Falling apart
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Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=15812
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Topic: Falling apart
Posted By: Maya
Subject: Falling apart
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 6:55pm
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I'm just having me a wee pity party at the moment, I am so over my life. I'm sick of being tired all the time and having no motivation and my poor kids having to suffer the consequences. And knowing that I am going to be feeling this crappy for the next 15 weeks is incredibly depressing.
And the worst thing is, I've got no one to blame but myself. I got myself into this situation, and now I have to live with it. And I feel really unjustified in feeling so sorry for myself when there are so many people out there with REAL worries, but at the same time I just want to go to sleep for a week and forget about my life. The house is a pit which depresses me. I hate that I can't have people come to visit coz it is such a pigsty. I hate that I pay a cleaner to come once a week and clean it and within 24 hours the kids have got every single toy in the house out again, there are clothes and nappies all over the floor and half the time I can't even do the dishes coz the gremlins try to climb in the freaking dishwasher. I hate that I'm not enjoying my kids at all at the moment, that every day is about just getting thru the day rather than enjoying it. I hate that the weather has been so nice and I should be out taking the kids to the park and the beach but all I can do is sit around and moan about how tired the heat is making me and how I can't be bothered doing anything. I hate that the gremlins are missing out on so many things that Maya got just because I am such a mess. I don't read to them, or spend time playing with them, or even cuddle them all that much. I think of them as a chore to be taken care of instead of as beautiful little people with souls and spirits and I hate it. I hate that I am so tired most nights I can't even be bothered doing Maya's reading books for school, yet I sit up till midnight working and can somehow justify that. I hate that everyone else thinks I am coping so well. I'm not. I'm not coping at all. People are always telling me I do too much and I need to stop trying to do so much, but I can't. If I don't do stuff, it doesn't get done. I single handedly financially support my kids so if I don't work, we don't eat. There is no one else to look after the kids except me. I have a nanny 4 days a week yet I still don't feel like I ever get a break. I feel guilty for spending so much time away from my kids, and for wanting even MORE time away from them. The worst part of all is that I made my bed, and now I'm not really enjoying lying in it. I knew when we TTC the gremlins that I was going to be a single mum for all intents and purposes, Willie loves the girls but he's not that involved with their daily lives, he doesn't ever come to Plunket/midwife/school appointments or take time off work to see Maya in her easter play or on her last day of preschool. But I can't blame him, I can't MAKE him do more than he's prepared to do, and like I said, I went into it eyes wide open knowing that he was never going to be a hands on dad. And I have to live with that. I think most of all I'm hating being pregnant, and all of these other things would seem so much more manageable if I wasn't pregnant. Pregnancy takes too much out of me and doing it for the second time in two years is stupid. I hate that I resent this baby for coming now, that I never wanted to be pregnant again so soon and that I don't feel attached to her at all. I hate that I hate her for making me miserable, and for making her sisters miss out on having 100% of their mummy. I think I just hate my life  -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Replies:
Posted By: MumsyMoo
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 7:03pm
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Aww Emma...
Lots of loves and hugs hun. If it's any consolation, I think you're doing an amazing job and it's fine that you feel the way you're feeling. Gosh - Even I have days/weeks where I feel like that and I don't do HALF of what you do. I think you should be extremely proud of yourself.  ------------- My wee girl is the love and light of my life!
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Posted By: HippyMama
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 7:04pm
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I am so sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time of it Emma, I guess as mums we are somehow expected to be everything to everyone eh? I still think you are doing a great job, despite how miserable you are feeling at the moment. Anything you need or want, you know where I am! ------------- Mama to two earth walkers & two angels. Remember, you are not managing an inconvenience; You are raising a human being. ~ Kittie Franz Next Slingbabies! Meet - Friday 4th May !! |
Posted By: Brenna
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 7:04pm
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Oh Emma, BIG
I've felt just like this in the past and so I know what you're saying!! You are a great mum and a wonderful, kind person who has lots of people that care for you and your family. Who cares if your place is a mess, get some friends around to help you out for a bit to give you a break. ------------- My beautiful 2 girls...nearly 4 and 13 months
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Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 7:07pm
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Sounds like you need a day at the spa (or maybe a couple of weeks) ------------- 
 
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 7:07pm
I wish! Sounds like bliss! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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cuppatea wrote:Posted By: Bel
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 7:09pm
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That made me feel so sad!! I feel for you, I have no idea how you survive your life, as I feel most of that with one baby!!
