Contact Han’s Dad?
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Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=16241
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Topic: Contact Han’s Dad?
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Subject: Contact Han’s Dad?
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 3:56pm
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Freeeeeeeak me out.
I was talking to Jo about my sordid past and the result of that, which is the Hanny pants, which got me thinking about Hannah's dad. I haven't done it for aaaaaages but I googled his name and it brought up a topic I had written on OldFriends soon after I got the paternity results back in 2005. Anyway, someone had answered a year later. A girl named Jess who said Nick was living in Auckland and that she could get me in touch with him if I hadn't already. Now, HOLY CRAP. What do I do???!?!?!? I didn't expect this at all! I messaged Jess and asked her if she could pass on his contact details... no specifics about why, then atleast I thought I could decide later. I guess I feel guilty that I am keeping it from him. Before it was fine as I had no idea where he was or how to get in touch, but now it may be that I don't have that excuse any more. Helllllllllllp. |
Replies:
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 3:57pm
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ETA - the girl Jess replied in 2006 - so there is potential that a) she won't get my message and b) she doesn't know where he is now.
Eeeeeeeeeek. |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 4:03pm
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Eeek. That is soooo hard!
Without knowing what he is like this is what I believe that I would do if she does give you contact details for him. Search him out and see what kind of person he is like now as people change, sometimes for the better or worse. And then if he's not totally evil or anything I'd tell him. That way he would have the choice about whether he wants to be a part of Han's life in any way. |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 4:05pm
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 4:06pm
| I should mention that I don't even think he knows who I am. So even if he is a nice guy (which I highly doubt) then I'm pretty sure hearing from a random girl that you potentially have a 3 year old is enough to turn anyone nasty. |
Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 4:08pm
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Is he a good guy? Do you think he would be at all interested in being involved to any degree, with Hannah?
If you got in touch, would you be very upset if he wasn't interested in knowing her? I'm certainly not qualified to give you any advice here chicky, (so please do ignore me if I'm spouting cr@p) but I think the most important thing is protecting you and Hannah emotionally. If he was a bit of a b@stard or was totally against the idea of being a dad to Han before, maybe it would be best to let it go. If you think he'd be glad to hear from you about her and interested in getting to know her (and then maintaining whatever relationship he chooses to have) then it can't hurt to make contact and find out. It might make your life easier in the future, when she starts asking questions, if you can find out where he stands now, but if it feels to scary and hard at the moment holding onto his details for possible future use wouldn't be wrong either.  to you, cos it must be doing your head in thinking about it all.------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 4:11pm
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He's on facebook.
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 4:12pm
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Ah bugger, I'm behind the time.
Maybe just this part applies now...
------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and:
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caraMel wrote:Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 4:12pm
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Do it. When hannah asks about her dad, and she will, you can say you did everything you could. if he turns nasty, then you walk away, but you walk away knowing you did the right thing. It could turn out icky, and it could turn out great. But if it's icky, it's icky for sa wee while and only for you (and we will be here to support you). if it turns out great, hannah will really benefit and so will you (and we can support you then too)
Big hugs Bub! |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 4:14pm
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The other stupid thing is that if I was wrong the first time then I could definitely be wrong a second time.
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 4:15pm
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Sorry but I'm on the let it go side of things. Do you want or need the disruption in your life right now? I could be completely wrong though as I don't know your full story.
In my case: I haven't heard a thing from Conors father since he was 6mths old. So I'm inclined to keep it that way, Conor has had enough disruption to his life. BUT we have told Conor and we will leave it up to him, we have told him that we will help him find him when and if he wants us to. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 4:19pm
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I don't know if I want anything to do with him.
I guess the only reason that I would contact him is that I feel really mean that he has a kid out there (I think  ) that he doesn't know about.
It's a purely moral thing as some people think he has the right to know and others think that Hannah is the most important (which I am inclined to agree with) - but I don't know if it would change anything practically in our lives... I hardly think he's gonna run round being super dad... but it may assuage the guilt I feel. |
Posted By: miss
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 4:22pm
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I think that in the future, no matter what is said and done, Hannah will want to know about her father, even if it is only medical history (becoming more and more imprtant as genetics plays a massive part in life).
