I dont understand...
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Topic: I dont understand...
Posted By: Kels
Subject: I dont understand...
Date Posted: 13 February 2008 at 6:24pm
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Why people with no money continue to have babies..... Now I am not talking about oopsy daisey babies either(that a whole other issue in itself) but PLANNED babies to families who cant even afford to have money each week to live and yet they are willing to add to their family. It is sooo bad that that in one breathe they are asking where and how can I get them any other money thru govt agencies via benefits etc... or charity agencies for food, clothing, transport etc...then in the other breathe saying they are ttc for number 2, 3 or 4 I MEAN COME ON PEOPLE!!! and this seems to be a common thing I have been hearing recently.
------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Replies:
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 13 February 2008 at 6:26pm
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OMG that is so unfair on children in the families. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 13 February 2008 at 6:27pm
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its because they dont see the lack of money as a problem kels... ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: LJsmum
Date Posted: 13 February 2008 at 6:30pm
 So sad that some people can have lots of babies with out really trying. I have two friends who can't and it took us ages to have our son.
i get so  when peole who can't afford to, or don't have a good home environment have kids !!!
WHY. |
Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 13 February 2008 at 6:30pm
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SO they obvisiouly want all the tax payers of New Zealand to bring up there kids I mean these people dont work at all just wanting to know how to get more ------------- http://lilypie.com">
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 13 February 2008 at 6:35pm
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I'm TTC and we are on the student loan - but then we don't smoke, drink, spend money on junk food or other things. We have plenty of money really, because we're careful with it - As soon as Mike gets out of Weltec he should be earning a decent income. Breastfed Cloth nappied babies are not exactly expensive either!
EDIT: I don't agree with people living on the dole for years and having kids though. There's a difference between working towards something good (like qualifications) and sitting on your butt collecting money! It doesn't help that alot of these people are addicted to drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, gambling etc... -------------  
 
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 13 February 2008 at 6:49pm
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Shy as an excuse for the sickness benefits - that is sad. There was a woman up in Auckland that tried to get Limited Full Time Status with StudyLink just because she has children. I was like well I should just do that too. She didn't get it approved (as it isn't a valid reason) and is now trying to get the Training Incentive Allowance from WINZ. I'm getting a student loan and I smoke (I know its bad and I do want to quit I just need to be in the right frame of mind to do it), but my DH earns money (funny thing is he is paid by the government) and we still manage to pay our bills and live quite well. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 13 February 2008 at 7:00pm
There's a difference between smoking and smoking  Sorry if I didn't put that very well - I mean the people that put their habbits before their children...-------------
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mummy_becks wrote:Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 13 February 2008 at 7:09pm
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Maybe they see that financial situation as being how they'll be all their lives so they might as well make the most of it? We've done a few years on the student allowance but that's towards a higher goal and is doable for a while. I don't get it either Kels -------------  |
Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 13 February 2008 at 7:18pm
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Dont get me wrong I was teen single mum on the DPB at a young age but I worked my arse off to get a career to give my kid(s) a better life. BUT I defintely did not sit around with my hand out repopulating the district. Also after having Alize and finding myself in the same situation as I was 11years earlier I REFUSED to go on the DPB and lived off my mat leave payments and family assistance until I had to go back to work. Gosh I would love to stay at home having all the children I could manage but geez food, clothing and shelter have to come into the equation somewhere....DONT THEY??? ------------- http://lilypie.com">
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: hooper
Date Posted: 13 February 2008 at 7:26pm
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Yer i agree with you kels, i no of lots of girls who get pg just to get money, it really sucks.
Me and cam are living off one wage and its hard we dont get tax credits as we have earned to much this year. ------------- Desiree 
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Posted By: Leish
Date Posted: 13 February 2008 at 7:30pm
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I don't get it either.
I guess because for us, whether or not we could comfortably afford to have a baby was a big issue in our decision to TTC and plays a part in the timing of TTCing the next. I know at the end of the day, you make do and you get by and you survive but we felt it was/is the responsible thing to do. I guess you don't commit to something that huge unless you know you can manage it financially. That whole living within your means mentality. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: alexbabe
Date Posted: 13 February 2008 at 8:04pm
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i dont understand it either-why have a kid when we cant afford it.
to quote a movie" you need a licence to get married, a licence to a gun, but anyone can have a child" |
Posted By: Bubbaloo
Date Posted: 13 February 2008 at 8:31pm
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I don't understand it either shouldn't want the best for their kids and for them to grow up with goals and ambitions their just passing bad habits down generations. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  Was danni-chick Mum to James My Angel 28/07/08 |
Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 13 February 2008 at 8:37pm
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Funny you say that Danni as the poverty I see and yes it is POVERTY 3rd world type of stuff and its generational IYKWIM and with the 13 and 14 yr oldparents it 3rd generation poverty. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 13 February 2008 at 8:57pm
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yeah it makes me really cross, too. Alot have no ambition to do better than the struggle street they came from and that Bene's are a right, its almost learned behaviour with some. I think its blardy terrible. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Bubbaloo
Date Posted: 13 February 2008 at 9:16pm
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I remember this girl I went to school with a think she was a form above me she had her first kid at 13 her mum had about 6 she would have been in her early 30's I think on the DPB and the last I heard of this she would have been 20 with 4 kids in the same situation has she grew up in.
I agree with you Annie it is a learned behavior for same but it always gives me warm fuzzy's when hear the stories of the kids that didn't want to be like that and are very successful at what they chose to do. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> Was danni-chick Mum to James My Angel 28/07/08 |
Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 13 February 2008 at 9:23pm
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you know i see it too kels...and working in manurewa OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! it is generational...
i am sorry - i would LOVE to have eight kids...but there is NO way we are having more than 2 or 3 (thats still up for discussion!  ) - I want my kids to have opportunities in life and to able to give them to them.
My mum went back to work for less than the DPB at the time...cause she had pride - as a solo mother nonetheless....yet i see too much now of 5 kids to 4 fathers...or worse 8 kids to one guy and they are each on a benefit cause they dont "live" together!!! BTW your can get an additional payment on your DPB if your kid has asthma...I mean seriously???? we got sent a high user application for ella for medical cause apparently she was sick enough to need it...there is NO way we are applying and sponging off other taxpayers like ourselves...we dont need to and we both pay in the highest tax brackets so i feel somewhat entitled to be P*ssed off when people rip US off!!!!!!!!! |
Posted By: fairsk8
Date Posted: 13 February 2008 at 9:29pm
I tried to get limited full time status when I first had Xanda and was fully breastfeeding him. But it did not work, so we struggled through that year on an average of 20,000.00 for three of us. I understand though why they don't grant it. Kels surely you could just tell them to get off their butts and get a job lol. ------------- http://www.bump-and-beyond.com/"> 
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Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 13 February 2008 at 9:31pm
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Yep, we see alot of the same people coming back through us too, they don't change the situations or the risk factors to their pregnancies so their babes end up with us time and time again. I never knew that going with the job i do would be SOOOOOO many social issues. I thought i was going to nurse babies and that's it, it's really amazing to see babies still allowed to go home with some parents sometimes.
I also don't get the generational thing. WHY?! seriously! I mean sure dad was in the army, so before him and mum split it was probably all ok $$ wise. but none of my sisters have actually gone on to do anything. They left school after school C, and had kids, never did any training courses, never anything else. Now in 30's with teenage kids, and still have no inkling, fair enough be a SAHM but to have NO ambition at all, none, not wanting to follow ANY of their own dreams or interests or even hobbies! Me, I must be a different kettle of fish, now i think this is going to sound harsh, but i find it embarassing, that really, since mum had my brother 40 years ago, that she has had a few part-time jobs and that's about it, that at age 60, she doesn't own much more than the faded furniture she bought with dad back when i was a baby, and that she depends on benenfits to get her through. Some not her fault but i can see her her own lack of spirit or enthusiasm for getting out there and trying anything rubbed off, we were never really encouraged to try, to do much, i remember envying the kids who had parents that went to parent teacher interviews, i never had that. For me, all i wanted to do from when i was young enough to realise that not everyone's families were like this, was do my best, try my best, work darn hard, and get the hell outta there. I am determined to turn my own little generation around, i encourage my kids to try new things, to find a passion and go with it and to have something to look forward to. I have tried to tell my sisters to go out and find their passion, that mid-30's is young and they should find something that interests them and study or go for it cos in a few more years the kids will leave home and them knowing them they'll probably say "oh, now it's too late, i'm too old to try that now.." (lol, i kinda already get this from them NOW!) Everyone needs dreams, and i find it so hard to beleive that all some people's dreams equate to is to finally get to 18 so they can get the dole. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 13 February 2008 at 10:56pm
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and to add to it, I get really annoyed with the people on the DPB and their youngest child is almost 5 and they just go and get pregnant again just so they can stay on the DBP. My BIL's GF got pregnant just so she didn't have to work - I was like WTF!?!?! doepy woman. Its ok Aila I knew what you meant. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 14 February 2008 at 7:58am
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I struggled for years to try to think of a "career" I was interested in - and I've finally started to realise I don't want a career as such. I LOVE being with kids, cooking baking, keeping a nice house. I can't wait till we can get a house with a section so I can start a veggie garden and compost heap and have a room where I can buy a sewing machine and learn how to make things. I want to home-school my kids, which will take alot of time and effort, but I think they're worth it, and I would love to learn with them. That's what being a Stay at home mum is to me - working harder than at a job, and loving it.
I quit high school mainly because I hated dealing with bratty teenagers, and it bored me to tears. I know now that I probably should've stuck with it, but I'm happier than I've ever been with Mike & Seb and I wouldn't have had that if I hadn't left school. I'm lucky to have Mike who is enjoying studying, and can't wait to make himself a career in IT. There is absolutely no point in me working now - I'd have to get a minimum wage job, and I'd hate it, and I would hate being away from Seb... I know some people can do it, but I can't! -------------
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 14 February 2008 at 8:10am
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i think it is one thing to be on a tight budget, but knowing if you do have a baby, you can make it work - pay the bills etc, but knowingly conceiving a child when you are struggling to pay rent, and expecting others to help bail you out - just wrong.
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Posted By: NovemberMum
Date Posted: 14 February 2008 at 9:43am
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years ago when my husband (we weren't married at the time) were first living together I lost one of my jobs I had people tell me I should get pregnant so we could get money from the government I couldn't think of anything more selfish.
We did not want to have children just to get money from the government. We were not ready to be parents at the age of 22/23. now fast forward 9 years later and while we are not rich we make do..we will likely only have 2 children due to finances as well as our ages. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 14 February 2008 at 9:51am
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Alia, definately agree with you on that one, not knocking SAHmums at all, you sound like you've go tit sussed, I was meaning with my sisters, they don't even have any ideas like yours of doing this or that, they just BE. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 14 February 2008 at 9:54am
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People need to learn to BUDGET!!!!! Seriously, things have gone really really wrong if a family can't pay for groceries in NZ. Not with the safety net WINZ provides. I think people really need to re-prioritise... the number of families I've met (and no, I'm certainly not saying they're all like this) with blimmin SKY TV still hooked up but Baycorp knocking on their door for other bills is rediculous. For some reason NZers think we're all entitled to a fancier lifestyle than what some of us can afford - and people get angry about earning too much to qualify for extra benefits and the like - it's like some people think it's better to be given it from WINZ than earn it yourself - well WINZ is there for those who need the help, and thank god it is too, but where'd this mentality about deserving a hand-out come from?! We're lucky here - even in the States there are people working incredibly hard for minimum wage and they can't, literally can't pay their rent. Sorry Kels I went off on a tangent there! I actually think the problem isn't that families dont have enough money, I think it's an education problem because so many people haven't been raised to know about budgeting, priorities, some people have never been shown the example of how to work for your money and some guys have never known a 'breadwinner' in their families, never seen one in action. Every time it looks to me like it's a budgeting/education issue (or rarely but it happens - a case of over-staying where there really is no state benefit when poverty hits, and families have to rely on charity). The day they start teaching budgeting in primary schools will be a very happy day for NZ! ------------- Andie |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 14 February 2008 at 9:59am
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Before I'm shot, I want to say no, I am not dissing single parents on the DPB!! If I were suddenly left single with Ella, I'd need the DPB for some time until I was in a place where me working would benefit the both of us. So please don't think I'm dissing that. The issue that gets me more is people who intentionally concieve when all their other children are in the care of the State, never to be returned - grrrr! ------------- Andie |
Posted By: The_Stuarts
Date Posted: 14 February 2008 at 9:59am
I agree with you. We're working our arses off to pay off some bills so we can start TTC this year and so I can take longer of work next time. I don't think you need all the ducks in a row so to speak because if you wait for the perfect time it might never come but there's no excuse for people who can't make ends meet to go ahead and knowingly bring a child into that. I think all good parents want the best for their children, how can they think that living hand to mouth is the best. ------------- http://lilypie.com">   http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: The_Stuarts
Date Posted: 14 February 2008 at 10:05am
That is so right too. How many of you have driven round some of the govt housing areas of the cities and seen flash suped up cars with stereos that cost more than my annual grocery budget. The other issue is it's so easy for anyone and everyone to get loans and HPs so people are buying things they want instead of things they can afford and they're not learning to save or layby and they don't seem to have any idea that in the long run they're paying more than the product is worth due to the interest rates. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 14 February 2008 at 11:35am
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Posted By: Redbedrock
Date Posted: 14 February 2008 at 12:12pm
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Have you noticed too kels that the size of someones TV is usually in direct proportion to the lack of wages coming into the house. It never ceases to amaze me that patients are wanting letters to claim travel expenses, furniture and power and phone bills, but they have a hoofing great TV and DVD and all that sort of stuff in every room in the house. One patient wanted me to write to WINZ for him to explain why i thought it was justified for him to get another plasma big TV for his dialysis room, costing $2000, cos he got bored otherwise!!!! I told him to get a portable from Warehouse or move one of the many TVs from the other rooms in the house.
Sorry slightly off the topic, i know a TV is not the same as kids (is it?) but it's in the same vein. I have a few more but will save them for another day ------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com"> 
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Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 14 February 2008 at 12:29pm
 Some people just don't seem to be able to tell the difference between the necessary and the ridiculous. Even if we earnt a million dollars a year, I wouldn't want more than 1 TV...-------------
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Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 14 February 2008 at 12:35pm
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DHs cousin has 4 kids, all to the same person. the dad was 14 when they had their first! he also has 2 other women he is seeing on and off, they have 7 kids between them. thats 11 kids he has, to 3 different women. and hes only 19.
anyway, DHs cousin decided to tell WINZ that he had custody of one of their children so that he could also get the DPB! shes at home with all four while hes off ***ing other people and re-populating nz. he just spends the money on P*** and cigarettes. still lives with his mum. ------------- Mummy to two beauties... Formerly Kaiz. |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 14 February 2008 at 12:59pm
| Good golly Miss Molly, imagine the child support bill he would have if he ever got a job!!! 11 kids in 5 years!! And I wonder what else is being created besides babies, being as how protection obviously isn't being used....ewwwwww |
Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 14 February 2008 at 1:14pm
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Omgosh I see the exact some thing, They all have huge plasma tv's and dvd recorders etc and their cars dont even get me started..... They def have way more expensive electronic then I would every dream of buying and yet they ask for packages for the foodbank A friend of mine wanted a bigger car, on the DPB for 12 years and had 2kids. Brought new big people mover cost 10k 2mths later cant keep up with the costs so goes to WINZ and they give her a special needs etra benefit of $75 per week to help with the car
------------- http://lilypie.com">
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 14 February 2008 at 1:28pm
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I think alot of that comes down to easy credit, and if they have no/bad credit, they go to high intrest places that will give them $.
That makes me mad as well. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 14 February 2008 at 1:42pm
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i know.. he bought a new car recently... a $10K 2 door mitsubishi. 2 DOOR!
he pulled up the drive with his music blaring (doof doof doof doof) and i said "hmmm... nice, but how are your 11 kids gonna fit into it?" the craziest thing is DHs cousin looks after his other kids! (the children of his mistresses!) i agree with the easy credit thing. those door-to-door shopping vans are an example. i went into a second hand furniture shop a few weeks ago, it was postered all over the place that they did "winz quotes" the first item i saw was a set of drawers from the warehouse, $595!!! i walked back out of the shop. there are so many people out there targetting the poor... ------------- Mummy to two beauties... Formerly Kaiz. |
Posted By: hailstones
Date Posted: 14 February 2008 at 4:38pm
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WINZ gave someone money to pay off their car , how the heck does that happen??? I just don't get people (or the govt for that matter) sometimes! I fully understand the need for some people to be on a benefit, in some situations its needed, but I can't stand when people are ripping the system off! (And I personally know a few).
Why can't people budget? Why have more children if you can't afford the ones you have? Why live beyond your means? Arghhhhh it makes me angry!!! I agree with Annie as well - about the easy credit, its just too easy to get into heaps of debt! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: sparkle
Date Posted: 14 February 2008 at 5:33pm
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When I was at Uni (hmm, 12 years ago!!!) I used a student loan to fund my fees. A friend did the same. However, she had a pre schooler at the time, so go all kinds of things paid for like fees, childcare, accomodation etc.
Now I'm not begrudging her, she was out there getting her degree to better her life. BUT her neighbout once said to me in all seriousness "You should have had a child so that you didn't have to pay all your fees etc" She was dead serious and I remember being so shocked at the time, however now looking back I shouldn't have been, she was a mother to 3 lovely boys with 3 different fathers and did nothing all day but watch soaps and when she came up to my friends house, she would bring the baby monitor so she could hear if one of them woke up! I would rather my student loan (and degree) instead of having a child just to get things paid for me. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 14 February 2008 at 5:38pm
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MY BIL has 2 kids - he's 23 or 24. Both have different mothers, he caught one poking holes in their condoms, the other had lied about being on the pill... I mean he has really bad taste in women, but still???? -------------
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 15 February 2008 at 8:26am
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i am on the dpb i do get the child disapitily for james so not evry one on the dpb is ripping of the gorverment i am staying home with james because he needs me too he goes to childcare for 12 hours a week so he can play and lrean things i cant teach him i do not plan on staying on the dpb for ever i plan on doing my nurseing dgree next year so me and james can have better life i live with my pernets so i can pay of my dept (and they relly dont mind)i do budget i live within my means and if i,m caught short my pernets will help me so remeber when you are sitting on your high horse drinking your expenise coffee and some fancy resture or out shopping for the fith time that week that some people are not ripping of the gorvement and do plan on having a better life but this is were they are at the moment and that it does not define who they are and you have no right to judge them because one twist of fate and you could find your self in there shoes ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 15 February 2008 at 8:31am
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oh and most people i know on the dpb only get money to survive just and only just so please stop judgeing us not all of us have what what yous have and would would love to have in a breath ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 15 February 2008 at 8:35am
 Good on you for sticking up for yourself James!! 
I was thinking along those lines too... Since buying our house and having 2 kids we really only have enough for essentials, we budget but still come out at +/- $0 every fornight after paying all of our bills, insurance, food, petrol and mortgage. BUT that is the choice we have made at the moment and have to suck it up!! When Lily is bigger I will go back to work and we will be fine. I often stress out about money but to be honest we are so much better off than so many others out there. How lucky am I really to have the chance to spend these precious few years at home with my kids (even though I complain about it all the time rofl) and not HAVE to work! I know lots of other mums/families would love to have that choice. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 15 February 2008 at 8:43am
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James I totally agree with you, we are also in the same situation as yourself and when I stumbled across this thread I started feeling like I was the enemy! We are also on DPB & living with my parents! Lucas' father is over in Aussie, left when I was pregnant and wants NO INVOLVEMENT whatsoever with his child, nor will he pay child support so we would be totally alone if it wasn't for my parents wonderful support!
Every cent we get given goes towards the quintessential's such as food, petrol, clothes (for Lucas), medications, rent/board. My parents do often help out here and there, especially at Xmas/Birthdays! I am also applying for disability allowance as I cannot afford to buy my Epipens for my Anaphylaxis at $170 a pop let alone all the medications I need for eczema, asthma and other conditions. Sure I hear where a lot of you are coming from, I am aware of a couple people who are riping the government and lying to get on the DPB! But there are genuine people out there that do need that financial support because they find themselves in a situation which they cannot control and abortion is out of the question! I'm thoroughly enjoying motherhood and not prepared to put him into childcare as I don't agree with handing my son over to a complete stranger to do MY JOB! I want to be the one who teaches him & personally I don't want to miss out on all those wonderful milestones- these first years are the most important! I do plan to get back on my feet and make a life for myself, but for the time being I am comfortable where I am (still breastfeeding) and still undecided as to what it is I want to do whether it end up being study or work (or mixture of both). |
Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 15 February 2008 at 9:06am
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I totally understand that how you guys have taken offence at some of the comments. Although I do think they were more aimed at people who spend their benefits on big TVs, fancy cars etc and then ask for more hand outs to fee their kids- or who are not making ends meet then still trying for more children.
I personally totally applaud solo Mums- I think you guys do an amazing job  If you were trying to get pregnant just to get more money from the government then that would be a different story! Its those types of people that give the majority of solo Mums a bad name. And I think (correct me if I'm wrong) that its those types that this thread is aimed at- not you guys AT ALL
------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3
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Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 15 February 2008 at 9:59am
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Well money certainly didn't come into the equation when I made the decision to keep my baby; I had just been promoted to management and was totally in love with my job!
I've copped so much slack from people for my decision (to keep baby out of wedlock) but thats the society we live in today, people are so quick to judge without knowing your exact situation! There are Solo mothers out there that do give us a bad name, I personally know a few whom I no longer associate myself with - they don't put their childrens needs first and instead go out 'skanking' around with males, drinking/partying and just have no interest in their children whatsoever! Unlike the majority, I DON'T drink, I DON'T smoke, I haven't even left the house without Lucas or done anything for myself since having him! I turn down every offer I get to go out with friends ..I don't feel its appropriate to go out clubbin & pubbing and to leave my child at home with his grandparents and EXPECT them to babysit! And for the record I certainly do NOT plan to have anymore kids in the near foreseeable future nor am I interested in a male partner. I'm happy with my life & just being on my own with Lucas. Not sure if I ever want to get involved with a male again, especially after Lucas' father... |
Posted By: Redbedrock
Date Posted: 15 February 2008 at 10:15am
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I certainly wasn't passing judgement on genuine people on benefits, but just a general observations of some portions of society's values and priorities. I have worked hard the past 20 years to be able to have treats like nice coffee and the occaisional meal out and don't feel I have to justify that. ------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com">
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Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 15 February 2008 at 10:24am
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Sadly people do exist that put their wants in front of their child's well-being. That's what this thread is about, not those who do their best with what they have and are working towards something better I think about it this way - we'll be on the student loan for maybe 3 years. Then we have another 30-40 years of earning, and paying tax ourselves to make up for the tax payers money we've gotten over those 3 years... sounds fair to me!
I had a friend (before we had kids) who now goes out and buys cigarettes by the packet-load, and alcohol and then sticks her son in $2 shop nappies which gave him a horrible rash because she has wasted all her (& her husband's) money from the dole. It saddens me because I remember she really wanted kids too... I think anyone on Oh Baby is a saint compared to that...  -------------
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Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 15 February 2008 at 10:35am
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I wasn't even aware that the $2 shop sold nappies lol! God knows where they are made and what materials/chemicals are used to make them ... ------------- Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :) |
Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 15 February 2008 at 10:46am
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Hmm... maybe it was $2 nappies from the warehouse or something (per pack) I'm not 100% sure as my MIL was the one living across the road from her, I haven't spoken to her (The girl, not my MIL!) more than a few times since Seb was born, but basically she skimped on everything for him - I swear they found their pram at a dump! Probably not, but it looked like it. Which is pretty sad considering I know her mum gave her a fair bit of money to buy things like that for when her son was born... -------------
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Posted By: Mazzy
Date Posted: 15 February 2008 at 11:11am
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I can totally see how you guys feel angry at this thread, but I don't think it was meant in that way - just people venting about those who do take advantage of the social support system, which is there for a very good reason and I think most people in this country have used it at some point or another to get ahead - that's what it's there for and bloody good on them.
Unfortunately it is a reality that there are also people/families who purposefully deceive or make short-sighted choices to get as much money as possible to support their lifestyle, because they feel they are entitled to have as many luxuries as they can get from 'the system' and have no intention of moving forward from that. There are also those who use the money from the DPB and other benefits to buy things other than what it was intended to provide, and leave their kids with very little to live on. This is a reality and this is what people in this thread are venting about. From reading it, I think many are working first-hand with such families. So there is frustration on both sides - from those who need the system and are using it to get ahead, but still really struggling because it doesn't provide quite enough for them; and from those who have to deal with the people who take advantage of the system to the detriment of children and families. Nobody wins. However, I'd much rather have an imperfect social welfare system in place to help those that need it, and put up with the bludgers, than have nothing at all and see those who need the help fall into strife. If that was the case my family would be in deep financial hardship from generations ago. Many on here would probably be in the same boat. I hope this thread doesn't turn into an arguement, I really don't think it was targetted at anyone on here. PS: If any mother on here has the time or money to go shopping five times a week, please tell me your secret! ------------- Mum to two gorgeous girls! |
Posted By: Redbedrock
Date Posted: 15 February 2008 at 2:34pm
Yeah i wish, time and money But well put Mazzy ------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com">
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 15 February 2008 at 2:58pm
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well not 5 times a week i was just venting james has everything he needs and wants(thanks to nana)i love being his mummy and would do it all over again i still go out evry now and agin and i smoke(i know naughty) and i relly can understand people getting upsett with people not living with in there means (man i know people that do that)but remeber its not all of us that do that and some like my self hate getting the benefit but its were we are at the moment and i wll be getting a better life ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: hailstones
Date Posted: 15 February 2008 at 4:23pm
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I was by no means aiming any comment I made to anyone on here about ripping off the system, I completely understand the need for benefits (DPB, sickness etc), and don't begrudge people at all for being on them! I do know a few people who use the system to there full advantage ( I know someone - a very close relative, who is on a sickness benefit, who 'can't' work due to injuries yet cuts and sells firewood, then spends most of the money on drugs and still borrows money from people constantly), these are the kind of people that get on my wick, and certainly not anyone from here!
Like Jennz, I think single Mums do such a great job! It is hard for alot of us to get ahead (esp with the price of EVERYTHING increasing atm), and to do it all on your own must be even harder. So please don't think I aimed any of my comments to you, it is more venting frustration at people who do abuse the welfare system we (luckily) do have in place in NZ. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 15 February 2008 at 5:23pm
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I dont see the reason for people to be getting upset at this thread if you are on the DPB/sickness etc. This thread started with the intention of me having a moan about the state of people planning more kids why not being able to afford the ones they have. AND GOOD ON ALL SAHM who are able to stay at home BUT SOME OF US CANT I cried for nearly a month before starting work and for a few weeks after starting as I didnt want to leave my son. BUT to be able to provide a roof over my kids head, food on the table, the best schooling i can give them and clothing etc... I have to work plan and simple, I AM PROVIDING FOR MY KIDS and yes I go without fancy coffee and shopping sprees to be able to give my kids the best that I can without the help of anyone. SO please dont attack us mothers who have had enough of paying taxes for losers who rip off the benefit for whatever reason or for the saddness we feel for people continuing to bring children into poverty for whatever reason they do. No one ever said all people on benefits ripped off the govt so dont put yourselves in that catergory cos I never saw anyone else do it either. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: pepsi
Date Posted: 15 February 2008 at 6:04pm
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I don't understand why people are getting defensive either, cause clearly you weren't sl*gging off people on benefits or SAHM's..
The total gems I would have thought you were talking about are the ones who generally rack up tons of hire purchases fitting out their house with top of the line electronics, and a pimped out ride. Who spend every cent of their money at the TAB or casino and then can't afford to pay for their bills and whose kids suffer because of it. But oh wait, let's have another kid so we get extra money to buy more sh*t.. I'm pretty sure most people would agree that these people shouldn't be reproducing.. |
Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 15 February 2008 at 6:31pm
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I wasn't upset, however I felt I should reiterate the fact that there are a number of us out there who are on the DPB, Sickness benefit and what have you for GENUINE reasons and every speck of money we are given goes towards meeting our childrens needs and yes some of us do prioritise and budget! Was just giving my side of the story, as the topic of DPB etc did crop up there somewhere along the line!
I definitely agree though that there are PLENTY of people out there who are milking the Government for all its worth and are selfishly bringing more children into the world under hideous circumstances ... And might I add- Some are on the DPB despite STILL living with their partners and planning to conceive further children! They really peeve me off. ------------- Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :) |
Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 15 February 2008 at 6:36pm
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And certainly not attacking you working mums, you do an amazing job ...organizing your days and putting yourselves out there to earn and provide for your family, whilst still having the time to build a wonderful bond and relationship with your children at every spare chance you get!
Something I plan on doing when the time is right! |
Posted By: LJsmum
Date Posted: 15 February 2008 at 8:19pm
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I just have to add (have been reading this thread with interest) that Whatever we are SAHM or working mums or whatever we are all mums doing the best for our children. I agree with Kels last post.
