feeling very alone
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=1768
Printed Date: 03 October 2025 at 6:07pm
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Topic: feeling very alone
Posted By: james
Subject: feeling very alone
Date Posted: 10 March 2006 at 9:44pm
i have the house to my self james is sick wont sleep keeps coughing, crying and i have already yelled at him put him down on the floor and walked away and now i sit here my eyes out being a single mum is the hardest job on earth i think i,m going to crack but then i also feel strong as well and we been thur some hard times but we got thur them i hate not knowing what to do it suxs to be me i sit there wishing james would go to sleep cause i dont want to hurt him (not that i would) but i am so tried my life suxssss sometimes i think would i do this again and sometimes the anwser is no i feel like s##t just venting ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Replies:
Posted By: kasbee
Date Posted: 10 March 2006 at 9:51pm
Poor you, i can only imagine what it feels like to be a single mum but i'm sure your doing a great job. I think single mums are the best because i don't know if i could cope, keep doing what your doing and you'll be fine. Chin up everything will be fine, even us mums with partners, husbands have bad days, trust me your not alone. ------------- Kelly, mother to 4 wonderful children. http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: robyn
Date Posted: 10 March 2006 at 9:53pm
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Sorry to hear you are feeling down. I think being a single mum would be so so hard and really take my hat of to you. My day seems so long until hubby gets home, I couldnt imagine not having the option to just leave Kobe with him and have two minutes to myself. Just keep saying to yourself you are doing a great job and its ok to cry, we all do it. Not much help sorry but thinking of you! ------------- KOBE born 19 March 2004 http://www.TickerFactory.com/"> 
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 10 March 2006 at 9:55pm
| Good on you Lu for being so strong. I'm a solo mum at the moment, as in, Lewis is away for another six weeks, but unlike you, I'm living with mum and at least if I'm feeling like sh*t, I can palm the kids onto her. I have no idea how solo mums cope!!! |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 10 March 2006 at 10:48pm
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hes in bed now thank god i still feel lik cr#p but at least hes sleeping ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 10 March 2006 at 10:59pm
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Im a single mum too Lu (hey that rhymed) so i have an idea about what ur going thru...
It does get easier tho,u work out what works and what doesnt and things get more bearable. Just focus on taking each day as it comes, you'll be right 
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Posted By: fairsk8
Date Posted: 10 March 2006 at 11:13pm
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Go get some sleep Lu! I think you deserve it. Make the most of the time that he is asleep and get some for yourself. I admire you for what you are doing, I don't think I would ever cope. ------------- http://www.bump-and-beyond.com/"> 
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Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 10 March 2006 at 11:20pm
You have my respect to Lu. I struggle through a lot of days and I at least have Peter come home in the evening to let me complain to. Keep doing the wonderful job that you are with your lovely boy!  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: AlyAyde
Date Posted: 11 March 2006 at 7:38am
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Big hugs Lu. Like everyone else has said your a great mum, and your doing a wonderful job! ------------- Jayde 25/12/04 Alyssa 08/04/03 http://Alyayde.bebo.com |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 11 March 2006 at 9:43am
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thanks guys james is off on aroad trip with nan nan and grandad yay for me ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 11 March 2006 at 10:03am
lu 
make the most of your alone time and get some rest, you deserve it! jack has been sick for 3wks now, seems to be one thing after another. had a cold, then heat rash, then hand/foot/mouth, now he has another cold!! 
he's constantly crying and i don't know what to do for him
i am in awe of you! you are doing such an amazing job!  ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 11 March 2006 at 10:05am
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I dont know how you do it either Lu, I really take my hat off to single mums. Make the most of your free day - catch up on some sleep, do something you want to do and NO HOUSEWORK!! ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 11 March 2006 at 10:09am
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yay i not doing any house work and am feeling better it just seems to pile on top of u and u need to vent thats why i love ohbaby can say things on here and not feel like a tottal rat ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 11 March 2006 at 10:25am
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i no why i feel like cr@@ its because i keepgoing over his brith and because i counld,nt give brith to him nautrally i feel like i have failed him i no it sounds silly but thats how i feel (oh i never told any one this) ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 11 March 2006 at 10:49am
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YOU DID NOT FAIL HIM LU!!!!!!!!!
He arrived safely and in one piece, and that means you were successful! Please, please, don't be too hard on yourself about something that was out of your control... all that matters is that James was born in a manner that ensured he arrived safely. Big hugs, Lu ------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys |
Posted By: lenabeanz
Date Posted: 11 March 2006 at 11:44am
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As Becca said Lu, you did not fail him. As my friend said who had a c - section ... The babies that are too impaitent to come out - the mum's have to get them out another way, it is no reflection on how the mother is (good / bad) as having a baby safe and healthy in your arms is the biggest reward.
