lack of information
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=17311
Printed Date: 13 September 2025 at 2:14pm
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Topic: lack of information
Posted By: Bizzy
Subject: lack of information
Date Posted: 16 May 2008 at 10:24pm
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Ok so i was driving in my car today and thinking about how many mums say that there is no info out there for mums who want to formula feed... and then i started thinking about what info is out there for new mums... and then i realise there isnt much info for any of it. Most of the stuff you get from midwives, antenatal classes etc is the same stuff just worded differently. every breast feeding article is the same, the formula feeding pamphlet i read is the same as the stuff in the baby book i got... oh and lets not forget the complete lack of information for c section mums. I had to practically beg the hospital for the booklet on it and in the end they had to photocopy one for me, after searching the hospital for the original.
sure we have resources like OHbaby and other message boards, but a lot of that comes into play after the fact. like for me there was great info about c sections on here but i certainly would have liked to have that while in hospital. anyway it was just something that i was pondering on while in the car today. feel free to agree/disagree, share where you got great info from or some resources you found particularly helpful or unhelpful. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 16 May 2008 at 10:28pm
| i dont think there is a lot of info out for MEN. Guys have HUGE issues when the first baby is born, and yet nothing really addresses it. I must admit being very lucky in that I had a wonderful mum, grandmother, midwife and step mum who were constantly there for me - asking questions and helping out. |
Posted By: arohanui
Date Posted: 16 May 2008 at 10:32pm
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I think the best resource ever for us was and is these forums. I'm forever asking dumb questions.
But in saying that, the one thing that should be given out to every parent when they get that BFP is The Happiest Baby on the Block dvd. I'm so glad we watched it before Harry was born. And I totally agree that resources say the same things just in different ways. A lot of them aren't specific enough, which is why it's so good to actually have other people's experiences. ------------- Mama to DS1 (5 years), DS2 (3 years) and... http://alterna-tickers.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: peachy
Date Posted: 16 May 2008 at 10:34pm
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I have to agree with you on this one Bizzy. If it wasn't for my fantastic m/w I would have stopped b/f the day I got home, she supported me through so much, bought me nipple shields and got me help from a lactation consultant. Also my SIL passed on a book "Recovering from a c section" which was a great read as my c section was an emergency I had no idea what I was in for, apart from the obvious!
OHBaby has been a life saver for me on many occassions, so thanks to all the ladies that have helped me along the way! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 16 May 2008 at 10:45pm
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yeah i also found it very hard and am sure alot of other mums do to.. when returning to work/study after having a baby when they are breastfeeding. I made a resource booklet as part of my nursing study outlining the steps to take for this to be successful and am now turning it into a resource for our unit mums to use... cos lets face it, usually whether your bubs is prem or not, at some point you'll have to return to work, some sooner than later, and for those who still want to BF during that time, there are certainly ways and means.. but not many people actually ever tell mums about them. I've set about trying to fix this, as far as i know, the health dpt (or whoever the heck it is) only have 1 pamphlet, (v small pamphlet) about it. I will be fixing that for our mums very soon, I just had to fumble my way through with what i was doing with ayja and hope like heck it was right. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 16 May 2008 at 11:56pm
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I agree, I was SO ignorant when I had Ella, despite spending 3 days in birthcare. I'd read a Sheila Kitzinger book and still had no idea about breastfeeding, the need for breastpads, post-partum bleeding, wrapping... the list goes on!
I thought I'd prepared myself pretty well, but I felt really lost and hopeless about a lot of stuff. ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: Danash
Date Posted: 16 May 2008 at 11:59pm
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I agree too, all the information my MW gave me and even the stuff from antenatal looked retro... Ohbaby has been invaluable to me. |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 16 May 2008 at 11:59pm
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I have no real experience with formula but it sounds as if more info is needed. I also think that a lot of the pamphlets they give you at the hospital need to be taken away because they can be a little overwhelming getting it all and trying to wade through to find the important stuff.
With breastfeeding info there is only so much they can say. In the end I think it comes down to a bit of luck, a lot of hard word and just trust your body. sure its not always as simple as that but I think a lot of it is overwhelming and any ongoing problems need to be sorted out by a professional not a book. Maybe a really good handout just about the first few weeks. After that theres those plunket books and thriving under fives. But straight away there needs to be really good resources to read in hospital. |
Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 17 May 2008 at 8:23am
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but the difference is Deb - that if you do need to ask for info on BFing it is pretty forthcoming and there are agencies like LLL that fall over themselves to help you.
If you have FF issues - who do you go to? 