So making contact and letting him know about this can be done from the health angle, if you are worried that he will freak out about it. I dont know anything of your relationship with this guy, if he knew you were pregnant or not, but I think it is worth letting him know who you are and who Hannah is through FB, with the definate message that you have no expectations or demands that you want to make of him, you are letting him know becasue it doesn't seem fair not to and you know that in the future you daughter will have questions about her father, it would be nice to be able to answer some of them, especially the health related ones. Hard place to be in right now though. -------------  
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Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 4:23pm
Have you considered that the Jess person might have already told him?? 
ETA: Just might not be as much of a shock as you think if he's heard about it from that years ago! -------------  
 
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 4:28pm
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Alia - I didn't mention anything about why I was looking for him. Just that I was. There is a lost and found page and heaps of people are looking for names so it isn't out of the ordinary.
He won't make any connections from the name as he didn't know I was pregnant.. or who I was for that matter! |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 4:30pm
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Thanks for everyone else's messages too.
I think I might talk it over with Tobin as well before I make any decisions. I can't access his profiles on bebo (yeah, stalked him there too) or facebook until I have made him a friend but from what I have seen in the previews, he hasn't changed a bit! haha Still acting like an arrogant jerk. I am leaning toward perhaps breaking the news to him though. |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 4:30pm
| And then I can stop having nightmares about bumping into him in the street... 3 years of that is more than enough! |
Posted By: miss
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 4:34pm
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In that case then Nikki, I reckon making contact and saying that he may have fathered a child and you wanted to let him know this so that you could find out for Hannahs sake (and the rest of what i said) is what I think I would do. -------------
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Posted By: miss
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 4:36pm
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Like I said - hard though! Mind you, at the end of it all you got the lovely Hannah and if he is a jerk then at least you know that you have done what you thought you should. -------------
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Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 4:37pm
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He does sound like a bit of a drop-kick... maybe contact him saying you think he may be her father, you would like him to do a paternity test (Make sure you add that you aren't just out for child support, that you don't need it!) and you are trying to find out for medical history reasons, then if he's keen on meeting her/finding out more about her. Then if he's not, I'd leave it till she's older and asks. Maybe he'll mature over the years. -------------
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 4:37pm
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Mmmmm I'm moving that way Kylie
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 4:38pm
| OK. First step. Added him on Bebo. |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 4:39pm
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The other thing that is moving me away from the whole thing is that I just noticed he has a girlfriend. I don't really want to disrupt their relationship.
But anyway, atleast if I am on his bebo page then I should be able to keep tabs on him a little bit. |
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 4:41pm
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Stalker!
I guess if you feel that you are doing the right thing then do it... I guess I'd also consider that he might totally reject the idea of having a child and having a paternity test. Also if your relationship with Tobin is solid, then yes definitely talk to him before making any kind of decisions, because he's part of Hannah's life now. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3)
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 4:51pm
Now THAT I am used to (ETA - you have to know my disastrous history of hannah's paternity to get that)
I was just trying to find the thread I wrote in when I first heard back about the paternity tests but I couldn't find it. I wonder what I said then.. hrmmm... |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 4:52pm
And yes, stalker extraordinaire. I pride myself on it 
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 5:01pm
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Summary of what you said back then: oh crap!
I have no words of wisdom that anyone else hasn't already shared unfortunately, I wish I had a crystal ball and could tell you one way or the other how things would work out. Anyone else have one of those? Otherwise, if it was me, I'd probably just keep tabs on him (ie. Bebo stalking ) so that you know you CAN find him if you ever want/need to or when Hannah decides she wants to, but wouldn't neccessarily say anything about it to him now. He doesn't sound like he deserves a kid, let alone any of the credit for how the gorgeous Hannah turned out...-------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 5:03pm
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i would speak to tobin and get a mans perspective! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: JadeC
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 5:17pm
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Sorry, I don't know all the details, but could he have changed in the past 3 years?
I think he should know about her at least, but then again, I don't have kidlets yet, so you can def take my advice with a grain of salt! ------------- http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 5:40pm
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Oh no Nikki, next time we have lunch we're going to stick to completely safe topics (like sports and tv programs).
