dont know what to do...
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18132
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Topic: dont know what to do...
Posted By: aimeejoy
Subject: dont know what to do...
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 11:12am
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so the saga with SIL continues although has gotten much worse. Quick overview is that about a month ago it all came out that she has tried to commit suicide a few times and is not in a very good headspace at the moment. Turns out a lot is to do with family issues when she was a kid, not feelingn loved etc etc.
We finally got her to go see a lovely lovely doctor who by the sounds of it was really helpful and SIL has been doing ok last few weeks. Yesterday she finally asked her mum to come around for a chat as she hasnt talked to her since this all came out, and MIL totally said the wrong things re the family issues in the past and ended up leaving. So SIL was very upset and this morning DH got a text at work asking him to go help her cos she is stuck. Turns out she was trying to hang herself with a belt but then text back saying its ok she got it off. He went round to her place anyway and she had scissors, razor blades etc and was trying to do her wrists. So he bundled her up and dropped her off at the police station and they have got the crisis team coming over to take her to the hospital. This is what we had been advised to do originally if we were concerned for her safety. I know we have done everything we can (me and DH are the only people she will talk to) but I know that she is so determined sometime she will succeed, and we will forever be left with feeling like... not that its our fault or anything, but maybe there was something else we could do. I dont know, it just makes me so sad that my DH has to sort all this sh*t out, and also really sad that SIL feels like her life is just not worth living (and apparently never has been). 
Hug your babies close and never let them feel like we dont love them... ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Replies:
Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 11:13am
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I almost feel like I am betraying SIL in a way for posting about this on a public forum, but who else can you talk to about this stuff, and its almost better than telling people that do actually 'know' us. ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 11:21am
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aww hun big hugs doncst sound like a very nice place to be in at this moment big big hugs ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 11:25am
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Holy smokes....... that is baaaad. Hugs to you. I will write more later... ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 11:28am
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Aw Aimee. I really feel for ya! Wish I had something more useful I could say
xox |
Posted By: nictoddie
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 11:56am
awwww aimee I have tears in my eyes, not sure what to say either but heres a big  and know that I am thinking of you------------- 
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Posted By: hooper
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 12:13pm
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to you aimee, not sure what to say.
------------- Desiree 
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Posted By: almostthere
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 12:13pm
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Awww, no.. that poor poor girl
*hugs* to you and your DH ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2128f6"> 
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2128f6 - chart |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 12:33pm
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Big hugs Aimee! What a complex situation! I wish I had something profound to say, but I've got nothing. Will think on it and come back later. -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 12:34pm
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I guess one good thing is she has got you and DH there for her and it's good that she feels she can come to you. I also think it's good that the crisis team are going to help her.
I feel sad for you that you and DH are going thru this when you have your own family to look after. Hopefully this time around she will get the much needed help that she needs. Hugs to you and DH. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 12:36pm
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Oh but I do think you guys have def done the right thing by handing her over to the crisis team and I really hope that she gets some good help from them. Mental illness is such a lonely, isolating experience so knowing that you guys care that much about her might just be enough to make a difference for her.
It's hard with MIL saying the wrong things, I don't know if it's a generational thing or what but my Mum is exactly the same, when I've been really sick with depression her attitude is always "snap out of it" which of course is the red rag to the bull, and when family stuff that's happened in the past comes up she just can't get her head around why it still matters now just coz SHE's over it. Not that she doesn't care, she just doesn't know how to respond any other way. More big hugs, am thinking of you and Daniel and SIL. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 12:48pm
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i know this is not very helpful, but i just want to say that you sound like you are doing a great job already. For her to be able to talk to you guys, and be able to text your DH this morning is a great thing.
Ive been through depression myself, and the only person who i felt i could turn to was my dad... i dont know what would have happened if i didnt. i really felt like no-one understood me, inluding my own DH. (i spent some time with the crisis team also - long story) i think all you can do is continue with your love and support, and let the professionals help her. i really hope she gets well ------------- Mummy to two beauties... Formerly Kaiz. |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 12:49pm
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big hugs to you..wish i had some advice too... you certainly have done all you can what a hard situation:( ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: almostthere
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 12:58pm
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I was gonna say the same as aboe too.. You are doing a great job.. But also remember that you need to look after yourself too. If you start to feel its too much, seriously, i would recommend a counselling hon..
Yep, depression and mental illness is a hard road to have to travel.. She is lucky that she has someone she feels she can communicate with someone ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2128f6">
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2128f6 - chart |
Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 1:17pm
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The thing with MIL is she has no tact and since her stroke a couple of years ago, just seems to be oblivious to a lot. I think all SIL wants is acknowledgement that what happened could have been handled better, and she acknowledges that she was not blameless, but she was a kid. She tried to explain this to MIL who basically said it was because of her (SILs) bad behaviour that it all happened. A few weeks ago SIL had said the only thing that was stopping her from actually going through with it was what it would do to her mum. and now that she feels betrayed by her mum, she figures theres nothing to stop her now.
DH popped into police on way home for lunch and spoke to one of the MH team who had come over to pick her up and filled them in on what had been happening and the help we have been trying to get. They are taking her over to the hospital to see a psychiatrist who hopefully will admit her. She was begging them for help, but I am very worried they will just send her home. I have no idea what we will do if that happens cos as much as I would like to help I cannot have her living here with us, when I already have my own two kids to look after. Am also worried cos DH is being 'a man' about it all, so am not looking forward to when this is all going to hit him. Not just this, but the four funerals we've had as well. Thanks so much for your thoughts, it makes me feel a lot better to have people to talk to. ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: almostthere
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 1:23pm
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aww, wow! four funerals? One is bad enough but FOUR?
