Maintaining who you are
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=15963
Printed Date: 15 October 2025 at 1:43pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Maintaining who you are
Posted By: FionaS
Subject: Maintaining who you are
Date Posted: 03 April 2008 at 1:19pm
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What tips do you have for maintaining who you are when you become a mother? I find I get so absorbed in what is going on with Elle that I don't have the time, energy or mental space for anything else. I feel like a shadow of the person I used to be! I have developed tunnel vision and am not sure how to get out of it.
Any creative hints?  ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Replies:
Posted By: Redbedrock
Date Posted: 03 April 2008 at 1:23pm
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I tend to live a double life at the moment, 2 days a week i am a confident knowledgable medical professional, who can deal with multiple problems at the same time and trouble shoot technical problems on the phone while negotiating blood results with drs. The rest of the week i can't organise myself to get the hoover outor get dinner going. So i have days of being Claire and days of being Fay's Mummy. I would like to have days when I am just claire tho, not claire the nurse, so would be interested in responses to this ------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com"> 
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 03 April 2008 at 1:28pm
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For me, my work is my creative outlet, altho atm I'm finding even that a struggle, I'd rather just curl up and go to sleep. -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Bubbaloo
Date Posted: 03 April 2008 at 1:35pm
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I find when I'm at work I am more the person I was pre kid. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  Was danni-chick Mum to James My Angel 28/07/08 |
Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 03 April 2008 at 1:45pm
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I don't know who I am anymore ...plain and simple! I'm not even standing in the shadow of my former self. Everything I do is for Lucas, I don't get any time away from him UNLESS mum babysits while I go grocery shopping, and even then its all about him as I spend the whole time reading labels & sourcing out new foods to try (fussy eater & allergies).
Haven't seen friends or socialised since God knows when ...before I was preggy/ just after he was born and people turned up to have a nose? I hate it when people ask me to go out clubbing/drinking! My answer will always be no, thats my former life ...drinking - I will never involve myself in that scene again (not that i ever really did, I loved going clubbing purely to dance). I don't get any time to myself, I have no idea what I like/dislike anymore. I WAS once a great painter/budding artist, made many gorgeous paintings for bub whilst preggy but now I just don't have the time ...not sure the talent is still there either! I'm hoping once he gets to school age I will find myself again LOL ETA: Just realized this whole post was a total rant about myself .... ------------- Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :) |
Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 03 April 2008 at 1:47pm
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Fiona I think a good idea would be to set some time aside per day/week (if possible) to do the things you enjoy/used to enjoy ...do a bit of soul searching, maybe start writing a journal of some form at night before going to bed ....
Hope that helps chick  ------------- Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :) |
Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 03 April 2008 at 1:57pm
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I would love to have some work to do at home now to keep my mind active but alas my work doesn't like the idea of me working from home with a baby here so I will have to wait until I officially go back.
I was thinking about picking up a paper or two to upskill while I'm on Mat leave but some days it's a struggle just to get dinner on so I'm a bit reluctant TBH. Sometimes I think about doing some art stuff but that's about as far as I get. Edit: Oh wait ! you wanted creative hints not someone who's in the same boat. Sorry not helpful. -------------  
 
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Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 03 April 2008 at 1:59pm
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Work used to be good but recently I've been unable to focus ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 03 April 2008 at 2:00pm
| Yep Im like you Steph, I have no idea who I am anymore. I think thats why I get soo soo anxious about doing anything thats isnt related to Isla, to the point I dont do anything! |
Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 03 April 2008 at 2:08pm
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Oh I sooo know where you are coming from Kellz, my life fully consists of Lucas, Lucas ....and more Lucas
I'm looking forward to Botany meet up on the 19th though ...woohoo ------------- Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :) |
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 03 April 2008 at 2:09pm
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Fiona, turn Oprah on. This woman is amazing! ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 03 April 2008 at 2:09pm
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Not Oprah, her guest. Very inspirational. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3)
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Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 03 April 2008 at 2:16pm
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Before I had Elle I was the girl who could cope with anything. No matter how big the stress my friend / family member etc was going through I could carry it all on my shoulders with no help from anyone. I juggled a zillion things happily and successfully and was very a positive person. I had a lot of responsibilities with my family but shouldered them all with ease.
Now I struggle to focus on anything outside Elle and that is the absolute opposite to the person I used to be. I used to be almost totally "others-centred" but now I feel like I'm just "Elle-centred". ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 03 April 2008 at 3:08pm
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I have two mes too. The working me and the mummy me and to tell the truth because I spend so much time being the working me during the week I covet my time as the mummy me.
