Controlled Crying
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=15252
Printed Date: 14 September 2025 at 9:07am
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Topic: Controlled Crying
Posted By: BellaBoo
Subject: Controlled Crying
Date Posted: 12 March 2008 at 9:25pm
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I am sick of using a dummy to get Bella to sleep as I have to run in and out everytime she spits it out. Or, I have to stand there and place it in her mouth everytime it comes out. It is not very practical! Once she is asleep she tends to spit it out and remain asleep anyway.
So that brings me to ask about other methods. Could someone please explain the controlled crying method and have they been successful with this. I have tried the CIO method but Bella just gets so upset and then I end up in a blubbering mess. I have let her cry for an hour and she has not even been near to falling asleep so really dont want to try it again. ------------- http://lilypie.com">   http://lilypie.com">
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Replies:
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 12 March 2008 at 9:37pm
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Sorry I don't have any advice as I don't like CC or CIO.
What about rocking to sleep? ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: myfullhouse
Date Posted: 12 March 2008 at 9:43pm
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I haven't tried CC or CIO as I can't stand to hear Jack cry. From what I understand CC is just leaving baby to cry until they go to sleep, not even going in to try and calm baby at intervals like CIO.
We have a similar situation expect it's my boob in Jack's mouth not a dummy! We are using Pinky McKay's baby steps plan from "Sleeping like a Baby" and it is working quite well. We have started using music so spent a week playing that while I BF him to sleep. The next week we played the music and only BF until drowsy then rocked and patted to sleep. The idea is slowly I rock less, put in cot drowsy, withdraw slowly. Jack has been BF to sleep since about 4mths so we are taking it extra slow but there hasn't been much crying at all. With this plan you don't have to use music etc, it is just choosing another sleep association that suits you and slowly introducing it and substituting it for the association you want to change. This may be one option for you although I am not sure if Bella might be too young. Good luck ------------- Lindsey 
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Posted By: kabe
Date Posted: 12 March 2008 at 9:59pm
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NikkiB an Oct 07 mum has been successfully weaning her son off the dummy at night. Hopefully she'll see this thread and tell you how she did it. ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: babyg
Date Posted: 12 March 2008 at 11:00pm
There was a fantastic article on CC in North&South Mag Sep 07 edition. It talked baby's sleeping patterns and basically didn't recommend CC - suggesting that it can affect childrens' communication abilities later in life. I thought it made a lot of sense. In saying that I'm quite happy to let my baby winge for upto 10mins before trying to physically settle her, though if she starts crying hardout after 5mins then I intervene. Isn't it hard all this 'parent' stuff? We are obviously all looking for the same MIA manual! ------------- Ev, Mum to: Carys Ruby - 4 October 2007 Spencer James - 2 July 2010 |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 13 March 2008 at 5:12am
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topsy we are having the same issue..i know hes heaps younger but the dummy thing is driving me mental.. though he will sleep often without it on the days he wants it we are stuck putting it back in 100 times a night.. I just bought a book.. (ugh cant remember title.. ) something bout sleeping babies:) 'secrets of the baby whisperer' to see if it has any ideas.. let me know how you get on...i think they recommend an approach similar to linzy with a new association.. ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: pekemoemum
Date Posted: 13 March 2008 at 6:57am
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huge hugs!! I have a really good e-book on sleeping tips/strategies, which might help. PM me your email address and I'll forward it to you.
As far as I know CC is where you leave baby for set amount to cry/grizzle, then go in at certain intervals (e.g. 2mins, 4 mins etc) CIO is where you leave them to cry/grizzle themselves to sleep WITHOUT going in. Lots and lots of hugs. My boy is 13months and still has his dummy in the cot/bedtime, attached to the front of his Peke Moe. That's the only time he has it and he sleeps all night, so I don't have a problem with him having it ... but totally up to you, if you need to keep gettingup to her to give it to her I could see how that would get very tiring for you!!! hugs!!! ------------- Gina, Reef 15/6/03, Tyde 12/2/07 http://www.pekemoe.co.nz - Peke Moe - Unique NZ Made Baby Sleeping bags for babies who get out of swaddle/wrap |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 13 March 2008 at 8:30am
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CC is where you allow the baby to grizzle and then you go into comfort at increasing intervals, so cry for 1 min comfort, cry for 2 min then comfort and so on. The idea behind it is that they learn to self settle but also learn that someone does still come and they are still safe etc. However I went to a sleep seminar and the lady there said that some babies interpret it as if I cry for long enough someone eventually comes and that is why it fails with some babies.
I personally don't like CC or CIO and most books don't recommended until after 6 months anyway. There are softer approaches but they do take longer. You could try rocking/patting/shhing to sleep and then rocking/patting/shhing till sleepy and then do less and less until she doesn't need it anymore. You could also try only giving her the dummy until sleepy so that she settles without it and slowly wean that way. Also perhaps introduce a different comfort, a musical mobile or going into a sleeping bag, something that indicates to her that its time for sleep. Good luck with whatever you decide ------------- 
 
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Posted By: miss
Date Posted: 13 March 2008 at 9:01am
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I wouldn't give it a go before 6 months eiter. We ended up using cc at 7 months after rocking lily for 40 minutes at 1 am didn't work to get her to sleep. Exhausted, I popped her into bed and went in every 5-10 minutes to comfort/resettle her. Within 30 minutes it was an occasional grizzle, by 40 minutes she was asleep. The next night I did it again and it was heaps shorter, maybe less than 10 minutes. Night 3 was less again. Since then she has self settled for most sleeps without any crying - big smiles instead - and sleeps through the night (hooray!)
In your case I would investigate the ways to remove the dummy first. Some suggest you cut a hole in the dummy so it isn'tso soothing anymoer, but I like the idea of the one where effectively you hover over them and pull it out as they drift off, so they don't ahve it to 'go to sleep' per se. This is a great link with loads of dummy advice: http://www.babycenter.com.au/baby/ref/dummies/ -------------  
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 13 March 2008 at 9:33am
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I don't mind CC. We used it on Daniel at a fairly early age. But we resorted to it as I was at my wits end with him (he was waking up after only 10 mins of being asleep and it took half an hour to get him to sleep for that short time).
Do you use white noise, we found this a god send and still use it. It's a sleep que for him, he only needs it at home, when hes out and about hes such a good little sleeper now that he doesn't need it but I like having it on at home because it drowns out any noises I make around the house. |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 13 March 2008 at 9:54am
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we tried white noise last night..took much less time to get him to sleep.. (at least the first time) so might get a proper cd today .. as we just used radio.. otherwise roll on when he can put his own dummy back in:) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: BellaBoo
Date Posted: 13 March 2008 at 11:18am
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Thanks ladies. Kels kindly sent me the Sleep Sense program which looks good. I will use the stay in the room option to minimise crying as it pulls at my heart strings!!!!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: The_Stuarts
Date Posted: 13 March 2008 at 11:51am
Hi Topsy, I did this and it worked brilliantly. Previously I'd tried CC and CIO and they both upset DH & I so much, and in turn upset Michaela, and neither actually worked for us. In the end I would stay in the room, with my hand across her stomach and my back to her. I made sure the room was dark and quiet. This first night she was upset about it (not as bad as with CC and CIO) and fell asleep within an hour, the night after took 40 mins and gradually over the next week the settling time got less and less so that within a week I could leave the room straight away without having to sit with her at all. The other bonus with her learning to self settle was she also started sleeping through within 3 days (she was already 10mo by then though). I hope it works as well for you. The main thing to remember is that once you've started it try and stick to it for a few days before deciding if it's not going to work for you. Good luck. Hope you have some peaceful nights again soon. ------------- http://lilypie.com">   http://lilypie.com">
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Topsy wrote:Posted By: justme
Date Posted: 13 March 2008 at 12:29pm
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Topsy, I hope you don't mind me saying but - The plunket "family centres" are awesome. If you have one handy to you & haven't been into see them yet, definitely pop into see them & ask for some advice there too. They are a world of information & helped me a couple of times in the first few months with my little man They do a sleep programme there too!
------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 13 March 2008 at 1:09pm
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I would figure out if she's actually crying for attention or not. We do CIO with Jack because its not screaming, its just that intermittent crying where he's waiting for someone to come in and talk to him. I know this because as soon as you go in there he does big smiles and the world is alright for him again! Little cheek! I figure that as long as all his needs are met (fed, changed, played with, cuddled) and they've been up for the appropriate amount of time, its time for bed. It may sound harsh, but it works. It used to take 20-30 minutes, most sleeps now it will only take 5-10 mins and its getting shorter and shorter.
