Rant - friends?
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=16503
Printed Date: 11 October 2025 at 12:25pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Rant - friends?
Posted By: Bombshell
Subject: Rant - friends?
Date Posted: 19 April 2008 at 9:41pm
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why is it that when you need someone to talk to, or get sympathy from or just catch up with noone offers...or even gets in touch with you etc....
Last week i was totally not well, and felt real down as was totally exhausted, worn out and needed to get out of house at times, even for a coffee or catch up and did not hear from anyone really that would offer...and yet in past weeks and months i have put out to catch up with friends who have text, called, emailed, turned up etc cause they have had a bad day, week, month, relationship or life!!!! I mean should i really have to text, call etc to BEG for friends to step up.... is it too much to ask for friends to keep in touch at times when they dont hear from me to see how the heck I might be....anyone else ever feel like this? I can say this all now as I am not as angry as i was last week with some "friends"....but it annoys me that I put myself out so much at times to make others feel better and dont get the same in return.... ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH I feel soooo used at times. I mean I try and make sure people know how much I appreciate them helping me when they do....but I also never seem to get it back in return...its like they think I dont need it? or something???? vent over.... |
Replies:
Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 19 April 2008 at 9:49pm
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That sucks BS, sorry to hear you've had a bad time.
I wonder sometimes if, when you're the person people rely on to help when they're having trouble, they take it for granted that you always cope and have the answers and don't go through stuff like they do? Am I making sense? What I mean is, its not like they don't care, its just that they don't realise that you're just as vulnerable as they are because you're always the one helping them to fix stuff. It just occurred to me because that is exactly how one of my friends explained it to me when I had her up about not supporting me through a breakup when I'd always been there for her. Sorry if this isn't relevant, I'm a bit rambly tonight! ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 19 April 2008 at 9:50pm
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ouch, mate, that sucks.
If I lived near you, I would come to your pity party and make you CAKE, promise. Chocolate cake, with lots of thick choc icing. Serious, though. I do get where you are coming from. It's almost like you have a nice house/car/life or whatever, you know, not on skid row, and folks "percieve" you to be "lucky" (I hate lucky, nothing comes from luck, its all hard work) so you have no "right" to complain. SUCK. And, worse, I have no advice, even, just wanted to say SUCK. Alot. Hope you are feeling better soon. EDITED to fix baaaaad typos ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 19 April 2008 at 9:54pm
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I agree with what Mel said above.
Can't comment personally as I don't have all that many 'close' friends (through choice might I add). I don't trust people & I'm not a social butterfly ha But it does seem totally unfair that you're always quick to jump for them & yet when you are down in the dumps (be it sick or going through a rough patch) they aren't anywhere to be seen. Not cool  ------------- Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :) |
Posted By: scarecrowfarm
Date Posted: 19 April 2008 at 9:59pm
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I'll be honest, you cannot expect your friends to know if you don't tell them, and from what I'm reading I think that's what you're expecting. Correct me if I'm wrong though.
People do live busy lives. I have lots of friends but I don't call them every day or even every week. There is no way I could possibly know that they're having difficulties unless either they or someone else told me, or I just happened to fluke a call to them at the right time. Added to that sometimes when people are strung out they're more likely to bottle up and keep quiet about it. That being said, I'm there for them when I know they need help. I think when you're struggling you've got to do yourself a favour and let someone else know rather than get all upset because your friends haven't called you at crunch time. I'd actually be really upset if I thought my friends considered me selfish because they were having a bad week, hadn't told me about an and just assumed I'd know that they needed me. Sorry I'm being blunt here, but I just feel like you're being a bit hard on them and at least need to meet them halfway. ------------- Robyn www.scarecrowfarm.co.nz |
Posted By: lucky3rdtime
Date Posted: 20 April 2008 at 12:04am
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I know how you feel.
My sister went through a bad marriage breakup a couple of years ago and she stayed with us alot and I helped her move and took a few days off work to be with her when she was low. Things are a lot better for her now. I texted her yesterday to say that DH was away in Welly as his Dad had a heart attack and was in hospital and we didn't know how serious it was and I was here at home on my own with bubba and she didn't offer to come around and see me. I finally texted her today and asked if I could go and see her tomorrow, but I felt like I shouldn't have had to, that she should have asked if I wanted her to come over. I mean I know she has a life, but I thought she might offer to come over. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: Mama2two
Date Posted: 20 April 2008 at 12:31am
Oh no Ro
Probably too late now, but we  you  Miss S & I are always up for a drive to your side of town if you need us  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 20 April 2008 at 6:05am
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sterryn - i know and you were def not my target audience on this one and at least you respond to texts etc and I have vented this week on email to u guys...