So all we can do is send you hugs (so many that you forget about your problems for a while!! ------------- Mum to two beautiful kids
Luke (09.11.2007) Amy (01.04.2009) |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 7:12pm
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I;ve PM'ed you about it so you know how I feel too. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 7:19pm
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I think too that I hate feeling so ungrateful for my life. I KNOW how lucky I am, that I've been blessed with three (and a half!) beautiful children which is way more than lots of other people get in their lifetime, but atm I'm just finding it so hard to appreciate how blessed I am. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Glag2
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 7:31pm
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I think your doing an amazing job, a hard job , but definatley an amzing one.
HUGS FOR YOU ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 7:33pm
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big hugs Emma! I don't have much to say apart from, I have felt exactly the same way (minus the twin thing) and still do sometimes.
hugs hugs hugs |
Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 7:38pm
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Hunny, as much as you do have these 3 beautiful blessings THEY ARE HARD WORK! Just one child is hard, let alone THREE and BEING pregnant! Being pg is a fulltime job as well!!!! I hated being pg with Jett as I couldn't be a proper hands-on mum to the other 2. as i was too sick at first, then always too tired and uncomfortable to take them places, play with them. Every move I made, was an effort.
Don't ever think your problems are lesser than others. Having a cleaner once a week ISN'T enough! All it means is, that you don't have to do the cleaning THAT morning/afternoon (whatever time they come in). I have a cleaner once a week and all it means is I can have a break that morning, but then once the kids are up from their afternoon naps, the house turns to a mess again with all their toys. I think having a secular job on top of all your housework and children is way too much for you at the moment. You really need a hands-on husband/father to give you more help with it all. It's a shame Willie works 6(?) days a week, as I'm sure come Sunday he needs a rest as well. Is there anyone that can take the kids for 24 hours one weekend? I LO....NG for a good break as well, I too feel completely exhausted ATM, and I don't have a secular job to do everyday. The ONLY way I can cope ATM, is too not plan too much in my week. I used to always be going out to catch up with friends/having friends over, which meant I had to SPRING CLEAN the house before I knew they were coming (I hate having ppl over and my house is a disgrace). I haven't had anyone over during the week in MONTHS, I can't cope with it, it tires me too much. I go out to see friends maybe once every few weeks now. My week consists of taking Rico to Kindy 4 times a week, getting groceries and going to the gym (for myself). Once Rico is at school I should be able to do more for others, even just spend more time with my friends. Sorry for the novel, I hope it's not too much to take all that on, like you need that at the mo  . ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: meow
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 7:45pm
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It sounds like you need more support - and Willie should be expected to step up. Often we go into relationships set in our ways, but people can change. It makes me very sad to hear that he doesn't go to midwife appts with you - that must be hard for you - to not have him share in this with you. Have you talked to him about it?
Would he ever cut back on his hours a bit? You are an awesome mum and I admire you.
I think you really do need to slow down a bit though as your body is telling you to. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 7:54pm
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------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: lovingmummyhood
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 7:55pm
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I'm sorry to hear that you feel that way. From what I've read, I'm sure you're an amazing woman and a wonderful mother. I hope you feel better soon. Your kids are gorgeous! I can't relate to being pregnant but I hope that this coming week is good to you and that you feel better soon. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 8:02pm
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Big hugs!! You just sound exhausted to me. Can you get any more sleep in at nights?
Have you considered packing up some of the girls' toys not as a punishment but just so there are not so many on the go at once. Then you can rotate them too and kids seem to enjoy that all the more! And then pick a 15min slot every day where all you will do is sit down (with your feet up ) and read whichever story the girls ask you for. Just put it on your to do list and do it. It will help the atmosphere in your home a lot and you'll probably enjoy having the close company because you have "allowed" yourself that 15 mins of time..... I suggest this cause DH and I are primarily task-focussed and I suspect you are too.
