neighbour from hell
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14965
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Topic: neighbour from hell
Posted By: The_Stuarts
Subject: neighbour from hell
Date Posted: 03 March 2008 at 11:44am
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This is a continuing sage from my “flatmate issues” post in early February. Essentially what happened was a friend of mine found out she was preg and her ex didn’t want anything to do with her or the baby. According to her he is a violent, short tempered, heavy drinker with a drug problem. We decided to help out by finding a rental property with her on the condition that he was not allowed into our home. We found a home with a granny flat downstairs for her to live in. Then a few months later she had a party at our house and invited him (without even giving us prior warning that he would be there).
I decided to talk to her about the issue but it didn’t help, I tried to be quite casual about it and just said we were surprised that he was at our house after the promise that she’d made and she told me she assumed I knew he was coming. I said we didn’t know and weren’t real happy about it and I reminded her she’d made a promise not to have him in our house she said “yeah but I said that when he didn’t want anything to do with my baby so it was ok then”. I tried to explain that the promise was never about her but about Michaela and the type of people we want her around then she got b*tchy about it and said “what do you think he’s going to do to Michaela, sell her drugs?”. So it's safe to say we're not friends any longer however when we do see her or talk to her we’re friendly and although she avoids us like the plague we now have a fairly civil relationship or so I though until last night….. At 6:10pm after Michaela’s bath DH & Michaela were playing in the lounge, rough and tumbling etc with Michaela laughing raucously when suddenly there was a bang bang bang from the granny flat downstairs. I couldn’t believe it, they weren’t being excessively loud and it was early evening it’s not like we’re ever loud late at night. Plus this woman is about to have a baby in a couple of months, how would she feel if we start banging on the floor when her baby cries at all hours (not that we would but still – people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones). Also she uses our deep freezer and last night (after the aforementioned event) she asked for the remote for the garage so she can access things (I think she was p!ssed off because we were away all weekend and she’d tried to get into our house to use the internal remote but we’ve chained the door so she no longer has access). Anyway, when I gave her the remote I mentioned that she hadn’t wrapped her meat properly and blood had dripped onto my frozen goods which were stored below. She denied it was her fault and assured me she’d wrapped her meat but I pointed out that we don’t keep meat in the deep freeze and there is blood below hers therefore it must be because she hadn’t wrapped hers properly and she slammed her door in my face. I’m not entirely sure whether to be aghast that this woman was ever my friend and that I moved my family out of our nice cheap flat so that we could help her out or whether I should laugh at what a child she is being. ------------- http://lilypie.com">   http://lilypie.com">
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Replies:
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 03 March 2008 at 12:31pm
good grief, she sounds like shes going to be in for a bit of a wake up call when bubs arrives !
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 03 March 2008 at 12:40pm
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So why do you stay or why is she staying? Sounds like someone needs to leave....
------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: The_Stuarts
Date Posted: 03 March 2008 at 1:09pm
I agree. The tenancy is in our names (mine and Dh's) and we are locked into the tenancy agreement until Nov 2008 so we can't move out. She is not tied into any legal agreement so could move but we won't kick her out - she is 30 weeks pregnant. If she chooses to leave that would be fine or she could start acting civil too and we'll get through the next 9 months and then go our seperate ways in Nov. She is in a self contained flat so there's no reason to see each other anymore than you would a usual neighbour so I don't see why we can't just be neighbourly. It does make more sense for her as she'd have a hard time finding a new flat how many people would want to flat with a newborn baby? ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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.Mel wrote:Posted By: Snickerdoodle
Date Posted: 03 March 2008 at 1:12pm
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It's shocking how unappreciative some people are, huh?!
I hope she isn't knocking on your door at 3am when her baby won't settle!! I definitely think someone has to go. ------------- 
http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: The_Stuarts
Date Posted: 03 March 2008 at 1:20pm
My DH and a few of my friends have mentioned this too because they all know how I am with babies (I love them so much) and they're worried she might play on this. The other day I was accidentally cc'd in on an email from her to some other friend talking about looking forward to going out on the town soon. DH thinks that we'll end up default babysitters if we let her ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 03 March 2008 at 1:44pm
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If you are no longer acting friends then I think you can start treating her as a neighbour in that she shouldn't be using your freezer. Or having access to your garage.