Freaky that you found him so easily. I told you about my niece, I think the fact that my sis waited until she asked about her father was a good thing as she was old enough by then to be establsihed and happy with her life as was and to also make her own decisions and judgements about her dad (you know how that worked out) granted Scott new about my niece as broke up with my sis when he found out she was preg. It is important that she finds out who her dad is eventually for medical reasons and also so she doesn't accidentally date a 1/2 bro - pls don't freak out, you have plenty of time before that's going to happen. It's obviously totally your choice but I would be inclined not to tell him. If you and Tobin do decide that you'd like to let him know you need to make it really clear that you do not want anything from him, unless he has hereditory medical problems you should know about, and that at this stage Hannah is happy and does not need him in her life. Tough decision hun. Good luck making it, I'm sure you'll do what's right for you. -------------  
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 5:42pm
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go for it nikki your never know till you tell him whats going to happen and then when hanana asks you can tell her you relly tried then leave it up to her if shes wants to look for him big hugs hun i know this must be frecking you out it does me but we are all here to surport you big hugs hun ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 6:00pm
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as for Hannah wanting to know, she might and she might not.
I've know idea who my biological father is, and never will, and not interested in finding out. I have a Dad the man who adopted me and raised me that's all that matters. Don't feel you have to tell him. Its your choice. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: pepsi
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 6:16pm
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Sucks that you have to make this major kind of decision, I hope whatever you decide to do that you're happy with it and don't stress too much.
My 2c is from a relationship perspective, only because you mention you are worried about the fact he has a girlfriend. Not that's it's entirely about him.. but I think it could be more difficult for him if he found out about a child when he has already settled down and gotten married or had other children. This could influence how he reacts to the situation as he would be more worried about what the wife would think etc.. Whereas maybe if he's not in a really serious relationship..he could possibly make a more independent decision.. Does that make sense? Oh yeah, and if the gf didn't want to be with a guy who has a kid then at least she might find it easier to leave than a wife? That's just my opinion from another angle anyway... |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 6:33pm
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I tend to come purely from the moral aspect that you mentioned...I think he deserves to know that he has a child and at least deserves the chance to make his own choice what to do with that info.
If he turns into a grade a a$$hole then you walk away and break all ties but are at least smug that you did what you could. Or you might be pleasantly surprised and he could rival K-Fed for dad of the year! 
I don't envy you the choice you have to make and I can fully imagine that it is going to be a hard one. *hugs*. PS: for what it's worth B said he would want to know. He's also pointed out that there would be another set of grandparents who might want to know...just something to think about. He knows someone who's got a daughter, the father is a total jerk and barely has a relationship with his daughter...however HIS parents are totally devoted grandparents. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 6:38pm
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I asked DH a couple of questions out of curiousity..
If he had a kid out there would he want to know it existed?? He said yes Would he get pissy if he was told further down the track say 10-15 yrs on about it rather than sooner?? (yes I actually said pissy lol) and he said f*ck yes. |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 7:08pm
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I think that he has the right to know, after all he hasn't chosen not to be in her life he doesn't even know that she exists. I also wonder if in the furture Hannah would be upset that you knew how to contact him but chose not to?
I think that if you contact him then tell him that you know it is a big shock and that you don't expect or want money, you don't expect or want his involvement but if he is willing that is great and that you understand if he needs sometime to get his head around it all. I'm also not sure that telling him through facebook would be a good idea. I mean really "hello mate, remember me? Oh by the way that 3 year old in my pics is also your 3 year old!!!" erm if i had a child I didn't know about I wouldn't want to find out through some random message on facebook. Perhaps you should try to meet him for coffee or something instead, or at least get his phone number and do it that way. Tough decision though and good luck ------------- 
 
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Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 7:47pm
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Havent read all the replies, but are you able to contact him any other way - just thinking that via bebo or whatever may be a kinda freaky way for him to find out. ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 7:52pm
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Oh Nikki! I always wondered if this would come up one day.
