THANKS
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=17470
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Topic: THANKS
Posted By: fattartsrock
Subject: THANKS
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 8:58am
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Heartfelt thanks for all your kind thoughts following our tragic news the other night.
I feel a bit stupid for comign on here and posting randomly but it was lateish and I didn't know who to ring or whatever and just needed to get it off ym chest. I am at home today but we head back down to CHCH this arvo for the funeral tomorrow. I will de down again in a few weeks to help my brother with sorting her things out etc. Its still a huge huge shock and now I know the full story, such a tragic sad sad tale about how the system lets people down. I rung the after hours crisi number for CHCH on monday night and they didn't want to go out and help my brother as he would be hostile with them apparently. I said to the stupid woman well if my husband was asking, beggign for help and you turned us away and he killed himself, I would be damn hostile as well. If He does ANYTHING to harm himself I will be going to the media. She just said thats your choice!  ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Replies:
Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 9:01am
Huge hugs Annie. We rang the crisis line here on the weekend about SIL and was basically told we had to wait until Monday and then ring ourselves. We got no advice or anything with how to manage until then. It is so so sad that people are asking for help, and just arent getting it...  ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 9:05am
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wonder why they cant have people who come to your house after car accidents not sure what they are called..they come when u need them.. i dont know the whole story but the mental health system here sucks ...mostly when you ask for help you dont get it:(
what a rude bitch:( ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Snickerdoodle
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 9:09am
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KA, Victim Support?
I was going to suggest them. that's really maddening.
I hope your brother is OK (well, as OK as can be expected). Travel safe. You're in my thoughts ------------- 
http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 9:16am
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yes them thanks charly :) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 9:52am
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Didn't victim support go to your brother after he found her? They turned up for me within 20mins of me calling the police and ambulance. They then were at my parents house the next day...
Annie, speaking from personal experience you are all in for a really rough ride over the next few months and please PM me if you need ANYTHING!!! ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 10:28am
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Mel, I will pm you after tomorrow as I really want to pick your brains.
Victim support as far as I am aware haven't been in touch. I'm really scared for him. I want to pick him up and brign him home. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 10:35am
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Surely mental health professional have training on how to deal with people who are hostile? What a load of sh*t.
Huge hugs to you, I hope you are able to get your brother some support. ------------- 
 
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 11:01am
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I'll be thinking of you all tomorrow. I'll talk to you soon. Take care. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3)
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 11:01am
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Awww Annie that does suck big time. You are in my thoughts hun. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 11:15am
Oh honey this is sooo tough. Know that you are always welcome to came on here and share/vent/ramble/meander through your thoughts. That's what we're all here for.
Can you do this? Would he agree to it? Would you be able to look after him and the kids? Would DH agree? Thinking of you. -------------  
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fattartsrock wrote:Posted By: nictoddie
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 11:21am
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thinking of you ................... and as for mental health unit never had to use them but from what I have heard from other peoples experience they don't seem to be much help, don't get me wrong I am sure they do a good job but I have not heard much good things latey. ------------- 
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Posted By: ooEvaoo
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 1:28pm
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It really depends on the type of system thats in place in your area. I've had to use the mental health system for a family member and they were extremely efficient. The GP this family member dealt with picked up really quickly on the dynamics of the situation and within that consultation was informed about mental health services. The CAT team, as they were referred to, visited and called regularly to check on this particular person, they even had nurses to stay over night when new medications were introduced. They really were supportive. I'm sure it differs from region to region. It's issues like this were we need to rally for better support structures to be available for those who need it. Many tragic endings could be avoided if there was that support available. ------------- 
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Posted By: marielb
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 2:24pm
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I'm so sorry to hear this sad news.
x ------------- Isaac is 6, Ethan is 4, Rico is 2 and Hunter is almost 1! |
Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 2:44pm
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urgh! haven't they learned anything from the goings on in nz over the past year or so! if people need help and are brave enough to ask for it, they should get it asap!
isn't that what they are trying to tell us.....it's ok to ask for help?
big hugs annie! maybe you should take your brother and neice back with you for a wee break......? my heart goes out to you all  ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 3:05pm
yes but often they dont think you are 'bad enough' and then it escalates:( ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 3:08pm
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Big hugs Annie, I hope tomorrow is as kind as it can possibly be on your family given the awful circumstances. Will be thinking of you. -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Tiff
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 3:21pm
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Such a tragic and terrible time for you and your family, my thoughts are with you. Big hugs.