When I asked my Plunket Nurse, I was told in no uncertain terms that she "couldn't help me" and that she didn't know who to refer me to other than my GP 
I agree 100% re the no info for CS mums. It's just disgusting! Also, thank goodness for Oh Baby! It is a fantastic resource not just for all of the parents that offer their own experiences but also the well written articles that don't treat you like an idiot  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
 
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Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 17 May 2008 at 8:38am
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I know I have found this forum a life saver at times and helped me realise my kids/situation was normal...
I meet new mums all the time that are desperate for information and HAVEN'T found this/a forum and feel so bad for the way they are obviously struggling. Lots of people don't even think about these forums or even know they exist! Poor them! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 17 May 2008 at 9:01am
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i asked for info on c section and everyone said oh haven't you been given any? (noone else had either) i found absolutely nothing on FF..still haven't and AN we had to ask about it after class...lol.. lack on information leads to googling and we know what happens then..i cant see why every new mum cant get a booklet in her bounty pack with basic (useful) info!!:) the chiro was horrified i wasn't given exercises for after my c-section either.. ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 17 May 2008 at 9:25am
maybe that your calling deb i know i would of know anything about ff or c- sections if my midwife hadnt been so helpful  ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 17 May 2008 at 11:28am
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I was sooooo clueless when I had Maya, I had no idea how long feeding took, how much they were supposed to sleep, how often to change/bath them, and I didn't know that the time between feeds is from START of feed to START of feed not END of feed to start of next feed.... I just muddled thru, the best advice I got was from Family Centre when she was three weeks old and that was to feed her three hourly during the day and then only when she woke during the night. It worked brilliantly with her, with the gremlins not so much...
-------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 17 May 2008 at 11:46am
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I found Kathy Fray's book full of really useful info, a Sheila Kitzinger one was great re: pregnancy and birth, and this site was also invaluable to me. Funny thing about that Thriving Under Five book - we laughed at it first and called it "the Parenting For Dummies" manual... and on day two I was constantly referring to it, and did so for a few weeks! And ugh, dont' get me started on the BF/FF info issue. There's support out there for breastfeeding if you're willing to go looking for it, and lord knows it's needed, but it's so one-sided (Breast IS Best and all). I want to see feeding support - regardless of whether it's breast or bottle, because lots of people do both, and for those who go the formula route, there's no professional help. Had I been given more good advice and less of the 'breast is best, period. no negotiation' spiel, I imagine I'd have put Ella on Neocate earlier than 9 months, and saved both of us a horrible first 9 months together. She weaned herself rather forcefully - even after that long I was too uninformed to consider it could be a better option. And when I saw how much happier she was on it, I felt guilty for not doing it earlier. ------------- Andie |
Posted By: myfullhouse
Date Posted: 17 May 2008 at 12:19pm
I was much the same when Jack was born. I didn't know about self settling, didn't even think to read any books before hand. OhBaby has been great for me but I only stumbled across it when I was at a Mothers Group run by our AN Midwife when Jack was a few months old. I am still clueless alot of the time as to where to go to get some info. I would have liked a class as well as AN that focused on after Jack was born and covered more about sleeping, self settling etc etc. I think these classes are out there but where do you look? My Mum was great but she fed us kids when we cried, fed to sleep etc so wasn't able to give me any other options to try and she didn't know where else to direct me. Our MW was great (will hopefully use her again when we have #2) but the first few weeks/months/year! were so overwhelming I didn't really know the questions to ask. If I could and had the knowledge and resources I would love to set up a place that teaches these sorts of things and provides the resources to help new mums and dads ------------- Lindsey 
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Maya wrote:Posted By: yummymummy
Date Posted: 17 May 2008 at 12:48pm
What about support for mums who bottle feed EBM? There's another spanner in the works for you I offten feel like I belong nowhere ie I'm not breastfeeding as such but not bottle-feeding either as everyone assumes bottle-feeding = formula feeding 
It would be good if the hospital had more information and resources available to help all mums with thier individual needs. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: susieq
Date Posted: 17 May 2008 at 1:15pm
| If anyone wants copies of Recovery after ceasarean which our ol Auckland Ceasarean support group use top publish in the eighties pm me. we were just mums but we got funding from cogs and now that there is no ceasarean support group there are no booklets for the hospitals to give out unfortunately |
Posted By: Candkids
Date Posted: 17 May 2008 at 1:40pm
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a tad off topic but personally id like to see more info on antinatal depression, it is serious and common and seems a "taboo" topic to talk about, i think mine was actually made worse by the few people i told who are mums also, hadnt heard of it so assumed i was depressed about the baby and didnt want it! when actually i was over the moon about it, theres all theese support groups for PND and nothing for AND & its just as bad, were still our lives getting back on track now ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  DD 10.5yrs DS 6yrs DS 11mths 5 little angles watching from above |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 17 May 2008 at 1:51pm
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I second the AND thing, I felt terrible as everyone did assume I didn't want Jack (so not true at all!). The FF info is ridiculous, and I had such a cr*p m/w that she basically told me to b/f or else. She also said I shouldn't give Jack EBM even though it was the only way to get some milk into him in the first couple of weeks without giving him formula.