I think as a mother you need to do what is best for her- he may have rights morally but she should be your priority. I am inclined to think that it would still be best to tell him though- then if hes a total sh*t then you're the one who goes through the emotions of being hurt/angry and she'll be none the wiser. I just worry if he were told in her teens A) it would be harder for him to deal with at that stage as I think the longer you leave it the worse it would be and B)she will be the one no doubt in direct contact with him- so will feel all the hurt/anger directly if he's still a sh*t then. I'm a worst case scenario type and I think its better to deal with that now while you can keep Hannah out of it as much as possible rather than later when she will be more emotionally involved. Of course it could all turn out peachy and she'll have this wonderful extended family to call on for the rest of her life! Good luck with whatever you decide  ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3 
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Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 7:55pm
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Big hug - i know this is hard
The aucklander in me -ooh I know heaps of Nicks...LOL! The mother in me says - I would want to know purely to be sure who my daughter comes from! and to be able to trace - just in case The professional side of me says - let him know, get testing done to be certain, let him know if you are not doing it for money (child support freakes potential fathers out big time!) and then either let him into Hans life, or if he doesnt ask him to at least keep you posted of his movements in case of medical etc and form my absolute legal side - in case you and Tobin (or future partner) wish to have Han adopted by him this man will need to sign his consent to allow that to happen.... all the best....we cant decide for you...but we WILL want to know what happens
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Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 8:11pm
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No advice just hug's what a hard situation to be in I hope you find a desion that will be right for all of you. ------------- Deborah Mum to:   
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 8:36pm
| this could have been said before cos i havent read all the posts but what if he does want to play a part in her life. A)do you have the right to keep her away from her father and B) are you prepared for that, or for him to not want anything to do with her. Also is it easier for him to become part of her life now (if he wants to that is) than later on when she is older where you run the risk of it turning out like Jax meetin with her father did. I imagine it would be harder to welcome a new father into your life if you are older, you would have a bit of restentment etc... to deal with. |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 8:57pm
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Ah, all so wise. This is why I come running to OhBaby with my problems!
I talked to Tobin and he was worried about the potential disruption to Nick's life. I get that, but then I think of the potential disruption later in life if Hannah wants to go looking for him - which I would support. And then some of me wants to say - he did this too! He can't get off scot free!! Though I wouldn't expect anything of him... more just take a weight off my shoulders with the guilt ya know? Anyway, Tobin said he'd support me either way, which I am glad about. He's probably in the best place now to be dealing with something like this than he has in the last year, which I am thankful for. And legally - yeah I'd get tests before anything was pursued. After screwing up last time, I need to be sure. Anddddd if he did want a relationship with Hannah (unlikely atleast for a few years!) then I am happy for him to build one. If Hannah wants nothing to do with him then I am happy for that too. I guess I want Hannah to have a dad out there somewhere. At this stage she doesn't know because I can't definitively say who it is!!
So again, thanks everyone for your messages of support or advice or both! It has helped heaps 
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 9:01pm
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hehe at least if you sort it now you can tell her who her father is if she asks later rather than wait and when she asks say well i think its ..... but it could be ..........
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 9:13pm
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No advice but best of luck Nikki with it all. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 9:14pm
hehehe yeah, i'd rather not have to admit to my 'summer of freedom'
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 9:26pm
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So are you pretty sure that this guy is the father?
That's good news that Tobin will support you in this. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3)
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 9:30pm
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By process of elimination.
I thought the last guy was her father... that was wrong. He's the next most likely and so therefore becomes the most likely. There is another possibility that is very small (and would have made Hannah at least a month premature - and at 9lbs 6oz I don't think so) - but because I was wrong last time and that turned my world upside-down, I really can't be certain. |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 9:31pm
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Andddddddd if I did approach Nick, I would make sure that he knew that I wasn't 100%.
Won't make that mistake again. |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 9:38pm
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Good luck Nikki. Keep us posted. -------------
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Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 11 April 2008 at 9:50pm
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Nikki your situation is soo close to home for me! Well in the respect that Lucas' father isn't around etc etc
I'm similar in the fact that I can contact his father ...by means of Bebo or Myspace, BUT when I did this about 7 months ago (Lucas was 5 months old at the time) he fobbed me off and went on about how he had a new life over in aussie (yes he moved over there a couple months after finding out i was pregnant ...and prior to leaving he stirred A LOT of sh*t and did his best to deny ever knowing me & that I could be carrying his child). So of course he finally accepts me on bebo (his profile was private like Nicks) ...I have a million questions for him, He comes across acting all nice etc etc then next day turns into a nasty prick! So basically I ended up blocking & deleting him ...spent the next 2 months really upset about the whole ordeal because at the end of the day that was it - my son's father told me plain and simple HE WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH HIS CHILD! I felt very guilty for some reason but at the end of the day I have now come to the conclusion that Lucas is much better off without him in his life,I wasn't prepared to force my child upon someone that wants no ties with him. I'd just be setting Lucas up for disappointment otherwise. So basically I'm at peace with my decision to totally forget he exists! When Lucas is older and starts asking questions I have a couple photos of his father & the conversation we had I saved a hard copy of! I won't hold anything back, but I also won't stop him if he wants to contact his Dad later on in life! I very much doubt Karl will ever come looking for us, and his mother knew when I was due to have bub. She was totally supportive and then all of a sudden at 28 weeks she stopped contacting me ...silly really as she lives about 5 mins from us! But I am not going to chase her, its been a year now and she hasn't bothered so why should I? Sorry I just rambled on about my situation ...i'm hoping you can gain some kind of advice from that? lol Basically what I'm trying to say is that there is no harm in trying, at least if you do approach him then you can say you tried! Good luck & BIG hugs chick ------------- Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :) |
Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 12 April 2008 at 9:36am
Worst case scenario it ends up likt the couple in OZ who are Daughter and Father and hooked up and had a kid before they found out 
But seriously I'd tell him! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 12 April 2008 at 9:52am
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They knew! They knew they were father and daughter- and went on to have 2 children together!!!
