Mum helping..when?
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Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=17646
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Topic: Mum helping..when?
Posted By: aussiegirl
Subject: Mum helping..when?
Date Posted: 27 May 2008 at 10:58am
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If your Mum or family, friends etc are going to come and help or stay and visit with you after your birth, when was the best time?
Or Mums already, when did you find you REALLY needed help after you were at home? DH will be taking a week off from work straight away my mum, dad and sister are coming over sometime in July from Australia to visit and help out, Mum will stay 2 weeks, dad and sis for 1 week. I'm a bit unsure as to when to tell them to book for? The school holidays fall from early to mid July and it pushes the airfares right up, so was thinking around the 25th July - which is 5 weeks after my EDD. Any thoughts?  -------------  Mum to Hayley **30.6.08
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: Henna79
Date Posted: 27 May 2008 at 11:05am
| I haven't had any experience with this but am facing the same question myself. I think that I won't want people staying for at least 3 weeks as then I get to get comfy with baby myself, if you get what I mean. I am lucky though in that DH is taking a month off work. |
Posted By: blondy
Date Posted: 27 May 2008 at 11:06am
Not that I can say if my plan is going to work, but...
DH's parents are coming over from Aussie mid-August (about 3 weeks after EDD), so we're hoping everything will work out. Both DH & I felt it was quite important that we get time for the 3 of us to get settled before having them here. Having said that, it might be different with it being YOUR parents rather than in-laws
I'm interested in responses from people that have actually been there done that too!  -------------  
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Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 27 May 2008 at 11:11am
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From personal experience my advice would be to have her there maybe a week after you come home with baby. It will give you and your DH time with baby getting to know each other, and then when he goes back to work you get to be with your mum
It got a bit crowded at our place in more ways that one after Joshua was born - mum came the day I got home from the hospital, and because it had been a c-section my DP was unable to stay with us at the hospital, and was asked to leave by 8pm every night. So we'd not had that real bonding time together and I think it would have been better that we had. We ended up with DP and mum butting heads a bit, both wanting to do everything for me and Joshua, and neither wanting to back down 
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 27 May 2008 at 11:20am
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I think having that first week by yourselves is really good.
I was getting really tired after that first week though and having help around the place was excellent (DH was on leave for the first month). After the first few weeks though I got into the swing of things and having people around all the time just got on my nerves
But everyone is different! |
Posted By: MissAngel
Date Posted: 27 May 2008 at 11:25am
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My mum is here everyday anyway, and i'd be completely lost without her. But my mum is great in the sense that she knows when to back off and let me do my own thing. ------------- Alex, Thomas and Lily http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: Helen21
Date Posted: 27 May 2008 at 11:51am
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I found it really good have my mum come and stay after DH had gone back to work after a week off but I think if my dad and sis had came that soon I would have gone nuts because they just wouldn't understand what it's like adjusting to a new baby. Mum really helped me get through that baby blues stage as well. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Chloe 12/7/03 Miya 5/11/05 |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 27 May 2008 at 12:46pm
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We had planned for Mum to come over after I got out of hospital with Maya to help out for a week or so, but when it came down to it, she couldn't wait lol, I rang her on Fri morning to say that Maya had arrived and she flew over on the midnight flight that same night!
It was good having her there when I got home, she did stuff like went out to the Baby Factory to pick up essentials that we hadn't thought about, cooked meals, did washing etc. But she was really good in that she didn't do anything for Maya, she let Maya and I figure that part out on our own. I don't think I would have coped if she'd been in my face all the time. They were in Portugal when I had the gremlins (long story and I will never get over it!) so I brought them home on my own, Mum and Dad both came for a weekend when they were about 5 weeks old and it was horrific, the rest of the family all wanted to catch up with them so I had visitors in and out all over the place, plus by that stage the reflux had well and truly kicked in and the gremlins were awful. It didn't feel much like help, in fact I was glad when they left. This time, Mum will probably come after baby is born, I'm having Kels come up from Wellington to stay so it would make sense for mum to wait until she goes home so I don't have a real houseful! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 27 May 2008 at 12:47pm
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PS. In case you can't tell, I really resent them going off to Europe, they left the week before the gremlins were born and I could really have done with the support. BUt such is life! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 27 May 2008 at 12:53pm
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My daughter coincided her birth with Easter, born the weekend before (what a good girl) so DH managed to take just over 2 weeks leave from work, then once he went back to work my mum took 1 week off. That meant I got 3 weeks of support which was brilliant. -------------  
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Posted By: tishy
Date Posted: 27 May 2008 at 1:15pm
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In an ideal world my Mum would have arrived 2 weeks before the babies came. In reality she arrived 2 days before they came home and she stayed for 6 weeks. We found her great as she did all the cooking and cleaning.