But its never going to change. Think about how back in the day people got 1-2 weeks in hospital to learn all of that stuff, now you're lucky if you get 2 when you have a natural birth. I had the people at St George's knocking at my door at 8am on the day of discharge asking me when I was leaving. I said 'Oh, I thought I had till 11am?' They said that that's the LATEST possible time for someone to leave. WTF? |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 17 May 2008 at 3:41pm
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Thanks for this Deb!
After reading the other thread I really was pondering what exactly everyone meant by a 'lack of information' about formula feeding... I mean, what else do you need to know except for putting in water and mixing up? But after Toni's post I have realised that there are a whole host of issues... like if a baby won't take a certain teat, or has a reaction to formula etc etc. I suppose you could ring formula companies for advice but a) they probably wouldn't have a clue and b) have a vested interest in you staying with their product. I gave Hannah formula when she went to creche (expressing was driving me mad!) but she wouldn't freaking drink it. Luckily I had breastfeeding to fall back on and just ended up heading back to creche to feed her every few hours - but if I hadn't kept breastfeeding, what would I have done?? Anyway... slightly enlightened. And thank goodness for geeky parenting forums!!
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Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 17 May 2008 at 6:15pm
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Nikki there are so many problems you could have with FF and so many serious problems that could follow if you got it wrong!
There's the sterilising, the type of water (tap of boiled), the temperature of the water, the position you hold the baby, the amount to use (you'd be surprised at the amount I've seen people put in a newborn's bottle "to help him sleep" or "but he's a hungry baby") and then there's the adding stuff to the bottle like cereal etc which was "fine" when our Mum's did it , which stage to get (i.e. not the toddler one for your newborn just because it's on special - have seen this too ) what to do about constipation, allergic reactions...
And there's plenty more issues I'm sure. This is all really important information that parents need to know or else they risk making their baby really sick. Sorry if this sounds like ranting, but this is something I feel quite strongly about ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 17 May 2008 at 6:48pm
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I agree totally - all of the issues that Toni has raised, we have come across with O. The big one for us was whilst we were still in Birthcare....I was having difficulties feeding, and every single m/w was showing me a different way or telling me different things, and when the paediatrician came to see him, he told us that O was dehydrated and we should top him up with formula. What a nightmare - the Birthcare m/w's would bring us the formula in a medicine cup which was really hard to get it into him - they refused to give us a bottle until we expressly asked for one, and signed our lives away on a disclaimer....wtf!?!?!? Knowing fine well we were leaving still having to top him up on formula, they didnt tell us anything about it at all. DH and I muddled through the first few days at home ourselves, and to be honest the ladies in the Baby Factory were more helpful that anyone else!!! My m/w was okay, but not forthcoming with information - very much a "you'll figure it out" kind of attitude.
------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 17 May 2008 at 7:09pm
Even that's not a given There is so much legislation and red tape surrounding what they are allowed to tell you and when, that even the formula companies are running scared.
I totally agree with the antenatal depression thing, I like to think that I am fairly intelligent, and given the nature of my job, fairly well educated on such things, but I didn't even know there was such a thing as antenatal depression until the gremlins were 8 months old and my psychiatrist said I most likely had had it pretty bad. Had I known what it was and gotten help earlier I might not have lost so much precious time with them in those first few months. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: jaz
Date Posted: 17 May 2008 at 8:41pm
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I think there is a lot of information out there if you know where to find it. Antenatal classes are free as is Plunket, GP and midwife. There are also websites, message boards, forums, magazines and lots of brochures/booklets. Nobody has all the answers though, you need to get as much information as you can then try to figure it out. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 17 May 2008 at 9:16pm
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As Debs said tho it's not just FFing that there's a lack of info on. When Michaela was little she needed to be constantly held and was nearly always attached to my breast or screaming. I'd try and put her down and sneak off for a quick shower and a couple of minutes in DH would interrupt me becuase she was inconsolable. She only slept in 90 minute lots day and night and I was a mess. I literally spent my first month crying because I couldn't understand what I was doing so wrong. It wasn't PND just the complete and utter feeling of failure.