------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3
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Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 12 April 2008 at 12:17pm
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WHAT!! I thought they didn't know YUK!!!
Sorry to threadjack Nikki... ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: yummymummy
Date Posted: 12 April 2008 at 12:41pm
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I'd tell him too - I think he has the right to know and so does Hannah. Good luck ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 12 April 2008 at 12:48pm
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haha Ana - I wouldn't expect anything less (the threadjacking that is)
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Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 12 April 2008 at 2:22pm
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I can save you time and money on paternity tests: Is he ginger???? Jokes aside, that's one helluva decision for you and I'd say go with whatever is in your heart, instinct, gut, whatever you'd like to call it. Yeah, I feel like every kid has a right to know who their parents are - if the relationship is so sour they back out of it, then at least they've have a lot of questions answered just by knowing. Maybe you could contact him and go easy with the whole 'I expect nothing from you but have big news' conversation-starter, and see what happens? Nothing to lose, really. Except those recurrent 'bumping into him' nightmares! My only real advice would be not to let Hannah meet him when you do, if it goes that far. You need to suss him out first. ------------- Andie |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 12 April 2008 at 2:58pm
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LMAO Andie ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 12 April 2008 at 5:50pm
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haha Andie
The ginger is from my side - Dad was teased to high heavens throughout school. ha! |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 12 April 2008 at 6:47pm
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ok....so we dont have to do a maternity test at least :-P
but seriously , goodluck with whatever you decide Nikki, what a tough decision for you |
Posted By: Phat_Cat
Date Posted: 12 April 2008 at 6:53pm
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wow what a hard situation to be in. I dont really have any advise as such just maybe contact him and see how he reacts from there? I too am one of those ones who has no idea who my father is. I have a "supossed name" and seen one photo but have never really pusured it sometimes i think i might like to from a medical point of view but also I would have no idea as to where to start as I am the result of a one night stand. If i had sufficent info then i would be inclined to make contact but I do have my own family now and had other worse stuff happen in my childhood that i would just prefer to leave there. So it could be handy to have some contact info for her "just in case in the future" Good Luck ------------- Tristen - 24/06/07 Rylan - 11/12/08 Angel Babies -14/08/05 & 21/01/2010 Curtis - 26/02/12 |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 12 April 2008 at 8:40pm
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Oh wow how crazy you found him.
Um personally I think he has a right to know. Even if hes the biggest loser he still has a right to know. Man I can't even imagine how hard it must be deciding what to do tho so all the best for whatever you do
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Posted By: EllenMumof2
Date Posted: 20 April 2008 at 2:56pm
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hows it going? -------------  
 
Kalem 6! |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 21 April 2008 at 11:07am
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He hasn't approved my request to add him on bebo so nothing more I can do at this stage.
My mum suggested getting a third party to contact him (lawyer or something) and I think I might go that way... I just haven't gotten around to doing anything yet 
But the good thing is that the anxiety is gone! hehe
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 21 April 2008 at 11:27am
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That's a pretty good idea. Keeps it impersonal and protects you and Han.
Yay for the anxiety being gone, you don't need that! ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and:
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Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 21 April 2008 at 11:32am
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Oooh yeah that's a brilliant idea!! Especially if the lawyer were able to pass on something worded by you so that you know exactly what he's been told and how it was said - a wee letter or something. Does hallmark make a card for such an occasion?!? ------------- Andie |
Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 21 April 2008 at 11:38am
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Ohhh I missed all this!!