P.S Yes the system does bite big time. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 3:41pm
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Sooo sorry to hear of your loss! This will be a tough time for you and your family . How heartbreaking for you. Lots of hugs coming your way. Thinking of you. ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: ooEvaoo
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 10:16pm
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Yeah I see you're point. Things need to be nipped in the butt before it escalates to a high risk situation. The health sector really need to open their eyes dont they. No one should be turned away, no problem should be too small. There needs to be change. -------------
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 26 May 2008 at 10:24pm
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so... one week on and victim support have NOT been in touch with my brother.
Neithe rhas his social worker, who SHOULD be aware of the situation after my phone call to them on monday night. His work is going to set up councelling for him, people have been so good, but I just can't believe "the system" hasn't been in touch. The system our tax dollars go on. There is an investigation into the CAD person who turned her away last monday and there is a claim being put in thorugh ACC. I have told them to make a complaint through the health and disablitities commission, and they may go to the media at some stage as well. The whole thing was handled VERY VERY badly. He is being very brave at the moment. We are still all numb and in shock. I have a new respect for him now I know the whole situation, and he is so far doing waaay better than I would have thought, but I know that probably won't last. Today they were packing up their homes and he has moved into his friends place. They had the house blessed and it will go on the market at some stage. Oh the hurt. And Mel, I am off to PM you now. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Snickerdoodle
Date Posted: 27 May 2008 at 7:02am
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I don't know what to say, except, you're in my thoughts and great big huge massive
at the health system. I can guarantee the people the "system" uses in these situations would be horrified of the number of cracks people fall through before getting over that first hurdle into said "system". -------------
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 27 May 2008 at 8:55am
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I can't believe that! It is so sad to know that the system has failed so badly for both of them. Thank God your brother has you all there supporting him and helping him to get the help he needs to survive this.
Big huge to you Annie. Thinking of you and your family xx------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 27 May 2008 at 9:24am
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that is truely disgusting!!!!!!
i'm glad that your brother is doing 'ok' at the moment. he's probably working on auto pilot until it all sinks in. sounds like he has a lovely work place looking after him as well as his family i hope that 'the system' sorts their sh*t out soon!!!! ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 27 May 2008 at 10:17am
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Annie, please let me know if there is anything I can do! I hate feeling so "helpless" and not being able to make it all better for you.
Just know that I am always just a phone call away, even if you just want to hang out, we don't need to talk about anything! 
Hugs and love, you know you have all been in my thoughts all week. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: JadeC
Date Posted: 03 June 2008 at 7:21pm
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Where does your brother live? Obviously not right now, but I know of a few people who have been bereaved by suicide and there are 2 groups I know of that might help later on down the line.
As for victim support, could you call them yourself? I know they are mostly a volunteer agency and, as crappy as it is, people fall through the cracks in the best situations. ------------- http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 03 June 2008 at 8:45pm
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Hi Jade. He lives in CHCH. Victim support got in touch with him last week, and he said they were great. maybe in hindsight last week was a good time as most people had floated back to their own day to day. He sounds ok, he has been at his DR getttign anti depressants and stuff, he knows what he has to do to keep healthy. He sounds logical and reasonable. I know it won't always be like that,though. He moves into his new place this weekend I think. I know he will find that hard, and I know he is also looking forward to being able to cry all the tme... its the being alone thing that worries me, but there isn't alot I can do at this time about that. I have faith his friends will see him through. he started back at work today, he said it felt pointless, but he needs to move forward a bit. Things are moving in regards to complaints mediations etc. He said the hardest thing is not knowing anyone who has actually found someone/a loved one dead like that. It's something he will never forget, I guess. He said he forgets she is gone, sometimes, like she is just away for a week or something and that he will have alot to tell her when she gets back. He said thats one of the biggest reasons he had to move, he would forever be waiting for her to come through the door. He forgets to do washing and stuff, thinking Oh ange will look after that.
Poor man. Thanks so much for all the support on here, ladies. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 03 June 2008 at 10:38pm
| what a star sister you are |
Posted By: Roxy
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 12:18am
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God that is so heartbreaking.your poor brother.Im glad he has good support from you guys.I hope oneday something amazingly wonderful happens for him in his life.It will never heal the hurt and shock of what has happend but maybe after lots of time and tears and talking he may find a way to understand her decision.I know lots of people feel angry at suicide victims but they truly believe they are doing the rite thing and there isnt an option anymore.Its so sad.It leaves alot of guilt and sadness for those left behind.My love to you all in this time of sorrow and confusion.Im sure she is sorry for the hurt ------------- Caleb 15/11/02 Brooke 14/11/05 |
Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 1:07am
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Oh man, my heart just hurts for your brother. It must be so hard for you to see him so torn up. Lots of love and prayers to you both xx ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and:
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Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 2:06am
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Annie your such and awesome sister and your bro is lucky to have you. What an awful thing to happen to your brother and his family.
Argh at medical people that let your SIL fall thru the system. WIshing your brother all the best |