dummies and self settling..
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=17482
Printed Date: 31 October 2025 at 5:51pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: dummies and self settling..
Posted By: ElfsMum
Subject: dummies and self settling..
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 12:56pm
|
Might seem like a dumb question(or several ) but I'm asking anyway..
In regards to the dummy i tried the crying method ..mostly CC..and it didn't work..mind you i did only try for 30 mins three times as for me he's just too young to let him cry it out..so I am fine with him still having his dummy... :) anyway take last night..bed at 7 asleep till 1210 then i tried to replace dummy twice but by the third time he was hungry so got him up and back to bed and asleep by 1am.. and then sleep till 330am and then he woke up..still dog tired..and it took 3 dummy replacements to get him to go back to sleep till 630..he wasn't hungry and rocking doesn't really work..so short of getting rid of the dummy (which I would like to keep if it didnt involve me getting up and putting it back in a million times) what can i do to get him to stay asleep..he's obviously tired waking in a sleep cycle and needing dummy to resettle. How do i get him to settle himself? I have a dummy chain but it says don't use it in bed:( Dreamfeeding the few times i tried it resulted in him throwing up at 4am or waking properly for a feed and taking ages to resettle..doesn't seem to make him sleep longer:( and he is often up at 1030 or so anyway(half the time) but asleep every night by 7pm.. most other babies i know can self settle and are at least doing many nights through(i realise only half of all babies sleep properly right through at his age) if he wakes cause he's hungry that's fine it's the other waking that is a pain!:) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Replies:
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 1:46pm
|
If he is sleeping for a 3 hours in between wakes then he is self settling. Are you sure he isnt waking hungry? Tom went through a phase of stretching out his sleeps and then brought it back to 3hourly and he was hungry.
As for the dummy replacement I remember the days!!!! We got very good at tag teaming that one and I could put the dummy in in mysleep. Nowadays itis a case of FIND the dummy!!!! and Tom thinks it is hilarious when I am on my hands and kness looking for a dummy that I am sure he knows damn wellwhere it is. You can get glow in the dark dummies and I think I might look into that. |
Posted By: Bel
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 1:54pm
|
So you still have the dummy replacement thing then Nikki? I am having a bit the same problem foxxy - Luke has started waking at around 5am. He doesn't cry, he's not hungry, wet or pooey... He is AWAKE! If I catch him in time, I can put the dummy in and he will go back to sleep - but he used to sleep through until 6.30! I don't what is happeneing, he has just decided to drive me up the wall... Anyway, we decided not to replace the dummy and hopefully wean him off waking - but it hasn't worked so far - he talks for around 45minutes and then finally falls back to sleep... So I can't really help, but am with you... ------------- Mum to two beautiful kids 
Luke (09.11.2007) Amy (01.04.2009) |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 2:09pm
|
by the time DH got there he would be wide awake so its up to me....yes im sure hes not hungry he really lets me know when he is sometimes it will be every 45 mins during the day.....
he will close his eyes so tired it falls out and cries again...though other times two sucks and hes asleep....sometimes he will be just playing us and laugh when we go in even after he has got upset..like now i put him in he laughed at me.. i put dummy in a few sucks eyes start to close..then drops it and smiles at me waiting for me to put it back in...i walk away and leave him and eventually put it back in and he goes to sleep. so he never put it in himself nikki? other people with children with dummies dont have this issue! i figure also if he was hungry he would not go back to sleep (why i used to wit three times then get him up) how long was tom up every three hours for.. every three hours including at night will do my head in:( ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 2:11pm
|
bel thanks.... if it was just once wouldnt bother me so much but it can be 3-4 times a night and I'm getting no sleep and DH no help as i can get up (with monitor next to his head) and he doesnt hear him and by the time he's up he's so unsettled i just have to do it myself..i cant just leave him to grizzle etc like i do in the day as it would wake DH up 4 months with only 3 sleeps of more than 7 hours is really getting to me:( ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 2:24pm
|
have you tried without the dummy in the day first? ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
|
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 2:33pm
|
yes...i;ve tried three times..first time screaming:( for 15 mins then i put it back in straight asleep...second time....(arm out) less noise just grizzling left him 30 mins(cause if i go in he just laughs) and still wide awake.. and same third time.. i tried to put it in this time he laughed straight away so i left one arm unwrapped and walked out..been about 20 mins i can hear him sucking his hand and talking..lol..but no crying at least.. ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 2:40pm
|
If it were me, I'd ditch the dummy altogether and stay strong on that. I would not be getting up to replace the dummy during the day or night. But thats just me.
