I am in limbo
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Life After Miscarriage
Forum Description: Up to one in five pregnancies ends in miscarriage, yet for many the loss of a pregnancy is isolating and lonely. Share your thoughts and feelings here with others who have experienced loss.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=17508
Printed Date: 11 July 2025 at 6:34am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: I am in limbo
Posted By: mummyofprinces
Subject: I am in limbo
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 8:18pm
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Had a scan today 7w4d and there wasnt a heart beat, baby died 6w5d.
I am just lost. I didnt have any cramping, spotting.. nothing. My preggy symptoms didnt get any worse, but they didnt get better either. I just cant think of any signs, we expected to see a little heart beating away... and nothing. I dont how to feel, my baby is still inside me but I dont feel pregnant anymore (emotionally, physically I still feel pregnant). Im so angry and confused and devestated. Why???? |
Replies:
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 8:34pm
Big hugs! I am so sorry for your loss  -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 8:37pm
Im really sorry to hear that. I had a similar experience where i had no symptoms, babies had just stopped developing. Its horrible isnt it. Take care of yourself
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Posted By: Leelee
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 8:59pm
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I'm so sorry for your loss, take care of yourself ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: katie1
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 9:06pm
I'm so sorry. 
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Posted By: Genie
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 9:31pm
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I'm really really sorry, I have been there and I know that lost feeling, and the anger too. I know its just not fair, please look after yourself and lean on people when you need to. ------------- 
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Posted By: emachan
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 9:56pm
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Hey chicky - big hugs to you.
I also have been there, last April, but didn't find out until my 12w scan. It will take time to get over, and you will probably cry many times, but things will get better. BIG HUGS, and if you ever need to chat, PM me! emma xx ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  DD#1 Sept 08 DD#2 Oct 09 |
Posted By: linda
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 10:13pm
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I had a scan at 10 weeks only to be advised that the baby died at 6 or 7 weeks. Why can't your body start to pass it once it has died, why stay in your body for three extra weeks.
I think for me that there was something wrong which is why it didn't survive. I am ok with that. But you are right, you do feel lost. You have all these plans in place that you have to cancel. I use to love going on to the pregnancy area and talk to the others in the DEC thread...but now find that it isn't the same. I've just come back from hospital today after a D & C (tried to pass it with drugs but it didn't work, in the end I just wanted it out of me). I want to go back to work, to normality, eat and drink what I want and come to terms with the MC. Hugs Melnel |
Posted By: Freesia
Date Posted: 23 May 2008 at 12:11am
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I'm so sorry Melnel Huge hugs to you -------------  
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 23 May 2008 at 9:25am
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thanks guys, everyone has been so supportive.
linda, i have an appointment today to decided what to do next. i am so confused, i would like it to pass naturally but at the same time its gone and i need to let go. I think if i hang around for another week or so with it inside I wont be able to grieve properly. I am with you about going to the preg thread. I dont want to remind them all what can go wrong. I will miss it. It will be you and me starting the April thread 
I cant believe this is happening. I wonder if they could have gotten it wrong, I saw it with my own eyes, I knew before they even told me. I just wish they were wrong. |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 23 May 2008 at 9:34am
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melnel sadly i have been there too..i know how it is to think why me..the whole rest of my thread had happy healthy babies...and i just didnt get it..i was really angry for a while..and as i work with babies that made it worse...:( we found out at the 12 week scan too and i had no spotting or anything either..just know we are all here to talk to you if you want to ..or to listen to you vent..
as far as natural or not it had already been 5 weeks for me so i had a DandC but still had to wait 5 more days and then i could start my greiving:( ! ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 23 May 2008 at 9:41am
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Hugs again melnel and don't feel bad about coming into our thread so many of us are there on the back of a m/c anyway that we are more than aware what can happen.
I was in the same position as you in that I had a scan at 6 weeks which showed the baby had stopped growing but because my body wasn't dealing with it I was scheduled to have another scan in a weeks time and then either the drugs or a D & C. Luckily for me my body did its thing 2 days later and I was able to start grieving properly. Its such a strange feeling knowing that baby is no more but that you are still carrying it. I really hope that either way you are able to start grieving properly soon. With the still feeling pregnant physically I was like that until 2 days into bleeding and then the morning sickness etc all faded away. More hugs ------------- 
 
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Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 23 May 2008 at 11:34am
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Huge big hugs to you both, melnel and linda. It's simply not fair that either of you go through this. Never is. ------------- Andie |
Posted By: Mum_mum
Date Posted: 23 May 2008 at 1:02pm
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Hey MelNel,
I had a missed misscarraige as well last week and it is really hard to deal with. I knew for about 10days that something wasn't right and when we went for our second scan there was no growth. I was really heart broken but as hard as i hoped i couldn't make it start growing again. I opted for a D&C this past monday as i was on such a rollcoaster and i wanted off. My body wasn't showing any signs of letting go. This past week i have had up and down days, yesterday was really hard when one of our good mates called up and asked if my belly was getting bigger... i jsut burst into tears. (the guy felt aweful!) I think that you have to think on the good side, if you didn't lose this baby then you wouldn't have the one that you are getting for keeps in a few months and sometimes you have to lose something to fully appreciate what is coming next. |
Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 23 May 2008 at 1:51pm
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I'm so sorry MelNel ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: scarecrowfarm
Date Posted: 23 May 2008 at 2:47pm
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Hugs, another person who has been there. It hurts more than you can ever expect for something so tiny and new.
I didn't need a D&C thankfully. Have you had hcg tests done. If they're declining at a reasonable rate you may not have the need for a D&C and bubs may pass on their own fairly soon. If they're staying fairly static you might want to book a D&C. I totally understand the feeling of once your baby has died you want to be over it as quickly as possible. Remember to take the time to grieve. It can feel like a lonely type of grief and that you're doing it all alone, but there are a huge number of women that have walked that same path so when you're feeling alone, remember that you're not alone and there is probably someone there willing and ready to reach out to you if only they knew. ------------- Robyn www.scarecrowfarm.co.nz |
Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 23 May 2008 at 6:26pm
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Well I decided to go with a D&C. First thing Monday morning. I just want it over with, my body seems to have no idea whats going on. I wonder if a special cuddle would move things along, it always worked when AF was late.....
I had a horrible woman who barely even spoke to us. She had her last patients details on her computer screen and DH and I could read everything. I felt like I had some contagious disease and if she too close she might catch it. She was awful, i think i might complain. I personally want someone who is caring and compassionate dealing me. Scarecrowfarm, sadly I have a few friends, including my sister who have all suffered a loss. I know I am not alone. Hannahbil, I know what you mean about wishing it will start growing again. I was in the bath last night begging for that little heart to start beating. Enough wallowing for today,,, my eyes feel like they are on fire and super puffy and sensitive. I need to watch a good comedy. |
Posted By: pepsi
Date Posted: 23 May 2008 at 6:30pm
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Sorry for your loss melnel and that really sucks you had to deal with a horrible woman to organise things too.
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Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 23 May 2008 at 9:15pm
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aww hun i'm so sorry take care ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: linda
Date Posted: 23 May 2008 at 10:49pm
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I think you have made a good decision re the D & C. The drugs didn't work for me (twice) and it just prolonged things and it was so messy. The nurses were great but I would say that the worse thing at Wgtn hospital is that you are in ward 14 and you are there with mothers who have just given birth. Now that was hard.
But yes, lets go for that April thread. |
Posted By: AN E
Date Posted: 24 May 2008 at 1:07pm
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Hugs MelNel
WIshing you all the best for Monday - a lot of people will be thinking of you and sending their thoughts ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 25 May 2008 at 1:56pm
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Big hugs. I've been there. My scan at 9.5 weeks showed the baby had died. I ended up having a D&C at 10 weeks and it turned out it was a partial molar pregnancy so it was definately the right thing to do. I understand what you are going through and it is not easy. I found I had a sense of relief after my D&C as my body could finally process what had happened and start to heal. I hope you too will feel physically better after the D&C although obviously the emotional side is a process.
It is a huge thing to go through in every respect and the hormonal changes in themselves are unsettling and tiring. Thinking of you. ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 25 May 2008 at 5:00pm
| Lovely ladies. Sending you all bunches of virtual flowers!!!! |
Posted By: tropics
Date Posted: 25 May 2008 at 6:04pm
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Hey hun
sorry to hear your loss, I had a missed mc last year found out at 12w baby died 7w1d i had no signs of mc other that a bit of brown mucus. I had a D and C and found it helped move on once the baby had been removed and allowed the body hormones to return to normal and let the greving process occur wishing you all the best and always here if you need to PM big hugs ------------- http://lilypie.com">    [/url]
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 26 May 2008 at 5:37pm
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Thanks again for all your support.
As I was leaving the hospital today the nurse gave me some numbers if I need to call anyone. I thanked her and said I keep it in mind, but I find the chats on Ohbaby really helpful. She said she has had ladies say the same thing about TM and has started suggesting it to patients. She said she mush just add ohbaby to the list. I am glad I went through with the D&C, though it was a bit hollywood. As the anaesthetist (sp?) was giving me the anaesethic tears silently rolled down my cheeks. LOL, seriously Tinsletown couldnt have written it better. At the moment I am just relieved. One day at time. |
Posted By: queenbean
Date Posted: 26 May 2008 at 7:39pm
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melnel, an awful time. Hope you feel better soon.
-------------   
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 27 May 2008 at 7:46am
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that's awful Linda..they dont do that to you in chch:(
hugs to you melnel i know what you mean about the tears thing..and it is one day at a time:( ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 27 May 2008 at 11:19am
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They dont do it in North Shore Hospital either, In fact there were 4 of us in day surgery all there for the same reason. The nurses fussed like crazy over us and were fantastic.
I am shocked by how little im bleeding, for some reason I thought I would be gushing. Cramping is fine, nothing a couple of panadol every six hours is keeping at bay... just have to remember to pee! Oh and I have picked up a cold or something. I woke from the GA yesterday at 9am... if have averaged a minimum of 10 sneezes an hour since. I even woke myself up sneezing last night. Soooo annoying. |
Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 27 May 2008 at 12:18pm
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I barely bled at all for the first 4 days and then had a massive gush and then spotted for 7 days after that. That may not happen to you but don't get a fright if it does :) ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 27 May 2008 at 12:54pm
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Thanks for the heads up, Its probably cos I am not moving around to much. I have noticed if I move around to much cramps get worse... really have to remember to pee. I think the panadol is numbing my bladder a bit.
Starting to feel a bit low again... must be time for lunch 
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