Rant all you want, vent all you want we are here for you as your sounding board and I want you to know that Single mums are the best, you have to plod along on your own until some support comes and helps out. Not like "dads" who are there at the same time every day (mostly!) Sorry for the ramble *hugs* *hugs*
Keep up the good work darl!!  ------------- http://www.snugglepie.com"> 
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Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 11 March 2006 at 1:44pm
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We women are strange creatures arent we? I still have negative feelings about Hannahs birth - even tho i did have her naturally, I feel I didnt 'perform' very well. But the main thing is that they arrived healthy and happy, and you are doing a great job now ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 11 March 2006 at 1:49pm
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thank u guys i no i am being hard on myself as i had a emegry c-section and his brith was very turmatic for ma and my family trying not to be so hard on my self ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: fairsk8
Date Posted: 11 March 2006 at 3:19pm
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Lu, i to had an emergency c-section and am still getting over the feeling of letting everyone down, but i feel i let myself down the most. I know i shouldn't feel that way as there is nothing I could of done to prevent having a c-section. Also because all of our friends and my partners family were waiting outside in the waiting room for 19hours and then I didn't even have a natural birth. But as they all have said, no matter how you gave birth you have a beautiful baby boy who adores you and probably doesn't even mind how he was born. I think he is very lucky to have you as a mum!! ------------- http://www.bump-and-beyond.com/">
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 11 March 2006 at 3:47pm
ok u going make me cry i had one as my hips dont move my hole pelvis is rigid if its not to personal why did u have a c-section ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: fairsk8
Date Posted: 11 March 2006 at 3:51pm
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Xanda was too big and wasn't pushing down in the right place as his head got stuck. I only got 7cm dialated and then they realised that his heart rate was all over the show and he was very distressed. My cousin has had three c-sections because of the same reason that you have, she had all her children via c-section. ------------- http://www.bump-and-beyond.com/">
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 11 March 2006 at 4:03pm
oh lord u poor lady james was even inganged so what made them think he was gonna come out has got me does your wee man get sick quite offen(colds) cause from what i have read baby bron via c-section get sick more often as the muccs in there nose and month is not taken out problrey
------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: fairsk8
Date Posted: 11 March 2006 at 4:09pm
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He has only been sick once and that was because he had a cyst on the back of his head. When born Xanda was blue and not breathing, so they had to suck all the mucous out with a tube. ------------- http://www.bump-and-beyond.com/">
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Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 11 March 2006 at 4:33pm
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wow kate that must've been scary for you!!
lu, i know exactly how you feel. jack was born via elective c-section...i didn't even go into labour at all, so i feel completely useless and like i 'cheated' to have him. he was breech, most likely from having a short umbilical cord and i feel i let him down by not growing the cord properly for him
he does get alot of colds actually, he has one now which i think is his 5th!
------------- http://www.alternatickers.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: netballgirl4
Date Posted: 11 March 2006 at 4:39pm
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vanessa there was nothing u could do to make the umbilical cord longer ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: robyn
Date Posted: 11 March 2006 at 9:42pm
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I was the opposite, I wanted a c section, the idea of giving birth terrified me, I know everyone feels like that but this was to the point where I wasnt going to have children because of it. Plus I have anxiety issues which I wont bore anyone with. Kobe was ventouse delivery and I was still screaming for a c section during the delivery! I felt a lot of guilt because I could not push him out myself and had him early and the cleft etc so I think that no matter how you give birth there is always something to feel guilty about and it just doesnt seem to stop. I feel guilty all the time these days about one thing or another. Dont be to hard on yourselves, everyone has beautiful babies and looking at them no one would know how they came into your arms. ------------- KOBE born 19 March 2004 http://www.TickerFactory.com/">
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Posted By: k&jsmum
Date Posted: 11 March 2006 at 9:46pm
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Lu just going back to the single mum thing I so know how you feel as I have been raising my boys by myself pretty much since birth other than their dad's 3 week "contribution". It is hard sometimes, and at times alot of the time but when i look at my boys i get such a hugh swelling of love for them. Just make sure you give yourself time out as I didnt until they started daycare a few weeks ago and I swear I am a diff person. I feel human. I didnt realise how much pressure i was putting on myself. Also take any offers of help. I didnt as I have this pride thing (and like my step father said pride is all good but sometimes you need to swallow it and ask for help) I used to turn my mates down when they would offer to babysit.