Hmmm....May be he recalls who you are Nikki and thats why hasnt accepted your request?? Who knows I thin using third party is a good idea, that would give him a shock...because he didnt expet it and might react neg. Why dont you see if you can contact him via phone (do you have his number?) and break it to him gently!! It is a hard thing, but I am sooo glad you have a great partner who supports you, after that what ever happens is not so bad! Big ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 21 April 2008 at 9:40pm
Potentially. Or he just isn't an internet geek and doesn't go on bebo very much. Probably quite likely. And I don't think I want to call him... I guess I feel like I've been through so much sh*t with this that maybe someone else can do the dirty work this time!! It might be not taking responsibility where I should but I'm happy to accept that I'm avoiding it!
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 22 April 2008 at 1:52pm
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LOL Nikki you are funny!!
Yah sounds good! what ever gets the bal rolling huh?! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: emeldee
Date Posted: 22 April 2008 at 5:09pm
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Aah Nikki, it seems my quick visit to OhBaby sees you in a pickle of a situation. I hope that your world isn't too upside down as a result of it.
I can suggest trying to add him on facebook, and in the text part where is says you can add a message, add something along the lines of "Hi, this is Nikki, we hooked up 3 years and nine months or so ago, I mention the nine months because I'm now a Mum to a gorgeous, beautiful little girl. We should talk - and no, I'm not joking - my email address is ****@****.co.nz . I'm ready to talk when you are. Sorry for the shock. " Then cast it out to the universe and see if he replies. It's a cheaper option than lawyers. Oh - and if you don't want to give him a heart attack that way, you could also get in touch with the Salvation Army have a family tracing service. http://www.salvationarmy.org.nz/SITE_Default/SITE_family_support/family_tracing.asp They are really good, cheaper than a lawyer (always good) and will get in touch with him to see if he is ready to get in touch with you. |
Posted By: emeldee
Date Posted: 22 April 2008 at 5:10pm
| Oh - and I ask that you get in touch and let him know as the mum of boys who will one day possibly have contact with a woman that results in a grandchild....and as the mum of males - I'd really want to know and be a part of their offspring's lives. |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 22 April 2008 at 9:06pm
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Ahhh Maree!! You are back!!
And thanks for everything. I'd looooove to just message him with that but I think it'd freak me out just as much as him. haha I think I'd still have to go through lawyers anyway as I'd want a paternity test. I think it's gonna cost a fortune as I am not sure I am eligible for legal aid anymore (though will plead my giant student debt as case for help!)
And yep, I'll do it. Just for you
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 22 April 2008 at 9:14pm
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I'm sure you would still be able to get legal aid Nikki. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 23 April 2008 at 9:26am
Not according to the calculator on the Legal Services website
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 23 April 2008 at 10:44am
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Seriously ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 23 April 2008 at 10:49am
| It is purely based on income though... so that's why I thought having a student loan might help. |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 23 April 2008 at 11:29am
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He declined me!!! I'm sure of it!
Bastard. Now what do I do? Tempted to use Maree's tactic of adding him on facebook with the message "Hi, you potentially have a kid." Grrrr. |
Posted By: MyBelly
Date Posted: 23 April 2008 at 11:33am
| has he got access to your bebo?? have you said anything about Hannah on there? and her age? maybe he has put two and two together??? good luck though hun, hehe id think seriously about doing maree's tactic, lol and id probably do it! |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 23 April 2008 at 11:39am
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I'm not sure... I think if I requested he add me as a friend then yes, he does. I'll test the theory.
It has my name and a pic of Han as my profile, but not much in the way of "NICK YOU HAVE A KID" |
Posted By: PippaLockysMummy
Date Posted: 23 April 2008 at 12:34pm
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Try to add him again - you never know he might accept this time. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/"> 
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 23 April 2008 at 12:42pm
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Just send him a reply say hay AH I think I gave birth to your KID! Accept friendship or suffer!! LOL
No seriously do it!! This can be your proof that you tried to make contact in a civilized way and he refused therefore you have no choice but to get lawyers involved! I dont know!! Ask BS for advice!! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 23 April 2008 at 2:10pm
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yep i'd go with Roksana or maree's idea. You tried to get intouch a nice way and he declined, so....
And WELCOME BACK! HI to maree! Miss your funny posts! ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 23 April 2008 at 2:11pm
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ORRRRRRRRR put him on ZM's DO NOT DATE HIM list
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL "Do not date Nick from blah blah. HE rooted me and we had a kid that he dosen't know about and he declined me on BEBO. What a loser!" Polly would LOVE it! ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 23 April 2008 at 2:14pm
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Lol I didn't know anyone declined people on bebo.