Mel and Anie combo of what you both said is right on target!!!! People let me know at drop of hat they need help and beg me to meet them etc etc...which i have done....yet i mention being unwell in passing, or that DH is sick (has been for weeks) or that things are getting to me and NO RESPONSE.... yep apparently I am the one who can cope with it all...and YES most of time I can...but sometimes it would be nice if some of these friends just said...you know what Ill drag you out when you want Ro and we will just chat or shop or whatever.....it just seems that I hear from some people when they want things from me....but if i contact them in some way and drop hints it is ignored or not responded to etc.... Annie....yep a pity party of some kind was def needed last week....shame you were on a separate island... maybe i need new friends.....some of the ones i have now are sucky! |
Posted By: yummymummy
Date Posted: 20 April 2008 at 6:45am
Big hugs. I'd love to catch up but with 2 bubs in the house and me with a miserable cold, I'm not too much of a company.  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: scarecrowfarm
Date Posted: 20 April 2008 at 8:34am
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Ah so you did let them know, but they didn't respond. Yes it does put a different light on it. Yup, that stinks.
Hope you're feeling better soon. ------------- Robyn www.scarecrowfarm.co.nz |
Posted By: Neeks
Date Posted: 20 April 2008 at 10:23am
Friends who wont come to the party really suck especially when you have told them your feeling 'meh' and need an outting or just a shoulder to lean on (trust me i have my fair share of friends like that  )!!! PFFFFT who needs friends like that?? No One, especially when your there for them at the drop of a hat!!
We'll be your friends -------------  
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 20 April 2008 at 10:33am
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yep i could right the same post bombshell some people just sux ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 20 April 2008 at 8:18pm
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I've been there.
I've been let down many times by friends who haven't stepped up. Sadly I've had to lower my expectations and accept that some people are just not as thoughtful. I feel for you It's a lonely feeling when you realise that you're just not able to expect your efforts to be reciprocated.-------------  
 
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Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 20 April 2008 at 8:24pm
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------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 20 April 2008 at 9:49pm
thats a bummer you felt alone... are we talking real life or internet friends tho? cause i know i am a bit neglectful of my RL friends...heck iam neglectful of on line ones too!!! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 21 April 2008 at 8:43am
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combo of both....and RL are worse cause i expect more of them...i mean how hard is it to text or email once in a while....and more than just jokes! I have two RL out of town friends who have failed to respond to emails and calls recently - annoying!
I guess I get sick of being used for advice etc, or to lean on and just recently seem to have had it more and more with no returns....some of it is because of my profession of course, but then i get a bit resentful of having to take that into my home life at times too....eg with day care mums, or with friends asking for advice etc..and with no thanks or anything as a gesture in return and then when i need something where is left to go??? my own little pity party I know but glad some of you have or are feeling the same.... |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 21 April 2008 at 8:48am
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ooohh i hate those friends who only ever send you joke emails... whats with that... i have a friend like that and when he visited last i told him off for it, said i want to see an update email next time! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: Lisha
Date Posted: 21 April 2008 at 9:38am
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Friends! Grrrr!
Sorry to steal your thread. Why oh why is it soooo hard for your friends to tell you things? My friend/sister in law married my brother and I thought this was great but she NEVER tells me anything or makes the effort to come and see me I have told my mum about her, and she thinks the world of her, blah blah, and mum told me that I have to make more of an effort, what the f?!! My friend is the one that needs to make more of the effort... it's a hard one, wish she didn't marry my brother  Our friendship is not anything at the mo  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: ginger
Date Posted: 21 April 2008 at 9:44am
Oooooh! BS! I'm sorry! I know I didn't give you the support I should have and I even called you a wench!  ( )
Also, it's not a pity party - people who are your friends should be able to take stand up and take it if you (justifiably [sp?] ) call them on being asses, in my opinion. (I understand how it feels too - it's been amazing who has run really fast in the other direction while we've been doing IVF, and who has stuck around for the tears, and who has popped out of the wood work at just the right time to get me through to the next day.) ------------- Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00 Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41 |