Affairs
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=17942
Printed Date: 07 April 2026 at 12:25pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Affairs
Posted By: kebakat
Subject: Affairs
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 1:06pm
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DH and I know someone who is being naughty at the mo and I wondered whether people thought my views of the situation are what you would think as well as mine and DH's views differ somewhat.
The guy we know is having casual sex with a married woman that he works with. He knows full well that she is married. He however is single. I think that if he had no clue she was married and they were doing this then that would be fine morally on his part however he does know she is married. So I think that he is almost as bad as she for what they are doing. She's worse as she is breaking her vows but he's almost no better knowing he shouldn't be doing what he is. Agree or disagree? |
Replies:
Posted By: linda
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 1:09pm
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I agree with you ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Alex 6 and Harry 8 |
Posted By: blondie
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 1:13pm
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yip Stacey I agree with you aswell, affaris hurt so many people when or if they get caught! ------------- 
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Posted By: AngieBabe
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 1:23pm
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Yep, I agree with you also. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 1:24pm
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i can see his motivation...with a married women at least he knows she isnt going to want more from him.
------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: almostthere
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 1:27pm
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Yep, agreed.. ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2128f6"> 
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2128f6 - chart |
Posted By: CuriousG
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 1:40pm
I agree with Bizzy. While affairs mostly end badly, there must be some reason why they are having one. Have you asked him? ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Bizzy wrote:Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 1:42pm
i could 'possibly' excuse it once.....but to keep going back is plain naughty! ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 1:44pm
| I agree completely Stacey. |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 1:55pm
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*throws cat amongst pidgeons*
Perhaps the woman and her husband have an "agreement"? A couple who are very very good friends of mine have an "arrangement", its not common knowledge, however as they are very discrete, but they have an arrangement. It does involve alot of trust and honesty, but it works for them, I guess. Not for everyone, and not something I could do. I don't think one is worse than the other, she has at least told him she is married. I guess the only ones who know the full story is the two of them, and maybe her husband. Not my cup of tea, though, but what goes on behind closed doors... I personally don't think I coud forgive an affair, but I don't believe I have the right to judge others as I don't know the circumstances.. I'm not saying its right, but I'm not saying its wrong either, as I dont kow the situation. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Parki
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 1:55pm
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I tend to think that if he is single then he isn't actually doing anything 'wrong' as such.
Its her that is risking her marriage and deceiving someone.... Just my opinion. |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 1:59pm
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They have developed a very deep friendship and he has become very attached as has she. She's apparently told him that if she had the guts to ditch the marriage she would love to be with him. But she's also said that she won't break the marriage up
I've heard that her hubby doesn't like this guy at all and they have had fights about her coming home late from work etc so I don't think that there is a common arrangement between them. I think it's totally screwed up |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 2:00pm
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I wanted to add a bit more... and it's just my musings on the topic.
I think that marriage is something that only works as a concept if it is respected by everyone... both the married person and those who aren't married. I also believe marriage is very much a choice as well as a confirmation of your love for a person... she is clearly choosing to destroy the trust and that's a lack of self control (IMO). I don't believe it is irreparable and there are lots of grey areas of course but Grrr to both parties. Rambly ramble ramble... |
Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 2:05pm
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Ah, having her cake and eating it too.
The thing that I know about affairs, is that they tend to become very intense very quickly. And that can lead to thinking that feelings are much stronger than they actually are. Given a "normal" situation, their time together would not be so emotionally and physically charged, as they would be free to spend as much time together as they wanted. Horrible situation for all involved i'd say. I've recently helped a friend in a situation like this, and it's not nice. |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 2:07pm
I'm with you Stacey - naughty boy! Not to mention setting himself up for a fall coz affairs very seldom end well for anyone concerned  -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Parki
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 2:10pm
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[QUOTE=kebakat] She's apparently told him that if she had the guts to ditch the marriage she would love to be with him. But she's also said that she won't break the marriage up
QUOTE] I think that is screwed up. Marriage is a decision between two people. She doesn't HAVE to be in if she doesn't want to and my the sounds of that her heart isn't in it anyway. I think it takes more guts risking a marriage and risking being caught and destroying your partners trust, respect and heart than it does to end it all together. Once again, my opinion..... |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 2:15pm
Yup thats what I think.
Well put! |
Posted By: almostthere
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 2:35pm
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Yep, i like that cake analogy!
She's not being honest with herself not her husband nor her 'lover' if I was to pass my opinion. It may take guts to risk a marriage but it takes honesty to admit that it may be over. and being honest takes alot of energy! ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2128f6">
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2128f6 - chart |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 2:37pm
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I have an opinion on this but I am sorry I don't want to publicly voice it. I think you know what it is Stacey. ETA: Stacey do I know who you are talking about?? We have talked about these people before haven't we?? ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: Snickerdoodle
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 2:41pm
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On one hand, he's single and can do whatever the heck he likes.
On the other hand, she's a married woman and he shouldn't be going there. At the end of the day, they're both grown ups and are responsible for their own choices. Sucky situation 
I hate hearing of this kinda thing. Kinda makes a mockery of the sanctity of marriage. ------------- 
http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: almostthere
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 2:45pm
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It does aye... ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2128f6">
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2128f6 - chart |
Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 3:06pm
 ...that is just plain wrong.....this kinda thing also makes me
I would slap both of them!!  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: surfergirl
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 3:10pm
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It's a hard one...
But my personal opinion (after a fairly sh*tty year of people making judgements about me)...is that you can't judge someone until you've walked (more than!) a mile in their shoes. Things often look different from the 'outside' - even if you're closely involved. No one *really* knows the reality of someone else’s life. I however do not condone affairs, cannot imagine cheating on my DH or him cheating on me - but I've learnt (the hard way) to never say never... Hope this makes sense.... |
Posted By: NeoshasMummy
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 3:26pm
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Its a hard situation, I met my partner while he was engaged to someone else we worked together and I was YOUNG, I didnt know he had a partner and before I knew it I was head over heels by the time I found out about the other woman I was too caught up so he left his gf for me (she was a psyco though and pulled out the whole im pregnant card when he left NOT) but anyway I guess you cant help who you fall for and every situation is different. I do agree that if he knows she is married, it is kind of nasty but its his life so his problem I guess she wont leave her hubby so he will be left hearbroken.
Things happen for a reason and the wife obviously isnt happy. Its a really really sad situation that I wouldnt wish upon anybody and dearly hope it never happens to me. ------------- https://secure.fertilityfriend.com/home/30c4ec/" rel="nofollow">  Mrs Te Kani ❤️ Neosha 26/5/2007 |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 4:52pm
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I agree with you Stacey
I have been cheated on, I was with this guy for 5 years and he cheated on me. Its the most horrible feeling in the world. I think that he should think about how her husband would feel. Its not right, I think the women and your friend are equally in the wrong. If your not happy in a relationship, end it the right way. ------------- |
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 5:33pm
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They are both as stupid as each other. In the end they will both wake up and realise that they can't get it on anymore (sounds like she's the player in this fling too) and then there will be the reality check about the fact that they still have to continue working together and then there will be the discussion about the fact that someone has to leave..
Your friend is the one that is losing out. If she's getting it from him, no doubt she is getting it from her husband too, and I wouldn't be all that surprised if the husband already has his suspicions. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 6:04pm
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Sounds like a very foolish thing to do. What if the wife split up with her husband for the new fling, months down the track he'll be wondering if he's gonna be dumped for a new bloke too! ------------- |
Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 6:05pm
| I agree with you Stacey, morally if he knows she is married then he is just as bad as her. |
Posted By: pepsi
Date Posted: 05 June 2008 at 6:06pm
| It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye... |