Be kind to yourself, you have a big job! Working, looking after 3 kids including twins (who bite  lol) and an unborn bub who is literally draining your energy from you. Make sure you're eating well too, ay.
If you're not ready for a plan yet, just skip the advice and get on to more hugs ------------- |
Posted By: Mazzy
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 8:06pm
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Oh Emma, I really feel for you. You're doing it hard at the moment and being pregnant is DIFFICULT. I feel bad every day because I'm so tired and useless this end of the pregnancy and I think I should be making the most of this time with DD before the baby arrives, but instead I'm yelling at her and resenting her and wanting a break all the time. I can't even imagine being in your situation. You are allowed to not like your life at the moment. But also know that life keeps changing and how you are feeling now will also change. The Gremlins obviously love you and Maya is just gorgeous, you are doing a great job with all of them even though it might not feel like it day-to-day. I think you are a legend for all that you do and you obviously have high expectations of yourself, which is a good thing and something to be commended for, but also a curse. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Can you take a few minutes each day to just focus on the Gremlins? Even 10 minutes to forget about all the other stuff might make you feel better about things? Edited to add: Snap Busymum! Same idea, you just wrote it better than me  ------------- Mum to two gorgeous girls! |
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 8:09pm
Couldnt have said it better. I feel like I am having mini meltdowns too at the moment so maybe its just about being a mum. Not that that helps. Dont worry about the Gremlins not getting all the opportunities that Maya got. They get different ones. They have each other and a big sister. Maya never got that. Once Iggle Piggle comes along, slowly you will gain your mummyness back and your family will slot into a rhythm (of sorts). Dont stress about. Just do what you can do at the moment and noone can expect anything else. |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 8:14pm
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Awwww, now I'm crying even more! Thanks so much for all your kind words, makes me feel even more guilty tho for being so damn self indulgent and feeling sorry for myself.
It helps to know I'm not the only one, maybe my kids won't end up in therapy as adults after all. And thanks too for the practical advice, I'll come back to it once my head is in a better space coz I think I really do need to start making some changes in the way we do things. It's just knowing where to start... ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 8:18pm
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Maybe it's time for Willie to step up and take part in his girls lives more. You need to tell him that you aren't doing so good right now.
------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: peachy
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 8:23pm
Big hugs Emma, I think you are a  I find it hard enough with one!
Big hugs to you, I hope you are feeling better after sheding a few tears, it certainly helps me! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 8:25pm
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oooh, get onto that website with the pregnancy massage discount voucher and you and i can go together... i can have the 4th trimester one and you can have whatever you want... then we can have hot chocolates somewhere and scrummy cakes... make it a monday when hubby is home and you have the nanny...
It wont help, except for the hour we are being massaged, but what the hey! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 8:27pm
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I like you idea Deb you should so go and do that Emma. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: Bubbaloo
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 8:32pm
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Emma ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  Was danni-chick Mum to James My Angel 28/07/08 |
Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 8:44pm
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Sounds like my house some days, and I have a hands on partner, I don't have to work, and I only have one little monkey! I guess it's harder with 3, because the "good" days would be alot farther in between... (what am I kidding myself, good days? I meant moments! Moments where all the kids are good) -------------  
 
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 8:51pm
Whats the website? I like that idea! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 9:23pm
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will PM you!!!! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: katie1
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 9:26pm
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Hugs Emma.
I am not surprised you are feeling so tired - you are pregnant and have three children to care for. You are doing a great job and have nothing AT ALL to feel bad about. The gremlins are absolutely fine and like someone else said are getting lots of opportunities with a big sister and having each other to play with (Maya didn't have that) It will change hun. Pregnancy makes you so tired - I can relate to that feeling of just wanting to sleep for a week! Just remember that you are WILL have energy back again soon. You, the Gremlins, Maya and wee Iggle Piggle will have lots of fun outings and when you see the girls with their new wee sister it will all be worth it.
