Struggling.
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18798
Printed Date: 30 September 2025 at 5:24am
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Topic: Struggling.
Posted By: MissCandice
Subject: Struggling.
Date Posted: 03 July 2008 at 9:49am
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Why am i struggling to be a working mum? I only work part time shouldnt it be easy? People say i should like i because i get 'free' time away from my baby and the house. I dont know if thats the case. I wake up the morning i have to go to work and i dont want to get out of bed. Some days im so sick of going to work just to get yelled at.
Today is worse, i have been up every two hours all night and i feel like crap. I dont want to go to work but i dont want to stay home either. My nana rang last night, my grandad is dying and they dont think hes going to make christmas. Hes the only family i knew growing up. Well and nana of course. Hes not supposed to die! Hes the first person to die in my close family. My mum was crying last night but i dont know what to do, do i hug her? Because we have never hugged before i feel uncomfortable.. Why is it like that? Why do things have to be so hard. How do people work full time and handle it? I feel like im barely managing 20 hours a week. How stupid is that. I feel like its silly i mean i should just get over it people have it alot harder. I feel like i dont have time for anything yet all i have is time. I want to take Kylah places and do things but then people comment on her. I want to take her to music groups and swimming but i just feel like then i wont be having 1 on 1 time with her to encourage crawling. People see her and they are like 'oh shes cute' then the next comment is usually, Is she crawling? When i say no they back off a bit like Oh is there something wrong? I dont know maybe im just over reacting. I just feel like everything is getting ontop of me and im not achieving anything. Thanks for listening to my vent. Just having a bad patch i gess. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Replies:
Posted By: meow
Date Posted: 03 July 2008 at 9:55am
Working 20 hours is a lot! As well as being a full time mum - and if you're anything like most women, you're probably doing most if not all of the housework too? Do you like your job? Maybe trying to find work somewhere that you like being would help. Don't worry at all about Kylah - she's beautiful. She will crawl when she's ready - hey, she might not crawl at all, some kids don't, they just walk 
Sorry to hear about your grandpa too  My grandma who I was close to passed away recently, and it was very sad.------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Glow
Date Posted: 03 July 2008 at 10:12am
 Sorry to hear about your Gdad------------- Mummy of Two Boys B: 2004 K: 2007 |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 03 July 2008 at 10:13am
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Thanks.
Im not sure if i like my job or the fact that id never get paid as much as i do anywhere else. If i dont work i will feel even worse because i wont be able to pay my way or help out or buy Kylah the things she needs, well doesnt need but i want to buy her. DF does alot around the house too. Hes really great and i love him to peices for it. I just feel like i dont do enough. I try to get everything done everyday but sometimes its hard. If he dies i dont know what to do, how to act or how to react.. god i feel like a child again. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: missy_girl
Date Posted: 03 July 2008 at 10:18am
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Sorry to hear about your grandpa. I know its hard to lose people you love.
Don't worry about Kylah, she will crawl when she is ready. You are doing an amazing job and you have a beautiful little girl. Show her off to the world. You're not alone. Most of the time I don't feel like I'm coping. I've got a days worth of dishes sitting in the sink  and I'm about to get elbow deep in poo nappies that need to me cleaned. Yay to be me.------------- Michelle http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Lisha
Date Posted: 03 July 2008 at 10:20am
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I also agree that Kylah is beautiful.
I take my hat off to you Kandice, working and being a mum and all. My nana is also sick, had a few heartattacks and is not her normal self, so sad. Thinking of you babe, and we must have a catch up soon! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Neeks
Date Posted: 03 July 2008 at 10:42am
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I too take my hat off too you Kandice!! Your doing an awesome job with Kylah and working part time too (heck I can barely manage being a stay at home mum) People that back off when you say she isn't crawling need to find other things to complain about... babies ALL do things at different stages and there is no right or wrong way to the way they develop. Some never even crawl YOU are a fantastic mum and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise
I'm also really sorry to hear about your Grandad hun!! I'm sure if you gave your mum a big hug she'd know where the feelings were coming from and the awkwardness would soon pass Stay strong!! -------------  
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Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 03 July 2008 at 10:51am
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As for being a working mum your doing a fantastic job and your daughter is a gorgeous wee healthy girl so dont worry about what others may think. She will crawl when she is ready. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 03 July 2008 at 11:05am
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Oh honey
I can totally relate to being a working mum.
I started back fulltime when Michaela was 5mo. I hated it. I feel like I'm not a good mother because I don't stay at home with her. I'm tired all the time due to trying to fit everything into my day because I work 7.5 hr days starting at 7:30am, I come home early to spend playtime with Michaela then do dinner, bath bed routine then clean the house. I barely see DH because we work different hours and when I'm home in the evening I may as well be a solo mum because there's noone around to support me when I need it as DH is at work until past my bedtime. I feel as though Michaela doesn't get as much of my energy and attention as I think she should because I'm tired and busy. This is turning into my own little rant so I'll stop now but the reason I'm sharing is I want you to know you're not alone.
Being at work has lots of positives too - money is a big one! Earlier this year we had a thread called the joys of being a working mum, here's the link: http://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=13521&KW=working+mum - http://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=13521&KW=working+mum While you're at it there's "tips for being a working mum" http://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=15358&KW=working+mum - http://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=15358&KW=working+mum and "every mum is a working mum" http://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=15359&KW=working+mum - http://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=15359&KW=working+mum
Being a working mum is something that I reluctantly had to come to terms with, I don't have any other options at the moment but I do now have a goal to look forward to of having another baby and staying at home with 2 kids.
Don't worry about Kylah's crawling. She's still well within the range of "normal". Is she getting around without crawling? She may skip the crawling stage entirely, especially if she's mobile anyway. My friends son rolled everywhere from about 3mo, he never crawled, but he was the first from our coffee group to get up and start walking just before his first birthday.
Missed or late stages aren't a reflection on you as a parent. I understand how you feel you should be doing more, we've been through the same thing with Michaela's talking (she was an early talker but 9 months ago stopped and now says less than a 1/4 of the words that children her age should be saying)... it's simply mortifying to hear how children younger than her talk non-stop and have such a large vocabulary. DH and I have spent a lot of time and energy trying to figure out how to encourage talking and dissecting what we're doing wrong but the fact is she's a cheeky little minx who will talk when she wants to and atm she communicates really well so doesn't need to.
Enough of my novel, just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and you're not alone. -------------  
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Posted By: cat007
Date Posted: 03 July 2008 at 11:16am
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Dont compare your beautiful daughter to any other child - she will do things in her own time and her own way. Every mother worries about their child and whether their child is doing the "right" thing. Kylah will choose her time to crawl or even walk straight away. There is no right or wrong way as every child is different.
As far as you working - I take my hat off to you. I am watching my friends all go through the same thing, struggling to work and raise a family at the same time. There is no easy answer, and Kylah will not be at any disadvantage from you working. Dont be too hard on yourself - you are the best mum and are only doing the best you can - keep that up. Im sorry to hear about your Grandad, to you.
Please keep venting to us - it will help you clarify things and get them off your chest. We all understand the trials of motherhood and we can be here to listen and support you. Take care. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  [/url http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 03 July 2008 at 1:01pm
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Sorry to hear about your granddad Kandice, i lost my gran last year, and i still miss her heaps , im just grateful that i got 20 good years with her (the last 6 she had dementia so bad she didnt recognise me)
as for the working, i so know what you mean , i work 35 hours a week and i hate it, doesnt help that my employer (or rather his wife , who pretty much runs the place) is totally unsupportive when it comes to issues with Caitlyn,I cant wait to get pregnant and leave (note, thats NOT why i want a baby, just an added bonus ) *hugs* hun , hope things start looking up soon |
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 03 July 2008 at 2:15pm
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Kandice I feel EXACTLY the same. I am forever chasing my tail and just not getting on top of anything. I worry that I dont spend enough time with Tom but if I do I cant get any housework done so I have ignored the housed and now it is a dump and I hate it!!!!
So no advice but you arent the only one feeling crap |
Posted By: susieq
Date Posted: 03 July 2008 at 2:19pm
| Big hugs Kandice and sorry to hear about your grandad |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 03 July 2008 at 2:23pm
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Sorry about your grandad!
Maybe you should have a good hard think about your job and decide if there is another you would be more happy in and want to get out of bed for. Don't worry about Kylahs crawling. Daniel pulled himself along for months and months, he's only just started crawling since his birthday. They all do things in their own time. I got comments all the time about him not crawling.. I think you just have to learn to ignore them which is hard I know. |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 03 July 2008 at 3:05pm
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K... re: your comment about not being able to buy the things you want to buy Kyla. Don't you think she'd much rather spend time with a happy mama rather than have 'stuff'?
I say either look for a new job or scrap working all together for a while (if you can afford it). And as Meow says... you are probably doing atleast 3 times as much (on 3 times less sleep!) than normal people so don't think you are feeling crap for no reason. And everyone who makes comments about Kyla not crawling can feck off... she'll be fine! Good luck with whatever you decide to do. xox ETA: Sorry about your Grandad too 
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Posted By: miss
Date Posted: 03 July 2008 at 3:40pm
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Big hugs.
Firstly - you are doing a great job! Secondly, an observation I have seen made of Mum's who work part time, ist hat they are often more stressed than those who either are not working, or those that work full time. This is due to a number of things, but mostly becasue they often feelt hat they are doing both jobs (mum and work) less well than they should be. Also, often part time mums tend to do the equivalent of a full time job but in part time hours, so there is very little normal down time at work, like there is in a full time jjob. Either of those sound like you? take time to worry a bit about you. Kylah will develop when she is ready to, and you will probably find she learns heaps by goin to the groups and hanging out with other kiddies rather than you trying to stress teach her stuff 1:1 at home. I would say, to combat the people who react funny when she isn't crawling is to cahnge how you respond to them: "is she crawling yet?' you say - "Oh no, thank goodness, it is nice when they can develop at their own pace isn't it! Once they crawl you have to be so on the watch!' Then give a little laugh. if you say it like you don't care, then they are more likely to respond in such a way as that you know there is no problem, so there isn't one. if you understand any of that, well done! -------------  
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Posted By: ooEvaoo
Date Posted: 03 July 2008 at 3:51pm
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Like everyone has said you are doing an awesome job!. To work and raise a family is a lot for woman to take on but many of us do it and though it seems hard at times we are only doing what we think is best. I commend you for working, even if it's part time. I'm not a working mum but I am full time studying and with only DP working I sometimes wish that I was able to provide money towards buying my son all the things I think he needs...the key words being "what I think" he needs. I'm thankful for opshops, trademe, sales etc cos they allow me to buy my son nice things but not break the bank in the process.
Take your daughter to music classess etc whatever you're wanting to do together. It doesn't matter whether it is you two on your own or participating in a group you are still spending that one on one time with her. Don't worry about what comments others make. Kahtrell didn't start crawling til around 9 or 10 months, and 2 or 3 months later he was walking. She'll crawl when she's ready, I'd say enjoy this time when she's not mobile because once she is you'll be on your feet chasing after her! lolz. Sorry to hear about your Grandfather, I never had the opportunity to know either of my granddad's, one of them I wouldn't ever want to know ( extremely abusive to my nan...to the point where he blinded her) the other died when my father was 6 years old. I think all grandchildren have a special type of bond with the G-pas. If possible try and spend time with him, take your daughter and just spend time together. It's always hard losing a loved one, but there is nothing to stop you from still making loving memories. ------------- 
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Posted By: susieq
Date Posted: 03 July 2008 at 3:55pm
| And I would try and give your Mum a hug she is probably struggling re your Granddad too. |
Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 03 July 2008 at 4:19pm
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As a mom it is sometimes really difficult for us to not compare our kids and I find this extremely difficult and have to keep myself in check. Specially when other people ask you all the time.
I didnt have it with crawling but had it because her skin was almost transparent like (no it isnt an iron dificiency, so what if I am still breastfeeding, and yes she is eating enough, I know she looks thin) Then the ever is she still breastfeeding? Have you started potty training? ect ect ect. It just never stop. You yourself have to say bugger that I know I am doing the best for my girl and that is it. She is well in the normal range for crawling or in this case not crawling. Why not take her to swimming? Wont do any harm and will give you that quality time with her. I sometimes find myself that I cleaned the whole house, shouted a few times at McKayla, started the food and Grant coming home and the whole house is messed again and it looks like I havent done anything and my daughter literally had to entertain herself. Specially when I study and then I start feeling really quilty. I think that is a mom thing. Sorry about your Granddad. Give that girl of yours an extra big hug tonight and get yourself a nice big slab of chocolate and cuddle up with your partner tonight and tell him to give you a big hug. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Lulu
Date Posted: 03 July 2008 at 5:56pm
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Hugs Kandice. One thing I definately wouldn't worry about is the fact that Kylah is not crawling! Jaymie's not even thinking about crawling and she's 11 months old next week! They all do it in their own time.
It won't help that you are sick, everything seems so much worse. Once your health is back to normal, and Kylah's sleeping well, you will feel a million dollars I am sure, and your work won't seem so bad. Hang in there, things will get better! ------------- Lou http://www.babysfirstsite.com"> 
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 03 July 2008 at 8:21pm
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Hannah started crawling at about Kylah's age but then she only crawled for a couple of weeks anyway - sooo not interested!
Sorry you're going through a tough time. Can you afford it to take until the end of the year off? That will give you a bit more time with Kylah but also with your grandparents. Also, once Kylah passes 1yo you will find that the job of looking after her is not quite so difficult and you can look into whether you want to work or not at that stage. Personally, I find looking after a baby/toddler or two plus housework is at least a full-time job, with no pay or guaranteed breaks besides!! Sometimes it's easier on everyone involved if you accept a lower pay check but spend a bit of extra time making it go further (such as more made from scratch meals, for example). That's a very personal decision but it's what kept me sane at least when my eldest was little. -------------  |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 04 July 2008 at 7:16am
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Thank you guys so much.. Its really good being able to get all that out. Unfortunatly getting yelled at is part of my job, i work in a callcentre and sometimes people dont understand that we are human too. We seem to have a different race here, its "you people". I really want to work so that i can pay for my study next year but if it effects me to much then i will give it up. Kylah is doing great, i know, its just hard when people say stuff it really actually hurts. Lulu, thank you for that, my minds completly at rest about the crawling now. My grandad whom i call pop, he lives in Oamaru with my nana. I really hope he makes Kylahs 1st birthday as i would love to get pictures of him and her. I have one from the week she was born. I really feel for my nana they have been together like 30 years.. maybe more. Sometimes i feel like im over reacting because its such a little amount of hours i do, but your right. I look after Kylah 98% of the time that im not working and i do 90% of the housework. DF does help out when he can but he works fulltime too so its not always easy for him. I guess that even though i have been a mum for a year, i still have alot of learning to do.
------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 04 July 2008 at 1:08pm
| Eeeeeek. I could not work in a call centre!!! It must be an absolutely horrible job... having to deal with people when they are already angry. I admire those who can handle it. So big ups to you Kandice. Someone has to do it! |
Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 04 July 2008 at 1:30pm
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Hugs to you. Elle didn't crawl until after she could walk. She walked independently at 12 months and crawled at 14 and yet her development is now 100% on track so try not to worry (I know it is hard). ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 04 July 2008 at 5:59pm
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People hate me at my job too Kandice, apparently its always my fault their tooth hurts ...and when they come in they make sure to say " I hate you , i hate coming here "
AWESOME!!! thanks for that , have a nice day yourself ! haha Do you really need to work atm, i mean , is it making that much difference finance wise? if its not chick, then i would seriously consider taking a break from it and going back when you are ready |
Posted By: Candkids
Date Posted: 04 July 2008 at 6:30pm
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i never crawled, one day i just started walking, sarah didnt crawl either, so i wouldnt wory about kylahs crawling .
as for the working thing, some days i feel fab and like im soooo ontop of everything (i work 8.30 0- 1.30) but then theres the nights where im up late cleaning or making school lunches or studying! or one of the kids is sick and im up and down all night, then i have to get up get ready get the kids fed sorted for school etc then get sarah to school and jett to his caregiver then try and find a dam park for work, sometimes its really really hard and i think OMG how does everyone else do it?? why cant i do this, and i get no sympathy from my DH , as i dont haev to work but i want to as thats my social time interacting with grown ups
big hugs to you hun, perhaps you could keep a eye out for a job where you dont get abused so much??? or mabye take some anual leave and go visit your grandnd for a week get those pics?? ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  DD 10.5yrs DS 6yrs DS 11mths 5 little angles watching from above |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 04 July 2008 at 8:54pm
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and remember, its cliche i know, but life is short, if your really unhappy at work atm , and would rather be with Kylah , and financially its not making much difference, then i would leave.
Seriously ,it wasnt until my friend died that i realised how much i take for granted being a mum, i always just assumed i would see/be there for everything,if C did something while i was at work, well , I would see her do the same another day, but, my friend thought that too, that she would see her baby smile, talk, laugh,walk,...and she saw none of it, tomorrow isnt guaranteed to any of us, so , make the most of what you have, today. if being with Kylah is what makes you happiest, even if its till shes a little bit older, then try do what you can to make that happen....if we didnt depend on my job so much financially, i would be going too |
Posted By: Candkids
Date Posted: 04 July 2008 at 9:32pm
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off topic but must say while i remember!! caitlynsmygirl- are you going to the D.A day at the NZDA conference?? i think its fri sept 12th??? i got "told" today i was going lol ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> DD 10.5yrs DS 6yrs DS 11mths 5 little angles watching from above |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 04 July 2008 at 10:52pm
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haha not if i can help it !
Bet my dentist doesnt know anything about it ,il have to pm you sometime (when my hands arent frozen) about my dentist....hes....weird, honestly, some of the stuff i tell you, will shock you
sorry for thread jacking kandice
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Posted By: Candkids
Date Posted: 04 July 2008 at 11:12pm
oh true lol 
sorry kandice i wouldnt wory what people say about kylah, remember you know her better than anyone, i remember when sarah started walking and someone told me she had severe bow legs and i should have noticed and she would need surgery!!! i was soooooooo upset about it, anyway there was nothin wrong with her at all and her legs are fine. some people just have nothing better to do than make other people feel crappy!  ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> DD 10.5yrs DS 6yrs DS 11mths 5 little angles watching from above |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 05 July 2008 at 8:31am
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wanted to add: I had early crawlers and relatively early wlakers....then i got "can he talk yet?"
Doesn't matter what they do, someone will always comment on wha they can't/ Your job as a mum is to not let it annoy you - or to think of smart arse comments to make. |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 05 July 2008 at 12:28pm
| ha yeah like "no , my daughter isnt in any hurry to crawl and walk ,,,,,she is smart enough to know that once she does, she'll be encountering idiots like you everywhere " |