But seriously I like Marees idea, it will give him a shock but at least then he knows. |
Posted By: baalamb
Date Posted: 23 April 2008 at 2:27pm
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I'm totally lurking in this thread. I have no advice but I can imagine just how difficult a decision it must be.
I can't wait to find out what happens in the next episode of 'Living vicariously through Nikki!'. You MUST keep us updated
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 23 April 2008 at 2:29pm
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Oh my life is bunch of drama!!!
Do I create it or am I a victim of it?!?! Either way it freaks me out. I promise things are boring usually. Just went to community law centre and they gave me names to call re: family lawyers. I'll see if I qualify for legal aid, and if not - facebook here I come.
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 23 April 2008 at 6:41pm
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ok sounds like this guy
1-has no idea who you are so wouldnt add you (you know he has bad memory) 2-hes a tottal jerk i would go thur the lawerys outher wise he may just think you are stalking him lol big hugs hun your a lot braver then me but then james sperm donor is a jerk but at least your trying ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: Candkids
Date Posted: 23 April 2008 at 7:14pm
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OMG OMG DO ZM REALLY HAVE A DO NOT DATE HIM LIST!!!! ROFL i soooooooooo have to check that out.
nikki if u just want to get onto his bebo site to see weather or not hes a complete nut bar or something get a few of your friends to try add him too, bet he wont decline everyone ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  DD 10.5yrs DS 6yrs DS 11mths 5 little angles watching from above |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 23 April 2008 at 8:36pm
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Yep, polly does it friday morns round 8ish. Tis funny as. Couple of weeks back they had a Blenheim guy on (first names only) and I sooo knew who they were talking about. Funny!!!!!!!!! ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 24 April 2008 at 8:21am
| hahaha hilarious. |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 30 April 2008 at 3:31pm
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Update.
Just went to see a lawyer to see if she could contact him. She can't... well, she can, but she needs a contact address first (I thought they could search records somehow???) and if I'm gonna get that much then I may as well write the letter myself instead of paying her to do it. So, I've asked someone who can access his profile to send me his email or address and then I will write a letter or email to send. A very formal one. If I can't get hold of that then I will just send him a private message on facebook. So yeah... that's it. Wish I'd called the lawyer first to ask her over the phone. I guess that's my advice to people - ask over the phone whether they can help first!!! Oh, I did get some help re: legal aid though. She said to apply for it anyway if I want to pursue paternity later and possibly I'll be able to get a loan via legal aid. That'd be fab. Mmmmm. |
Posted By: BellaBoo
Date Posted: 30 April 2008 at 3:44pm
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Sounds promising Nikki!
I would love to see his face reading it!
Good luck with the legal aid. ------------- http://lilypie.com">   http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 30 April 2008 at 4:08pm
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oh to be a fly on the wall that day huh!
good luck nikki  ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: emeldee
Date Posted: 30 April 2008 at 5:16pm
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Onya Nikki - well done. Even if things don't work out chipper this time, boys eventually grow up - and he may be more worthwhile when Han is older. Just watch out for the information acceptance process (it's kind of like the grieving process in terms of annoying stages).
I hate quoting Ronan Keating (what have you brought me to)...life is a rollercoaster just got to ride it....na na na na naaa.
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 30 April 2008 at 6:45pm
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If you have his name the electrol roll should have his details on it. Worth a try for you. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 30 April 2008 at 7:49pm
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Nikki, if you have his name and DOB (from his facebook profile??) I can get you an address and telephone number. -------------
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 30 April 2008 at 9:14pm
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Thanks Jo but I should be right. If I get his email then I'm good.
And I'm not sure he would have changed his address to the correct one on the electoral role (he has moved a lot in the last few years) - I may try that if the friend option fails. |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 30 April 2008 at 9:29pm
| good luck with that Nikki. i think you are doing the right thing - AND my definition of courage is doing what ou know is right when you really really really don't want to. So you are pretty courgaeous in my books. |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 01 May 2008 at 10:48am
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Oooooer courageous! I like that Thanks Liz
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 01 May 2008 at 2:56pm
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*Waves up to Nikki on the high road* ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 09 May 2008 at 3:25pm
| I finally messaged him. Eeeeeeeeek. Now what? |