Friendships...
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14299
Printed Date: 16 October 2025 at 6:22am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Friendships...
Posted By: mummy_becks
Subject: Friendships...
Date Posted: 07 February 2008 at 8:46pm
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I've always thought of friendships as a two way street you have to both put the effort into it. I've had my fair share of friends come and go throughout my short life so far, but I feel like I am losing a few friends at the moment (girls i've known for over 5 years), as I feel they aren't putting their effort in. It sems like i'm the one doing the ringing and txting to them and when I do talk to them on the phone its like they are itching to get off the phone. And these girls life quite close to me. My friends I have up in Auckand and Wellington even thou its a toll call will still call me and txt me and I do the same to them. So I have decided that I ain't going to ring of txt them first now, if they want MY friendship then they can come back and try and get it. Any other thoughts?? ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Replies:
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 07 February 2008 at 9:13pm
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I think you outgrow your friends. I also think you get over having to fight for a friendship and you kind of just let them go.
The friends that I do have I'm really close too and would do anything for them (within reason). We've lost contact with alot of friends over the past few months, due to rumours and accusations etc (long story), and I couldn't care less if I never saw some of them again. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 07 February 2008 at 9:22pm
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Yeah I agree Mel. Some friends just outgrow each other and lives change. Other close friends will always be there and they are the ones that will be there for life. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: BabyOnBoard
Date Posted: 07 February 2008 at 9:29pm
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I agree with that. . . There are the ones with whom the connection never fades and then the ones you can't relate to well anymore ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: almostthere
Date Posted: 07 February 2008 at 9:33pm
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yea, im another that aggrees.. I have lost a few friends over the last few years. But i think its because we have all grown into our own adulthood and have made friends that match our adult personality.. doesnt mean it wil stay lost forever.Just for now, we have gone our own way.
Maybe one day we can all get together again and talk about our lives and how we have lived. But for now we all have our own lives and new interests... ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2128f6"> 
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2128f6 - chart |
Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 07 February 2008 at 9:52pm
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Yep I agree too! Definitely outgrow some friends. I think when you have children too, even if your friends have as well, it can change your friendship. I find because you don't get that one on one time with your friends as your kids are always around, it's harder to keep the bond.
I have one particular friend who doesn't give a lot when it comes to conversation. I'm always having to create the atmosphere & I'm too tired these days to carry that. She's got a 2 yr old & when we're together I think she expects me to care for him & he's a rough/naughty boy needs to be watched or he'll hurt the other children, or break something & she doesn't look out for him at all & doesn't discipline him when he does something naughty (which is every 5 mins). So I tend not to encourage the visits unfortunately.... would rather text/email her & leave it at that for the moment. I certainly don't avoid her though, so if she wants to meet up I will. ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: MissAngel
Date Posted: 07 February 2008 at 10:05pm
| Me and my best friend of 23 years went thru that. I'd ring her all the time and she'd act like she never wanted to talk - it turned out that she was upset talking to me cuz she missed me so much! *cuteface* I hope your situation gets better tho :D |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 07 February 2008 at 10:30pm
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isnt there something about people being in your life for either a season, a reason or a lifetime?
some friendships arent meant to last forever, a special precious few are, hold on to the ones that make you happy, the ones where you can be a hundred percent yourself and where they appreciate you as much as you appreciate them. Some you have to let go of and when you do, just be glad you had the friendship at all, cos its nice to have friends, even if its only brief, and concentrate on the good friends you do have. |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 07 February 2008 at 10:30pm
Yeah, it's funny how your priorities change when you become a mum, aye? It's not like you change taht much, but you do become less self centred, which makes all the me me me stuff geta bit hard to swallow. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
BellaBabysMum wrote:Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 12:53am
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I've made that decision with a a few friendships over the years- when I've noticed things getting uneven then I've pulled back a bit. I've either wound up losing contact with them or in most times they've pulled finger and the friendships have become more even. I must asdmit, I think I've had it done to me a few times too! Gives me a kick up the bum and reminds me not to take people for granted.
I've only really 'lost' one friend since becoming a Mum- there are people I'm not as close to now that I was but I don't really associate that with lifestyle as I have other friends who I've stayed close to who live completely different lives than me! I think that reason, season, lifetime thing is very true! ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3 
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 7:57am
i found out who my real friends were when i had james friendships come and go but i,m relly lucky that i have 7 relly close friends and thats all i need ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: CuriousG
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 8:07am
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Yep, I also agree that friendships have cycles. But I also think you have friends that you are friends with no matter what even though you might only see or speak to each other every few weeks/months.
These friends are often the ones that you can rely on and that can rely on you when you/them are going through a rough patch. And it doesn't matter how much or little you catch up with them, you always have so much to talk about that you sit there yabbering and laughing for hours without realising it! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Mazzy
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 9:06am
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I like the season, reason, lifetime quote. I've had a few friendships fade and renew over the years, not just because one of us has had kids, but also because of other circumstances and life changes. I wouldn't say that I found out who my 'real friends' were after having DD, I think each friendship serves a purpose in my life and adds different things to it.
I sometimes also think it would be impossible to keep all the friendships that I've had over the years alive - I'd have no time for anything else! ------------- Mum to two gorgeous girls! |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 9:11am
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I have had friends that I've just lost contact with and then when we did catch up we have both just changed so much and have no common ground anymore and those friendships have faded away.
Then I have some who I don't need to speak to every day/week/month and it doesn't matter because we are so close that we don't need that constant contact to have a great friendship. And when we do catch up its always really great. |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 11:21am
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I'm a slack ass and TERRIBLE at keeping in touch. But that doesn't mean I don't love my friends to bits! I'm just a busy chicko.
BUT if you name a time/date/place - I'll be there. Just in case they are slack like me? |
Posted By: EthansMummy
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 1:31pm
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I've found that I have lost a few of my friends after having Ethan because I am the only one in our group that has a child. There are about 3 that still come and visit me and they are the only ones I really want around now. ------------- ** MUM TO ** Ethan 29/08/2006 Brooke 22/09/2008 |
Posted By: alexbabe
Date Posted: 12 February 2008 at 2:16pm
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yeah i have to agree, you outgrow friends and make new ones at different stages of your life. Friends who i thought were really good friends, ended up being people i did not want to associate myself with or have there negativity around.
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