DHs parents arrived the day she left however and I found that a bit more stressful as they didn't know the routines and I hadn't had any time alone with the girls. I personally didn't completely bond with them until all the visitors had gone and I was alone in the house with them. I would say have your Mum over the week your DH goes back to work, but leave a few weeks before your Dad and sis come to give you time to adjust your bubs. |
Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 27 May 2008 at 1:16pm
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My DH took the first week and a half off and then my mum came every weekday for 3 weeks.
It was great because she basically ran the house - washing, vacuuming, dishes, dinner while I focussed on Rowan. I think by 5 weeks you'll be pretty much in the swing of things but I'm sure you'll still welcome the help. The only thing is you may find you get conflicting advice so just be careful not to stop doing what is working for you both because of well meaning suggestions. -------------  
 
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Posted By: aussiegirl
Date Posted: 27 May 2008 at 1:46pm
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Thanks ladies for all your advice! ------------- Mum to Hayley **30.6.08
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 27 May 2008 at 4:34pm
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my Mum came over every Wednesday..worked great:) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 27 May 2008 at 4:41pm
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Dh had two weeks off and after that I felt really alone.. I didn't know what to do and every time Jack cried I panicked. So mum made the mercy dashes from work to get me some lunch or help with the washing, or look after bubs while I got some much-needed sleep!
I was back at work by 6 weeks (only part-time though) so I think that was about when I felt fine again. So if you could I would say when bubs is 2-3 weeks old maybe? I don't envy you having your dad and sister too though, are they all staying at your place? If you're anything like me (and obviously some others on here) it can be quite stressful to have a houseful of people. |
Posted By: katie1
Date Posted: 27 May 2008 at 4:46pm
| I'd say when your DH goes back to work. I was worried I would find it too much having Mum there to help but it was AMAZING! Just having someone else with me in those early weeks was such a HUGE support. She helped with meals and washing and it gave me confidence having someone to ask about baby things when I had no idea. I ended up having someone with me for the first six weeks as my sister came after Mum and I really liked that. Everyone is different though. |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 27 May 2008 at 6:35pm
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All these lucky people whose DH's take time off work - I wish! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: pepsi
Date Posted: 27 May 2008 at 6:41pm
| My Dh took 2 weeks off work and then when he went back, mum came over every day for the next 3 months!! haha I wouldn't have coped without her and am glad/lucky not to have had any time alone with the baby during those difficult early weeks. That's just how I felt anyway. |
Posted By: aussiegirl
Date Posted: 27 May 2008 at 7:06pm
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I'm thinking I should ask Mum to come over a bit earlier I just wish I could predict the day my baby will be born! ------------- Mum to Hayley **30.6.08
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 27 May 2008 at 7:31pm
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LOL
What about if she came just before the school holidays started, that way only half of her (return) fare will be on the slightly pricey side. I'd be inclined to go with the "when DH returns to work" idea. School holidays aside, I would presume for argument's sake that you will have the baby at 41 weeks and she would then come at what would have been 42 weeks gestation. So baby would be 1 week old. If baby is born at 42 weeks (basically the latest possible), she'll be there at the same time as DH but presumably it won't work out exactly the same. If however baby was born at 38 weeks, baby would be 4 weeks old by the time she got there, so you would have had 3 weeks "on your own" (during the day), which isn't hugely long and most babies are still safely tucked inside until after 38 weeks. Most of it will depend on how well you get on with your family. I'm rather independent and would not have liked someone staying in my home until baby was two weeks old. However, my DH couldn't take any time off work and his parents lived fairly close, so his mum came around about every second day to help out with the housework (washing, dishes, dinner prep), which was particularly helpful as I had had a c/s. And because my parents did the same thing that Emma's (Maya's) did - only, to the South Island - on the day before I was due (the day after H was born)!! ------------- |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 27 May 2008 at 8:49pm
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Hehe Maya - my hubby's work pays them for the 2 weeks off too (just to rub it in just kidding)
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Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 28 May 2008 at 8:48am
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Wheni had paris, my mum would come around alot and i found it actually really hard, but i was stubborn and thought it meant that she thought i couldn't do those things myself. My sister came to stay for a weekend when Paris was 2 weeks old, and i was so thankful for her, she'd get up at night when i went to the lounge to feed Paris, and she'd keep me company, and she helped mike out with things around the house - when she left after those couple of days i was such a mess, i wished she has stayed longer.
When i had Ayja, i sucked it up of course and realised it was just people trying to help. My sister arrived the day Ayja was born (ayja just couldn't wait and i had her that morning before my sister even got on the bus!) And she stayed for 2 weeks, it was wonderful, it meant that i got to have time to bond with ayja, and gt to know her, and my sister again just helped mike with the house, and with looking after paris. I would say it really depends on the type of people you are going to have stay. You need people who are going to pick up the slack where you need it, and not intrude on what you are needing to do/learn with the baby. You also definately DO NOT need people staying that are going to still expect you to cook/clean up after them, or such like - they should be told where to go pretty darn quickly. I think sometimes it is nice to have those first few weeks to yourself, but then also i think sometimes that's the most important time to have people helping out cos the first weeks definately are the hardest so it's good to have all the support you can get during that time. I would definately say for me, I am soooo grateful for having my sister come on the day i had ayja - i could relax and know things were being taken care of at my house, i knew she'd make sure mike took care of himself too, i knew that Paris would have her hair done each day for daycare while i was in hospital and that it wouldn't look like a one handed monkey had done it .
You need to be sure that whoever comes to stay, no matter when it is, is going to be there all for you and hubby and the baby, It's not a free holiday. If they're going to be great, then i'd say the first few weeks would be best so that by the time they leave you are in a routine of some sort and things will seem a bit easier by then anyway. That's the main idea of people coming to stay and help you - so that you get time to adjust to life as a mum with lots of support, and not having to worry about all the other guff. If they're probably going to be a bit more hassle and stress, then maybe have them come about a month afterwards when you've had more time to recover. Hope that helps. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
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Posted By: Bumble
Date Posted: 28 May 2008 at 9:01am
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With Ethan, mum came over from Oz two weeks after he was born and stayed for 2 weeks. So I had DH for 2 weeks then mum. This worked well.
This time, Mum will get here on the 9th Aug (I'm due on the 11th) and stay for just over 3 weeks. DH is going to take one week off when DS is born, then take the other week once mum has gone (unless I go early of course!!) That way I will have a month of support which will be good because Mum will be here to get Ethan to/from school so I wont be rushing around in the mornings, till I get in a routine. ------------- formerly known as "Bee" Ethan ~ March 2003 Big 6 year old school boy! Micah ~ Aug 2008 ~ Smiley pants who loves telephones! |
Posted By: aussiegirl
Date Posted: 28 May 2008 at 12:17pm
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Thanks everyone...I'm going to ring Mum today and have a chat ------------- Mum to Hayley **30.6.08
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: scarecrowfarm
Date Posted: 28 May 2008 at 1:02pm
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My sister stayed the night just 6 days after Lucy was born. Initially she was going to stay with my parents, but it occurred to me the day she arrived that she would be really useful to have around. She helped me so much during that time including cleaning up the most disgusting projectile poop that happened right when I was in the middle of a nappy change. Newborns can be really gross lol.
The best part was that we'd been having a lot of problems settling Lucy at night (12pm-2 am was becoming pretty common). She taught me how to recognise her cries and which ones meant leave me alone I need to sleep, and which ones meant I need some type of attention. I had another friend come to stay when Lucy was just a few weeks old and I'll be honest it was really hard work. Admittedly she helped around the house heaps, but she'd never had a newborn before so didn't know what complicated little creatures they were. She didn't have a vehicle, and wanted to run a whole lot of errands while she was up here so I spent a lot of time playing taxi driver and it was challenging. So, if your family is going to be a help I'd have them over as soon as possible. If they're going to be 'visitors' I'd probably delay it a little bit. ------------- Robyn www.scarecrowfarm.co.nz |
Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 28 May 2008 at 3:10pm
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Havent read what other have said, but my MIL took a week off to come and "help out" and tho I didnt really want her to I thought great she can cook and clean while I bonded with Baby. But no she wanted to bond with baby...and that pissed me off.
Dont get me wrong, it was great that she came and cooked and cleaned and all that but she was throwing hissy fits to my DH about how I aways spend all the time with DD and she couldnt spend quality time with her G/Child. That caused problems with DH and I. So I would say, its great to have family over to help out as long as they do not intude the time you have with bub. With this one, I appreciate help as I not only will have a NB but also a very spoilt toddler. But again I would put my foot down when it comes to me bonding with bub. What ever suits you hun... ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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