Sensitive Subject
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14047
Printed Date: 02 October 2025 at 10:57pm
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Topic: Sensitive Subject
Posted By: kebakat
Subject: Sensitive Subject
Date Posted: 29 January 2008 at 8:17pm
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Not sure how to start this. But I suppose I should warn people that it deals with rape before you read on..
A very good friend of mine just up and left for "an extended holiday" in England just before Xmas. At the time I thought this was kind of weird. She said she was going to mend some bridges with her family who live over there. I thought this was just an excuse as I know shes got no hope there and that she would tell me the real reason for going if she wanted in her own time. Well she did now I'm stumped and worried. She told me she was raped a couple of months ago by a random person she has never met. She didn't go into too many details. But it's apparently doing her head in. She doesn't sleep.. when she does she has nightmares. She's drinking while taking sleeping pills, anti depressants and masses of pain killers. All the meds are prescribed for genuine reasons but mixing that with alcohol I know isn't smart. She didn't report it and doesn't want to which I can completely understand. She doesn't want to go to a doc or a psychologist/counsellor or anything like that. As she is one so she thinks she knows it all, which she probably does but clearly she in a bad head space. But she's got me worried.. and being so far away, no support because her family are a bunch of wackos. And she hasn't had a great time over the past couple of years (one bad thing after another) so I don't want this to tip her over the edge. She's a very smart person and the fact that she's drinking while on those meds isn't smart so I'm not inspired by confidence when she tells me she'll be fine when clearly she isn't. It's got me really angry to know that another sh*tty thing has happened to her, and I'd love to get ahold of the guy and rip his nuts off for it. But those thoughts aren't overly helpful for her. I really think she needs to see someone but I have no idea how to get this through to her. I don't mind if she talks to me.. but she isn't really listening to anything I say.   
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Replies:
Posted By: pekemoemum
Date Posted: 29 January 2008 at 8:49pm
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Wow Stacey, that's a really difficult situation eh.
I think all you can do at this stage is just let her know that you are 'there for her'. Sounds like she's had a pretty rough road, and maybe the 'time out' will be good.. but if you can keep in touch with her, I think that will be a really important thing for her to just know you are there.. xx ------------- Gina, Reef 15/6/03, Tyde 12/2/07 http://www.pekemoe.co.nz - Peke Moe - Unique NZ Made Baby Sleeping bags for babies who get out of swaddle/wrap |
Posted By: LovelyMummy
Date Posted: 29 January 2008 at 9:02pm
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Wow, thats difficult sounds like shes had it pretty rouhg over the past. I think just let her know you are there for you when ever if she ever needs to vent or chat to.
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Posted By: JadeC
Date Posted: 29 January 2008 at 9:22pm
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Wow, how awful for your friend. It honestly sounds like she needs professional help, even doctors need help sometimes. It sounds like it could be something like depression or post-traumatic stress disorder, especially if she's having flashbacks to the rape.
If she won't go the mental health route, what about rape crisis? Anonymous UK phone lines for support? I found this if you want to pass them on to her http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/ - Rape Crisis UK ------------- http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: miss
Date Posted: 29 January 2008 at 10:56pm
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What a horrible, horrible thing for anyone to have to deal with. You are such a good friend. I hope that she knows that she can turn to you, when she needs to. -------------  
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Posted By: yummymummy
Date Posted: 30 January 2008 at 8:27am
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Hopefully she's find the guts to go and see a specialist. Surely she must have been to see someone already as wouldn't you need a script for sleeping pills and anti depressants? Is there anyone in the UK she feels comfortable talking to? ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 30 January 2008 at 8:55am
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She has antidepressants and sleeping pills for something completely unrelated so she already had them.
She doesn't have anyone over there anymore, her family have basically disowned her. All her old friends have left or lost contact. I know she has a good friend in scotland somewhere but that's a fair way away from London where she is right now. I'm mostly just worried about her drinking while on meds, that's just going to lead to a lot of trouble. |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 30 January 2008 at 9:27am
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I think I'd ring Rape Crisis NZ and ask them what they think you should do.
Eeek.. what a horrible thing to have to go through! And to be all on her own.
I had the same thing happen a few years ago and I'm ashamed to say that I just left the person to deal with it. It still makes me feel sick inside though but she's doing OK now. |
Posted By: yummymummy
Date Posted: 30 January 2008 at 9:46am
Bother! Was hoping she had seen someone already. 
I would have thought the best way to deal with it, is to talk to someone but not really sure who to suggest. Would be difficult for you, being on the other side of the World, to be the only one she talks to. Is she staying alone somewhere or does she flat? Could she join a support group of some sort? Sorry, not really sure what to suggest. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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