We got the http://www.thesleepstore.co.nz/shop/Books+CDs++DVDs/Sleep+4+to+12+months/The+Sleepeasy+Solution+DVD.html - sleep easy solution dvd . It's from 4 months on, it has some really good tips, shows actual families following through with the "solution" which is soooo helpful. Maybe that might be worth getting? I know he's not quite 4 months but by the time you get it and go through it properly he will be pretty much. It was really good for us |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 2:47pm
|
OMG after that first time i just left and he has gone to sleep by himself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!thanks kebakat will have a look.. yes cold turkey seems to be the best option:( just wish there was another way.. !! ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 2:51pm
|
Yeah. I think its better to ditch them and get rid of that association with sleep, because it's a total PITA to replace it all the time. We gave Daniel a taggie instead of a dummy once his dummy was ditched. It's bigger (so he doesnt loose it) and he cuddles it in his sleep. When I go in to get him hes got it hanging out of his mouth like a dog lol..
That dvd is brilliant though. Seeing parents actually use the tips and seeing it work is so much help. Much better than being told what to do or just reading a book. It doesn't leave any doubt on how to do it. |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 2:57pm
|
yeah i definitely learn better by seeing..is he too young for a taggie? he has one.. ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 2:58pm
|
As you know Spencer dropped the dummy himself when he found his fingers but he was wrapped so wasn't able to comfort suck on them anyway.
What I did to help teach him to self settle was to rock until drowsy and then put in the bassinet and pat/shhh until he was asleep. Then would rock until drowsy put in bassinet and sit next to him and only pat/shh if he started to grizzle. Once he would go to sleep without patting/shhing then I started to just rock till drowsy put him down and leave, once that was working well I stopped the rocking and would just put him down awake but obviously ready for his sleep. I like you don't like CC or CIO but you have to understand that the gentlier measures will take a lot longer to have affect and that it can take a week to change their routine. ------------- 
 
|
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 3:00pm
| I wrapped Daniels taggie in with his hands while he was still wrapped. But then I also wrapped very loosely and backwards so that he could get his hands to his mouth to suck on them. |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 3:03pm
|
yeah i know it takes a while..its just i didnt want him reliant on another form of settling to me was kinda replacing one with the other..but as you say its much gentlier than CC or CIO..
i just worry bout the taggie on his face.. maybe i should give him something musliny.. so Spence never wanted dummy after finding hands..but you didnt wrap him with a hand out? this is the first time he has gone to sleep with a hand out and no dummy .. ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 3:05pm
If you pop a wipe or the taggie on his face, does he move it? Once I saw him do that, I was fine with him having it. I've never seen him asleep with it on top of his face so that it would affect his breathing  Plus if its a smallish one it won't smother him anyway.
|
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 3:06pm
|
i will try it..i think he will just turn his head till it falls off or swat it off with hand.. ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 3:07pm
|
I have dreams of ditching the dummy but it really isnt too big an issue for us. We dont have to replace it often....usually it is in those first few fighting sleep minutes when the dummy gets THROWN across the room. Otherwise he seems to know where it is most of the time. If he is unsettled we will always put the dummy in to get him back to sleep and that is when a glow in the dark one would be good.
Yesterday the little bugger crawled off down to his room, found his dummy and reappeared inthe kitchen with it! I normally dont allow it out of the bedroom but figured, while dummy in mouth, catfood not |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 3:07pm
Nope in actual fact he was wrapped and then his arms were also strapped down in the safety sleep if I didn't he would wriggle out of his wrap and then attack his face and not go to sleep. I just stopped wrapping him cold turkey at 7 months and he was fine.
Spencer didn't have his dummy at night though and he normally only had it the day to calm him down/make him drowsy and wouldn't suck it until he was asleep. -------------
|
Posted By: Tiff
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 3:17pm
Had Karitane nurse today at plunket and she suggested I not wrap Rohann any more, even when I explained the only time she wakes when she isn't 'scheduled' to is when she has 1 or mre arms out and has them fling around her head. So I've just given it a go, and she slept for 1 hour then woke sreaming! Has taken me ages to settle her back down (and she still isn't sleeping). So who knows on the wrapping thing. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
|
cuppatea wrote:Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 3:21pm
|
They don't lose the startle reflex until 6 months. I had stopped wrapping Spencer under the illusion that he didn't like it because he squirmed but it was the plunket family centre that explained that they just do that as part of settling and they got me wrapping him again. He was 3 months at the time. -------------
|
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 3:24pm
|
wonder how he will go in car seat... as he has other sleep cues in bed..monitor light he loves to look at, radio safet ysleep..but not in car seat obviously.. its not very often but will be interesting at meetups etc..