Hang in there hun and get all the help you can - don't feel bad about any of it. You deserve it. Enjoy the massage! |
Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 9:41pm
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at least you are beinghonest about how you feel and that is a start to help you confront what you are going thru...
is this maybe cause not only are you preggy again but your parents and sister i take it have gone home again, and you are back to normal life again? I know they help out a lot...heck so does grannie and it can be hard when you have had a break to get back into it...but having seen Willie - he is more hands on than you give him credit for, he adores his girls and they adore him....he has a good relationship with them and watching them together they are not lacking for a father figure by any means...give the poor guy some credit but let HIM know how you are feeling and that you need some more help, hugs etc etc.... You do have another child en route and your life will be changing quite dramatically....but you alone chose that path and it is one you are going to have to figure out how to travel....Im sure willie is coming around to yet another child....sit down and talk to him....its not our life - it is yours - you willie and the kids...and he does seem like he is in it for all he can be for you.... and now - BIG HUG!!!!!! but not im not coming to do your washing or tidy your house cause OMFG you should see ours!!!!!!
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Posted By: nictoddie
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 9:48pm
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Great advise so not gonna give ya any just a big hug........... I second what theresa said about the toys maybe you could do a monthly rotate thing where you pack up half and then rotate them around each month..... kids don't miss toys and at the end of the day we are the ones that end up picking them up half the time,we have a rule in our house what comes out goes back and do this before bed each night ------------- 
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Posted By: Shorty
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 9:57pm
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I am sorry I am not going to give advise as it has all been said. You know where I am if ever need a ear to chew or a real life hug! I think we are about due for a girls night! DH is home and can look after T. So lets either do something here or head to the usual! I am waiting your confirmation of which night suits.....I mean it! |
Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 10:09pm
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-------------  
 
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Posted By: yummymummy
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 10:20pm
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I think it's being tired that messes up with one's head. Can you maybe take a day off from work/kids and go do things for yourself - movies, coffee, manicure? Big hugs ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: sally belly
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 10:22pm
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Here are some more hugs for you Emma, you really need them at the moment.
As most other girls have said I have absolutely no idea how you do it either... But I guess your answer to that is you just do because you have to & because no one else will. I feel shattered enough & I'm not pregnant & I only have one to look after 
Is talking to Willie about how you feel an option? You could really do with a little more help & support from him by the sound of it. Look after yourself because you'll be no use to anyone if you get sick or even more run-down. And go & have that massage Bizzy mentioned. You more than deserve it. -------------    
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 10:26pm
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some more hugs emma take debs offer and treat yourself go on you know you need it
oh and p.s my house is a tip aswell  ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 10:28pm
I'll frigging say! I know Willie can be the nicest guy and he means the world to you - but there comes a time in every guys life when he needs to get some balls and be a man!!!! You may not like the bed you've made for yourself, but don't forget he was more than happy to jump into that "bed" on at least 4 occassions!!! Now is the time to not only be a father to his beautiful precious little girls but to be their DADDY and to be a SUPPORTIVE PARTNER to you! Not just because you are carrying his child but because he loves you and you need him right now! You know I love you guys heaps and would do anything I could to help out, as would all of your friends. But he needs to do more for you guys! P.S I can do any girls night except Wednesday ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
 
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Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 10:35pm
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for the record my house most days is a tip too ------------- Ann 
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: BabyKiwi
Date Posted: 30 March 2008 at 10:42pm
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Same here, my house is a tip!! I get fustrated at times but when I think about it my DD is more important!
Huge to you, I have read threads and see how much you are there for other people on this site, you show the most amazing support for everything and everyone on this site, it's time for all of us to show you some support!!
I think you are a truly amazing woman!! As Bombshell says you have been honest about how you feel and that is the most important thing, at least we are all here to support you, maybe not physically but you are in our thoughts!! |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 31 March 2008 at 6:48am
| emma, whenever you think your house is a tip - remember mine - also remember I spent four hours cleaning it - to look like THAT....my house is always messy - ask Becks |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 31 March 2008 at 7:22am
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I have no practical advice but wanted to send you big
I know you don't feel like it but I think you do an amazing job with those girls of yours. I definetly think you need to take Bizzy up on that offer!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: hooper
Date Posted: 31 March 2008 at 8:13am
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to you emma. ------------- Desiree 
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Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 31 March 2008 at 9:04am
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Yeouch - none of it sounds easy by any stretch of the imagination. All's I can say, 'cause people have already said the nice things I'd like to say too, is that the whole 'you made your bed now lie in it' thing is a bit redundant. Does it really matter? When I was blind-exhausted with Ella, DH used to say "well, you're the one who wanted a baby!" OK - there's ------------- Andie |
Posted By: ginger
Date Posted: 31 March 2008 at 9:14am
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I can't imagine it, obviously, but I know so well what it is to unravel which m'dear, it sounds like you're doing. You need to, no matter what, have some you time in the day. Even if it's 5 minutes on the loo with a magazine while bedlem resides outside!!
Seriously though, get yourself a box of chocolates or some bickies and have one with a cup of tea/milk/milo before bed when all is quiet (?? ish?? hopefully?? ), or think of something which is just about YOU and taking care of YOU and giving you something to look forward to every. single. day. ------------- Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00 Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41 |
Posted By: arohanui
Date Posted: 31 March 2008 at 9:18am
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Emma, mate when I was preggie and had no kids I felt sooooooooo exhausted! I never did anything around the house, thankfully my DH stepped up and I just lay on the couch as soon as I got home from work and literally did nothing. I was just so over working and being pregnant, I was exhausted. I hated working cos I felt like I was grumpy all the time and I felt bad for the kids in my class cos they got a bit of a raw deal. I was just willing it to be over so I could stop working and have my baby and just get on with the next stage of my life. I don't know what I would have been like if I had a 5 year old, twin toddlers, AND working, plus a DH who may be a very loving daddy but might not necessarily be as helpful in a practical way around the house (never met the guy, but this is just the impression I get!). Oh, plus having morning sickness right throughout the pregnancy. Honestly, I take my hat off to you. Yeah you may have high expectations of yourself, but quite frankly I think you're getting by much better than I (or anyone else) would in that situation. Pregnancy takes it out of you at the best of times, let alone when you have 3 other little ones to look after. And yeah when you're so tired it makes everything seem so much worse doesn't it? And as for thinking you're 'self indulgent and feeling sorry for yourself' - my goodness!! No way! Sometimes we just need to have a moan and get it out, and to tell the truth I think you're more than entitled to it. I moan about things that are far far smaller on the scale of things. Sometimes situations just suck. And they're hard to deal with. My mum has this saying 'this too will pass' which I absolutely hate to hear when I'm in the middle of anything difficult (lol) because I know it will pass... but it still sucks at that particular time!! And it's allowed to suck! You're allowed to say, you know what, at this particular time I don't like my life so much. I guess it's how life has 'seasons' ya know? Have you spoken to Yvonne about how you're finding things? You may be entitled to some extra cleaning/support? Eek sorry for that novel. I haven't actually said anything that other people haven't said already but I just wanted to say something. ------------- Mama to DS1 (5 years), DS2 (3 years) and... http://alterna-tickers.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 31 March 2008 at 2:50pm
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Thanks again everyone, it really does make a difference to know that I have so much support
Funny how the cold light of day, and Himself coming home after being away all weekend with his mates, can give you a bit of perspective, am feeling a little more positive today. Still exhausted, and the house is still a tip but feeling a bit more optimistic. Arohanui I think you hit the nail on the head - Willie IS a very loving daddy, I'd never take that away from him, but you're right, it's the practical stuff that he's not so good at. For example, after being out all weekend with his mates he said he'd go pick Maya up from school this afternoon BUT he wouldn't take the gremlins coz he doesn't want to get them out of the car at school. I put my foot down on that one, it's the first 10 minute break I've had from them since Fri and besides, *I* get them out of the car at school every day and don't complain! I also gave MMH a call, when I saw them last a few weeks ago I was coping OK (maybe lying a bit about how well, but I was doing OK) but I had a good talk to my MMH nurse about everything and she's made an appoinment with my psychiatrist for Fri to talk about meds etc (since I've stopped taking mine coz of the side effects) and she's going to chase up my therapist to get that started too. Most of all tho she's going to organise someone to come in on a Tues when the nanny isn't here and give me a hand with the gremlins and the housework. I feel like the housework has gotten waaaay out of hand, but when the nanny is here I have to work, so she made me promise not to work on Tuesdays when the respite lady is here and just either rest or hang out with the girls. They're going to start at 7am too so it'll be one day a week where I don't have to get up and do the manic school run. Plus I am definitely going to book that massage with Deborah, and MMH are going to organise an appointmemnt for Willie and I to both meet with my doctors so that we can bring him up to speed on how things are REALLY going, coz I tend not to tell him. Thanks again for listening to me ramble, you guys rock ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 31 March 2008 at 2:59pm
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Aww that all sounds great Emma - getting that extra help, and getting Willie involved. I bet Maya will LOVE her dad picking her up from school! I think we underestimate how much those things mean to kids.
Also getting him to go to your appt with you, so he can see how much stress you're under. Last year when I was pg with Jett, I found I wasn't coping, and my MW sent me to my DR to possibly go on antidepressants, as I found I was feeling REALLY anxious. But after speaking with my Dr, we decided that if I had a talk to DH about how I was feeling and got him to help out more, that it would make me feel a whole lot better. Due to be pg I wasn't sleeping well, so she gave me some sleeping pills. After that I went home and talked to Dh and sorted a few things out and everything seemed so much better and I felt I cope again. I think it came down to not communicating properly with Dh about how I wasn't coping with the 2 kids and feeling hidious due to the pregnancy. So yeah, what I'm saying is - a lot of your stress/anxiousness won't go away with meds, speaking to Willie, and making changes around the house (ie. getting extra help), will definitely ease how you're feeling.  ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 31 March 2008 at 3:03pm
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I want to try and stay off the meds at this stage, at least until baby arrives coz I feel physically crappy enough as it is without throwing in extra side effects from medication, plus I am well aware of the risks involved with meds crossing the placental barrier etc. So hopefully with these other supports in place that will be possible, and my psychiatrist will support that.
I do feel guilty using their resources tho, I mean, I pay someone to have my kids so I feel silly needing MORE help, but I think they are right that it will be good to have some time out where I don't have to work. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 31 March 2008 at 3:08pm
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Think of it though, like arohanui said, about how this will pass. The gremlins will get older and more self-suffient, and soon enough it won't all be too hard for you. I'm thinking that i need to plod along while I have 3 pre-schoolers at home, but not long and Rico's at school and things will be easier only having 2 at home during the day and to lug around with me. Then Gia will go into kindy more often once she's 3 in October, so then I'll have more time with only Jett.
Obviously IP will make you busier again for a while, but it's "just for a while". And not being pg will be much easier on your body. ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 31 March 2008 at 3:19pm
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And one blessed day they'll all move out! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 31 March 2008 at 3:26pm
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Oh yes, that day will come! And you'll be a mess again cos you miss them. ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 31 March 2008 at 3:55pm
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Good on you Emma for ringing them. I'm having a day like you and my boys are suffering because if it and I feel really bad about it but when I think its only one day they'll get over it soon enough. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 31 March 2008 at 4:06pm
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So glad I was on your back about contacting MMH! Lol!
Really pleased they were able to organise a good action plan, including practical help! You do have a hang of a lot on your plate, so dont feel bad about the extra help, just make sure u utalise the time for looking after you
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Posted By: Freesia
Date Posted: 31 March 2008 at 4:12pm
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Hugs Emma
Sorry, I'm a bit pushed for time so I haven't had a good chance to read over all the posts but I just wanted to send you some more cyber hugs and to let you know I'm thinking of you. Hang in there. -------------  
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Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 31 March 2008 at 4:19pm
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glad you contacted MMH and are going to see them....and do not let Willie out of the appt either....he needs to know how you are feeling and get some assistance to know what he can do to help...he is a MAN after all and we need to show them everything LOL
and then how do I get respite care do come clean my house ....UGH we spent the entire day sat doing gardens and housework etc....I am soooo over it all...we didnt even get the washing all done....I need some respite car....send some this a ways!
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Posted By: arohanui
Date Posted: 31 March 2008 at 4:29pm
Yay  I'm so glad you're getting up extra practical assistance, I'm sure that will make a difference to how you're feeling about it all.
Oh and yeah ditto Italiah about how not being preggie will be so much easier on your body. Honestly, even with all the stitches and night feedings, I felt SO much better a week after Harry was born than I ever did when I was pregnant! Lol Bombshell, maybe if you adopt some twins and then have another on the way you might get some respite care ------------- Mama to DS1 (5 years), DS2 (3 years) and... http://alterna-tickers.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 31 March 2008 at 6:13pm
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Aw Emma - I think that appointment with Willie is really important. Because all though you are all 'I made my bed', TBH - there was someone else in there with you!!
Even if it is just a bit more emotional support... every little bit counts. Maybe make a 10 minute block (just 10 minutes!) to sit down with the girls and do something and do your best to block out the rest of the stuff. Even 10 minutes is a lot to little kidlets and it might set your mind at ease a bit more. And be strong lady! Only 15 weeks left! (Oops, was that evil? )
xoxoxox |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 31 March 2008 at 6:58pm
Ooh I know, Bombshell can adopt my twins, I know BSDH thinks they are pretty cute! I am going to make them put Willie's name on the hospital appt letter as well as mine, that way he won't be able to argue about it. I got really motivated tonight and decided to start small, I decluttered my bathroom. OK so the rest of the house is still a pit, but the bathroom is clutter-free! I was ruthless, put all the surplus lotions and potions away into the bathroom cupboard and only left out the ones we actually use right now, plus chucked out most of the kids bath toys coz I am sick of standing on them and they only ever play with the stacking cups anyway. So now I can actually SEE the vanity, and after Shorty St I'm going to have me a nice bath with no bath toys floating in it for once! I was gonna clean my room tonight too, but small steps, have decided it can wait. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: arohanui
Date Posted: 31 March 2008 at 7:06pm
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Yay for the clutter-free bathroom! I find it makes such a difference for my mental health when at least part of the house is nice and tidy. Hence why for a couple of months (OK, it was a few months) we had a "box of crap" in our lounge/dining... it was kind of out of the way, and it meant all the "stuff" was in one place lol. To my way of thinking, things look a lot tidier if all the bits and bobs are in a big pile together, rather than strewn about everywhere. I was very proud of myself when I sorted out that box of crap a couple of weeks ago... though now we have a bowl of crap (it has all the mail etc in it) and there is a quickly gathering pile of crap by the bookshelf... lol...
Anyway so now whenever you feel overwhelmed you can just go and sit in your bathroom and think about how lovely and tidy it is!!
(I guess that is until the Maya and the gremlins and the Willie come along...) ------------- Mama to DS1 (5 years), DS2 (3 years) and... http://alterna-tickers.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 31 March 2008 at 7:11pm
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You sound like me, I just GROW clutter! I file stuff all over the house lol. I was actually wondering while I tidied the bathroom that maybe accumulating crap is another part of my OCD, coz by the amount of toys/clothes/paperwork/bathroom junk/kids artwork etc. I could be just a *wee* bit obsesssed with buying/keeping stuff. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 31 March 2008 at 7:19pm
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then I think I have OCD too
You've seen my house! It's still a pig sty even though we finished renovating the kitchen almost a month ago we still have the oven oven and the new bathroom vanity in the dining room not to mention a whole pile of old wood with nails poking out that I FINALLY guilted DH into moving this morning before he went to work! 
