl when I was at high school. I didn't realise that he still had a GF and as he was hot I didn't care in the slightest. Once everyone found out about us being together the sh*t hit the fan. I was called alsorts of names stared at by these girls I didn't know about the other girl because I thought I was in a relationship with a guy that was in it for me. He did brake it off with the other girl and we continued for a bit longer but I still received the stares and dirty name calling under their breaths for a while. I was strong and held my head high (hell I was in love) and still the name calling continued and then the friends of the girl started attacking him. We both thought it was best to split up (I still wonder if I made a mistake) but we still remain really good friends to this day. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 27 January 2008 at 10:54pm
A quote I like along about "looking" - First look is free...it's the second that costs! In other words, human nature and perfectly fine to look and think mmmm nice...it's when you look again and think of going further.... ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: HippyMama
Date Posted: 27 January 2008 at 11:19pm
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In that vein Paws, my favorite quote on this subject is "It's fine for him to read the menu, as long as he comes home for dinner!"
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Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 28 January 2008 at 9:46am
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My current DP I trust implicitly. Girls check him out when we're in town and I have to admit that if I've had a few drinks, I "mark my territory" by going up and giving him a kiss or something, but usually I just laugh, because I know that no matter how hard they try, he's coming home with me. I also know that he thinks that I'm "the one" and his future, and he would do nothing to jeopardise that - plus he's far more interested in working on his midget. He does look, and I'm fine with that cos heck, I look too, just a little more discreetly LOL At the end of the day however, we love ach other, we want a future together, and much as I or he look, we are happy with eating at home
My ex is a different story. He had a history of cheating, on every girl he was with, and made no secret of it, and (he was honest I'll give him that) he made it quite clear he would cheat rather than end a relationship that wasn't going to plan. He looked too, but on a far greater basis than I would class as "acceptable" (i.e. I was embarrassed by it, and he knew it, because it made me feel like I was just something he was passing time with until he found something/someone better). Add that to the fact he registered on dating websites (I found out after we had broken up) while we were together, and I guess my trust issues were real. |
Posted By: almostthere
Date Posted: 28 January 2008 at 10:51am
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Well yup, i have to join the band wagon on this one
I trust R implicitly. I know that no matter how many women throw themselves at him and flirts with him, he is mine and I am his. I had issues before he and I met and i cheated on a couple of boyfriends. I had been through a very traumatic period in my life and I know now that i wa in a very unhealthy place emotionally. But then I met R. He helped me through it and became my rock. We are the strongest now then we ever have been and I know that even if he see's girls he likes he comes home to me and tells me all about it and I do the same for him. I dont believe humans are made to be completely monogamous so to me being all jealous when he see's a female form he likes is just not me. He doesnt get jealous when i speak of men i like so i give him the same courtesy... ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2128f6"> 
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2128f6 - chart |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 28 January 2008 at 11:02am
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I trust DH, not just with the cheating thing but with everything. So I trust him to do his best by his family, to not piss all our money away, that if he says he's going to do something he does it etc.
I don't have a problem with the looking thing either, it would be unnatural (and impossible) not to look. My favourite saying is "just because you are on a diet doesn't mean you can't look at the menu" ------------- 
 
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Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 28 January 2008 at 11:44am
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LOL I told Dh if I find out he cheated I would do a bobbit LOL ------------- Ann
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: lucky3rdtime
Date Posted: 28 January 2008 at 1:25pm
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LOL at AnnC!!!
I trust DH, I don't think he would ever cheat on me and I would never cheat on him, I think communication is the key along with love. I would definitely trust him to go on a stag's night, including one with strippers there and I don't care if he looks, cos that's just human nature. I think if you are too possessive about it then it just pushes them in the wrong direction anyway. The first guy I fell in love with cheated on me and looking back treated me like crap, but when I got with DH he was such a different person that I have never not trusted him. I've always told him if he ever did cheat on me that would be it, it would be over and I would know without him having to tell me anyway cos he would act differently around me. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 28 January 2008 at 2:40pm
Hehe me too! I said that to DF last night actually, we were watching a movie where the guy cheats on his pregnant girlfriend grrr, and I told DF if he ever did that to me I would cut "it" off!!! ------------- |