Single mum stigma...
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Topic: Single mum stigma...
Posted By: thunderwolves
Subject: Single mum stigma...
Date Posted: 28 May 2008 at 12:01pm
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So, a post I read yesterday got me thinking...all night, so I want to try to word this with-out offending anyone. Do you think the stigma around being a single mum comes from yourself, worrying and being paranoid about what people think, or do you think that it is put on you by other peoples opinions. I believe in my situation it is totally in my mind, I haven't been single all along so it is a reasonably new thing to me...but I hate telling people, most of the people I work with don't know, if they ask anything about the ex I just answer. (IF someone asks me strait up, I dont lie about it though) I haven't told Ethans day care, I haven't told my coffee group, I am just so worried about what people will think of me being a single mum, Yet everyone that does know or find out is really really positive about it, like it's no big deal. I know my situation isn't that unusual but I didn't plan on raising a child on my own, it wasn't part of the master plan. But I don't think that I can totally accept this until I start to be honest about it...... Sorry for the long post but I am not kidding I was up most of the night thinking about this...., ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: almostthere
Date Posted: 28 May 2008 at 12:06pm
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So, how do you feel when you think about being a single mother? When you think about telling others, how does that make you feel?
I honestly commend the majority of single mothers, as most bring up thier children t an exceptional standard, work, care for and nurture their children. And yes, I try to be positive to a single mother, and act like its no big deal because to me, its not. I was brought up for most of my life by a single father.I think that the stigma around that is big! And i know there will be those out there that disagree totally with the idea of single parents full stop, but like you said, it wasnt part of your master plan! So how can people look down on it?? I dont feel i can judge s single mother at all, but i will say that the ones I do look at in a not so favourable light, well,l lets just say I have my reasons. ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2128f6"> 
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2128f6 - chart |
Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 28 May 2008 at 12:12pm
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First up - big hugs to you Natalie.
I really believe that in this day and age the stigma of being a single mum is nowhere near what it used to be. I was raised by a single mum (my dad was killed in a car accident when I was 5), and it was really hard for her. People looked down at her when she went to work full time, yucky men would annoy her as they thought she'd be desperate for a man, and it was generally a not nice situation back in the 80's. But you - do not be ashamed of being a sole parent. You are a strong woman to be able to do what you do, and don't ever feel you are not good enough. Because you are proving every single day that you are. So don't be afraid to tell daycare, tell work, tell the world. When you are ready. Unless you want people to know, it is nobody's business but your own. |
Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 28 May 2008 at 12:13pm
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I am not a single mum but would like to comment....
I admire single mothers, I think that most didn't choose to be in the situation they are in. As long as parents, whether they be single or coupled, are looking after their children then they should be supported. Hugs to you... p.s sometimes it takes a while to get use to the idea esp when your single status is new and most people think you are partnered. Everytime you tell someone it brings all the feelings flooding back....this isn't my situation but my parenst seperated 2 years ago after 27 years marriage and I still haven't told some friends as feel weird about it and haven't quite dealt with it myself yet. -------------  
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 28 May 2008 at 12:14pm
i think they same post got me thinking aswell i have found most people stop talking to me if i metion i,m a mother let alone a single one most people admire or say they do single mums but relly they judge them insted of looking at the way they rasie there childern or how the conduct themselves i think you should be proud of yourselve we are doing the hardest job on earth by ourselves and ne we didnt plan it this way but we are doing a dam good job at it  ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 28 May 2008 at 12:46pm
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I think it's half and half, but I do think that *most* (coz there's an exception to every rule!) single mothers are waaay harder on themselves than anyone else ever would be. Accepting that you are a single mother, for whatever reason/s, means accepting that things are not the way you would have wanted or planned for them to be, and that is a tough thing to come to terms with.
I do definitely think tho that there is still a societal stigma attached to single parenting, altho as Joshierocks said, it is far less prevalent than it was even 15 years ago. In some ways I think this serves a useful purpose - we certainly don't want society *encouraging* people to become single mothers, but at the same time, it does present a situation where women who find themselves as single mothers by circumstance and not by choice feel ostracized. I think too that it's dangerous to lump all single mothers together. IMO there is a huge difference between someone who has children in a relationship with the best of expectations for the future and then that relationship fails, to someone who makes the decision to have a child knowing that they are going to be on their own (meaning pre-conception, not those who find themselves accidentally pregnant). There's also a big difference between a single mum who works to support herself and her child, or uses the DPB as a stop-gap method while her child/ren are too young to be in care/school, or to further her training to improve their future possibilities, and those who view the DPB as a handout to enable them to sit at home on their butts and keep having more babies. IMO there's no shame in being on the DPB, been there done that myself, the shame is in not wanting or striving for better for your child/ren. Just my (very long) two cents worth, a little opinionated over here, can you tell? -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 28 May 2008 at 1:05pm
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This topic is certainly close to home for me, in fact I think I was the one who had mentioned the social stigma that surrounds us single mothers in a previous post.
It's never bugged me as such, I'm proud of the fact that I am a single mother & coping incredibly well (although admittedly I've been down in the dumps the last few days due to lots of diff reasons but today we are all fine and dandy here  )
My situation is different in the fact that I knew I was going to be on my own from day one, what I had with Lucas' father could barely be deemed a fling, let alone a relationship. So I didn't expect a positive reaction out of him when I told him I was preggers, 3 months into the pregnancy he decided he would piss off to Australia (fine by me, he was causing so much stress & trouble by that stage). He never wanted me to keep baby, but I blocked him out and ditched my friends (well, the people who I thought were my friends but were on his side & backstabbing). Totally on my own I decided to go through with this, full well knowing I would be on my own. Even my parents were skeptical. But they came around eventually, both Mum & Dad were there holding my hands and helping with the birth. To this day I have no regrets, nor do I feel ashamed to say I'm a solo mother, but I do get sick of people/strangers just assuming that I have a partner when they strike up a conversation. I always quickly jump in and correct them, their reactions usually leave a lot to be desired. They TRY to be nice and praise me on what a good job i'm doing etc etc, but I can see the judgemental look they get in their eye. It's THEIR problem. Not mine. But in saying that, not all people are that way inclined. Some people are genuine. I'll give you an example for instance, I was depositing money into the bank last week, the teller started trying to tell me all about kiwisaver etc, so I said no that doesn't apply, I'm on the DPB. She stopped and looked at me awkwardly and said 'Sorry?' ...so I repeated myself a bit louder, to which she replied 'Oh' ....yup that's right 'OH' ...nothing else followed, and as I turned around to leave a few people in the line were staring at me because no doubt they would have overheard. I actually think half the stigma doesn't come from being a solo mother necessarily, I think a lot of it has to do with being on the benefit/dpb, working people holding grudges over the fact that their taxes go toward supporting us. But then that's just my opinion. So in answer to your question, I think it is other peoples opinions that create this stigma, it's certainly not how I feel. I'm so proud of being on my own, I can't see myself looking for a partner for years to come. Totally not interested. Ok finished ------------- Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :) |
Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 28 May 2008 at 1:08pm
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Opps and by 'I knew I was going to be on my own from day 1' ..I meant as in, when I found out I was pregnant and talked to bubs father, I knew that whatever decision I made regarding baby, I would be on my own. ------------- Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :) |
Posted By: thunderwolves
Date Posted: 28 May 2008 at 1:09pm
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See this is the whole silly thing. I know that I shouldn't feel this way, I had nothing to do with becoming a single mum, and I know that I am a really really good parent, I feel that I have got a good balance between staying home and working, and it works well for both of us, but I still feel so wrong about it. I won a free family photo shoot with a new company and some free photos and all that, in the small print it said your entire family must attend the session, I almost didn't ring them and make an appointment because my entire family is just me and Ethan...(I went though and it was AWESOME) All I am hoping is that it becomes more comfortable for me as time goes on. It's not super new, been 8 months now, but I thought I would be feeling better and more accepting about this after that amount of time... Thanks for listening ladies.... ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com">
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 28 May 2008 at 1:17pm
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thats nother thing that annoys me i was in realship with james father but things didnt work out so i spilt with him 7 weeks later i,m looking at a postive test now many people may think well you got preggy on purpose but i didnt i was on the pill it didnt work i dont belive in abortion and i could adbout him out i loved him from that moment i stop drinking like a fish and planed my furture for my baby and me i had worked since i was 16 and the job i was in was bearel surporting me let alnoe a baby so went on the dpb now i,m thinking on furter training for a better life for me and my child yes i,m on the dpb and i,m so glad it is there if it wasnt i would be able to surport my son but this thing about "my taxes are surporting you" yes they are and for that i will always thankfull but only 1% goes toward benefits my fav saying is -there for but for the grace of god go i
can ya tell this has been on my mind ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 28 May 2008 at 1:34pm
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I'm trying really hard to word this in a way that's not offensive please please please if it appears so it's really not meant to be.
Reading previous posts it's only the solo mums that have posted that think that there's a stigma around solo mums and people act or treat them differently. I've never ever heard someone putting another woman down for being a solo mum (which is just as well since my since was a solo teenage mum on a sickness benefit - talk about reasons for stigma - and I would have bitten their heads off if anyone generalised negatively about people in those situations). I agree that there probably are people out there that think badly of single mums, but there are also people out there that think that working mums don't love their kids enough, that married mums that stay at home are freeloaders, or that 'educated' women who give up their careers to have kids are wasting their good minds. I am not a solo mum but I am trying to relate this to my situation (cos it's all about me...just kidding) to get my point across. For me personally I think my own insecurities about being a working mum are most of the time the reason that I think other people judge me for being a working mum, in all honesty when I think about it logically I doubt most people give it a second thought. Maybe it's the same for solo mums, sahm's, educated mums etc. edited since 'education mums' is really bad english -------------  
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Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 28 May 2008 at 1:38pm
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There is huge stigma esp when you are on the DPB. After I had DD1 I was a single mum for 3 years and people were NASTY, looking down on me and always asking the whole "when are you going to get a job?" I was studying to be a nurse FFS then when baby #3 comes along and he is exactly a week old I am again a single mum. This time on maternity leave and due to the pressure I put on myself as a mother I refused to go on the DPB and lived off my mat leave, family assistance and accomodation suppliment. I returned to work when I was sick of being dirt poor. There were also people who were alot nicer this time around, I like it was a change in society too as previous experience had been 11 years ago and also I wasnt a teenager anymore. In saying this I still did and do come across judgemental people and I know this because they treat me soooo different as a single mum BUT as soon as they notice I work or see my work badge I get the highest respect...... I feel like saying "Ummmm hello I am a single mum before I am a nurse and believe it or not I was pregnant at college" It does not take a super mum to be a single mum, anyone of us would do it and do it well in the same situation, its what you do to survive and altho it can be hard, it can also be very easy as I have the kids to focus on no one else lol I heart being the leader of my Mortley Crew!! BTW I do not believe I am any better than single mum who stays at home...... she has the harder job ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 28 May 2008 at 1:43pm
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Good timing Kels, I was about to ask if those that feel there is a stigma have noticed whether it comes from people of certain ages (due to the fact that they possibly were raised during a different era).
If there is a stigma it's stupid really. There have been solo mums and dads (for one reason or another) since the beginning of mankind. -------------
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 28 May 2008 at 2:15pm
i am not a single mum but wanted to say that i believe that we are our worst enemies. wether you feel bad because you are single mum, or bottle feed, or put your child in daycare or fed them solids at 3 mths or whatever.... it is mostly what we are telling outselves. sure there are some people out there who look down on single mothers, but there are people out there who will look down on you if you choose to wear your child instead of using a pram as well. so yeah i suspect it may come from your own paranoia and partly - in your case - because of shame and embarrasment. oh btw - i dont think i look down on single mums but do know in my own mind i make a distinction between a single mum who chose that lifestyle and one who didnt...  ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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thunderwolves wrote:Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 28 May 2008 at 2:35pm
Agreed, especially the last part. There are exceptions to every rule, though, and my pet peeve, having a teenager in the house, is the schoolage teenage girl who thinks oh I'll just have a baby now cos I'll keep my boyfriend. Or Ill have a baby cos all my friends are and its sooo cool. We had a teen couple in our ante natal class, really lovely people and she said those girls made her sick, and she knew quite a few who got pregnant purposely for those reasons. Like in everything, it only takes a few rotten eggs to make the whole lot smell. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 28 May 2008 at 2:46pm
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I'm not sure if there is a stigma or not. Totally agree that we are our worst enemies. Looking inwards and assessing ourselves is good for short periods of growth but not good on an ongoing basis.
My Mum was a single Mum and did an amazing job of raising me and my sister who was 100% dependent (blind and disabled). She showed amazing strength and courage and was better at managing money that I will ever be. As I grew up in that environment I will certainly never judge a single parent...as far as I am concerned she was as good as a Mum and a Dad put together. I do however know there are some areas I struggle with that are related to the lack of a father but they pale in significance to the great job Mum did. ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 28 May 2008 at 4:59pm
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I haven't read the rest of the posts and I could be overly optimistic but I think the single mum stigma is driven by our own insecurities.
Being a young, single mum who doesn't know the father of her child however does bring it's own troubles! 
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 28 May 2008 at 5:20pm
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I think there is one (well there is one in Palmy). I sometimes hate going out with the boys and people looking at me like you have those boys by yourself crazy woman. I do keep in my head that I AM married, but at the moment I am doing it by myself as I have to for MY family. In Palmy there is a real stigma and you see it every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday (and this is just Palmy I see it in), girls out in big groups with the flashest prams, flashest clothes for their baby and all sitting in the square eating McD's and smoking. In some ways I pride myself knowing that I don't have to have the flashest pram for Andrew and Josh and that they are happy in K Mart, TnT clothes with the odd PP and JK thrown in. I'm not saying that any of the single mum's here do what I wrote above, I just see it so often in Palmy. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 28 May 2008 at 5:22pm
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Back in my day - ok 13 years ago. I didn't come across any kind of Stigma, I had a very supportive family and extended family. Even my parents friends were very supportive and helped Conor and I out ALOT. WINZ were amazing to me, I had a wonderful case manager who I also saw as a friend, she helped me out immensely, basically told me if I didn't ask I wouldn't get, she even told me what I needed to ask for. I have to agree with Nikki on this one. I didn't feel insecure so I didn't feel embarassed by being a single mum to a little boy.
------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 28 May 2008 at 6:48pm
Oooh you forgot the one where "I'll just have a baby now coz they are soooo cute" *rolls eyes* I must say tho that I think I've put DSD (15) off pregnancy for life, she doesn't find the throwing up all the time very attractive... ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 28 May 2008 at 7:18pm
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I have never felt ashamed of being a single mother, and i get double the fun because despite being 26 , i look 15, so when people hear i have a 5 year old " ......5 ? you had her at .....ten??!! "
Occasionally i have had people look askance at me , or appear shocked, but i just laugh, if they think they have the right to judge me , when they don't know a thing about me, thats their problem. I know im doing a good job ,and there are plenty of parents out there , couples, who are doing a worst job than i am. |
Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 28 May 2008 at 7:43pm
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I would agree that its both- and also that it depends on the age of the person 'judging'. Obviously older people with more traditional thinking are probably going to judge more. Having been raised by a single mother myself not only do I think that it can be an incredibly positive experience (my Mum and I are really close- shes my best friend and I had a really happy childhood) but now I have children myself I have so much more respect for her and all other single Mums out there who do the job well.
I tend to judge people on things they can control- how they deal with their children and how they conduct themselves. I know what its like to be judged for something that you can't control so I try not to do it myself. ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3 
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 28 May 2008 at 7:46pm
| i think there is a stigma and it somes from the assumption that all solo mums are on the DPB, and if "I am suporting you I should have a say in what you are spending my money on" - I remember in Pak N Save a few mums would come in - not obviously solo, but some older women would assume they were and sniff if they bought cigarettes, alcohol, lollies etc. |
Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 28 May 2008 at 10:12pm
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I'm so proud to say I don't drink OR smoke AT ALL!
Solo Mothers are stereotyped also. But aren't we all? ------------- Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :) |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 29 May 2008 at 9:36am
| Yep Steph. Quite right. I think as a parent you are at the peak of judging and being judged - no matter what your circumstance. |
Posted By: Candkids
Date Posted: 29 May 2008 at 9:53am
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solo mums are stereotyped a bit,
i know i came accross a bit of it with my girl, before DH came along. i remember 1 lady saying to me "must be nice to sit around all day and get paid for it" she left the shop rather quickly after i stated that i work. i think some of it is just our own insecurities, other is the whole DPB stigma. i have alot of friends who are solo mums, i was for years, some work some dont, some study, some are fantastic mums all have different situations as to why there a single mum, i loved it, it is funny tho now with DH as i have always been really independant so im the one always doing things with the kids etc, and what i did find was i actually got treated quite nastily by other mums at sarahs school when they thought i was a single mum, then after dh picked her up a few days there total attitude changed!! i was like WTF is up with that ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  DD 10.5yrs DS 6yrs DS 11mths 5 little angles watching from above |
Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 29 May 2008 at 10:59am
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Even though I have always had Mike, seeing as I was only 17 when I had Seb, especially when he was little, I had people ask me over and over "and are you still with the father?" It got to the point where I pretty much refused to go to town without Mike, so they would just stop asking such rude things! These days it doesn't bother me, I'm definately alot less self-conscious about the whole thing. -------------  
 
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Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 29 May 2008 at 7:14pm
OMG Alia! I can't believe people would ask you that! How rude!  I would never dream of asking someone that!!!------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 29 May 2008 at 7:25pm
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people can be amazingly rude with things they ask of strangers really , can't they ?
when i was pregnant with Caitlyn , and showing , i had one lady ask me if i had "considered abortion , because it was selfish me bringing a child into the world that i wouldn't be able to care for properly " i asked her why i wouldn't be able to care for her properly and she said because i was young . I just smiled at her and said "have a nice day" and walked off, no more wasting my time on stupid ignorant people like that ! 
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Posted By: Tiff
Date Posted: 29 May 2008 at 7:37pm
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So rude! Not quite in the same league, but when someone found out how old Rohann is the other day, she suggested to me that I not feed her quite so much!!! Hello....she's not fat, she's perfectly in proportion just big for her age. But where do they get off????
But hats off to all you single Mums, you do amazing jobs, I commend you all. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 29 May 2008 at 7:43pm
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Speaking of rude people.. my little sis was injured (fractured pelvis) when pregnant with her DD and the injury worsened when pregnant with her DS.
She was by herself walking through the town centre one afternoon and tripped, lost her grip on her walking frame and collapsed in pain. She couldn't get near her walking frame which had scooted a few paces off and she couldn't get up. She was there for a few minutes in intense pain trying to move when a older lady walked past and told her "that will teach you for drinking too much" and walked off leaving her where she was unable to help herself. WTF?!! She had a major injury, not a drinking problem. Some people are just too quick to judge, but most people aren't and those that are aren't worth bothering yourself over. -------------
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Posted By: MelanieAndBree
Date Posted: 29 May 2008 at 7:49pm
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I dont feel ashamed of being a single mum. If anything i feel PROUD (sometimes lol) and if anyone judges me i dont notice/care. I mean its not my fault i am a single mother, and its not my fault i didnt want to get rid of my baby and the father did. If anything i get people feeling sorry for me. ------------- Melanie. Mum to Briahna Robyn, 3yrs |
Posted By: whoamama
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 2:39pm
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hi there :)
i'm a bit new to forums, i was looking to see if there were any other single mums out there that i could chat with, but i am glad i came across this topic. i didn't find out that i was pregnant until i was 5 months - bizarre i know, but it happened (another thing i find i have to keep explaining to people) - and by that time the father was already long gone. it's amazing how people assume to know your situation without really knowing you at all. in my experience so far i've found that most people are great about it - especially family :) however some people assume that there's something wrong with you (ha!) or that you really need their pity. i'll tell you right now, i don't any pity. my son is fantastic, i love him so so much and i am so so proud of him :) to be honest - and i know this sounds awfully hypocritical - but there are other kids out there that do have a mum and a dad that i feel so so sorry for (for many reasons). the most common 'complaint' that i get from people is that my son is going to grow up without a father and maybe i should start looking for someone. sure it would be nice to someday have that loving, caring partner, but for goodness sake, i have much more important things to worry about than going out in search of prince charming to take care of me and my son. i study full time, and any spare DPB *gasp* money that's left over after rent etc goes towards getting my son the food he needs, paying for daycare and maybe some cheese (if we're lucky), i can't afford to go out and have fun like i used to! i have my brother and my dad there to sort out any manly stuff anyway. i wish i was working, i miss it a lot, but i'm taking this opportunity to make sure that when i do go back to work, it's going to be something decent rather than going back to working random hours in the hospitality industry. sorry to rant! but gosh it's good to finally vent some of that! thanks heaps :) |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 2:59pm
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Hi Whoamama, welcome.
My sis is the same as you, although she has two kids. She was married to her sons father for almost a year but he was an immature @ss and broke up with her during the ads in the cricket a few weeks before their first anniversary, when their son was a few months old and my sister was very sick. She hasn't been in a relationship since then (over 6 years ago) her focus is her kids and her law degree (she's in her second year). They live with my parents and my dad actually now homeschools the kids plus my husband has been very involved in their lives since they were babies so they definitely don't miss out on male influences. Infact knowing what their fathers were like I think these 2 kids are really lucky not to have them involved. -------------
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 3:39pm
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whoamama - story sounds remarkably similar to mine! I didn't find out til I was 4 months either. [differs a bit here!] The guy I thought was the dad wasn't and by the time the result was given I couldn't find the next possible candidate. Found him on Facebook after 2 years but haven't heard from him since I broke the news about the possibility that he fathered a child.
Anywayyy... I was studying when I got preg, continued on when I had Han and finished last year. Now I'm working in the area I wanna be in with potential to move on up in the world - I'm loving it. Oh yeah, and I sorta still qualify as a single mum but I have a boy as well and he's alriiiight I suppose
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Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 8:44pm
Well said I do think most people don't give it a second thought I know I don't we need to really stop worrying about what otehr people think and get on and do. We are all diffirent and all need and want diffiernt reason's there are load's of single mum's and dad's for that matter out there and doing the best the ycan and are single for many reason's ie Partner could have passed away. give yourself a break and don't let what other's may or may not be thinking worry you. ------------- Deborah Mum to:   
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