BUT.... I do have a boooootiful new kitchen! Maybe I'll just lock myself in there (but ARGH! no door! lol) ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 31 March 2008 at 7:20pm
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I your kitchen, I'd live in it ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 31 March 2008 at 8:43pm
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Havent had time to read everything, but add a few more hugs in there from me. I sound a bit happier today too. ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 31 March 2008 at 9:20pm
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Hey Emma
I've only just spotted this thread. I'm so sorry to hear that you're having a rough time. I just wanted to give you big hugs too .
My advice, for what it's worth, is rest when you can, take up all offers of support (especially if someone offers to clean your room for you ) and remember you're growing a baby that's an amazing, time consuming, energy sapping job and to think that you also have 2 toddlers and a school child too as well as working blows my mind. You don't need to be wonder woman.
Re the gremlins 'missing out' firstly just because they're not getting the same attention Maya did it's not a bad thing - your fostering independence (that's my line and I'm sticking with it). Also they are too young to realise or remember that you have been too exhausted to play as much as you used to. Once you feel back on form you'll more than make up for it I'm sure. My little sister was very sick having fractured her pubo-synthesis during her 1st preg, it got worse when she fell near the end of her 2nd preg by the time #1 was 21mo and #2 was 3mo she was constantly in pain and so high on a cocktail of strong pain killers she couldn't physically care for her children. She had over two years of drugs/operations/rehabilitation before she could care for her 2 kids, much of that time was spent having bedrest, but neither of them seem to remember it at all and it hasn't affected her relationship with them. -------------  
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Posted By: Bubbaloo
Date Posted: 31 March 2008 at 10:03pm
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It's good to hear you are getting things sorted Emma I also think the joint appointment with Willie is important too might make him realise how hard you actually work and what you a going through which can't be a bad thing.
------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> Was danni-chick Mum to James My Angel 28/07/08 |
Posted By: nictoddie
Date Posted: 31 March 2008 at 10:21pm
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well done to you ..... baby steps emma and it will sort itself out and tackling one room at a time is a great start -------------
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 01 April 2008 at 9:56pm
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------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Snickerdoodle
Date Posted: 02 April 2008 at 12:53pm
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Oh no! I've only just spotted this thread!
Hugs Emma! times a million billion!
Now I understand your "and I thought my life sucked" comment on my thread about DH's hospital visit! I won't hear of it, missy! You're FAR more entitled to your pity party than I was! I'm glad you're feeling a bit better and I can't give you any better advice than what's already been offered. I'm glad to hear of the extra help you're getting. Let them do whatever they wanna do... you're entitled to that help!! I like the idea of Bizzy's to have that massage. Even if it is just an hour, that's an hour of bliss you wouldn't have if you didn't do it. You deserve it! Keep us posted on how the respite carer goes
***edited to fix spelling mistakes - perhaps I have OCD, too! ------------- 
http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 02 April 2008 at 1:16pm
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Awww thanks!
Baby steps, baby steps. I've decided to put lids on the toyboxes and let the kids only have one box at a time (we have 4 toy boxes in the lounge ) to try and reduce the clutter and contain the mess.
Plus I talked to the nanny, and yesterday she did all the washing and put away all the stuff that was stockpiled in the spare room, and she tidied up after the girls. And shock of shocks, while I was out at swimming this morning, Willie (aka he who is too sick to go to work *rolls eyes*) cleaned our room. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 02 April 2008 at 1:30pm
| Wow! Thats good! See it pays to have a wee tanty every now and again! These boys need a kick up the b*** every so often! |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 02 April 2008 at 1:30pm
| When does the extra helper start? |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 02 April 2008 at 1:36pm
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Next week. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: nictoddie
Date Posted: 02 April 2008 at 1:45pm
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yay for baby steps and well done to willy for helping your doing great .............. -------------
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Posted By: Snickerdoodle
Date Posted: 02 April 2008 at 4:00pm
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That's awesome news!
I hate posting something "mean" about DH on here, only for him to turn around and do something completely unexpected and sweet. I feel so bad. But they REALLY do need a kick up the butt sometimes! Go Willy. He deserves a for that effort.
Let's hope it keeps up! -------------
http://lilypie.com">
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