I spoke to a midwife and 3 plunket nurses about Michaela and they all smiled and nodded and made sympathetic comments gave me the impression that they thought I was just complaining because I was a new mum and didn't know what to expect. In the end we did what we had to do to get by, we co-slept (mostly with my nipples exposed so she could cluster feed), she lived during the day attached to me in the front pack or I'd take her for huge walks in the pram - anything to settle her and keep her quiet. Recently I stayed with my sister who's son (4mo) is exactly like Michaela was - he's been diagnosed with Silent Reflux. *light bulb moment* I'm guessing Michaela went undiagnosed because noone listened to me. My sisters eldest son was the same and she also suspects he had undiagnosed Silent Reflux. I have a friend whose 2 week old is acting just like Michaela was (her toddler as a baby was a dream so this one's come as a shock) I've told her to go and bug a doctor until she gets an answer and my advice to all mums whether it's your 1st or 5th, if the behaviour doesn't seem right talk to someone until they listen and don't get fobbed off like I was. -------------  
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Posted By: Candkids
Date Posted: 17 May 2008 at 9:16pm
exactly  it really affected my & dh's relationship, and basicly destroyed dh's business too as he took alot of time off, were slowly getting ontop of things now, it still shocks me tho just how many people havnt heard of it yet how common it actually is.
with FF i checked out all the web sites and printed off the info first and read thru but found that in both cases with my 2 it was a case of trying and see how theyd go. sarah needed a thicker formula as she was always hungry and very spilly and jett would just power chuck most of them. i find the forums and product web pages really helpful, but everyones kids are different. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> DD 10.5yrs DS 6yrs DS 11mths 5 little angles watching from above |
Posted By: susieq
Date Posted: 18 May 2008 at 8:56am
| i think they so need the old karitane hospitals to help you young mums out with feeding problems. sleeping problems, mothercraft units where mum could stay with their babies, as well as a general ward where babies who were staying without their mums would come to sort out their feeding and sleeping issues and a toddlers ward for toddlers who wernt sleeping and eating and a prem unit |
Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 18 May 2008 at 11:23am
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it just breaks my heart that so many serious problems go undiagnosed because we are treated like we are idiots
The parents know their baby best and also know when something is wrong even if they hadn't had a child before! When we were going through the early stages of C's constipation and were refused tests, scans etc I often found myself saying "will you just humour me and do it anyway, even if you do think I'm just a paranoid Mum"  ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 18 May 2008 at 1:34pm
And this is why I Southern Cross. You can get whatever you want if you're willing to pay...------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 18 May 2008 at 1:37pm
I think that's part of the problem - people *don't* know where to find it. Midwives, doctors, Plunket nurses etc. are great resources, but they are seriously time poor, they don't have hours to spend with new mums sorting out things like feeding problems etc. For me, Family Centre was a real eye opener with the gremlins, I thought it wa MY fault that they were ridiculously unsettled and screamed all the time till I took them there and the nurses were like "nope, there is something wrong with those babies." I would have just kept trying to muddle thru on my own if not for that. But I was lucky to have access to that service. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: LJsmum
Date Posted: 18 May 2008 at 6:33pm
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I agree there is such a lack of help and support i remember my mid wife saying "i don't do babies" when i asked her for help with sleeping, feeding e.t.c. She said she was only there for me and my recovery.! She said ask my plunket nurse how could i when she didn't hand me over until 6 weeks after the birth.!!! It's in those early weeks where i needed help and guidance.
Just like Emma the family centre was fanastic without them who know what we would have done.The nurses were great . Bring back the mother craft units and the longer stays in hospital. -------------  
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 18 May 2008 at 8:06pm
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I didn't even think to ask my midwife for advice lol. I mean, when I was preg I wouldn't hesitate to call her if I was worried, but once the babies were out it didn't occur to me that I could still call her for example when Mercedes had been screaming for hours on end. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 19 May 2008 at 9:57am
I know about all the problems relating to the mixing etc of formula but I what I was meaning is when people who actually have a brain (i.e. you!) still claim to 'not have information' (Not to say that it is wrong, just that I have been enlightened since!!!) That's where I was confused... and then that is why I only mentioned a couple of examples. I don't hold out hope of the people who don't know how to mix formula properly getting it right even if there IS a whole host of information shoved under their noses, which is disturbing.
ETA - Not to say that I'd give up on them!! |
Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 19 May 2008 at 8:36pm
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yeh, it's "those people" who are the dangerous ones, then they grow up and tell their daughters to add a couple of scoops if baby isn't sleeping
Over in the C-section support board we have a "things we should have been told" perhaps we should have one for feeding - formular & breast, I'm not sure as I've not needed to go into the PND thread, but perhaps someone could start one for that too? And if Emma and Katherine are feeling really nice, they might publish those lists in the mag ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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