All i can say is try to give as much as you can, but always remember that you must look after yourself and your family first. Because without you and DH.. well, ya know.. Good one putting boundaries up about having her live with you.. Stay strong and **HUGS** ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2128f6">
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2128f6 - chart |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 1:30pm
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Aimee I'm sorry you and your poor family are going through this. I don't have any words of wisdom but sounds like you guys are doing the best you can and what really more can you do except your best.
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Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 1:31pm
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Yeah four between last June and April this year (DHs great-nana, DHs nanny and pop, and DHs cousin - all form the same side of the family). ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 1:38pm
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Aimee - I think that under the MH Act a person can be committed to the hospital if they are a danger to themselves. They can be put on a "hold" for a set period of time, which they can do voluntarily, or I think the family can do it as well. I am just going off to search the web and see if I can find the info for you. I will PM you too.
------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 1:54pm
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awww aimee....i don't know what to say either......you and DH are doing a great job just being there for her and listening to her when she needs it......i agree with simsam, i'm sure a family member can be committed if they are a danger to themselves...hopefully simsam will find that info for you
------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 2:05pm
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aimee there is also the option of a respite home. These are homes where the mental health patient stays and is monitored 24/7 by trained staff, but also she has the freedom to go about a normal day like watching tv, going for walks etc. the staff make sure she is taking her medication and also checks on them several times in the night. ------------- Mummy to two beauties... Formerly Kaiz. |
Posted By: ooEvaoo
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 2:10pm
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Yup if your SIL asks to be commited then she has every right to do so, and since it's voluntary they won't have to section her. Clearly she is wanting the help otherwise she wouldn't reach out to you or your DH. Something that would help give her closure would be the mothers acknowledgement of what happened in the past. I know it's extremely hard to watch someone you love trying to end their lives, or even talking about it, I went through it for 6 months with my DP, The support yourself and your DH have provided is invaluable. Keep utilising the mental health services you can, they'll help to support your SIL as well as provide strength for yourself and DH. Sometimes it'll all about persistance, making sure that she goes to appointments, takes meds. Don't be disheartened if she relapses, just reassure her that it will get better. I know for a fact that it can. ------------- 
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 2:16pm
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I'm sorry, I don't have anything helpful to add either. I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you all and sending you best wishes and prayers xx ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 2:24pm
Not to be a downer here, but thats where my SIL was just before she died. she had begged and begged for help, to be "locked up" and they turned her away. Aimee, my advice is keep knocking on the doors till someone lets her in and you must must beg that she be not allowed to check herself out. To me it sounds like she is determined, and I only hope they can help her, I would not wish this hell on anyone in the world. Big hugs to you,I really really sympathise. It is such a hard hard thing to go through and there are som many answers th questions that no one will ever know. XXXX ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
kaiz231 wrote:Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 2:26pm
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ALso to add, one of my brothers was in a unit last year getting help for his depression and alot of it stemmed back from when he was a kid and his upbringing. He had also tried to take his life a few years ago as well. My mother also "blamed" him for her behavior and still does. Then brushed it under th erug, so to speak. Definately generational, I reckon. He has managed to move on, but it took alot of help.
Hugs. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 6:24pm
I have had a bit of personal experience with depression and suicide myself and i know what a horrible situation it is for you , cant really offer any advice-im as clueless today about what i could have done differently for my friends as i was when they did it , but im sending you lots of hugs, love and prayers...to you , Dh and SIL 
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Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 7:27pm
Well she has been admitted to the acute mental health ward for two weeks apparently - no one told us what was going on, we only know cos she text. So hopefully this is the start of helping her get better. Thanks again for all your thoughts it really does help.  ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 7:31pm
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Best of luck to her, and you, over the next few weeks Aimee. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 7:57pm
| big hugs to you Aimee!!!! |
Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 8:15pm
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I am glad to hear that she has been admitted, hopefully she will get the help she needs now.
------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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- its going to be a tough road, and she will need lots of support, so my thoughts are with you and your family for the upcoming weeks. Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 9:40am
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Aw, Aimee - what an awful situation for you all. I'm glad she's been admitted - I hope the staff can help her dig her way out of it all, the poor girl. Don't feel guilty about not having her staying at your place right now, you're right - you've got Han & Greer to look after and truthfully, it sounds like your SIL needs the professional help she'll get while admitted, and that's what she's asking for to. I really hope things go better for her and all your IL's soon. ------------- Andie |
Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 11:05am
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OH Gosh...how horrible.
My DH has had this in his family and has lost close ones in this manner...but the worse thing is it was the first attempt and they succeeded. So in a way its good that you guys know about it and can stop her from doing this. I do hope that they can help her sort things out, because I have heard that once they make up their mind .... 
Sorry not helping at all. I can tell you the experience left my DH broken and to this day he hasnt fully recovered. I do not wish this on any one...and certainly not on your DH and you guys as a family. But I think you both have done all you can, so never feel guilty that there was some thing else you could have done. Well done for sticking by her tho..... This is a horrible situation and I hope that it gets better with time. BIG Hugs!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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