This is slightly not realated but i would love to be a SAHM mum even tried to convince my husband to sell our house and rent so i didn't have to return to work. But it didn't work.  But i am a working mum and even though you didn't mean any offence mum2lucas i have no choice but to give my child to another person during the day . Because we have to eat and live.
Well that's it, just like i said on page one of this thread there are so many people wanting to adpot babies we were one of these couples before our naturally concieved miracle arrived. Hopefully people who have kids who can't afford to look after them will adopt out. -------------  
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Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 15 February 2008 at 8:41pm
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Yes definitely didn't mean to offend anyone when I mentioned that I don't feel comfortable 'handing my child over to a stranger to do my job'. I have major trust issues that go deeper than you can imagine so that is where it stems from!
Agreed - Adoption does need more promotion as too many young females these days are using abortion as a form of contraception ...and bringing children into less than acceptable living conditions & financial situations! Many aren't even ready to become parents... EDIT: Abortion & adoption are a completely diff topic, I'm sure many of us have our own views (which we are entitled to) regarding these topics ...Just as we all have our own opinions/views and interpret this thread differently depending on our situation
It's good to be different though, life would be boring if we all thought the same thing!!!!!!!!!!!! ------------- Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :) |
Posted By: BabyOnBoard
Date Posted: 15 February 2008 at 8:45pm
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For me it's my pride. . I'm to proud to live off the government and to stubborn for anyone to convince me otherwise. I am going to be getting another job soon (at the mo I clean 4-5 hours a week and take Arabella with me) I also start my studies in July . . I want my kids to be proud of me and see that I've made something of myself and they can to, I also want to get a good job that pays well so I can have lots of kids and be able to offer them the best. .
I know people who have had kids to get money or to have someone love them thinking that it will all be easy and work out fine but thats not the case and the kids suffer for it. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 15 February 2008 at 10:16pm
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Ok so I can't resist to put my 2 cent's worth is first off I have the upmost respect for full time working Mum's. I am myself a stay at home Mum for 2 reason's one I want to be and second due to the fact I am not teh brightest spark in toe box the 2 thing's I am good at and could earn me $$ are nannying and supermarket work neitehr of which would earn me enough money to justify waht me and DH would lose is the working for families schem. And then to take into account the daycare cost's
As for having more kids and not being able to afford them if somone looked into our situation they would problaly say the same about us except we don't have a flash car or a million HP's its purely the cost of living is so darn high now even people earning a reasonable wage can't get a head. however we have not based our desion on money we know that at the end of the day we will get by and our kid's however many that maybe will alway's have what they need. I do get vrey frustrated when you see people walking into winz to get every handout possible to support what rver habbit they have while there kid's miss out. I also get really fristrated with people that knowinly milk the system for all its worth. However I also see there is a need for these support's to be in place for all the people like some of you lovely ladies to get a head and support your kid's. Mum's like James and mum2lucas. You are awsome ladies doing a great job for kid's hold your head's up high. I don't belive anyone was meaning people like you at all. ------------- Deborah Mum to:   
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Posted By: BabyOnBoard
Date Posted: 15 February 2008 at 10:29pm
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WINZ paid for my glasses and I am paying them back and when my mum has recovered and Arabella and I get our own place I will be asking WINZ for a loan for the bond money. . I think it's great that they do that -lend you the money but take payments back from the DPB. . ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 16 February 2008 at 9:48am
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Oh winz have helped us out like that before. Once when my washing machine broke we had to prove we had been turned down for laon's etc fisrt. It was great and that is what I mean about it being good for the people that need it. ------------- Deborah Mum to:
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Posted By: shelleybean
Date Posted: 16 February 2008 at 9:44pm
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Have you noticed when driving in all the state house area's they have heat pump's installed and Digital Satalite's, why the hell when there are people with 2 incomes can't even afford to get them..... ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 17 February 2008 at 12:50pm
| I know in Chch theres actually some sort of scheme to help low income families get rid of their polluting fire place and replace it with a heat pump. I assume the state houses got them all put in too not by the families but by the council? I could be wrong. |
Posted By: Bubbaloo
Date Posted: 17 February 2008 at 12:53pm
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Thats what we got in our house Rach but it's the clean Air scheme you get though environment Canterbury, it isn't for low income families even though it is a damn lot cheaper than doing it by yourself. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> Was danni-chick Mum to James My Angel 28/07/08 |