Partly cos I was so protective and partly cos I thought it was too much to expect my friends to look after 2 babies. Well now when my mates offer i say yes b4 they even finish the sentence lol. And I so know about the lonelyness but it does get easier I promise. About the birth please dont beat yourself up. I think alot of woman have some neg feelings about their births but like the other ladies said he arrived safe and healthly and thats all that matter. You are doing a great job and you need to pat yourself on the back. ------------- Marlene Keegan ~ 14 October 2003 Jaidyn ~ 14 October 2003 |
Posted By: fairsk8
Date Posted: 11 March 2006 at 9:47pm
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I didn't even know about the tube and stuff until a couple of weeks ago when my partner told me. He had been watching the whole thing. We were talking about him crying when Xanda was born and he said he started crying at first because he thought Xanda wasn't alive and he was scared watching them stick the tube down his throat, but then he was crying because he was happy. I was too drugged up and absolutely buggered to see anything, plus they took him away to a little corner in the room to do it. ------------- http://www.bump-and-beyond.com/">
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Posted By: fairsk8
Date Posted: 11 March 2006 at 9:49pm
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Just reading back, and have just realised what an ordeal i went thru to bring Xanda into the world. Women have to have the hardest jobs in the world, everything we go thru. ------------- http://www.bump-and-beyond.com/">
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Posted By: k&jsmum
Date Posted: 11 March 2006 at 9:52pm
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hey Robyn I can so understand your feelings on birth as for years I was terrified of givning birth naturally so when I found out I was having twins my spec told me I would prob have c-section and just quietly I was rather pleased. So imagine how I felt when they came early!! I lived 1.5hr from hospital so by the time ambo got me to hosp was fully dialated so had to have them naturally and with no drugs. I asked for an epi as I was so terrified and just wanted to pretend it wasnt going on(my antenatal classes started the day after I had them so I was pretty lost as what to expect). Anyway it happened all so fast but when I look back I am mostly happy with their birth and am no longer scared of giving birth to the point if i ever had anymore babies I would want a home birth!!!! Not bad for someone who swore they would never give birth naturally lol ------------- Marlene Keegan ~ 14 October 2003 Jaidyn ~ 14 October 2003 |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 12 March 2006 at 12:51am
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im a bit confused about emergency caseareans...if its emergency then surely that means its out of ur control (like most of child birth anyway) so how can it be ur guys fault?
I didnt have any expectations with caitlyns birth and had her without drugs ( not by choice) so perhaps i dont know how it feels to be ashamed, but the way i see it u can either waste time worrying about something that u can never go back and change, or focus on the fact that ur child was born healthy and happy. And anyway i was a cesarean baby myself and it is a well known fact that c/b are prettier,smarter, more intuitive,better cookers,dancers,singers,artists, are nicer and more athletic than FU FU born babies! lol
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 12 March 2006 at 11:46am
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hahahahah so funny hahah lol
fairsk8 james was,nt breathing when he was bron ehtier but i only found out 2 weeks ago they all talked and dicied not to tell me untill mum was talking to a friend and i over hread how old is your littleboy
k&js mum u r a legend i wound,nt off cope with 2 bubs 1 hard anef my hat goes off for u and well done having 2 bubs ala nauthal and with no drugs!!!
catlynsmy girl i agree c- babies r all that and more and sometimes it the lose of control and the pain and c##p u thur after a c- section makes it harder ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: fairsk8
Date Posted: 12 March 2006 at 12:08pm
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Xanda is coming up 15weeks. ------------- http://www.bump-and-beyond.com/">
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 12 March 2006 at 1:16pm
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wow he looks like a big bub james is almost 9 months and it goes so fast i was in labour for 14 hours and they also tried a vontusse but he wasnt coming out ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: fairsk8
Date Posted: 12 March 2006 at 3:31pm
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Yeah he is a big bub, now weighing in at 8kgs or just over. A lady said to me yesterday after asking how old he was "oh my god he is huge", thought that was a bit rude. All up my labour was about 24 hours. Time just seems to be flying at the moment, my days all just blur into one, with class and looking after him I feel like I have no time for myself. ------------- http://www.bump-and-beyond.com/">
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 12 March 2006 at 8:18pm
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i am a sham giving all my enegry to james i hoping to study as soon as james hits one will be interresting though cause i havent done anything in a long time what r u studying ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: fairsk8
Date Posted: 13 March 2006 at 9:02am
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I am doing my bachelor of teaching in Primary. Only part time now but it is still hard. at least my time management has improved a little. What do you hope to study? ------------- http://www.bump-and-beyond.com/">
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 13 March 2006 at 3:09pm
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ummmmmm ether as a vet nurse or maybe phisyo or massage or umm i havent made up my mind yet i was also thinking of doning midwifey i dont relly no thats why i given myself a year james is now startiing to sit by himself yayayayayayayayay ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 13 March 2006 at 4:48pm
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ye-ah go james!!!
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Posted By: fairsk8
Date Posted: 13 March 2006 at 4:59pm
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Woohoo James! ------------- http://www.bump-and-beyond.com/">
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 13 March 2006 at 5:13pm
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i have a genissne on my hands lol ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 14 March 2006 at 10:25am
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Yay, go James! Hey Lu I am a physio so if you wanna know anything give me a pm. ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 14 March 2006 at 11:17am
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kool i will james crased onto his face this moring lol i had to laugh he was trying to raech his blocks he didnt get hurt and now hes starting to sit for longer and longer hes just so boyish i,m loving this ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |