Is it just me...
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Topic: Is it just me...
Posted By: BuzzyBee
Subject: Is it just me...
Date Posted: 12 June 2008 at 10:32pm
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Or does anyone else find it rather disturbing to see how many YOUNG teenage girls are getting pregnant these days. In NZ particularly, and when I stipulate YOUNG I mean 12-16 years ...anything under the legal age for sex!
I've been killing time, floating around on social networking site bebo, and I'm totally disgusted at the amount of girls that are 13 & 14 years of age and pregnant, plastering photos of their baby bellies on the internet for everyone to see- like it's something to be proud of. THEY ARE KIDS! -WTF! One of them even went to the extent of saying 'our much awaited baby is on its way blah blah, after X amount of months trying' TRYING TO GET PREGNANT AT 13!!!!!!!!!! Totally throwing away their life & education before it's even really started. Kids having kids - it's crazy. I wasn't even having sex till 15, bordering on 16 and even then I look back now and I didn't really know what the hell I was doing until much later on. Where are their parents when all this is happening? What would you do if your 13-15yo child (be it girl or boy) came home to tell you this kind of news, would you condone it? Maybe I'm being too harsh, but I think a child shouldn't legally be allowed to make the decision to keep their baby until the legal age of 16. I don't believe in abortion but I sure as hell don't believe that a 13 year old is emotionally and mentally prepared to bring a child into this world . That is just my opinion. What are your thoughts? ------------- Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :) |
Replies:
Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 12 June 2008 at 10:41pm
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I find it hard going to visit 12 and 13year old mums as a plunket nurse as they are the same age as my daughter and I have to treat them like the adults they have to be as parents. It just freaks me out seeing babies having babies. |
Posted By: MonicaMouse
Date Posted: 12 June 2008 at 10:41pm
WTF!! Sorry but that was my first reaction. I couldn't even comprehend trying to get pregnant at 25, let alone 13. If Blair came to me in 13 years time to tell me that his 13 yo GF was pregnant, there would be dire consequences. I believe that 13 is way too young, I don't believe that I was an immature/overmature teenage, but there is no way I would have been ready to be a Mum at that age. ------------- 
Blair 15/10/2007 Daniel 30/07/2009 |
Mum2Lucas wrote:Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 12 June 2008 at 10:46pm
I feel so sorry for that baby....the "parents" probably are thinking they are going to get something cute and adorable that will love them....that young mother will be in for a very rude shock indeed!!!! How can they throw thier lives away???? It is so sad and disgusting at the same time.  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: WRXnKids
Date Posted: 12 June 2008 at 10:50pm
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If my child told me at 13 my bf and i are going to try for a baby id be ringing doctor phil!!!! I like how he deals with it otherwise ill be on here asking someone with a newborn to come stay for a couple of days and have my child get up for every feed and change
There is no way i could have handled a baby at that age (no offence to anyone that has done it on there own as a very young mum). There are times now when i think im not old enough to handle all this responsibility and im 25 and Josh was planned. Then again I do have a friend who was 15 (unplanned) and is a wonderful mother and supports herself and baby rather than just relying on her own parents like the young girls that get preg on dr phil. I wouldnt say she threw her life away she still does everything she wants to and is a very responsible parent. Ok so i dont really know which way to swing with it but its definately tooo young to be planning a baby. -------------   
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 12 June 2008 at 10:55pm
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I'll get jumped on for this, but there is no way my 13 year old daughter would be keeping that baby. It would be adopted out ASAP and I would have the law involved as well. That is sick and disgusting where it is "the trend" to be having babies so damn young. I often think these are girls who have homelives where there is no ambition encouraged or shown, not much inthe way of education and self respect and maybe just too damn lazy to get out and work. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 12 June 2008 at 10:59pm
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I can see where you are coming from Annie & I agree.
I think I'd be more inclined to adopt the child myself rather than adopt out to another family IF WORSE CAME TO WORST & abortion wasn't an option.I say this for various reasons, my mother is adopted & I have seen the negative effect it has had on her. But that's a diff story for a diff day! ------------- Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :) |
Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 12 June 2008 at 11:10pm
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I am at the satge where a few of my daughters friends are sexually active and it scares the crap out of me. |
Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 12 June 2008 at 11:18pm
They start so young nowadays, I can't get over how early some of them are getting their periods either! 
I think the media has a lot to answer for ...the clothes available for young girls, BRATZ dolls (ugh I really really hate them)... ------------- Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :) |
Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 6:38am
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I had friends who were sexually active at 12 and 13 So scary!
I doubt they would have any idea what they are doing (the ones TTC at 13)- it would just be some kind of novelty for them, they wouldn't have the intelligence or maturity to comprehend the long term consequences. They will just be trying to get attention and think that its a game. So sad- for them and their babies ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3 
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Posted By: meow
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 7:07am
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Yes, it is scary - and I can say this from the point of view of a fairly young mum (but nowhere near that age!).
Having two daughters (one on the way) it worries me what the world will be like when they are teenagers. I just hope that as parents, we can make them realise that they are loved and they don't need to search for love (which in those circumstances, and at that age - isn't actually love at all). ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 7:48am
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I was 16 when I fell pregnant with Seb (accidentally) I had already moved out of home due to problems there, and I'd tried 3 different high schools all of which I hated, and had quit and was about to start looking into other training. I wasn't dumb, in fact before I decided school really wasn't for me, I was top of most of my classes, and those are the top classes in the school. I didn't try to get pregnant, and I knew what contraception was about, these things just happen sometimes. It helps for me that I didn't look 16, I didn't act 16, and now I don't look or act 19! People do a bit of a double-take when they hear how old I am. I am lucky that I was already engaged to Mike when I fell pregnant, and he has been there for me through the whole thing, so I haven't had to make the hard choice of leaving my child in care to study, because he is studying for his BiT and will earn enough for us to live on afterwards.
The "typical" 16 year old isn't ready for a kid, but don't lump everyone in that... I was intelligent, I didn't go out and party, I didn't really drink, never smoked etc. My sister (17) is more of a typical teenager, though she is very responsible, and always has been, she drinks sociably and goes to parties with her mates (usually helping them when they get off their face) and she's doing really well in school, and getting pregnant now would totally screw over her life... but everyone is in a different situation. -------------  
 
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 7:56am
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No offence, AliaDawn, you are doing a great job. I think the point of this thread is the alarming trend of the under 15 birth rate.
When I had just had Charly, My midwife came to see us and said she had had a terrible day, she had had 2 14 year olds book in that day, it just made her so sad. When I had Jake, she had a 12 year old on her books. Blardy sad. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 7:59am
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I definetly think there are exceptions and it is always heartwarming to see teenage mums who do step up to the plate and are amazing mums!!! (you go AliaDawn!!!! ).