I think one thing that helps me is once Michaela's down for the night I have the house to myself until DH gets home at 10:15pm. I don't do much, fold washing and other housework, watch tv, read books, sometimes sleep - but it's bliss, I love having time by myself. My sis and her DH have a childless day each (per fortnight I think) by themselves to do whatever they want. I think this is quite a good idea esp for sahms and those with more than one child. On his day my BIL left the house at 9am, went to the barber, went to the movies, had lunch and a wander and some prayful reflection time then got home about 6pm. -------------  
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Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 03 April 2008 at 3:41pm
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Unfortunately I think it's something that goes hand in hand with becoming a Mum! I've turned into a total worry wart now that I have Lucas! They do become the centre of your world ...I'd be a little concerned if they weren't...it shows your a great mum ------------- Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :) |
Posted By: HippyMama
Date Posted: 03 April 2008 at 4:11pm
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I've got the work / home divide going on here too, and due to the often stressful nature of my job I have been struggling to find ways to wind down and 'reclaim' myself. When I do have spare time I try and indulge my creative side, but more often than not I end up making (sewing/knitting/drawing) something for my daughter anyway. It's a really hard thing to find I think, the balance between you / mummy you and potentially the 'working you' as well! ------------- Mama to two earth walkers & two angels. Remember, you are not managing an inconvenience; You are raising a human being. ~ Kittie Franz Next Slingbabies! Meet - Friday 4th May !! |
Posted By: kellverona
Date Posted: 03 April 2008 at 4:13pm
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Im looking for a part time job just to get me out and mixing with other adults without worrying about Jaxon (although I would probably still think about him the whole time) lol.... ------------- http://pregnancyplanet.net/tickers/"> 
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Posted By: miss
Date Posted: 03 April 2008 at 6:50pm
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- I have an awesome coffee group where, while we have the babies with us, we click as a group of women, so that is awesome.
- we also see each other socially semiregularly with partners - and are extending it to without partners and babies occasionally -DH looks after Lily when I want to head out to have me time - this is usually weekly. -Then during holidays he does full days so i can have some scrapbooking days. -I make sure the main things I loved before Lily I still do (scrapbooking, cafes, concerts) I think that is the bulk of it. -------------  
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 03 April 2008 at 7:37pm
sounds to me like elle has replaced all the "others". have you ever tried just being "Fiona-centred"? ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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FionaS wrote:Posted By: meow
Date Posted: 03 April 2008 at 7:42pm
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I sew...yeah mostly for my daughter but it gives me a sense of achievement in completing something and then receiving compliments - and having ppl ask me where I bought her clothes
I'm also doing a night class at a local high school, and again - I'm making something for my daughter haha! But I am also learning things and having time myself. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 03 April 2008 at 7:43pm
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For me its my music. I have been playing in a brass band for 13 years now and after having Andrew I was in a rush to get back to make my life normal again. After Josh I took a bit longer (feeding was the problem Josh was boob, Andrew was bottle) but now I am back there it so maintains who I was pre babies. The only problem I still have there is some of the older men in the band (i'm talking in their 60's) still can't get over the fact that i'm not my fathers responsibility anymore, i'm married and have my own children and my dad lives in a different country to me, and i'm 26 now not 13 like when I started. Also my uni study makes me feel less like a mum as i'm so fully concentrated on something else. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 03 April 2008 at 7:52pm
Thats a really good idea, maybe I couls look into doing something like that. What are u making? |
Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 03 April 2008 at 7:57pm
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My ultimate dream would be if I could have 30mins in the middle of each day to go for a walk by myself!! LOL - a woman of few demands. It may sound weird but the thing I miss the most about life before children is walking to and from work each day...nothing like a good walk on your own to make everything seem rosey.
Lack of exercise is such a mood killer (not to mention a figure killer!) ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: meow
Date Posted: 03 April 2008 at 10:08pm
I'm making a dolls cradle that can rock from a retro wooden toys book. I wish I'd had time to make more, but it's taken the whole course (8 weeks) to complete lol ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 04 April 2008 at 7:39am
| wow that sounds really cool. |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 04 April 2008 at 8:29am
Is there anyone that can sit with Elle during her midday nap or something so that you can get out for an hour. If they do it during her sleep time it's no trial for them and it means you're free to leave the house to do whatever for an hour or so. When you mum looks after Elle are you at work or can you do something then? Have you got a prayer group? If not maybe you could join a woman's prayer group in the evenings while someone else cares for Elle. -------------
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Posted By: jaz
Date Posted: 04 April 2008 at 7:51pm
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Having conversations about other things besides children is good thing. My outlets are exercise (currently aqua aerobics) and a book club I belong to. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 04 April 2008 at 7:53pm
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mine were agua jogging and going back to that this week i cant wait and i,ve got my mum to come too ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 04 April 2008 at 7:59pm
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For me it is still having my goals I guess and not putting all that on the backburner...learning to combine work and parenting all the while aiming for the police force, it's a challenging combo but it is working. It helps that B is so supportive of this dream of mine.
Work is an awesome chance to have adult conversation and goof off (in breaks only of course! *ahem*) Because I'm still aiming for my goals I feel like being a parent and still being me are intertwined. Does that make any sense or am I babbling??  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Candkids
Date Posted: 04 April 2008 at 10:00pm
lol, dh asked a few weeks ago what i would do if i i could ( HE MENT ANYTHING AT ALL IN THE WORLD) and all i could say was . . have a long hot bubble bath and wash my hair with no interuptions, ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  DD 10.5yrs DS 6yrs DS 11mths 5 little angles watching from above |