Never good enough?
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Topic: Never good enough?
Posted By: Jay_R
Subject: Never good enough?
Date Posted: 24 June 2008 at 6:38pm
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This is a bit of a 'woe is me post'.....
At the moment I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough. I work part time - 30 hours a week, in a job that pays quite well for what it is, and I enjoy. I also am the one who is expected to keep the household running, with the exception of laundry and the fatter salary. My day consists of getting Joshua up, breakfasted, sorted for daycare. Getting myself ready, getting house cleaned and out the door by 8.45am. I then work til 3, collect Joshua, look after him, cook his dinner and start our dinner. DP does bathtime the nights he's home (usually 4 out of 7 nights a week) and while he's doing that I am getting the house tidied up and grown ups dinner done. I then put Joshua to bed, finish cooking, serve up, eat then do the dishes. I also do 90% of the housework, all the groceries and errands, and most of the worrying. I am also very supportive of my DP while he studies, and will take on more when needed to accomodate his absences. I also am a stepmother to two other children who I love to bits, and only see on a 4 weekly basis as they live out of Auckland. I don't argue about the huge child support we pay as I feel its the right thing to do. When the kids are with us I do the lions share of the parenting, have extra work with cooking for 4, much more housework and ad hoc stuff that comes up. And I do all of this with a smile, and with love. But sometimes I feel so taken for granted that it breaks my heart. I haven't had a birthday present for 3 years, and mothers day has gone without a mention. I'm always being told I do things the wrong way, and that I never listen. It's hard to listen to *everything* when there is so much to hear about how crap I am. Surely thats not how a relationship should feel? Whenever I complain or question the way I'm being treated, things I've done or not done in the past get brought up and I'm left feeling like I'm stupid for feeling upset cos I'm so totally useless and deserve the way I'm being treated. I know I am a great mother, and my happy, healthy little boy is testament to that. I have a lot of issues due to things that have occured in my past, and I am working to overcome those as best I can. So I can at least take pride in that part of my life. I've let myself go lately. I've not had my hair done since last December, and I've put on weight. I feel I look crap on the outside, and its hard to see the sunny side of things. Aaargh, sorry to all who are reading this post. I just needed to get it all out. |
Replies:
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 24 June 2008 at 6:41pm
*hugs* hun , i dont really have any words of wisdom at the moment , but i can at least give you a few of those
Have you tried talking to DP about it ? because sounds to me like your well within your right to have a bit of a complain to him ! |
Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 24 June 2008 at 6:45pm
Big hugs... seems like you need to take some time out for yourself. easy said than done though isn't it. Maybe you need to go out for a meal with Girlfriends or a movie and just have fun. ------------- Ann 
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 24 June 2008 at 6:50pm
Big hugs Clare! I had no idea you were so down  I'm on leave atm so if you need an ear and a coffee you know where to find me.-------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 24 June 2008 at 7:38pm
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hugs Claire. Sounds like you really need to sit down and talk to DH! Hopefully he isn't as unreasonable as he sounds ATM. the no birthday thing sucks. I used to be all matryish about not wanting anything. then i got annoyed that I didn';t get anything. now i write a list - and a step by step - where to buy. mothers day is the same.
seriously, get Josh a babysitter and go and get your hair done, then sit at a cafe and have a coffee. I'd volunteer to babysit, but don';t live near you... |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 24 June 2008 at 7:47pm
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get in a cleaner... and if he complains tell him its your last three birthday pressies...
if you are feeling low, maybe join a gym or take up aquarobics for some "me" time... i'm good for coffee too tho!!! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 24 June 2008 at 7:53pm
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I think you need to talk to your DP but it's a hard one to broach and he's likely feeling down or exhausted too, so it may even be a matter of each doing one thing for this whole week (and something else next week, etc) that the other chooses, to show love. It could be something like, send an email/txt every day to say I love you; brush your hair before he comes home; bring flowers home (every day might be a bit much though!); tidy the *name particular room in the house* before work in the morning; etc.
Getting in a cleaner does have merit though, you guys are working very hard and sometimes you just need the breathing space - we do! ------------- |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 24 June 2008 at 8:01pm
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Aww Claire.
I agree with everyone else find something just for you. You are doing such an amazing job maybe your DH just doesn't realise how you feel. |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 24 June 2008 at 8:01pm
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Oh, stink honey. I didn't realise you were feeling so low about everything, and here I was yabbering on about nothing when we spoke.
I agree, you definitely need some time out and you also need to talk with DP, tell him you feel undervalued and overworked. When you do discuss it make sure there's a rule that instances mentioned during past arguments (by either party) are not allowed to be repeated. I read somewhere recently that the best place to discuss relationships is at a cafe or restuarant because that way it's less likely to turn into a brawl... you know how we are all on our best behaviour in public.
Call me if you need to talk through anything (a problem shared is a problem halved) and if I start prattling on about nothing again tell me to shut up and listen.. ok?!
p.s. LOL Lizzle at the gifts, I used to write lists for DH too and will still do so if he's stuck. He also carries around a wallet sized card with my clothing sizes. He's really good about buying me birthday pressies but I think that's partly because he didn't buy me one our first year together (infact I paid for us to go to the movies on my birthday) and 11 years later he's still not lived it down. In fact no-one is allowed to forget my birthday, I generally start warning people that it's coming up the day after I've celebrated the last one and on my birthday last year I texted my family to let them know I was up and they could ring me now (only because they had forgotton the year before).
Eta: it's only 2 months and 21 days until my next birthday... FYI -------------  
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 24 June 2008 at 8:31pm
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ROFL Mojo!!!! ------------- |
Posted By: Kelpa
Date Posted: 24 June 2008 at 8:45pm
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BIG HUGS....horrible feeling and place to be for you....
Can you talk about it to him or does he get a bit defensive?If he does could you maybe write down some thoughts? I think you def need a bit of you time to get yourself back on track...will maybe make you feel different about a lot of things.... I go through this now and then as I am sure many people do .....Men sometimes just dont think do they and I think us women can easily EASILY get taken for granted as we are so giving and thinking of everyone else all the time.......... -------------  
 
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Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 24 June 2008 at 9:01pm
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Oh ladies, your lovely words have made me cry! Thank you so much.
I'm sorry to bring out all these feelings on an open forum. I just reached a point today where I just really couldn't take any more. Mojo - don't you feel bad! Our conversation the other night was excellent, and it really took my mind off the stuff that is going on. Am so looking forward to going out in a couple of weeks and getting nice and merry! Nikki - hope you're in too! I know I need to discuss this with DP. But seriously, he dismisses my feelings so easily most of the time I kinda feel I'd get nowhere. To elaborate a bit on the birthday thing - last year he picked a fight with me the night before my birthday, so he felt justified in not even wishing me a happy day because he was sh*tty with me. Then he called me at work, rattled off some stuff that I needed to do that day and then said "oh, hope you have a nice birthday". Poo, blah blah meh! I know this needs to be addressed, and reading your responses makes me see that most of you don't have this kind of stuff in your relationships. Brings it home that its not good... You are all gorgeous! |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 24 June 2008 at 9:15pm
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I really like the cleaner idea, sounds like you totally deserve it! Might free up some time to spend with DP doing other stuff. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 24 June 2008 at 9:23pm
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Claire I just wanted to add Ben is like that with the presents too, he has bought me one thing once after me going on and on about it. He also does the whole picking a fight thing. The only way Ben is kind of ok is when I tell him what I expect a long time before and keep reminding him. I hate having to do it cos I feel he should want to but it doesn't work like that.
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 24 June 2008 at 9:30pm
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Oh thats' stink.
Ohhh maybe we could all have a good D&M down at The Library Cafe while the kids run riot!! I think you need a break... you need to come out and have yummy cake and coffee..and leave the housework for a day. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: Candkids
Date Posted: 24 June 2008 at 9:39pm
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awww big hugs.
im sure most of us have crap in our relationships like that from time to time i sure know we do!! your not alone 
------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  DD 10.5yrs DS 6yrs DS 11mths 5 little angles watching from above |
Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 24 June 2008 at 9:48pm
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I hate to say it, but its a relief to know its not just us. Is that horrid?
Mel, I would LOVE to meet you for coffee and cake at The Library. Any afternoon works for us 
Although, last time we went there Joshua slapped a whole heap of kids  They kept knocking over his tower.....
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 24 June 2008 at 9:50pm
Ohhh yay!!! We'll have to organise a date then. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3)
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joshierocks wrote:Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 24 June 2008 at 9:53pm
| Can we drag pregnant Emma along too? Or are you home bound right now? |
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 24 June 2008 at 9:56pm
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Yep Emma must come too, she has to experience the yummy caramel slice. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3)
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Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 24 June 2008 at 10:16pm
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Ha ha, yeah right! I told Nikki the other day that part of the reason I need to work hard to "save my marriage" (yep we were having a rough patch too) is because it'll take less time to fix us than it would for me to seperate, divorce, remarry and convince someone else to give me another baby.