What worries me though is the 12/13 year olds who think a baby would be cute and fun and who have no idea what is likely to happen to thier lives if they have a baby and who don't step up to the plate but dump said baby on the grandparents and don't take responsibility for thier actions. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: KH25
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 8:35am
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There was a 13 yr old mum in Neonates when we were in there. There were so many times I wanted to scoop that poor baby up and take it home. The "mum" didn't care at all about it. She would come in every 3 or 4 days and spent most of her time there outside smoking, or bringing friends with her and gossiping about boys and sex. I remember at least a week going by where the baby hadn't even been picked up or cuddled and I finally told a nurse who made sure when its next feed was due (tubefeed) she gave it a nice big cuddle I shudder now to think how that baby is and what its life is like
It was a major talking point to hold hands or kiss a boy at 13, I'm sure!!! (Back in my day lol!!) ------------- Kelly, mum to DD, 19Jun06 (26wks 1lb15oz) DS1, 24Oct10 (32wks 4lb11oz) and DS2, 31Dec11 (32wks, 4lb11) http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Neeks
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 8:43am
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OMG WTF? 12 year olds having babies?? My step son and daughter are in that demographic, and that's just to scary to comprehend It could be the extra drugs (growth hormones) in the chickens we all eat that is causing these girls to get their periods and even boobs so early on...
I went right the way through High School before I got mine (period and boobs  ) and I definitely wasn't interested in having a sex or a baby at 12 years old.. it's just wrong!!
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 8:45am
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Man , i have a lot to say on this , when i was pregnant , at 20 with the C-Meister, I lived at Bethany centre, in Grey Lynn , a home for young mums , I was the oldest one there.
The youngest was 13. The average age was 15 and a half. I met about , hmmmm , over the year i was there , 20 of these girls (they come and go) The comments on here that they think its something cute etc, are unfortunately , so true. Yes, there are one or two exceptions, as there always are but the majority of young mums i met were "i cant wait til baby is born ,its gonna be so cute, we'll get so much attention ", that was the difference between them and me (oh and that i didnt smoke and come back from my weekends at home reeking of bourbon) i saw a person , that would be my responsibility for the rest of their life, i was thinking ahead to college etc-they were thinking ahead to the delivery room. They are , quite simply , babies having babies, and trying to explain to them that having a baby doesnt just mean changing , feeding it etc , is impossible, because these girls are stubborn too, even sometimes at 20 i felt i was too young....so bugger 13 . At least when i had Caitlyn i could legally get into bars (not that i could go out much ha) , buy alcohol, have sex legally etc etc . |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 8:49am
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oh yeah , and ask me about the girl who had her baby the day after me and i got the pleasure of sharing a room with her,ask me how shocking it was when she enters the room with her 4 hour old baby and asks me to look after her while she has a smoke.
(she had smoked 2 packs a day during her pregnancy , and yes , i know its hard for some women to quit, but she didnt even want to try -she said "oh well if baby likes smoking cos of me smoking while im pregnant, at least i'll have a smoking buddy when im older , hehe" No, im not joking, i wish i was |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 9:01am
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I might have joined in this conversation before I got pregnant with Hannah (and then pregnant again after that unintentionally) but I don't think it is helpful to sit here and judge. While I disapprove of trying for a baby at that age, many get pregnant unintentionally, and there ain't much you can do for either case except support them to be good parents once they are pregnant (to their faces and in places like OhBaby)
Yeah I get that it is appalling, but why not go out and do something proactive? Before I got my full time job, I was in touch with the local young parent facility (Welly's version of Bethany) about perhaps going along and helping out. Things like teaching cooking classes... even just hanging out with the girls and getting them talking about their lives and goals (if they had any... and perhaps encourage goals if there weren't any in particular) - actually I may get back into that now that I'm not too stressed. Anywayyyy... there are other things you can do to help them out - even smiling on the street means a whole lot. I know it does to me anyway - and let's face it - self esteem is a MAJOR issue here. The only other thing you can do is raise your kids in a responsible way and hope that they pass that on to their friends that may not otherwise get that message. Oh yeah, and I remember a while back there was a young girl named Tami who came here. She was pregnant at 14 and had her little boy at 15 (I think). I would like to think that while she visited this board she had lots of support though we didn't always disagree with her choices. I would have liked her to stick around so we could continue to encourage her to do great things but unfortunately she stopped coming. Ah well. And on the other side of things... a friend of the family was pregnant at 17 and I had a lot of hope for her and her baby. Unfortunately she got back into P soon after she had her first, got pregnant again, was hopelessly addicted during that pregnancy and after and screwed over her family who were doing everything they could to support her. They ended up cutting her off which is incredibly sad. I'm not sure anything could have helped her. 
Right. Ramble over. |
Posted By: MissAngel
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 9:28am
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Hmm.. Some of them you just want to give a good old slapping to, dont you? I know a girl who was pregnant at 13 and boy oh boy she got many many lectures from me (she's 18 now) I tell you what, her mother, bless her, made that little so and so get up every 3 hours to feed that baby, change it, do EVERYTHING for it - when I'm guessing most mums would probably feel sorry for the kid and take over. Now she's doing great, still with the guy she got preg to - they're planning on having another one soon, her son is about to start good and life couldnt be better. I said to her recently she should go and try to educate some of these other young ones out there that get pregnant.
Man, if I'd have got preg at 12-15, I wouldnt be here to talk to you right now. My parents would have forced an abortion, and probably murdered me as well! I got my period when I was 9 and was in my first bra at 11, but I sure as hell wasnt thinking about boys! Hell, I didnt lose my virginity til I was 17 and i'd been going out with a boy for a year! (am 28 now) ------------- Alex, Thomas and Lily http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 9:37am
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Oh boy, what to say and how to say it!
The other day I had a run in with the nurse at Mona's school after she rang me to tell me she had been discussing STI's with Mona and she thought Mona needed to go to Family Planning. She had to ask MONA's permission to talk to me about it! Excuse me, the kid is 15, she should be asking OUR permission to talk to her about it! If anyone is going to be talking to her about sex it's gonna be us, at least that way we are all on the same page and if she is having sex well so be it. It's not ideal, and I'd certainly hope she has more respect for herself than that, but if she is I'd far rather she was open about it so we could make sure she has access to contraception etc. I just don't think it is the school nurse's job to talk about that sort of stuff with her without parental consent. But the flipside is, I can remember when I was at school, the nurse used to give out condoms. It was very controversial and made the papers at the time, but I didn't think of it as a big deal. Man how your views change when you become a parent! As for teenage mothers, there but for the grace of God go I, but planning a baby at 13? A 13 year old doesn't even have the reasoning and logic to plan what's for dinner! -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 9:46am
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Hmm I have to say I don't agree with a few of the comments on here. Sure its sad when kids that young are having sex and TTC but its a bit harsh saying they are throwing their lives away and have no goals for their lives.
Who had goals at 13? I sure didn't it wasn't until I actually had Jack that I realised it was up to me to make my life great. I had a lot of people saying I was throwing my life away when I chose to keep Jack but you know what having Jack actually gave me a life. So while its not ideal for kids to be having kids instead of judging them why not help them out? I used to go to a few teen mums groups and most of the girls were really lovely and doing the best they could. Sure there are a few of those ones who don't do well but a lot aren't. The thing that sucks, when your a young mum people just assume your a bad mum and you have to prove it otherwise. I was a 'typical' teenager, I drank smoked and did a few drugs but since getting pregnant with Jack apart from a few drinks here and there I haven't touched a thing. Older mums seem to have more of a life than me lol. So maybe instead of judging put yourself in their shoes and try and help them out. Something does need to be done about this countries teenage pregnancy rate but that doesn't really help the ones that are already pregnant or have babies. |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 9:50am
Sorry I have to disagree with this as well. I think there would be a lot more teenage mums if there wasn't confidential access to birth control. When I was 15 at least half of my friends were on the pill and having sex. Most without their parents knowing. While I agree its the parents job to teach all about sex, some parents don't so I like they have it for those that don't know. |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 10:45am
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I went to school with a girl who got pregnant at 14 and had the baby at 15, now she is a great mum to 3 children. Her parents got the guy charged with statutory rape (I think that is the charge) and he was put away for a few years. He doesn't have anything to do with the child and the child knows her partner as dad as he is dad to the other 2 children. I was young when I lost my virginity cough14cough In my 7th form year (in 1999) we had counted 21 babies, 15 abortions (that we knew of, i'm sure there was probably more), and about 30 odd M/C's. That was from 1996-1999. It is shocking I think we were one of the worst years at my school for babies and pregnacies. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 11:38am
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My little brother was 15 when he and his girlfriend got pregnant. She was 16 and still in school. She went through hell sticking out her last year while preparing for the birth of their daughter. She got all sorts of rude judgmental comments from her peers and even some of her teachers. She lost a few friends and found it really hard to keep going.
She did though, and she managed to win herself a scholarship as well. My brother was out of school and working full time, he started a new job to help them prepare for bubs. They both quit smoking and drinking, they both changed their diets to be healthy for bubs and they read up on what to expect when you're expecting. He was on a really bad path before they decided to keep bubs, I honestly believe that having his daughter has been the making of him. Some people might think that its sad that becoming a father at 16 would be the best thing for a boy, but it truly was. They knew it wasn't ideal and they knew that they would be judged and treated differently than other expectant parents, but they loved their little girl just as much as any of the other older parents did, and still do, 6 years and 9 months later. Being a Daddy has taught my brother a responsibility he didn't know or want before. Its taught him to put someone else first and that he needs to take care of himself in order to be there for her. And of course he's learned all those important life skills like budgeting, cleaning and washing, cooking, the importance of routine and sleep etc etc etc. Granted they've had a lot of support from their families that not all of these other young parents get, but none of us have done it for them and they've never asked us to. They have always been the ones taking care of her and even now that their relationship has parted ways, they're parenting just the same and handling it with phenomenal maturity with their girl's best interests first. They keep things amicable and share all her care. What I'm trying to say is that it is so easy to write young parents off as silly and deluded about life with a baby but that is not always the case and certainly hasn't been with 90% of the ones I've known. It bugs me that people will assume young parents have ruined their lives or missed out on so much, just because they've had a baby. It is so not the case with my brother and I'm sure its not the case with a majority. Of course it isn't ideal for such young people to become parents, but it certainly doesn't mean they can't be good parents or give their children the same opportunities that older parents can. ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 11:39am
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Interesting Topic:
I am a health teacher at a boys secondary school and I personally think its great that they have a nurse at school that they can talk to and get help from. Often they will talk to me and I can refer them somewhere else to get everything they need. As parents we like to think that we are approachable and the norm but unfortunately not all parents are approachable and I personally like knowing there is something there for those kids. We need to prevent kids from making the mistakes BUT then support them if it happens. I try SOOO hard to explain to the boys the consequences of their actions and point out that its not just them they need to think about, its a BIG committment and they are then attached to someone for life that they may have only wanted sex from, and not to point out that they are then finanically and emontionally resposible for a child. I am horrified by the stats of 12 -16 year olds that are pregnant or trying to get pregnant (that is just ridiculous and they really need strong support for numerous issues) and really think that as a society we need to step up and tackle the prob head on - its the how part thats tricky. I know there are some wicked teen mums out there and feel sorry that they have to defend themselves because the idiot ones have ruined it for them. -------------  
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 11:56am
| Yep agree with you Rach, there's research that shows that sex education coupled with access to confidential care and resources helps lower the teen pregnancy/abortion/birth rate. |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 12:03pm
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OMG I had this screen up about 2 hours ago and have only just replied. Oops!
I think its Switzerland or somewhere like that (Peanut you will probably know) that is the most open country about teen sex (parents let partners stay over etc) and its discussed at the dinner table. And guess what? They have the lowest teen pregnancy rates. If it was made 'normal' and teens knew the full consequences (which is what health teachers now push instead of the stupid American abstinence thing (that doesn't work btw)) then you would see the rates drop. I myself went to school with quite a few girls that got pg between 11-13 (Intermediate age) and one of my friends had 2 abortions by the time she was 14. It wasn't the fact that she wanted a baby that she got pregnant, she actually had no idea about contraception. Probably didn't help that her mum had her when she was 15, so it was kind of the 'norm' so to speak. That's why us teachers really have to push decision-making skills and assertiveness/self respect at school cos that's what it all comes down to (the ones that are REALLY young I mean, not the 16+ age group - they're legal so can't really do much about that). |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 12:04pm
| I think it is Sweden - they are well known for their liberal stance toward sexuality |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 12:07pm
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Geez at 13 I hadnt even kissed a boy!!! I wasnt thinking about sex!!! I was more interested in plastering posters of Hanson and the Backstret Boys on my wall!!! lol
Let alone haveing a baby!! Im scared even now and Im a grown women!!!! ------------- |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 12:49pm
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Oh believe me , i tried my best to give the girls at bethany as much support etc , advice on life that i could, but did they want to listen ? no.
They were having babies, therefore they knew it all. Yeah, some make a good thing of it and good for them. I still say its sad though, they are missing out on childhood themselves. |
Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 3:08pm
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I agree rachandjack, I dont think that being a young mum = being a bad mum with no goals or aspirations. Of course there are some "bad egg's"...but TBH they would prob be a bad mum at 16 or 25 or 30.....and there are plenty of 30 yr old with babies that make bad decisions and choices as well. I think that sometimes young mums do make it a bit hard for people not to presume that they are "bad" mums by some of their actions - but we have to remember that they are YOUNG and trying to find their way... I know an 18yr old who has just had a baby, but her mother is raising the child as there is no way that she is capable of doing it. She spends all her benefit on smokes and drinking and doesnt even buy nappies or the basics for baby, so her mother stepped in. On top of this the baby is sick - with a syndrome (I cant remember what it is...). I think we only ever hear about the bad teen mothers, and very rarely hear about those really trying hard to make a go of it.
