flying solo
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Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=16024
Printed Date: 21 August 2025 at 2:34pm
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Topic: flying solo
Posted By: chonny
Subject: flying solo
Date Posted: 04 April 2008 at 10:20pm
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Hi Ladies, looks like situations may b changing and i may end up doing this solo. how hard is it? i'm kind of scared about it but also know the flying solo part is possibly essential. how much does daddy keep involved? what should i do? -------------   
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Replies:
Posted By: aussiemum
Date Posted: 04 April 2008 at 10:36pm
Oh I'm so sorry to hear that. 
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Posted By: Nefertiti
Date Posted: 04 April 2008 at 10:42pm
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Sorry to hear about your situation. I have done the flying solo thing a couple times. But I haven't been pregnant at the time.
As for how much the father is involved, that comes down to each individual situation. No one here will be able to tell you how it WILL be. For me, the father of my kids has always stayed involved and I see him always being involved. This is something you will both hopefully come to an arrangement you are both happy with. I wish you all the best, and hope things don't become too stressful for you.  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: chonny
Date Posted: 04 April 2008 at 10:44pm
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well stress is the main reason i am actually finally considering asking for a separation. just a trial one, to see if things can improve. but i haev found that i am stressed and taking it out on my son. it's not good or fair on him, nor the baby growing in me. -------------
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Posted By: Nefertiti
Date Posted: 04 April 2008 at 10:48pm
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Its obvious you are thinking about this then! A trial seperation could be good. Doesn't sound as permanent.
Where abouts are you from? ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: chonny
Date Posted: 04 April 2008 at 10:51pm
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auckland south
yea, marriage is a shambles basically, altho i don't know how much he reckons is actually wrong. have talked it over with my dad and feel at peace about making this decision but going to wait until after next weekend (i'm away camping for two nights just me n DS) so i can think things over properly. i got him to think about you see, and it not fair on him this strain in the house etc. i hope it makes a difference, even just a couple of weeks apart. i need the space, -------------
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Posted By: Nefertiti
Date Posted: 04 April 2008 at 10:56pm
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I hope you have fun camping! And that you get the time to think about things.
Would it be him having to go, or would it be you? ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 04 April 2008 at 11:46pm
I must say I know how you feel... hasn't been the greatest time here either as you may know. If we could afford to take a break we probably would, but it's not an option so we have to stick it out for now. It sounds like a good plan though... I'm sure you'll be a wonderful solo mum if it comes to it, but here's hoping it gets better soon.  -------------  
 
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 05 April 2008 at 1:04am
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Sorry to hear things aren't good with you guys Chonny, sending you big (((hugs)))
I hope the trial seperation gives you the space and perspective you need. Thinking of you xx ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: Kelpa
Date Posted: 05 April 2008 at 7:38am
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Oh babe...thats not good. Esp when you are pregnant. Big hugs...XX
Marriages do require work ....well relationships in general aye and if things arent right its best to get it sorted. I have been on my own several times....Once after first marriage and then hubby went bit off the rails and I kicked him out to go sort his **** out. It is hard work....some days you just cant wait to climb into bed but if it means you are both getting the time and space to think about what is going on and how to resolve it if that may be the case...its only got to be a good thing. Think if Daddy is not causing any "horrible" vibes for you and the little guy then its important that he still be there if you need him to give you time out and knows his responsibilities. -------------  
 
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Posted By: Emmecat
Date Posted: 05 April 2008 at 10:25am
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Chonny- sorry to hear this, I think you've been wondering about it for a while though? Good luck babe. Take one day at a time. -------------   http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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I agree with the others, that sometimes a trial seperation can really make one or both parties wake up to the great thing they have!
. Of course if that's the case then it's infinitely better for the kids if they grow up with two loving attentive parents rather than 2 fighting ones! Living in different homes shouldn't make a difference IMO.Posted By: sonyaw
Date Posted: 05 April 2008 at 6:15pm
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hey chonny try not to stress too much bout the whole thing easier said than done i know...ive been doing it alone with the 2 boys for the last 4 years then i am now doing this alone already.