Personally, I don't want to use anything as I want him to self settle wherever he is. I worry that he'll rely on something eg. white noise, dummy or a bath to get him off to sleep. But that's just me as we like to go out and go to mums, so it would be ridiculous for us to have him rely on something we can't take everywhere! |
Posted By: Mum2ET
Date Posted: 13 March 2008 at 2:28pm
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[QUOTE=The_Stuarts][QUOTE=Topsy] I like the sound of this method. Ella wakes up several times in the night and will only go back to sleep if she is feed....have tried CC but 11/2 hrs later she is still crying off and on and won't go to sleep and I always end up giving in and feeding her. ------------- Mum to Ella (5) and Tom (2) |
Posted By: NikkiB
Date Posted: 13 March 2008 at 3:12pm
Topsy, check out October babies page 130. I explained to one of the other October mums on how I got rid of the dummy - I was also getting up a zillon times during the night to put it back in! Good luck  ------------- A very lucky mummy to two gorgeous boys: RB 3/10/2008 JB 29/12/2009 |
Posted By: Gabeden
Date Posted: 13 March 2008 at 8:41pm
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what is CIO? ------------- Debs SAHM to Eden 2.10.07 18:23 http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: BellaBoo
Date Posted: 13 March 2008 at 8:53pm
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CIO- cry it out
What an absolute disaster! We tried the sleep sense method and there was no way she was going to sleep. She got so upset that there was nothing I could do to get her to calm down.......so I caved in and gave her a dummy 1.5 hours later. She fell asleep straight away! We have one very stubborn baby and I dont think that method is going to work for her. What a stressful night, I ended up breaking down and crying my eyes out. I wish there was a family centre in Rotorua because I would be there in a heartbeat. Maybe I have to just wait till she is old enough to be reasoned with!!!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Mum2ET
Date Posted: 13 March 2008 at 8:53pm
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cry it out ------------- Mum to Ella (5) and Tom (2) |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 13 March 2008 at 9:21pm
Oh Bum Topsy! That sux! Have you given her a stern talking to?  Mum did that to Jack one day and said that mummy needs a break! So funny as he was sitting there laughing at her! 
From what I've heard, dummies don't become habitual until 6 months when children actually start recognising them as a habit, so give her another couple of months and then wean? Apparently after 2-3 months a lot of babies become less reliant so surely there'll be light at the end of the tunnel. Sorry I'm not much help, but I'm thinking of you and wee Bella anyway
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Posted By: The_Stuarts
Date Posted: 13 March 2008 at 9:27pm
Michaela used to be fed and rocked to sleep and also had a dummy, you name it she had it. At 10mo she also expected a couple of middle of the night feeds  . This method worked for me as I felt like I was still providing comfort while being 'detached'.
The first 2 nights were hard but after that she settled into her new routine (yay). I've probably said it in my previous post but it's so important to choose something you're comfortable with and stick with it for at least a few nights. Mum2Ella I also used a safety sleep because Michaela was standing in her cot and couldn't lie down again (part of the reason she was getting so upset when left alone). Safety sleep prevented her from standing up which meant she had little choice but to fall asleep. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: peachy
Date Posted: 13 March 2008 at 9:42pm
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Topsy I don't know of this will work for you, but as Lauren drifts off to sleep I pull her dummy out. I either sneak back in 10 mins after putting her down and pull it out or she often will spit it out before I get the chance to pull it out. I have actually never tried to put her in bed without it, my thoughts would be that she would roll over and stare at her toys outside her cot and want to play!
She only uses the dummy to settle now really and then is not interested in it at all. She only ever has it at bedtime or during the arsenic hour in the evening when she is grizzly, but even then I will give her a food feeder with an ice cube in and it keeps her happy for an hour or so! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 13 March 2008 at 10:22pm
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Hi Topsy, I have been thinking about your post and have found something that I think you should look at. This has come from a Sleep Therapist that I have been working with. I think if you try this method you may have some luck.