In saying that, she may then default on your previous agreement about letting her ex/boyf come round. Argh. Hard situation!! |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 03 March 2008 at 1:45pm
| If it was me, I'd be telling her she's got a month to find herself somewhere else to live. I'd only give her that long because she is that preggers. I wouldn't want that kind of person living below me if I had a choice about it. |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 03 March 2008 at 2:35pm
Me too. Pregnant or not, she sounds like she is taking advantage. -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: The_Stuarts
Date Posted: 03 March 2008 at 2:40pm
I'd love to but I'm afraid I'd feel eternally guilty for it plus I don't want to look like the bad guy here when she is the one breaking promises, being a b!tch and taking advantage of us. Edited: Oh, and just remembered I'm also worried that if we got rid of her we'd get someone worse (better the devil you know and all that). ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: The_Stuarts
Date Posted: 13 March 2008 at 12:09pm
Things have gone from bad to worse to worser (is that even a word?) and now I don’t care if she’s due to spawn soon we’re going to give her notice. There’s no way I can live with her for another 8 months especially if she’s going to be home all day and night. Now we just have to decide which to do: a) Borrow $1000 from someone/somewhere so that we can refund her bond and pay the rent for the weeks that she’ll stop (as rent is paid in advance). b) Wait for 3 weeks until we have that amount saved then give her notice (she’ll be 34 weeks by then so that does seem a bit cruel) c) Stop paying our rent so we get evicted thereby terminating the tenancy agreement which says we cannot leave before 15 November 08 (this means we wouldn't have to find another tenant for the flat below and the full bond would be refunded so we could pay her back hers out of that) ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 13 March 2008 at 12:18pm
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I think you have to give her ALOT of notice, so you might want to look into that? Something is telling me 6 months notice... but then I could be remembering it wrong, and that might only be for landlords, not shared tenancys or whatever. Unless of course she wants to move out, then she could give you 3 weeks notice. -------------  
 
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Posted By: The_Stuarts
Date Posted: 13 March 2008 at 12:23pm
Contractually we only have to give her 2 weeks notice. However bearing in mind that she is pregnant we would give her 4 weeks notice. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 13 March 2008 at 1:01pm
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I definitely don't think you should choose option C - then you'll get a bad rep as tenants for something that isn't really your fault. Also I don't think you'd get the bond refunded in that case would you? Wouldn't it go to pay the rent in arrears?
Sounds horrible though - I would definitely tell her to leave. -------------  
 
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Posted By: Neeks
Date Posted: 13 March 2008 at 1:08pm
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Oh man, you did her a favour by getting her a place and yet she acts like this?? Bringing people into your home (your names are on the contract) that you don't approve of, and then acting all high and mighty when you try and reason with her.. Argh!!
I'm sorry, but in my opinion she is the weakest link, pregnant or not... she has to go!!! -------------  
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Posted By: The_Stuarts
Date Posted: 13 March 2008 at 1:09pm
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Hmmm. True Bobbie. I think that option c has to be a last resort. Not getting the bond refunded wouldn't be an issue as we'd have the rent in our accounts so it's 6 of one half a dozen of the other - either way we have the money - but we really don't want a bad rap as tenants. Of course worst comes to worst we'll just never use this letting agent again and use previous landlords (who us and were upset that we moved) as references.
We're hoping to convince my MIL (who I love) and her hubby to move in. He's on the way out but staying at home (instead of hospital or hospice) so having DH around during the day and me at night to help nurse him and give her emotional support would be great + she's moving in with us once he goes anyway so it would just mean moving a bit sooner. p.s. The last sentence seems a bit cold & detached but we've had many years to prepare, it's been a long illness but it probably won't be much longer now. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: The_Stuarts
Date Posted: 13 March 2008 at 1:14pm
"YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK. GOODBYE" he he he - I'd love to say that. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: SquishysMum
Date Posted: 13 March 2008 at 9:39pm
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How long would it take to save the $1000? you're going to give her 4 weeks notice, right? I would give her notice, and scrimp EVERYTHING for the next 4 weeks to try and get all the money. You can give her bond back a week or so after she leaves (while you check for damages/wait to see if rent has been paid up to date etc), so that gives you 5 weeks to find the money.
I feel so bad for you, we've had our share of shi^^y flatmates, although not 30 weeks pregnant Don't go for option C, it will just screw you guys so much.
It sounds like it would be good to have your IL's move in, esp as it sounds like a separate house so you wouldn't be living on top of each other. Hope it all works out for you. |
Posted By: miss
Date Posted: 14 March 2008 at 9:33am
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Good luck, I hope you can save that money really fast. And maybe give her notice when you are close to the amount rather than have the full amount. ANyway - have you been downt here? She might not get the full amount back anyway if she is awful - plus she might go a bit psycho once you give notice and damage stuff. Just something to be aware of, she isn't totally right in the head fromt eh things she does. -------------  
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 14 March 2008 at 9:57am
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Definatley not option c because they can actually make you pay more to be let out of the contract.
I'd give her the notice now, save up as much as you can and then maybe borrow the rest? That gives her plenty of time to find somewhere before she gets too far along. |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 09 April 2008 at 12:37pm
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Well, I gave her notice and she is due to move out next Thursday.
Now I just got a really nasty email from her and also an equally nasty email from one of our mutual friends. I suppose it's no surprise really but it's still really upsetting that none of them have bothered to ask my version of events and they have just bought her lies. Now I'm at work, bawling and just embarrased the IT guy that came to talk to me  -------------  
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Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 09 April 2008 at 12:40pm
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Just realised I forgot to wear mascara this morning, thank God for small mercies. -------------
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Posted By: WigglesFan
Date Posted: 09 April 2008 at 1:33pm
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Oh you poor thing! (((HUGS)))
She sounds like a right piece of work and all you can do is say to yourself that her opinion does not matter to you, nor does the opinion of anyone silly enough to believe her without talking to you also. Being one of the few people here who has met you, I can say with great certainty that you are a lovely and caring person and that this woman is a silly wench for ruining the oppertunity to have the support and friendship of such a wonderful person when she has her baby and is struggling as we all do the first time. But you have done all that you can and honestly, if she stayed it would be a source of constant stress and friction for you. Is your mil moving in? |
Posted By: Redbedrock
Date Posted: 09 April 2008 at 1:45pm
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I was just going to say that if your "friends" can make these judgements from one side of the story are they really your friends?
I don't think you are a monster and the fact that there are several threads on the forum where you have deliberated this issue and the ramifications sy a lot to me about the person you are. I don't think this was ever going to be a pleasant experience for you, but bite the bullet and get through it you have done the hard bit confronting her, so don't beat yourself up about it all,  ------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com"> 
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 09 April 2008 at 2:00pm
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It really sucks that it had to come to this for you, but as Claire said, it didn't sound like you had any other option.
She was taking advantage of your friendship and was being selfish by not respecting the agreement you had when you moved in together. Good on you for doing what's right for your family and don't for a second feel bad about it. You've been completely reasonable by the sounds of things and she only has herself to blame. ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 09 April 2008 at 2:27pm
I think so, not really sure. She's like a pendulum, one minute she's all keen and the next minute she's upset because she won't be able to bring her cat or use her gas heaters (it's part of our tenancy agreement, not some weird rules we're imposing). She's seeing a grief counsellor soon so hopefully that helps her get her mind straight. -------------
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Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 09 April 2008 at 2:30pm
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Oh, you guys are so sweet. Made me cry again, better hide incase the poor IT guy comes back. -------------
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Posted By: Redbedrock
Date Posted: 09 April 2008 at 2:42pm
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Not regretting the no mascara look now, you will look like Ozzy osbourne if you carry on crying if you had worn any.
Leish would have definitely recognised you on the train ------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com">
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