Ok, so that's looking at it quite harshly (even though it is true That's the first thing to establish when you talk is: do you want to be happy with each other? Once that's cleared up it's time to discuss how.
DP needs to step up. He needs to start doing an activity with Josh so he can have some bonding time and you can have some me time. Soccer, jumping beans, gymbaroo or swimming would be great but if he's not keen on those why don't you get them a kiddies playstation game (one with a dance mat for the controller), I know it's not ideal but it's something to get him involved.
I'm appalled that you're left doing all the housework too. I only work 7.5 hours more than you and I do a monster share (it feels like I do anyway) but I never have to vacuum or fold washing and rarely have to hang it out as DH already has. I agree with the others that getting a cleaner may help but if there's no room in the budget allocate chores. -------------
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 24 June 2008 at 11:15pm
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Hugs! DH and I go through these times too, he just doesn't get it. I love him to bits, but sometimes he just gets so angry with work etc that he'll say something like 'you stay home all day and you still can't get it right'. He doesn't mean it, but still...
I do think though that we take things out on our partners because we know they'll still love us. A good D&M with DP would be a great idea, but like Jo said it would take less time and effort to jump ship and find someone else Men are prats.
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Posted By: Mazzy
Date Posted: 24 June 2008 at 11:26pm
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Is all I have to add ------------- Mum to two gorgeous girls! |
Posted By: susieq
Date Posted: 25 June 2008 at 7:46am
| and big hugs from me too |
Posted By: Snickerdoodle
Date Posted: 25 June 2008 at 7:51am
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Oh man I really hope you get this sorted.
And yep, we have rough patches here, too. Funny thing is, DH is so oblivious to them (or chooses to ignore them), that I just get more frustrated. It's so hard to find a good way to even just broach the subject, isn't it? I find that 90% of the time I'm pissed off about something and when I do bring it up I get all narky and it all turns to custard. I think the advice of writing things down is a good one. When that advice was first offered to me I felt like a 12 year old writing notes to my secret crush. But it honestly helped. I think the fact that DH could see all my concerns written down it brought it home to him. He realised that I wasn't just "whining". That these were all things that were upsetting me and he conceeded before I even got half way through the list! The "I earn the money" argument comes up a lot in this house, too. Just remind him that he'd be going to work and earning money even if you didn't have kids... so he's no worse off! Anyway. I just hope your DP realises what he has before it's too late and pitches in. *BUG HUGS* *edited for pre-coffee spelling ------------- 
http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: Bel
Date Posted: 25 June 2008 at 8:38am
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This is a great point! DH and I have our problems too - mianly with him not appreciating the things I do all day (and OK some days I am lazy, but not always!). But we try and talk through them and get through - most of the time it means I have to let it go. Sounds like you are sick of letting it go - so I agree with the others - get out and have some ME time!! Find something that you enjoy doing (other than Josh) and do it - he can look after Josh for a awhile I am sure!
------------- Mum to two beautiful kids
Luke (09.11.2007) Amy (01.04.2009) |
Posted By: Kelpa
Date Posted: 25 June 2008 at 9:36am
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Oooh yes I am so going to KEEP that he would be going to work anyway line myself!!!!
I think relationships are very much hard work. It has literally taken Mark and I a good four out of six years to get a relationship that is a bit more even..if you understand that??? We have known each other for 12 years prior to that so knew a lot about each other. And it took lots of fights and yucky times and many many "me writing" my thoughts down as opposed to trying to relay them verbally...as immediately Mark would/still gets defensive.....and we are very hopeless at having conversations about any of that stuff anyway...... Funny thing that happened ..not saying it was a good thing but recently I was put in hopsital for a week with pre term labour....was sent over to Waikato so an hour and a half away from here. mark had to take a week off work and look after the kids 24/7!!! His words to many people when I eventually got back was "My god.....you dont appreciate what a Mother does in a day until you have to do it...I would rather work!!"" There you go! -------------
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Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 25 June 2008 at 9:49am
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This might be quick as both me and bubs are totally under the weather and she is begging for hot chock.
I feel like this sometimes and sometimes talking just doesnt do it. They are tired and just dont listen and think it is us just nagging so literally just phase out. Perhaps ask him when do you have time this week as I really need to show you something. Dont put too much pressure on him. Get him a beer or a coffee or wine or whatever he drinks and then show him this topic. The whole thread. Let him read it and then tell him beforehand that you are not going to say anything until he has done his reading and if you guys can just chat for a bit afterwards. Then tell him how you feel. And also tell him what you appreciate already. Like him doing bathduty. Another method if you think the above wont work is to e-mail dh. Everytime he does something really nice like for example the bath thing. E-mail him and say a big thank you for that and that you appreciate him helping. Do that with everything he does. He will appreciate it and hopefully will start helping more. Also be a bit more attentative after those times. I found nagging and sometimes talking too much about something doesnt work. They say yes yes yes and then goes out with the other ear. They are sometimes just like kids (and so are all of us) and to concentrate on the positive is better than the negative and it will encourage more of the positive. Hope this makes sense. Sorry bit drugged up at the moment due to flu. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Shorty
Date Posted: 25 June 2008 at 10:23am
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Big 's mate!
I was in your situation a few weeks ago....literally. I have always tried to talk to DH and within a week always end up back where I start. I wrote it all down and gave it to him 1 night. (I had tears in my eyes as I never thought it would come to me having to write it down) I didn't think he read it, I carried on, shower etc. and left it at that. He never did say anything about it but improved on some of the "issues" I had around the place. I don't know what he could have said.... We had a huge argument a couple of weeks after that and he stormed off....he told me after he went to the place where we got married. We had a huge talk and got it all out in the open. I have major self esteem issues and he was very positive towards me. I think you start with making time for YOU! Go and get your hair cut! Meet mates for coffee and CAKE! You deserve to do it.......the housework will still be there tomorrow, make time for you today
You know there are a lot of us here for you if you ever need a place to meet and have a chat 
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 25 June 2008 at 10:50am
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Oh i know the feeling! Funny how now that Im working pretty much full time Im still the one who does everything. Our nights are pretty much the same except hubby doesnt do the baths, he hates doing baths. He does help out in the mornings since i threw a big tanty so now he will get the kids dressed, sometimes do lunches oh and I made him do the washing, that is now his job and it lasted for about a whole month and ive had to start doing it again but Im saying nothing.....yet
He is about to take on the finances though becuase Im sick of hearing, where has all the money gone???? and feeling like ive been blowing it all. Any to top it off Ive gained back all the weight I lost and so feeling like crap again. Oh the joys aye but anyway not to thread jack, just wanted you to know you are not alone |
Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 25 June 2008 at 11:03am
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Threadjack away love!
I'm gobsmacked to see how many others have very similar things going on at home. It's really tough. But we are all fabulous, strong women
AND we have the cutest kids in the world. Thank you all so much for your lovely words and advice. I will have a proper read through tonight when I get home. Big big hugs back to all of you
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 25 June 2008 at 11:56am
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Oh Clare.....I have the same thing at home but in reverse!! LOL
Most week I work 9-6. DH works 8-3/4 at days. I get DD up, feed her tidy the house, get DD ready for day care etc and drop her off. DHG picks her up at 3ish and cooks dinner and that starts to clean the house or what ever. So yah he does more than me. and this some times causes fights at our place and then the whole "you earn more than me and thats why you think you can boss me around" comes from him....so pathetic!! I alwasy tell him the money is going into the same account and being spent for the FAMILY! So shut up! But yah My DH is really bad at the whole Birthday, mothersday thing. But he is always been useless! We fight like cat and dog and if you go and have a look at Due in Dec 08 you will see we had a major one the other day. So you are not alone. I also dont think my DH knows what I do DO around the house. I find that the min you let "you" time slip you emotionally go down hill and every thing seems worse that it is. I think you should get DH to look after Joshie and go pamper yourself. You will feel loads better I promise. Then get a baby sitter go out for dinner just DH and you. You can casually start the conversation about how you are feeling. Being in a one on one situation plus being in a public place...he will have to listen. It works for me! Might not for you....but you have to sit him down some how and let him know how you feel. It is sooo important for any relationship. Both parties have to give each other respect or else it just wont work. Like MrsMojo...we only work because at the end of the day we love each other and respect each other...even if we dont show it. And I am sure that if your DH really loves you he will have to sit up and take notice and respect your feelings. Sorry to ramble on and on......but I am sure it is a phase and it will pass. My DH always says that once you have children the whole "Thanks babe", "You are looking beautiful babe" etc slips out of the scene...but doesnt mean I still dont think it!! Hun I am not too far from you...need a coffee yell out I will meet you for a coffee and cake (Yuuummm). Big hugs hun.....and we think you are a great mum and step mum and I thought you were beautiful (when I last saw you at botany)...so not sure why you think otherwise!!?? ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: ginger
Date Posted: 25 June 2008 at 12:23pm
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Go and get your hair done. NOW!! Go! OK, well, maybe wait till afterwork OR go out for Thursday/Friday late night and have some time to yourself, and do something completely indulgent. And although I like the cleaner idea, I think I'd rather scrub the loo in a new top and jeans ... and shoes ... with a nice handbag to take to the supermarket when I go to buy new loo cleaner and if DH complains, I find having some new underwear to flash at him always helps
You know where I am when you need an ear. Don't ever feel you can't bend it.
I'm definitely good for a coffee too ... just in a month or so when the danger of me barfing in your lap is significantly reduced because somehow I don't think covering you in puke is going to make you feel better! P.S. Unfortunately, sometimes (more often than not) DHs/DPs/boys in general are just asses. Remember that. ------------- Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00 Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41 |
Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 25 June 2008 at 12:54pm
Isn't it sad to hear that what you think is just you is actually happening to a lot of people 
We're in the same boat as Jo a lot of the time, but we don't argue, we just do the cold shoulder treatment until we have forgotten what we were pissed off about (mature huh? )
We've been together for 10 years, married for 4 and have experienced some incredible things together whilst travelling and just every day life where you sometimes need to stand back and appreciate the wonderful little family you have. Sometimes when it's REALLY bad I think that Caitlin is the only one holding our family together That and I couldn't stand to have shared custody of her (how awful is that!!!) Like Jo said, it's a lot more hassle to divorce and set yourself up again (especially when you want more kids) although I have thought about it, so you keep plodding on, hoping it'll get better.
But then he'll do something really nice (very very rarely!!!!) and it's all good again until next time your lounge disappears under the ironing pile he never touches because his work uniform doesn't need ironing! WTF!?!?!?!?! I b*tch and moan about having to look after Caitlin 99% of the time (don't get me wrong I love her with all my heart and soul - but it would be nice to have a shower and not have ALL of her bath toys thrown at me or to put make-up on and not have little hands in the bag too that then get wiped down your work pants! LOL) and then there's the housework and the cooking and the shopping and I work 40 hours in my "normal" job and also spend a lot of time drumming up business for my nappy sales. He walks in and spends 10 minutes of "fun time" with Caitlin winding her up just before bedtime and wonders why I get grouchy!  I want my "fun time" back like we used to have when I didn't work Fridays and it was just me and Caitlin for the whole day
WOAH! So sorry - didn't mean to thread jack and make it all about me! But I wanted you to know there are lots of people out there struggling the same and you are not alone, it's not personal to you so don't beat yourself up!
Now - what are we going to do to make this better? Print this thread off and leave it in the Sports section of the newspaper? (I know he'll read it then!  )------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
 
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 25 June 2008 at 1:04pm
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LOL...Toni.
Seems like all of us have therad jacked....what a common problem we all have huh? I think all the girls should go away on a weekend trip...some where that has nice spa and treatment.....hmmm...I can see it now!! LOL ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 25 June 2008 at 1:29pm
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hahaha Toni I know exactly what you mean about the shower and make up thing. Drives me crazy. They are always opening the door to the bathroom while im in the shower and its freezing! This morning they had filled the bathroom up with toys while i was having a shower and i couldnt even get out without crashing into the freezing cold vanity and having like an inch to get dried in.
Im heading up to Auckland for a night for work next week and secretly Im looking forward to it. Not having to drop off and pick up the kids for two whole days and being able to go to bed when i want to! |
Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 25 June 2008 at 7:05pm
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I think you should go and get your hair done, and maybe join the gym. You are crying out for some "me" time!
I have exactly the same problem at home, and im glad the others have come out and thread hijacked as well!!! Today DH said "tonight can you please do jacksons washing, it needs to be washed and dryed. Oh and please leave me some tea - what are you cooking? Well make sure the dishes are done. Also, after Janayas shower can you please put her on the loo for 20 mins. Oh, and can you make me some sandwiches when you make Janayas lunch as well..?" To which i said "ANYTHING ELSE?????!!!!" To which he replied "well, you never do anything, nothing EVER gets done around here. And anyway, your sandwiches are Sh*t ANYWAY" He was quick to say sorry this time but over the weekend he did not talk to me at all, ALL because Janayas room wasnt tidy when he got home on friday night. DH has OCD so its even harder on me if something doesnt get done as he completely freaks out!!!!! so, you arent alone at all!!!!! ------------- Mummy to two beauties... Formerly Kaiz. |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 25 June 2008 at 7:59pm
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My poor DP , hes too scared of me to ever say anything against me , but then mind you , so is my boss , he starts to tell me off then i glare at him and he remembers himself , heh heh (is all powerful)
But hope your feeling better Clare, have you talked to DP at all about it ? and im intrigued, just where is this Libarary cafe?? |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 25 June 2008 at 8:06pm
Yes please! Save me from my boredom! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: mandz
Date Posted: 25 June 2008 at 8:49pm
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I don't know how you women manage! I would kill DH if he even thought about some of the things your other halves are saying/doing!
Mine goes through stages of helping out more than others, but he will do anything I ask him to help out with (within reason of course ). And he never says anything to me about what I haven't done - apart of joking about his ironing! He also happily deals with Oliver when he gets home from work, admittedly this is only to dress him after his bath and put him to bed. But he then also gives him the last feed for the night - which means I can get some sleep - bliss! And I have been spending up large since Oliver came into our lives and he doesn't really complain about the money - only jokingly....
I didn't realise how lucky I was - better not tell him or he may not fit through the door with the swollen head! I definitely think you need to make some time for yourself though and time for the two of you to try and talk through it without arguing - hardest thing in the world to accomplish I know. My sister and her husband have this problem, he gets really defensive so makes any discussion next to impossible! Goodluck and let me know if there is anything I can do to help! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Zack Robert Henton - 29th December 2009 |
Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 26 June 2008 at 9:03am
Even more reason to do it himself! Big hugs to you all
Roksana I'm soooooo up for that spa trip! If only to show DH what happens when I'm not there to "do nothing"  P.S Are you coming out next Saturday night to see Kels?
I've been thinking about this over night and it's certainly made me put my priorites in place. I love my little family and don't want to lose DH (despite the fact he drives me nuts most days lol). I think we need to have "that talk" again just so we're on the same page ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Aprilfools
Date Posted: 26 June 2008 at 10:51am
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I think I’m a very lucky girl with my DH. That’s not to say that we haven’t had these problems but we seem to be able to iron them out pretty easily.
I definitely think you need to go and get your hair done and do whatever is necessary to get some confidence back in yourself and I also agree with others that you need to sit down and have a chat with your DH. Be very firm with him that this is a discussion where you can both have your say and if he starts being petty or rude cut him off. If it keeps happening walk away and try again another time. Make it clear that you’re not there to argue or argue about past issues. We sat down and wrote a list of all the things that needed to be done around the house and then divided it between us. I also find that in order to get DH to respond well to any requests he has to be praised for what he has done. The more praise he gets the more he does of his own accord, men thrive on being made to feel the centre of the universe. Men are very simple things and it’s the way we talk to them that seem to make all the difference. I would tell him you’re not happy. It’ll hit a nerve, no one likes to hear that but it needs to be said and it’s a wake up call that some things need to change. And make sure you say why you’re unhappy. You both need to have your say respectfully and then together you need to come up with the solution and then work on it. And hopefully over time it will get better. Otherwise the only other thing I can suggest is stop doing everything until he realises how much wouldn’t get done if you weren’t doing it. Of course take care of your son. One more thing I would like to suggest is that the two of you have couple time. Not time to sit down and discuss issues but time for the two of you to ‘fall in love again’. At least once a month if you can possibly get a babysitter go out or even stay in and have couple time. Even if you’re doing something as silly as doing the lawns together and then sit and enjoy a beer together afterwards (if you drink?). DH loves it when I hang around while he’s doing the lawns, (I try to help but I’m hopeless). I think it’s easy to lose respect for someone if you’re not spending quality time together. Good luck. Things will get better, everyone has their ups and downs. And BTW – birthdays are non-negotiable, put a tiara on sit down and do nothing but eat cake!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 26 June 2008 at 1:17pm
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Toni - NO I am not..... I have a stupid wedding to go too.....Stupid DH ans his stupid Extended family.....
But you guys have fun! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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