the boys dad lives in blenheim and we are in napier so he doesnt have any personal contact but plenty of phone calls but even that took awhile to sort out. this bub dad is annoying the amount he wants to do with the pregnancy etc but that is only because im still so angry at him for what he has done to us. hopefully it all works out for the best, but just know that if it doesnt either way you will make a great mother to both your babies and all in all it your call about how much daddy has to do with everything, even if you seperate but you stay on friendly terms you can let him and the kids see each other as often as possible. again sorry to hear this is happening but you can pm me if ever you need to ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
SHAY 9 QUIN 7 2 angels @9wk 1 day on 30-04-09 our angel 6-06-07 |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 05 April 2008 at 7:31pm
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doh to me - had a blond moment and thought you were traveling somewhere...!!!!!
i too live in sth auckland so if you need anything, a break, a cuppa, someone to rant to, a space for vincent to play while you rant....???!!! let me know! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: Bumble
Date Posted: 05 April 2008 at 8:34pm
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to you... ------------- formerly known as "Bee" Ethan ~ March 2003 Big 6 year old school boy! Micah ~ Aug 2008 ~ Smiley pants who loves telephones! |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 05 April 2008 at 8:45pm
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Big hugs Chonny! Sorry you are having a tough time of things atm . I was on my own with Maya for nearly 2 years but I was lucky in a way that Willie didn't want anything to do with her (coz he was mad with me) so we didn't have any nasty arguments over access etc. Not that not seeing her dad was a good thing
Natalie (Thunderwolves) in my Oct 06 group is a newly single mummy, she might be able to commiserate with you. -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: susieq
Date Posted: 06 April 2008 at 7:02pm
| Big hugs Chonny |
Posted By: chonny
Date Posted: 07 April 2008 at 10:15am
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thanks ladies, alia, we probably can't afford the break either, but my parents ahev said he can stay there for a while. really tho, i want him to go down to welly and spend a week or so with his folks getting to know them again etc.
he would need to leave as this is vincent's home. it's not fair on him if we leave. either that or i need access to the hosue during the day as my work is from here. really do think it's the best thing. and my theory is, if it doesn't improve things, then they were never going to get better anyway and it's best for the kids. i will never deny him access to his son, and this baby. but for the first couple of weeks, i can't b around at the same time, as that rules out the whole idea of a break. but yea, thigns really nto good, and this is not the first time i have thought about it. just the first time i have truely coinsidered it. thanks bizzy, pm me and let me know where you live etc again, thanks for the ideas AND SUPPORT LADIES -------------
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Posted By: MyBelly
Date Posted: 07 April 2008 at 10:45am
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Hiya Hun,
im on the other side of your situation, my DH has a 2yr old daughter to an ex (Izobel, shes one of my tickers) they broke up and then she came to him and said she was preg, he visited at least once a week while she was preg, more frequent when she was further along, (i came on the scene when she was 6-7months preg) my DH was at the birth, and visited his daughter every night after work, they then sorted out visitation where he had her 3 out of 4 weekends a month. his ex got nasty when i married him and we had to go through court to get visitation and i know that has really affected Izobel as she knows mummy and daddy (and mama as she calls me) dont get on. So just remember its all about the kids, things visitation wise are good now, and Izobel is much happier. just so you know how much my DH has to do with his daughter, hope it helps, and good luck hun xoxox |
Posted By: chonny
Date Posted: 07 April 2008 at 11:24am
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thanks mybelly. yea, i never want my kids to go thru the whole not seeing their daddy thing coz mummy mad at him. so i don't wanna take them away from him where he can't see them. and dh not really involved in preggy yet and wasn't too much alst time either. altho this time he has come to both scans so far. shock horror. lol. see what happens i guess. i'm getting the feeling mroe now that it's not going to come as such a surprise to him tho. -------------
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Posted By: MyBelly
Date Posted: 07 April 2008 at 1:19pm
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also hun, just remember the ammount of hormones you have goin through your system right now might make you feel different towards your DH.
the one thing my granddad said to me on my wedding day was "marriage is hard, you really have to work for it, but it all works out in the end" dont mix the way the hormones make you feel with your true feelings. but another thing, dont feel you always have to stay in the same town as their dad just so he can have access, there are always holidays, weekends, etc when they can go stay with him, you need to still be happy honey, so dont ever hold yourself back because you are worried about access |
Posted By: chonny
Date Posted: 07 April 2008 at 1:22pm
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thanks mybelly. i wouldn't leave town as my parents and family are here. and i know hormones won't b helping things, but this is nothing new. and i have already ruled out the hormones aspect as i thought maybe that's lal it was to start with too -------------
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