------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 3:18pm
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I am very open withmy kids and they are with me (although sure there are things I have to prod for)
Since I have a 15 year old boy - how scary would it be if he was a dad. I talked to him about a close friend who had her son at 15 (pregnant at 14) and Josh is good friends with her son. Josh was in shock about it saying thats sooo young. i am lucky in that josh is a nice teenage boy and is pretty much a home boy (part of me wished he would have a lil rebelion in him LOL) As for Brooke - she is a good looking kid (I know all mothers say that but other 'strangers' have too) I do worry that she will have se wayyyyy tooo early and posibly get pregnant - kids now a days know so much more than we did 'back then'. I have talked to her about sex but at a 10 year old level. i feel she is rather niave of it all so worry I haven't stressed heaps about the importance of 'saving yourself' making sure its with the right person (and not till she is at least 25 LOL  )
going back to my friend who had a baby at 15 (pregs at 14) it was with a man 5 years older than her who she did marry and go on to have another baby with. There was alot of problems going on in her life at the time. She said she really didn't think/ know about getting pregnant till she was. She wen t to see the school nurse (who she is thankful for till this day cause she really helped her) The teachers were cruel at school as she stuck it out till her baby was born, she even said the Dr's and nurses when she had her baby were cruel too (oh how times have changed I hope) Her marriage never lasted, but she is married now and things have turned out good for her. She didn't want any more kids since she had the other two so young (she was 16 with her second one). I try not to judge young mothers although I would love to talk to them and not lecture but say how hard being a young mum is (I had JOsh at 19) and its not all dress ups and a person who will love you (although they do it doesn't replace love lost) SO sad when you see a 12/13 year old preggie. I don't think they are throwing their life away as it normally works out in the end. But they will miss out on a choldhood and you just have to grow up so quickly. ------------- Ann 
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 3:25pm
I probably *used* to agree with you, certainly when I was at school I thought it was good that we had access to condoms, not that it actually did anything to curb the rampant teenage pregnancy rate at my school, but hey, they tried! BUT then I became a parent and I changed my mind! I think what annoyed me the most about the school nurse the other day was that the information was unsolicited. Mona didn't go to her and say "hey, I'm having sex, I need contraception advice," she went to her and said "hey, I've got period pain, I need some panadol," and the nurse saw that as an opportunity to spiel on about STI's and contraception. Granted, some kids get no sex ed/contraception education at home, and in that case maybe some is better than none, but we have been fairly open with Mona when it comes to sex, and she has obviously felt comfortable enough to talk to us about it so all the school nurse did was confuse her, and put the fear of God into her that she has an STI. I agree that NOT talking about it can be dangerous coz kids are going to have sex whether we like it or not, Lord knows I did, but I think the context and situation in which it IS discussed should be carefully managed. For example, I'd rather teach my 15 year old to be vigilant about using condoms so she can protect herself from both pregnancy and disease instead of just giving her a prescription for the pill and crossing my fingers that she remembers to take it which is the direction the nurse was headed in with Mona. I think too that there is such thing as "too much talk". It's about finding a balance between making sure our kids have enough information to make safe choices for themselves without overwhelming them with too much information, and talking about it so much it makes them WANT to do it. JM2CW, and believe me, like I said, having a 15 year old in the house has drastically changed my views on the subject! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 3:27pm
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I think its more the fact that a lot of these young girls PLAN to get pregnant and treat their pregnancy/baby as if it's the new 'trend' and cool thing to show off. It was the way that they all seemed to conglomerate on each others profiles that got to me.
I definitely agree that there will be good mothers amongst them, but for the majority of teen mums I know/know of ...they all basically fit the stereotype of living the normal teen lifestyle, going out and partying ...drinking, smoking and dumping their child with their parents & continuing to go through boyfriends like theres no tomorrow. There are some that even end up having 2 or 3 kids before the age of 16. I just think its incredibly sad, and a lot of them ARE throwing their life away in the respect that they don't end up finding the motivation to study or go out to work, they go on to have more children to several diff guys and get into a lifetime of drinking and smoking with money they get given to look after their kids- but instead they neglect them and palm them off to others. You see it a lot around South Auckland. At a plunket group we went to when Lucas was 11 months, one mother came along with FIVE kids in tow- all hers, she introduced herself ...said she was 19years old & single, the oldest kid was 7 years old (should have been in school but wasn't) ...the youngest was 6 months. You could tell they weren't all from the same father. (different ethnicities). She looked very unhappy and the kids weren't well clothed or looked after. I commend the young teenage mums that do further themselves by studying and going out to work & do take the role of motherhood seriously. ------------- Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :) |
Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 3:37pm
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Maya, I think you make a valid point in that the nurse saw it as an opportunity to talk about it rather then being directly asked for help. That situation is very different and would irritate me as a parent and also as a teacher.
I also agree that sometimes there is "too much" talk about it and I also hate hearing about schools that only talk about the protection side of things. Even tho they are teenagers, I think sex needs to be taught in a holistic way e.g feelings, emotions etc and not just for that one sex e.g "how do you think a female would feel in that situation?". As Emz, said its actually about empowering teenagers to amke wise decisions and helping them with decisions, consequences, assertivness etc. -------------
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Posted By: BessieBear
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 3:44pm
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hmmm My best freind is now a nurse at the only docs in my old town where i went to school and she does all the pregancy testing and sti's etc She said That about 2 13 -15 year old girls a day come in for either of those things. That may not seem like alot but that town is lil maybe 10000 ppl. One high school one supermarket maybe 3 primary schools. And also she get's the delightful job of adminstering the injection, good on the one's tat get it but most of the time they are a couple of months late to get it and just shrug it off.
------------- Sarah Mum to, Boy 07/2008, Girl 03/2010, Boy 05/2012, Angel 07/08/2014
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 3:46pm
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havingn a 16 year old in the house has opened my eyes waaaay up. They don't use condoms. You can tell them the consequenses till you are blue inthe face. They don't use them Too much "talk" I think.. Do you know why? "all the girls are on the pill" (which I wouldn't believe..) They don't think STIs will happen to them.
Then there ae the young girls who get pregnant to "keep" their boyfriends... (happened to a boy in SS class) ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 3:48pm
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Also in our home we do and talk alot about respect and love andself respect and feelings etc. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: almostthere
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 4:20pm
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It really is tough: too much talk and you become used to it and block it out. Not enough talk and they are blind to everything.
My sister lost her virginity when she was 14.. I was sad for her, but she told me they were safe etc.. (then she went on to explain that she was a lesbian.. Yep, another story lol) Then there was DH's niece: She had her son at age 17.. she had been sexually active for a while and had the baby as she wanted to keep her boyfriend at the time.. He son is now looked after by the boys great grand parents. She just has no idea the hard work that goes into looking after that boy and has re-appeared after two years of no contact to 'be his mother'. She drinks, takes drugs.. just has no idea. SHe was talking to me that other day about how she wanted another baby. And this time she was gonna do it right, and she wanted a girl.. I really didnt know what to say: I was thinking are you being honest? or will it just be another opportunity for you to give up on your child? I know alot of her issues come from her childhood and her relationship with her mother, but its tough as you just dont know.. As to children having sex: it is sad, but i wonder where they get these ideas thats its ok to behave the way they do.. And i wonder where their parents are as well.. sad.. very very sad ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2128f6"> 
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2128f6 - chart |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 4:50pm
hmmm just like all the hollywood celebrities think having a baby is a cool accessory... like paris, the spears sisters, and even our own keisha castle-hughes. its no wonder they think its cool! On another note too i am a bit disappointed that some are willing to dump all young mums into the "dont care, wasting their lives on purpose" camp. Have we not learnt to not judge without facts or assume based on a persons age or sex or ethnicity ...? there are always those - no matter what age or maturity - who will just be unkind, uncaring parents. lets not label all young mums but instead try and help any mother, regardless of age. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 5:16pm
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What? How on earth can you lump Keisha Castle-Hughes into the 'cool accessory' basket?
From everything I have seen/read there is no way that she treats her child like that! Sorry, this isn't particularly me jumping to the defence of celebrities but saying that we shouldn't make gross generalisations about young mums. I've had to prove myself time and time again and it gets a little old. But apart from that, the rest is great Deb
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 5:27pm
yeah i agree Steph , the young mothers i have had the "pleasure" of meeting , all planned it , and all saw the baby as a cute novelty . And you know what ? over half of them , have gone onto have 2 more kids. I too commend the ones who dont just sit on their a**es getting the DPB ( or whatever benefit they are eligible for) and go on to further their lives for the better, i think they are great cos they have a lot against them. |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 5:28pm
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hmmm just like all the hollywood celebrities think having a baby is a cool accessory... like paris,
WHAT?! Paris ? dont tell me SHES pregnant |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 6:27pm
sorry i am obviously talking thru a whole in my arse. Just forget i said anything... ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 7:21pm
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Someone rang me at work recently (law office) because her 14yo daughter was pg. It truly is scary. I certainly would not condone pregnancy (let alone sex!) under 18yrs at the very least. I can't imagine what it's like to get a baby out of an under-developed body, although I gotta accept that in other cultures that is often normal. I don't condone abortion though, so I would look at all my options and whether I could provide care for that child at least until the mother is old enough. That's presuming that the father has freaked out and run off! ------------- |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 7:58pm
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Ok so a SAHM at 30 is ok but a SAHM at 15 is lazy???
Thats what annoys me, at playcentre there are a few mums who just want to be SAHMs they do a good job of it and then find any job they can get once their youngest is at school. They are happy doing it and everyone accepts it. But if a teen decides that they are somehow lazy with no ambitions? On paper I'm sure i'm a huge failure compared to a lot of my friends and people I went to school with. I work part time with 2 kids at 22 and we get a bit of money from the government. They all smoke, drink and spend their weeks recovering from their weekend at a job they hate, if thats success I'm glad I've failed. |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 9:34pm
if they are BEING sahm mums then no, whether they are 15 or 30 they are not lazy. i am talking about the teen mums i have met, who leave their kids in the cot for most of the day , or just generally neglect to take care of them, (a few ended up in cyfs care) and spend all their time having parties, and drink ups etc. If i saw a 30 year old doing that, i would have the same response. I was a young mum, i was 20, i think some people are taking this too much to heart-Steph was saying its shocking how MANY teen mums there are, and quite frankly , it is . Whether they do a good job or not is besides the point, there are a lot of babies being born to young mums, and it seems to be on the increase. |
Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 9:38pm
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Fricken 12 yr old?!?!?!?!? My niece is 10 now. There is NO WAY I can picture her pg or with a baby in 2 years. SICK AND DISCUSTING! And soooo very sad.
I'm very old-school and was 19 when I lost my virginity and that was to my DH. I don't regret it, and love that only he has ever had me. My first child was born when I was 23, and my life has changed completely. There is no way I would've wanted children any earlier. It's too hard & tiring trying to do anything else, other than care for my children. So anyone having children between 12-16 are in a for a very rough ride! It's not fair on the baby either, having a child for a parent. Breaks my heart. ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 9:50pm
Yip I agree theres too many but it doesn't help anyone bitching about them and saying how terrible they are. I wasn't the first to bring up about their parenting skills, i'm just sick of people assuming teen mums are terrible. We don't know their stories so I don't think its fair to jugde. Why not put all that energy complaining about them into helping them and trying to prevent more girls going the same way. |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 9:58pm
| oh no, i agree that bitching about all of them and lumping them in the same basket doesnt help-im talking about the ones i have known. |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 10:03pm
| and I'm talking about the ones I've known. I guess I take this subject a bit to heart. |
Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 10:11pm
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I don't really read any of this as bitching, more an open discussion & people sharing opinions and experiences.
I know for a fact not all 'teen mums' are terrible as you put it, some ARE brilliant mothers. It's more he fact that we live in a society where it is becoming the norm to have a child younger/in intermediate/highschool. And as Kelly mentioned above, the aspect of mothers neglecting heir children etc. Anouska after reading your post I have the utmost respect for you. I wish I had of done things differently in my life regarding my approach to guys/relationships. But in saying that, I wouldn't change having Lucas for the world. He's my life now & I'm so grateful that I was blessed with a beautiful son. ------------- Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :) |
Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 10:12pm
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Man my 'T' key is playing up ....really bugging me when I have to keep going back to add in the t's. GRR ------------- Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :) |
Posted By: NovemberMum
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 10:21pm
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if my daughter at the age of 13 came up to me and told me she was pregnant I would feel as though I had failed as a parent.
I know of someone who was 18 and was talking about having a baby so they could take their baby to cafes to show them off..i had to laugh I was pregnant with Megan at the time. there is no way I would have a baby just to show him/her off...you'd be too tired from sleepless nights and sore boobs and other bits...lol to even think about going to cafes to show off your baby. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 10:31pm
yep, seconded. I know I come across as all judgy etc here, as I am very old school in this subject. I would like to clarify. I do NOT think ALL teen mums are useless, lazy, whatever. I think my feelings about it come more from feelings of sadness and dissapointment for them that they haven't really lived life/experienced all the exhilerating things on offer as well as those things that that other teenagers get to do, all those exciting things (not including sex) that you never get to do again, like formal etc. I don't think they know what a hard and often lonley job motherhood is, regardless of weather you are 13 or 30. granted its got to be harder at 13. After the cute wears off, all your friends are back at school, going out and you are out of the loop. Sad. I just feel sad that we live in s society where this isn't a very rare occurence anymore. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 14 June 2008 at 2:21am
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Yes! thats exactly it Fattartsrock, while the ones i knew were sh*t (and im sorry if that offends but they were, i lived with them) , i know not every young mum is the same, of course not.
Its the fact that its normal now a days to see 13 year old girls pregnant, and its sad, just like its sad to see 10 year olds smoking, or 13 year olds getting drunk deliberatly...its like kids are in a rush to grow up too soon, i mean , i didn't know what pot was till i was 14, never tried it til i was 17 , and now its not that uncommon for 13 year olds to be doing it, or worse. |
Posted By: NeoshasMummy
Date Posted: 14 June 2008 at 12:18pm
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I fell pregnant at 17 with Neosha a little earlier than we had expected as I had plans of buying a house first with DP, I had her at 18 and im 20 in a couple of months and we are trying for another bub. My partner is a great dad hes 29 got a great job that allows me to be a SAHM and keeps us in a beautiful house with nice cars and I don't see anything worng with that!
I also don't see my child as an acessory and have spent most of my time as a mother at home by myself not out galavanting around showing my bub off. Only recently I have come across a really good friend that understands me and has the same issues to deal with as me and thats great! I left home at 15 due to an extremely bad home life and worked my butt off to get myself nice things, now im doing a business diploma with an accounting major at night so that once my kids are off to school and can walk into a job that I WANT to be in. I agree that 12,13,14 is way to early but some young mums are really doing the best for their babies, I was told to go back to work when Neosha was 12 weeks, just because I was young. Ok so reurn to work only see my daughter for a couple of hours a day at night, have no time to study and get a real career, miss out on the most important time in our lives all to make myself look good to other people when we arent even that desperate for money. No way! In saying that I don't want Neosha to think its a kool thing to do or an easy way out and would feel like I totally failed her if she was to come home and tell me at 14 she was pregnant. That would be really sad Also this isnt a new thing, it happened HEAPs people just keep the babies now instead of getting rid of them. Which is a better idea? ------------- https://secure.fertilityfriend.com/home/30c4ec/" rel="nofollow">  Mrs Te Kani ❤️ Neosha 26/5/2007 |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 14 June 2008 at 2:10pm
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Italiah I have to admit to being as similarly old-skool in my own life as well! And I don't regret it, either. I think it's a bit harsh for people to think that they've failed as a parent if their teen gets pg - teens will do all manner of things to have us tearing our hair out, I'm sure of that! But no, it's not a failure as a parent if that happens - I think of it as a huge big change & challenge for a family, and yes, it'd be hard, but people face hard stuff sometimes, 'cause that's life. I think all I can do to 'help' the issue of NZ's climbing teen pg rate is to talk with my kids not only about contraception, but also the emotions and commitment (or percieved commitment) involved with sex - the whole package. And if we meet very young mums at plunket, or playcentre or wherever, we need to go our of our way to make them feel welcome because the truth of it is while parenthood is hard regardless, teen parents put up with an extra set of hardships, because they suddenly get displaced in society and the truth of it is people aren't slow to judge them. ------------- Andie |
Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 14 June 2008 at 2:22pm
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You know what I really hope one day I dont have to deal with this situation. I would love for McKayla to have her innocence for as long as possible without having to worry about taking care of another kid while she is a kid. I really do think you have to have a childhood to allow your kids one day to have a childhood.
However if by any chance something does happen I will give the choice over to my child. There is non-negotioables for me.. She will go on with her education. That will not stop. Where the other party is concerned that is up to them but they will wait until both of them have something under their name and can stand on their own two feet before they will go out by themselves. She will be the mother to those kids (if she decides to keep baby) but Grant and me did chat about this and if anything has to happen and she wants to adopt out we most propably will adopt the child until she is either ready to be a mom or it will be one of our kids (truth will be told from a young age however.) Abortion: Not my choice but I hope she doesnt make that decision but I will be there for her. On other kids at that age? Let me think at 12 I was still playing with Barbie. At 19 I found out what a Dildo is. So definatetly didnt have sex on my brain at that age but these days kids just grow up way too fast and as a society I think we are quilty of that. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 14 June 2008 at 3:23pm
exactly my point, times have changed and not always in the most wonderful direction, kids just know things way earlier these days, and regardless of whether they end up being good parents etc is beyond the point, the point is , its sad to see young 14 year olds pregnant, or young kids drunk, or 13 year olds smoking, once you have lost your innocence , you don't ever get it back. And i stand by that,its sad. |
Posted By: Snickerdoodle
Date Posted: 14 June 2008 at 3:28pm
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Man, such a great topic!
SO many arguments and I agree with all of them to some degree. I think 12 is too young to be trying to get pregnant. It's also too young (and illegal) to be having sex. By the same token, I think if parents know they are sexually active, they need to be onto it. getting their children into the doctor's surgery for a depo shot. I can barely remember to take my pill every day, so I wouldn't expect a 12 year old to. Then sit them down and have a conversation about condoms and why you also need them to protect yourself from STIs. In my experience, you can't always stop kids from having sex. I remember school camps and sleepovers where these so-called innocent 12 and 13 year olds were hiding in closets having sex when the teachers/parents weren't looking. It scared the bejeesus out of me!! I lost my virginity at 18 (just turned) to a guy who I thought was "boyfriend material" We'd been friends for a long time and decided to step things up a notch. He up and dumped me the next day and we are no longer friends. Sad. I didn't do it again for a year! Anyway. My cousin (12 at the time) had a 17 year old boyfriend living with them (not a side of the family I have ANYTHING to do with - messy messy messy) and ended up with two kids by the age of 14. He was Not A Good Guy and ended up killing her when she turned 15. Really awful situation as she was a wicked Mum to those kids, against all the odds. So, while I didn't condone the situation, she rose above all the bad stuff and was a great Mum. Just sad the way it ended up - I'd hate to see other kids end up in those situations, over their heads and doing what they thought was right because they had no other form of support. I wanna say more, but Hannah's just woken up and I think (however ineloquent that is) I've put the gist across ------------- 
http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 14 June 2008 at 4:50pm
[
No, but I did think she was going round saying how "cute" Harlow was and how she herself would make a wonderful mother - maybe she should get pregnant - kinda talk. |
Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 14 June 2008 at 7:44pm
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I think Paris is...well according to NW mag this week . In the pictures she does look like she had a baby bump so who knows..... -------------
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 14 June 2008 at 8:07pm
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Sensitive topic this one.
My sister fell pregnant at 16, when she had her son the hospital staff treated her so badly. She had some issues with labour and the told her to stop being stupid and get back in bed (she was on the her hands and knees having a contraction). She was also refused a bottle and to persevere with bf... until the nurse noticed that my nephew had ripped her nipple so bad it needed stiches (he was tongue tied and never learnt to latch properly). She had her 2nd at the same hospital at 22 (same father) and several of the nurses were the same. They treated her so differently. Helpful, kind, friendly. They offered to take chloe for the night so she could get some sleep. With Josh, she would have women come up to her in the street and tell she was doing things wrong, one actually told her she was a bad mother because she was bottle feeding!!!!! She has constantly had to prove herself a good mother.. she was expected to be a bad mother because of her age. However, my sister will be the first to stand up and say dont have kids young. She loves both her kids and is a fantastic mother, but if she could go back and change things she would have had them 10 years later. She doesnt feel like she ruined her life, but she does feel like she lost her youth. She never really got to be a teenager and thats the part she regrets. While all her friends were going to the movies, parties and concerts she was up all night with a colicky baby. I jhave so much respect for my sister, but I do think it is sad, these young girls are having to grow up so early. Kids should enjoy being young and irresponsible.. My thoughts on this subject. -------------   
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 14 June 2008 at 9:38pm
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Ok just thought I would clarify myself a bit here, I wouldn't rcommend having a baby early to anyone either, you do miss out on heaps. I totally agree its sad there are so many people young ones having babies.
What I did think wasn't cool was people just assuming they were all right offs. I've seen just as many 'older' mums not cope as younger ones so I think there are two different issues that always seem to be clumped together. Young mum does not equal bad mum and young mum does not equal life ruined. I look back and think of all the things I could of done but then I think I wasn't heading in that direction anyway. So there are a lot of young mums who do a great job (even if they didn't have the baby under the best intentions). But that doesn't make it any less sadder about all the young ones having babies. |
Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 14 June 2008 at 10:19pm
Well worded Rachandjack. I totally see your viewpoint and agree. I'm a young mother myself (not young young, i'll be 21 soon  ) but I like to think I'm doing a fantastic job with Lucas . I haven't yet gone out socially without Lucas and I rarely see friends. I'm really into the whole SAHM thing and giving him the best start/breastfeeding ...almost the total opposite to a lot of my friends who are the same age and mother's themselves. Our priorities seem to be so different.
I know our situation isn't ideal, If I could change things I would have preferred to have my first child when I was much older and in a stable relationship, I felt at 19-20years of age I was really young, so I have no idea what the mindset of a 12-15yo would be like. It's incredibly sad that they miss out on their youth, I'm sure it would effect them later on in life to some extent. But in saying all that, I totally don't regret my decision in keeping Lucas & I want to give him the best life I can. I'm just at a crossroads as to what to do next, unsure if I want to study or just go out and work ....but that will come much later as I want to stay at home with Lucas for as long as possible - I'm ever so grateful that there are benefits available to allow me to do so. The first years are the most important & I want to be there every step of the way. Sorry going a bit off topic there. I just don't understand how these young girls could even be thinking about sex/pregnancy/babies and the like. My main worries back then consisted of assignments and popping pimples lol. ------------- Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :) |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 14 June 2008 at 10:37pm
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and which memeber of Poison or Motley crue I would be marrying, lol ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 14 June 2008 at 11:20pm
yeah, we're coming to your 21st party silly 
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Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 14 June 2008 at 11:29pm
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LOL Kelly, good luck with that ...won't be much fun considering I won't be there :P hehe I don't wanna celebrate. It's just another year ------------- Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :) |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 14 June 2008 at 11:42pm
| FINE! then we will have a non 21st party - party haha! |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 14 June 2008 at 11:42pm
| and hey just "another year " is better than none at all ... |
Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 14 June 2008 at 11:50pm
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It is indeed, and all the more worthwhile when you have a beautiful son to share it with . Partly why I don't see the point in celebrating, I did everything the wrong way around and had a kid first. He was the 'big event'.
Ps. everyone don't mind us, continue on as you were lol ------------- Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :) |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 15 June 2008 at 12:01am
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yeah , carry on people, we will take this to the dailychat thread eventually .
hmm, i know, C was ,,,,,*thinks back* 6 months at my 21st , she was so cute, crawling and stuff til her dad came and picked her up cos it was late and ...her dad !!! thats what i was gonna tell you ! *rushes to daily chat thread to relief of everyone on here * |
Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 15 June 2008 at 12:03am
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Lol *scurries back to chat thread for all the goss* ------------- Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :) |
Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 15 June 2008 at 8:14am
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Oh yes, non birthday parties are fun, aren't they! I've had a non-17th, non-18th and non-19th so far... Mike enjoyed his non-21st this year too.
To be honest I never liked crowds, alcohol or parties or any of that - I wouldn't recommend it to others, at the time I wouldn't have picked this, but if I had the chance to go back and do it again, or do it in 10 years time, I wouldn't pick the 10 years time. Some of us are just plain weird huh? Caitlyn's mum Seb was like that at my brother's 21st, was 8 months and LOVED crawling all over the place, sitting on people's shoes etc. -------------
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 15 June 2008 at 1:43pm
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you know Alia? im not really a big fan of parties etc too, clubbing i cant stand, always the same , and i spend half the night hoping i can leave soon .
My idea of a perfect night is a hot bath and watching a movie with DP , bliss. sorry ,going way off topic here |
Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 15 June 2008 at 1:47pm
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Sounds good! And I can do that with Seb in bed just fine And then I get lovely cuddles and this happy little face to wake up to in the morning. -------------
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 15 June 2008 at 4:10pm
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Congrats on the pregnancy Alia thats so cool.
I love clubbing but hate being so tired the next day so rarely go. Steph I had a non 21st too I was 5 months preg with Caprece and Ben had a motorbike crash so I spent my 21st in hospital with him. |
Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 15 June 2008 at 4:23pm
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If all goes to plan I will have a stunning non-20th next year (due 22nd Feb, my birthday is 3rd March) -------------
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 15 June 2008 at 4:32pm
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My niece will be 12 in Sept and the thought of her doing anything more than kissing or holding hands with a boy, is frightening.
The thought of her having a baby in the next year is just horrible. She's still only a girl, just cause her body might be getting ready for womanhood, her mind certainly isn't. I like to think she has better things to do to occupy her time than thinking about having babies. Its not about being a good or bad parent, its what else she could be doing with her teenage years without a baby to take care of ie Going to university, traveling and working. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 15 June 2008 at 7:44pm
I was 5 months preggers on mine too! ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 15 June 2008 at 7:46pm
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Teehee, I made it to my 21st, but only just! I got preg with Maya a few months later. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 15 June 2008 at 8:30pm
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Fleury, I think it does depend on the different way people mature - I was certainly kissing boys (but that's all) at 12-13, whereas my (half) sister still wouldn't go near them by that age. I was always tall, though slim and got my period at 12... she was always short and petite and was much later... I think 14-15. but I moved out of home when she was 13, so I'm not sure. I would definately not have been considered a girl at 12 - You would've looked at me and said teenager, but put my sister in her party dress and she was a (flat-chested) little girl. (and that's not just an older sister's perspective, honest!)
What's interesting is I lost my virginity just before I turned 15, and she was 16, so not as much difference - there is 2 years between us, but more like 5 years difference in height/etc when we were younger. But no 12 year old should be having sex, I agree - though I think there are those that would be considering it at that age, or wondering about it... and those who were almost still oblivious. -------------
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 15 June 2008 at 9:54pm
I look back and think it would of been nice to do those things but realistically it wasn't going to happen for me with where I was then. I'm not saying having a baby is the answer for getting your life back on track, its actually probably the hardest way to do it. Thats one thing that sucks about having a baby young, you can't really get too excited because everyone is so disappointed in you. I would of been lovely to tell everyone with excitement and be able to talk about it and be happy. My parents actually got a with sympathy card. So while its not ideal and its sad when it happens it really does hurt to hear people saying how horrible it is (that a teen is preg). |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 15 June 2008 at 10:18pm
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They got a sympathy card ! thats disgusting! whatever the circumstances surrounding the pregnancy , its still a baby that is the final result, and no child (or mum whatever age) deserves that, children are a gift, not a blimming tragedy .
And i hear ya on the fact that there are older mums who are just as bad rach , a while ago i was having lunch with a friend at Westfield pakuranga, across from us were two women in there 30s with two kids about 3 years old, they told their mums they needed to go toilet and the mothers just sent them off on their own , now if any of you have been to Pakuranga you'll know in the foodcourt that the toilets are down a long corridor, my friend and i were shocked, even more so when after the kids had been gone TEN minutes, the mothers, instead of looking worried, said annoyingly to one another "for goodness sakes, whats taking them so long" in the end my friend and i got up and walked past and i said to her loudly (my friend) "good thing Paedophiles dont exist in pakuranga huh kate?" , at that one of the mothers, got up and walked , finally , to the toilet. so yes, bad mothers can occur at any age, but what p*ssed me off even more, was that if people saw us, because i look even younger than i am , I would be the one written off as a bad mum |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 15 June 2008 at 10:18pm
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Gosh, Rach, that SUCKS! ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 15 June 2008 at 10:27pm
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Rach I experienced the same thing with falling preg at 18/19 ...I felt so shunned, My Nana spent the bulk of my pregnancy ignoring the bump....at the start she was adament that the best thing was abortion & she kept saying 'you CAN'T keep baby, you're not thinking of keeping it are you?'.
Although I was young when I fell pregnant, I didn't feel young. I was very mature in comparison to my friends, I had been working full time for 2 years and had saved quite a bit of money aside. My downside was that his father didn't hang around and I was living with my parents. ------------- Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :) |
Posted By: Neeks
Date Posted: 15 June 2008 at 10:31pm
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Alia, you sneek .. when did you find out?? Oh, and congratulations btw
Man, I feel so old LOL I had my first at 22 (but lost him shortly after he was delivered from hypoxia brain injury) and my 2nd at 27 Mainly because i was scared about what happened to my son, would happen again to my daughter... but it didn't -------------
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Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 15 June 2008 at 10:32pm
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You know this thread is making me reflect on all the hardships and obstacles I had to overcome to keep Lucas. I put up with so much slack from my own family, my family Dr (who I had had from years) told me straight out that solo mothers were frowned upon in society and despite me telling him I wasn't prepared to abort he referred me to the abortion clinic & told me I was making a mistake,Least to say I changed to a new Dr not long after.
My father even took me to the clinic for councelling in the hope i'd see sense. I'm so proud I stuck to my guns and went against what everyone told me. It wasn't until my last month or so of pregnancy that I was actually taken seriously, and even nowadays they tell me I was too young to have a kid and I don't know jack sh*t. ------------- Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :) |
Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 15 June 2008 at 10:33pm
Oh Neeks I'm sorry to hear about your first born. I had no idea. Hugs  ------------- Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :) |
Posted By: Neeks
Date Posted: 15 June 2008 at 10:40pm
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Yea, it sucks because inside me I knew there was something up.. but they kept telling me to stop being so damn stupid blah blah... he was a real mover... and right up until I went into labour he moved constantly but suddenly stopped... his heart rate fluctuated up and down during labour and then just before he was born it dropped... and fast so he was born via emergency Caesar to be found with the cord wrapped around his neck... not once...but twice... he was blue... he took a few breaths before passing away. He'll always be my angel.. now and forever for his name Xavier.. means Saviour -------------
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Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 16 June 2008 at 6:12am
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Ty Neeks, and sorry to hear about your baby too
Interesting you mention that Mum2Lucas, I had a similar experience at the docs with Seb (this time I'll be going straight to a midwife) And someone started a thread on TNN about abortions, and it's surprising how many women of ALL ages get the "aborition is your best option" pushed to them. It seems alot of doctors seem to think that unplanned = unwanted, which is just not true.  -------------
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Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 16 June 2008 at 9:03am
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For gods sake - get off your high horses ladies!!!!
I was one of those having sex at 12. It was my choice and what I wanted to be doing then. It's not because of my parents or whatever just because I wanted too. I think it is vital that teenagers have confidential advice and help when it comes to sex. It has helped so many people I know, me too of course :) I know a few girls that had babies at 13 and it was usually a case of them wanting someone to love them unconditionally as they were so screwed up from their homes - I think THAT is the sad part. Why do our young people feel the need to go out and have a baby just to feel loved?? Shouldn't that go back on the parents? Family? Society? It annoys me how so many people put in their judgmental 2 cents worth. Give it a break. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 16 June 2008 at 9:44am
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newmum, would you honestly be ok if your daughter was having sex at 12? From where I grew up in small towns that was still a kid... though I've noticed people in cities seem to grow up faster, so perspective is different. Most "city" 9 year olds act more like we did at 12.
Hell, I know one (male) who was perfectly happy to be having sex at 7, and that just scares me. He's in his 20's now, but that is REALLY creepy. If you are ok with 12, would you be ok with 11, 10? Everyone has a bar they set... -------------
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Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 16 June 2008 at 9:54am
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No of course I wouldn't be ok with my children having sex at 12. I didn't say I would be. That's not the point. BUT if they are I hope they are able to get advice help from somewhere - if they don't feel they can come to me.
I grew up in a small town too. ETA : Looking back I kind of wish I hadn't BUT at the time it's what I wanted to do. And I'm not bagging it or condoning it, just annoys me how people are so judgemental because they *know* what they are talking about  when most of them have no idea.------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 16 June 2008 at 10:01am
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I think that what we're trying to say is that it really shouldn't happen as much as it does. There are of course exceptions to every rule, but the much much greater majority of 12 year olds aren't ready for sex.
I really hope my kids will be able to talk to me about these things one day too! -------------
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 16 June 2008 at 10:07am
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So sorry about your wee angel Neeks
Steph my mum took me to a councellor too to try and talk me out of keeping Jack. We were there for about 5 mins when the councellor was like you don't need to be here (to me) but you sound like you have some things you need to work out (to mum). It was great to have someone on my side. |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 16 June 2008 at 10:10am
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I think what Ana is getting at is that having babies at 13 is a symptom rather than the problem itself - and I totally agree with her.
Having confidential advice from trained professionals is trying at least to deal with a need that the parents aren't necessarily meeting - it is INCREDIBLY important. (Am I right Ana or talking out a hole in my head?) Edited after reading properly. |
Posted By: Bel
Date Posted: 16 June 2008 at 10:13am
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I think the point really is is that it is scary to think that there are more and more young kids out there having sex and having babies... surely it is not alright. I agree that they need more support to show them that there are people out there who care... I agree that society and family are probably to blame... becaure in most cases someone needs to take responsibility for this trend... Also, I think there is quite a difference between having a baby at 17 and having a baby at 13... ------------- Mum to two beautiful kids
Luke (09.11.2007) Amy (01.04.2009) |