cuppatea- i see:) nikki- yeah its not the dummy its the replacement issue:) I'm so excited..he;s asleep with one arm out and one arm kinda out normally he will grizzle but not sleep with one out wonder why its different this time.. ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 3:25pm
|
room is warmer maybe? ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Tiff
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 3:25pm
|
Stupid Karitane nurse - she basically said not to wrap unless trying to calm them after being over stimulated etc. I wonder why some babies sleep well without wrapping and others don't? ------------- http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 3:27pm
|
Tiff, I would definately be swaddling at that age. I kept swaddling till it wsnt worth the fight...and then some. He definately was happier even though he protested heaps. Even now he settles more when I tuck him in REALLY tight. |
Posted By: Tiff
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 3:28pm
|
I repeat, stupid Karitane nurse. Everything I read said to continue wrapping, but I thought she's an expert been doing this for 30 years etc etc..... ------------- http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: Tiff
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 3:29pm
|
Sorry for thread jacking KA!!!! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 3:34pm
|
thats ok...bout half the babies in my thread arent wrapped and half are..seems to be a how wil they sleep better thing!:) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 3:39pm
|
woken up with no blankets..crap had to go back in there to cover him up but no crying just sucking his hand again so see if he settles back to sleep.. i heard babies wake heaps in the night but often resettle without parents knowing..maybe he will learn to do that eventually and i can get some sleep:) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Tiff
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 3:41pm
|
Fingers crossed for you KA!! Maybe he kicked blankets off after awake, as I know that's when Rohann tends to kick. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 4:04pm
| That's good KA that he was lying there sucking his hand with no grizzles! If he figures out that its not the end of the world during the day the night will follow eventually. |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 5:06pm
|
so i still give it to him at night? even though night is the problem?:) yeah Tiff it was after he was awake as i had just checked on him and he was waking up but had blankets on.. ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 7:59pm
Tiff - I would go with what you feel is right as a mother re wrapping. We haven't wrapped Jack since 6 weeks as from day one he would not sleep if his hands weren't on his face  He hasn't had issues with startling though since about 4 weeks so I guess it's all good.
If Rohann does better being wrapped, then keep wrapping I say. You do what you need to do to survive 
|
Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 9:39pm
|
don't forget at his age he will be having a growth spurt so even if you got rid of the dummy chances are he might still wake. I only say this as Rhyley started sleeping thru at 7 weeks till he hit 3 months and then he woke all the time. Around the same time I thought about getting rid of the dummy but if I didn't give him the dummy he stuck his fingers/thumb in his mouth and i was NOT having him a thumb sucker (sorry to all parents with a thumb sucker just I always say you can take the dummy off a kid but not a thumb)
So anyhow it lasted probably till 7 months (but we went to the Uk for 2 months during this time so probably would of lasted alot less if we were at home) I use a dummy holder for Rhyley but he can move freely etc... and the cord is not that long so couldn't strangle him. He still has a dummy and I guess when it becomes a problem again I will go cold turkey and think its time to get rid of it. Until then I have no problem with it. As for the getting up hes only 3 months and there is alot of people out there who are still feeding and getting up (and never had a break) so i wouldn't worry too much. Its a phase and does pass Just hard to think that way when you are sleep depribed ------------- Ann 
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 9:42pm
|
and the wrapping - I never wrapped my first as he hated it the few times i did and could get out of it no matter how good I wrapped. 2nd she was halfy half - RHyley liked being wrapped till around 6 months when I stopped. ------------- Ann
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: Danash
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 10:35pm
|
Tiff, I haven't wrapped Daniel from about 4 weeks... He would scream and scream and scream and one day I put him in the bassinette without being wrapped thinking he was too hot and he threw his arms above his head and fell asleep. That is how he always sleeps now. Good Luck KA with the self settling, it took us a while with Daniel - my fault when I'm working in the office I used to put him in his bassinette and rock it while I was working or push the pram with my foot. So he was expecting this all the time. He's great now - but it seemed like just one day he decided he was happier in his cot. He still baffles me sometimes :) |
Posted By: Tiff
Date Posted: 23 May 2008 at 6:52am
I don't think the problem is startling as such (not that it's a 'problem'), it seems to be that they flail around like she doesn't know what to do with them. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 23 May 2008 at 7:55am
|
he had a bizarre night totally happy but was awake 330-7 then asleep 7-1240 , 1-3:30 , so i knew when he woke he wasnt hungry so replaced dummy like 4 tines ...(same as last night...weird) and finally fed him at 440,,,, and swapped with DH ar 540 and hes been awake since he may have slept briefly at 5-530..and hasnt slept since:(
though he did have cold feet so i put some socks on and turned the heater back on.. the one last night was because we tried him without the dummy again and he just wouldnt sleep:( he's been wide awake and happyand i woke up with AF too..what a day:( ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 23 May 2008 at 7:58am
i know im sleep deprived but this makes me grumpy:( i know lots of people are still feeding and not getting a break but its getting too much for me..if he wakes hungry that is fine but he isn't hungry.. that's the problem...and he keeps dropping the dummy:I( waking once or twice to feed him i can deal with but 4 times on top of that for the dummy is not on..and i dont think its unreasonable to expect a nearly 4 month old to not need it done:( sorry that sounds grumpy I'm tired and not sure how to fix this  ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 23 May 2008 at 10:00am
|
off to the family centre tuesday ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 23 May 2008 at 10:03am
|
That's great Kerri-Anne, they are awesome and i'm sure you will get a lot of it. They are there and can see what he is doing and it makes all the difference. -------------
|
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 23 May 2008 at 10:24am
|
what do i do while he is sleeping when we are there? ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 23 May 2008 at 10:25am
|
i should have taken your advice and gone earlier..she asked how i knew about them..i was like a million different people and she said all good..and i said yes..she was very happy:) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |