Acceptable or kinda rude?
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18056
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Topic: Acceptable or kinda rude?
Posted By: Paws
Subject: Acceptable or kinda rude?
Date Posted: 09 June 2008 at 12:09pm
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Ok so short version...in the last couple of months I've two incidents that have left me kind of upset.
The first was finding out people who were meant to be good friends, who'd recently stayed with even had secretly gotten married. No worries there. What disturbed me was finding out on a Facebook status update. I was left wondering WTF? Is this normal ettiquette now? I would have thought at least an email or even a text people would have better. (especially to the people who had been told they would be bridesmaids only to find out they wouldn't be after all through same said status update.) Now last night I've found out that someone I thought I was best friends with, a guy who had flown back from Korea for my wedding, who I used to be close to and we used to share and confide in each other lots, a guy who was like my big little brother, has gotten engaged. Wanna know how I found out? Yup. Facebook. Relationship status update flicked up. I know in this last case it could also be a reflection of us growing apart. His new fiance is *very* much the sterotypical and proper Christian girl who has not been comfortable with how close M and I were and that fact that we would hug hello or goodbye and therefore M has been pulling away...but still. I'm left wondering, has modern communication got to a point that such important announcements to close friends, such as weddings or engagments can can be announced to everyone on FB and be considered polite and normal ettiquette? Am I being too precious over this or would others be hurt/upset as well??  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 09 June 2008 at 12:13pm
i think i'd be hurt/upset. I was pretty cross when I thought Toni was announcing a pregnancy on here last week without telling me first  -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: almostthere
Date Posted: 09 June 2008 at 12:13pm
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Ok everyone feels differently about these things. Just recently in fact I found out that a very good friend of mine has married. I saw her pics on Facebook before I saw them anywhere else..
TO me, it doesnt matter. People get so busy these days and calling all your friends can be expensive, so leaving it to face book etc I think is reasonable.. Your other friends that married: well, they probably had a very small wedding and went on honeymoon rather quick perhaps and didnt have time to call everyone... Face book to the rescue! This is only my opinion and how i would feel about it though  ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2128f6"> 
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2128f6 - chart |
Posted By: MonicaMouse
Date Posted: 09 June 2008 at 12:13pm
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I would be a little upset at this, especially if you had a close relationship with these people at some stage. ------------- 
Blair 15/10/2007 Daniel 30/07/2009 |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 09 June 2008 at 12:17pm
| Yep it would upset me, thats sad. |
Posted By: Shorty
Date Posted: 09 June 2008 at 12:19pm
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LOL Emma I was the same.
I would be a tad hurt by it. |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 09 June 2008 at 12:20pm
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I do agree that calling everyone would be time consuming but wouldn't you at least call your family?????
And in the case of the wedding everyone did note that they still had time to send out party invites asking for specific presents after the FB annoucment. hmmm. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 09 June 2008 at 12:26pm
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Paws----omg! that last comment about the invites....I would be mad and upset:( but yeah i think it's just being lazy and rude:( (for close family and friends at least) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 09 June 2008 at 12:32pm
I wouldn't buy them a present. If they can be cheap so can you!  Other than that I'd probably drop it - can't be fixed now.  -------------  
 
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 09 June 2008 at 12:34pm
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send them a Face book present!! LOL ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 09 June 2008 at 12:37pm
Well in a moment of immaturity we did decline the party invite....via facebook status update. *ahem*  ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Roksana wrote:Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 09 June 2008 at 1:11pm
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LOL Paws love it! Yep I would be hurt too |
Posted By: WestiesGirl
Date Posted: 09 June 2008 at 1:21pm
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I agree, I think it rude and I would have been upset too.
I think its still important to tell those closest to you both family and friends personally either by phone or face to face (or by email if those are not achievable). Then maybe after telling them update on FB for others IYKWIM? Tehehe Paws. Thats brilliant lol!! ------------- Our Angel July 08 Gone but not forgotten
And to complete our family, our princess has arrived 
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Posted By: almostthere
Date Posted: 09 June 2008 at 1:21pm
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Man im the only one that wouldnt be... makes me wonder!!!
As for the present: ok no THAT i would fiund rude ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2128f6">
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2128f6 - chart |
Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 09 June 2008 at 1:23pm
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I think it's rude if you know them quite well and this is how they decide to let you know. I'd be hurt too. -------------  
 
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Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 09 June 2008 at 1:25pm
I probably wouldn't be if it weren't for the fact that both people (esp M being literally one of my "best friends") are people who we were meant to be very close with. It would be time consuming to phone everyone I agree but I guess I'm old fashioned, I just think that even in today's age it would still be far more polite and nicer to email or text your family and close friends... ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 09 June 2008 at 1:56pm
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Hrmmm... I don't know. A close friend maybe I'd be offended... but there is so much contact online these says with a trillion gazillion people that I am not sure how easy and quick it is to tell them all (compared to a facebook update).
I must admit to being a tad jealous when I found out one of my close friends got married secretly (I was fine with that part!) but then I found out that quite a few other people had known about it... I felt a bit left out. She had no obligation to tell me so I got over it.
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 09 June 2008 at 1:56pm
| ETA - I am talking in general... in your case, I'd be peeved. |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 09 June 2008 at 1:59pm
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Yep that is rude. My friend just found out her own sister is now engaged and that was from the paper ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: pepsi
Date Posted: 09 June 2008 at 2:01pm
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It's a bit stink to find out via Facebook if you're close friends. So yeah, kinda rude.
Agree with Emma and Amy about the Toni almost-pregnancy announcement!
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 09 June 2008 at 2:08pm
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I do think it's really sad that they didn't feel that they could come to you and tell you privately what they had done. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 09 June 2008 at 2:33pm
| Hrmmm....when we got engaged we told our close friends and family ourselves....but a lot of others (mainly sisters/nieces/nephews who we don't see very often at all) probably found out from my Bebo status being updated... In saying that though, the majority of them will get an invite to the wedding (actual invite, not email!!) so yeah. That was just easier as my family is flung so far and wide and is rather large and we aren't in regular contact with a lot of them... |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 09 June 2008 at 2:51pm
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Oh yeahhhh... I just remembered the whole paper thing. That was how most people found out about engagements in the past... facebook the new "births, deaths, and marriages" section?
(Again, I'm talking in general. Still would be pissed if a close friend didn't tell me) |
Posted By: almostthere
Date Posted: 09 June 2008 at 3:14pm
 OK your own SISTER!!!??? Id be very  if i found out my sister had married via a newspaper!
------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2128f6">
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2128f6 - chart |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 09 June 2008 at 4:07pm
| I'd mostly agree Kaycey....although we have no idea what kind of relationship the sisters have. One of my sisters would likely find out via the newspaper, simply because we're not close (although, she wouldn't get an invite either, so that's what I mean by not close). Sometimes families can be pretty messed up. |
Posted By: marielb
Date Posted: 09 June 2008 at 7:41pm
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I think its rude and would be really upset if a good friend did that. I've found out that acquaintances have got pregnant/engaged etc on facebook, but thats soooooooo different ------------- Isaac is 6, Ethan is 4, Rico is 2 and Hunter is almost 1! |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 09 June 2008 at 8:19pm
That's my thought, acquaintance is one thing but really close/best friends..... Anyway, after talking it out with someone else this over I've figured my best course of action is to let it go. I think where the freind (espically in the case of M) has been made pretty clear. As was said to me maybe one day we'll sort things out but now is not the time to get into a fight over it. I guess this is partly a case where a case where a friendship has grown apart, I'm just also sad it's really for the wrong reasons (ie her objection to him having close female friends). I am glad to know that it's not just me, that others would be hurt or upset too. I really shuddered to think that such actions would be considered perfectly acceptable etiquette today! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 09 June 2008 at 8:41pm
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I think the comment about the internet in general being the new newspaper is correct... to a point. I have a fewclose friends on here and facebook etc.. and if they had told me they had gotten married, had baby, got pregnant etc... on here I would be upset (but would so be upset if i found out via the newspaper too) but for general friends if i found out that way I would except it - although still would be slightly upset the didn't text me about it first.
Considering Paws your friends were close yes you have a right to be upset. On another note guess it depends how much you talk (other than internet) as well. I do get upset as well when I get told by a friend not so close about my close friends and wonder why they got confided in rather than me (and I am the confide in me type person)... but thats my gripe and this is about you ------------- Ann 
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 09 June 2008 at 9:55pm
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I do think it is rude, for sure, but unfortunately that is how society functions now days. Terribly rude and impersonal. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Roxy
Date Posted: 09 June 2008 at 11:19pm
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I'd be really gutted.Im really sensitive about things though.But I wouldnt do that to my friends.Im a bit of a dinasaur with computers so I dont go for the whole facebook thing etc.I rather have a proper talk.And that sad that your friends partner feels resentful of you.Id be bummed bout that too.Maybe you need to make more effort to make her see that she neednt be?Your friend is probably missing that contact with you but in a difficult situation? ------------- Caleb 15/11/02 Brooke 14/11/05 |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 10 June 2008 at 9:09am
I wish it was that easy! I do get on with her and she is a very sweet girl. But her Christian views are a lot more hard core than mine when it comes to friends of the opposite gender. Bottom line for her is that no matter if I'm a "threat *snort*" or not, M and I should never ever be anywhere alone together (including in a public place) and hugging really does not make her comfortable. Sadly it is her beliefs so nothing will change that. She is entitled to them but it does make me sad that I appear to have now lost a best friend of seven years because of them. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 10 June 2008 at 9:22am
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And having just found out I'm amoung the last to know, it really is a reflection on the friendship...ok letting it go. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: marielb
Date Posted: 10 June 2008 at 5:13pm
Isn't it sad that in our society its pretty much ok to treat friends with so little thought   (in this and many other situations)
------------- Isaac is 6, Ethan is 4, Rico is 2 and Hunter is almost 1! |