Biting your tongue...
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14304
Printed Date: 07 October 2025 at 10:54am
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Topic: Biting your tongue...
Posted By: Jennz
Subject: Biting your tongue...
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 12:32am
or should it be fingertips?? 
I was just wondering how everyone goes about what they post when it comes to controversial topics. There are 2 or 3 things that I feel very strongly about that come up quite often on here- usually when I read anything about them my mind starts racing and I come up with all these things I want to say. I used to try and word them a way that was nice, then I got over that and started being more 'honest' and now I just avoid them full stop as I can never word it in a way that won't offend people that is still true to how I feel. I think there is a difference between intentions- if you're posting something to make someone feel bad about their decision or calling them names then obviously thats not a good place to be coming from. But what about when you feel like someone is making an uninformed decision so you post information to give them all the facts so they can make an informed decision. Often those facts won't support that decision, and in turn may make that person feel bad, or hurt, or guilty or (especially in the hormonal world of woman and parenting- where we're always feeling bad or hurt or guilty anyway)... so even though your intention was good- it still has the same affect. Often that makes people defensive which can turn things nasty. So what do you do when its a controversial topic or something you feel strongly about? Do you post the first thing that comes to your head? Do you have immediate feelings then try and word it in a more PC way? Are you just totally honest and write whatever you feel, darn the consequences? Do you just accept what ever anyones decision is and support it regardless of how you feel? Or do you avoid it totally? ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3 
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Replies:
Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 1:23am
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I can't say that anything truly close to my heart has ever gotten controversial on here though.
I do respect the people who have the guts to say what I'm often thinking but I can't really be bothered getting involved in online flamewars, if I don't really know the person I don't feel the need to argue my opinion with them. ET correct bad late night spelling! ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 7:42am
| This happens to me sometimes. I just read it and then avoid it and not post. I know if I post I won't be able to word my thoughts properly without causing offence to someone and then seeing the fallout of other peoples thoughts in the past, it's just not worth it because I can't be bothered with a fight with someone online |
Posted By: CuriousG
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 8:12am
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I agree - I have posted a couple of times on controversal topics but I feel that I got back lashed so I tend to avoid them now. However, it doesn't stop you wanting to type a reply and sometimes I do but dont actually post! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 8:20am
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I would completely avoid controversial subjects... I am pretty blunt, and I have to re-read and re-word stuff alot to not come across as nasty as opposed to just straight-forward... the internet is difficult like that. -------------  
 
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Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 8:26am
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Ah yes- I have definitely typed answers and then thought better of it and not posted them! ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 8:29am
Yeah I agree, Im the same. ------------- |
kebakat wrote:Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 8:32am
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I just don't post. Can't be bothered with the fall out! Some things get taken too personally on here...
Jenna- I CANNOT believe that Charlotte is almost 4! eek! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 8:50am
 I know!!!  ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3
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Posted By: Mazzy
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 8:55am
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I jump in sometimes, but then often don't go back. I take my time to think about things, though, and often by the time I get around to posting my thoughts someone else has already said whatever I wanted to in a much better way or the thread has moved on and what I wanted to say isn't relevant anymore! I think it's good to have a few controversial threads, but only if they don't degenerate into a slanging match. There have been a couple where some good discussion has gone on, and no-one got offended. As soon as it turns nasty I'm outta there! Don't have the time or patience for that sort of stuff.
I think it's a shame that people don't post on those topics because often they are the ones that are the most enlightening/interesting. But I can understand why people don't. ------------- Mum to two gorgeous girls! |
Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 9:03am
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I have to admit that there are things that wind me up sometimes, but I choose to ignore them. I dont have the energy to get into "arguements" with people on here....which is interesting as I am a very opinionated person IRL. I think that sometimes there are people on here that "jump in boots and all" a bit quickly and althought their intentions are often good, I think it would pay for people to re-read their posts before they post them sometimes.....! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 9:10am
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I used to avoid but my new years resolution is say what you think. If you are on an online forum and asking for an opinion, as in real life, not everyone agrees. I get a bit annoyed with all the "sheep" like posts on here at times, not that I like conflict, but there never seems to be anyone post a differing opinion, and if they do, they get flamed for it. We are all adults, right? as in real life, you gotta take the good with the bad. My posting is not meant as a personal attack, but as my opinion, and not intended to offend, but I'm not following the sheep anymore!
Still luv ya's all, tho! ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 9:13am
I sometimes get annoyed by this also and I would voice my differing opinion if I didn't get flamed for it but I know I will so I keep it to myself rather than dealing with everyone ganging up on me for being different. |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 9:16am
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I'm hearing Ya, Stacey, I'm hearing ya, but I've decided to suck it up, I'm almost 33 years old, and no longer care if people in an online community think I'm nice, lol!
Mind you, I will bite half of my tounge, as a compromise, so as not to make anyone cry... lol ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Aprilfools
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 9:17am
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There's nothing wrong with stating your opinion. It is afterall just an opinion.
I try and post my reply responding only to the person that originally posted and raised the issue. I try and avoid getting into the who's right or who's wrong side of things. It's my opinion and I'm entitled to it as is everyone else. In saying that there have been topics that I haven't posted on because people have become rude or because the topic was too close to home and I'd rather keep out of it. Don't take things personally and don't make them personal. I'd say post your opinion, we base our own decisions on the opinions and decisions we've observed in others don't we? If it contradicts what others have said that's fine too. Just don't single people out and remember that we're all entitled to our opinion and that's it's very easy to misinterpret what a person is saying. And with that I hope everyone is having a very happy, sunny and opinionated Friday. 
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 9:19am
| lol, I like to avoid conflict I guess and can't stand sl*gging matchs. I'll quite happily voice my opinion on msn or in real life though |
Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 9:24am
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Lol I've noticed the sheep like mentality too, its actually what motivated me to start this thread. I wondered if I was on my lonesome when it came to strong minded opinions or whether others had also decided to ignore them for the sake of peace. ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 9:58am
| I can never word it right and I hate how people take things personally when you are just giving the facts. There is one particular subject that always gets me going cos people get this crazy ideas and post them. I feel like I have to say something or other people will read it and think its right. |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 10:00am
| I always think you word stuff so well Jen |
Posted By: The_Stuarts
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 10:28am
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For me I've found that the hard thing with posting (because there are no tones or inflections) is that I might mean something but a few replies later I realise people have interpreted it differently and now I've come across in a way that's not actually true.
Having said that I love adding my opinion to things so generally will put my 2 cents in (and be completely honest) but I don't think I've come across (or worse incited) anything too controversial yet. ------------- http://lilypie.com">   http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 10:42am
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I do a lot of tongue biting but then sometimes it just comes out.
I must admit to fence sitting or being a sheep at times, just because sometimes it is what the OPer needs to hear - ya get me?? (Not on controversial topics necessarily) I do get frustrated at the 'enabling' that goes on in forum-land... half the stuff that gets posted would NEVER be said in real life... but then again, that is balanced by the stuff that is important to be talked about IRL but isn't. Geez, I'm talking a whole bunch of crap here. I hope some people understand me! |
Posted By: Parki
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 11:23am
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There have been a couple of topics where I have voiced my opinion and been shot down so I am very aware now what I write.
In saying that though, I am not someone who sits back and lets others attack me IRL. I am very vocal about things that are close to me and I will say what Im thinking. I would never intentionally write something on here to upset, offend or hurt someone, Im not a nasty person. But if your asking an 'opinion' as far as I know, that means not everyone will have the same as you? I have typed a couple of posts and then reworded them or deletd them, sometimes its just not worth it! I dunno, I'm a fairly new poster on the forum so I may change over time!?  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 2:32pm
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I'd just like people to get a bit more "real" and honest, and stop all the pc we all love you b.s and we all agree with you rubbish. It is normal and healthy to have differing opinions to other people nd we are all adults and should be entitled to express what we think. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 2:50pm
LOL, the *real* Annie comes out, warts and all! 
I'm a fence sitter, but only coz as moderator I get paid to make sure debate is fair and doesn't get too personal, not to have an opinion. But rest assured I DO have an opinion on most things lol, and IRL I generally share it whether it's asked for or not. -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 2:57pm
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Lol,Emma, I think I have been spending too much time on another board, which while a tad scary at times, is far more honest and real? Not that I don't love Oh Baby, its just gotten so darned... PC!!! ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 2:59pm
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i think its sad when people dont voice their opinion cause they are scared of the backlash...or potentially offending someone when no offence is intended. It makes for a very one sided discussion and then the other side isnt put forward and then no fair exchange of info...
how boring a place if we all only ever got to hear or read what we wanted! How could we then learn and grow? ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 4:00pm
| i think i tend to worry about if the comments I write will be interpretted as I meat them - more than worry about what i am talking about. if you get my drift. i also don't like things getting too personal. but half the time my lack of comment is cause i can't be bothered - laziness more than biting of anything |
Posted By: miss
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 4:33pm
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I think I write what I want to write when I want to write it.
Sometimes though I have written and deleted before posting, though not usually on ehre, i think I miss the contro suff on here! -------------  
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 6:46pm
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sometimes i cant see why some people think a post or topic is controversial, it all looks and sounds fine to me, but then someone gets offended and i dont see why.
othertimes tho i have thought what someone has said was a bit tactless or nasty to another poster but nobody else seems to take it that way either... ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 7:19pm
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I do and I don't. There have been a few posts that I couldn't write what I wanted to write but could say it and it wasn't coming across the right way; and have had my head bitten off. However if I can see something just being an arguement I usually stay out online (different story IRL) unless something really offends me. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 8:09pm
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I write what i want and what i feel....and i litigate for a living so will debate an issue no worries.
It annoys me when people lie for sympathy, or get all PC kissy kissy....thats not me so I dont reply to those threads often! BTW Deb welcome back...I like our debates / conversations / agree to disagree moments!!!
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 08 February 2008 at 9:06pm
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in real life i,m know for telling the turth being rash and jugding of outhers in here not so as i get older i im trying to be a bit kinder to people and not so hasrh all the time but if you want my opoin i,ll give ya it ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 09 February 2008 at 12:10am
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What ever I post I will gladly say in person. I dont like to be too 'woe is me' on here but at tmes I will have a drama queen post that I have posted just for support or a rant rave etc...... ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 09 February 2008 at 6:22am
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oh Kels hg hug kiss kiss
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Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 09 February 2008 at 7:18am
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Woe you were up early Mrs BS! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 09 February 2008 at 8:08am
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Most of the time I post what I think I do try to use inoffensive language to do it.
It would be sad if people felt they couldn't post their opinion without being shot down. I like it when people have different ideas it makes you think about your own view on things which is usually the point. I may not agree with what you say, but you have the right to say it. and i don't know anyone one here well enough to get personal and i'm sure the same applies for a lot of members I have seen some posts get out of hand, and thought 'whatever'. Some threads seem to have been started purely to wind people up.  ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: yummymummy
Date Posted: 09 February 2008 at 1:57pm
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I tend to sometimes bite my tongue and stay away from controversial topics. It's not just being PC for me, often I feel it's not worth the hassle (so to speak) and I'd hate to fuel a huge debate. I also find its hard sometimes to put things down like I really mean them as they seem so much more impersonal when written - no matter how many smilies one adds ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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