Pantley’s gentle removal plan Here is one way to help your baby to learn to fall asleep without nursing, or using a bottle or pacifier. When your baby wakes, go ahead and pop his pacifier or his bottle in his mouth, or nurse him. But, instead of leaving him there and going back to bed, or letting him fall asleep at the breast, let him suck for a few minutes until his sucking slows and he is relaxed and sleepy. Then break the seal with your finger and gently remove the pacifier or nipple. Often, especially at first, your baby then will startle and root for the nipple. Try to very gently hold his mouth closed with your finger under his chin, or apply pressure to his chin, just under his lip, while at the same time rocking or swaying with him. If he struggles against this and fusses or roots for you or his bottle or pacifier, go ahead and replace the nipple, but repeat the removal process as often as necessary until he falls asleep. How long between removals? Every baby is different, but about ten to sixty seconds between removals usually works. You also should watch your baby’s sucking action. If a baby is sucking strongly or swallowing regularly when feeding, wait a few minutes until he slows his pace. Usually, after the initial burst of activity, your baby will slow to a more relaxed “fluttery” pace; this is a good time to begin your removal attempts. It may take two to five (or even more) attempts, but eventually your baby will fall asleep without the pacifier or nipple in her mouth. When she has done this a number of times over a period of days, you will notice the removals are much easier, and her awakenings are less frequent. “We got to calling this the Big PPO (Pantley-Pull-Off). At first Joshua would see it coming and grab my nipple tighter in anticipation—ouch! But you said to stick with it, and I did. Now he anticipates the PPO and actually lets go and turns and rolls over on his side to go to sleep! I am truly amazed.” …Shannon, mother of 16-month-old Joshua If your baby doesn’t nap well, don’t trouble yourself with trying to use the removal technique during the day for naps. Good naps mean better nighttime sleep—and better nighttime sleep means better naps. Once you get your baby sleeping better at night, you can then work on the naptime sleep. The most important time to use Pantley’s gentle removal plan is the first falling asleep of the night. Often the way your baby falls asleep will affect the rest of his awakenings for the night. I suspect that this because of the sleep-association affect that I explained earlier. It seems that the way in which your baby falls asleep for the night is how he expects to remain all night long. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3)
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 13 March 2008 at 10:24pm
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PS:
this whole process is going to take commitment and will most likely get worse before it gets better. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3)
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Posted By: Gabeden
Date Posted: 13 March 2008 at 10:52pm
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I am struggling with the dumb dummy and I am willing to give anything a go. There is a couple of suggestions that I like and will try. Thanks very much ladies.
Thanks also for cio definition! ------------- Debs SAHM to Eden 2.10.07 18:23 http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: BellaBoo
Date Posted: 14 March 2008 at 9:26am
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Thankyou Mel, I much prefer this method as it seems much more gentle. I get upset when she is upset!
Once she falls asleep she is fine. She spits the dummy out and dosnt usually wake looking for it (she is great at night but not so great during the day). ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: oneplusone
Date Posted: 14 March 2008 at 12:27pm
| I resorted to CC after I had missed tired signs and he was constantly overtired and crying. As single Mum I could not pass the baton and needed to break the cycle. My midwife told me 10 min, then pat and reassure, then repeat twice. If still crying, get him up and feed and repeat again for another half hour. The first time I tried it I got to the 60 minute mark while crying my eyes out to Mum on the phone and on the dot, he fell asleep. I've never had to go that long again and now it is usually 10 minutes of grisling and he's asleep if that. I was open to using a dummy but he wasn't interested (am quite glad because I also thought I'd end up having to put it back in again all the time). I have introduced a muslin square as a comforter though and this is great. He pulls it to him and sucks his fist through it and it keeps him calm. I read this is a good thing to use because if he pulls it over his face he can still breathe and you can throw it in the wash and give him another one without hassle. Could be a transitional object for you? |
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 14 March 2008 at 6:26pm
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You are welcome. Let me know how you go with it.
Just an aside, Cooper didn't start sleeping properly during the day until he was 3mths. You might find she's the same. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3)
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Posted By: babyg
Date Posted: 14 March 2008 at 7:48pm
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ooo, i like the sound of the muslin comforter - nice and cheap to replace too (for those lost and left-behind comforters)! ------------- Ev, Mum to: Carys Ruby - 4 October 2007 Spencer James - 2 July 2010 |
Posted By: BellaBoo
Date Posted: 18 March 2008 at 12:49pm
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Well the dummy problem has seemed to fix itself as she has now decided that her thumb is a much better option! For the last two day she has fallen asleep straight away and when she wakes up she seems to find her thumb again and goes back to sleep. Will have to deal with stopping her thumb sucking when she is older as it seems to keep her rather happy. Thanks ladies for all your suggestions! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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