Absent Father
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=1881
Printed Date: 08 October 2025 at 10:07pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Absent Father
Posted By: ange221
Subject: Absent Father
Date Posted: 21 March 2006 at 9:30am
|
Hello All,
I am having a dilemma over whether I want to name the father of the baby on the birth certificate. The father lives in Auckland and I have moved to ChCh and he already has two children to someone else that he is paying child support for. I would like him to pay me child support but initially if I am going to collect the DPB and I name him on the birth certificate then I won't see any extra money. Whereas if I don't name him then he could pay me direct. Problem is he is a bully and I foresee that he will make me beg for the money and generally make my life difficult. Also, further down the track what does one tell their child when the "where is my daddy" questions get asked? Any advice would be appreciated. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
|
Replies:
Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 21 March 2006 at 9:53am
|
I would suggest putting his name on the birth certificate. If you do not, he is under no obligation to pay child support, nor to prove he is the father. If his name is on the certificate, however, it is up to him to prove he is NOT the father, at his expense.
If you and him come to a private child support arrangement, GET IT IN WRITING and WINZ should accept it. The child support part of the DPB is only $22 per week for one child, regardless of how much the father is paying to IRD. I do not have my daughter's father on the birth certificate, as he disputes he is the father, and there is enough doubt due to weird preggy dates that I was not prepared to take the risk of naming the wrong man. Now, my husband wants to adopt Kiya, but we need her biological father's permission... which he is willing to give, if we prove he is the father. ------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys |
Posted By: ange221
Date Posted: 21 March 2006 at 9:58am
|
I did not realise that only $22 of the DPB was affected. He had me believing that any money he paid through IRD would offset the DBP so I wouldn't see any of it. I shouldn't be so gullible. Thats how I got in this situation in the first place.
Thanks. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 21 March 2006 at 10:05am
|
You're welcome.
Yes, the DPB payment is a weekly lump sum containing: your acutal benefit, $49 family assisstance, $22 child support (which I didn't actually get - my choice), and any other special payments you may qualify for (such as rent assistance). Adds up to around $300 or so a week, give or take... might be a bit more, might be a bit less, depending on your circumstances. ------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 21 March 2006 at 12:00pm
| my friend has one kid and she gets $311 a week. father is on the birth certificate, but as far as I know, not paying anything to IRD. |
Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 21 March 2006 at 12:08pm
|
I got $306, without child support, with Kiya. ------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 21 March 2006 at 12:18pm
|
It's hard to say how much I got with Maya when I was on my own because we get such a high acc supplement here in Auckland and I was also getting a Training Incentive Allowance while I finished my degree. I think it was around $520.
I named Willie on the birth cert partly because we were together at the time (although I knew it was the end of the road for us) and because I wanted Maya to know who her father, and her fathers family were, and her roots on that side. Even more so because Willie is Maori and I'm Pakeha - it's a whole part of Maya's being that comes purely from him. I wasn't too worried about the CHild Support thing either way because I was on the DPB and I knew that his monthly payments were less than my benefit. It's worth knowing too that even tho Child Support only makes up $22 of your benefit, you are only entitled to recieve any extra paid by your ex if it is over and above the TOTAL BENEFIT you recieve. So if you get a benefit of $300 a week and his weekly payments are $200 you get nothing, but if his weekly payments are $350 for example you will get the surplus $50. Hope that makes sense. -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
|
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 21 March 2006 at 12:37pm
|
Family Assistance is now up to $75 a week and the core benefit is around $240 or something.
I am on the DPB now and get $412 per week which includes $94 or so (can't remember how much exactly) accomodation assistance. Don't add up those figures because they won't make sense, I can't remember exactly, but around that much anyway... I think the deduction for not naming the father on the certificate is $26 now. And Emma is exactly right about the Child Support... it goes directly to the govt until it is over and above your benefit payment. I'd personally advise to go through IRD for the child support problem... first of all, you get a lot of money on the DPB as it is (well, personal opinion, but $412 per week is more than enough for me to live) and then you don't have to be at him to pay the money or get into arguments about it as IRD administrates the whole thing. As soon as you are off the DPB, all the money goes to you and your child. |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 21 March 2006 at 12:39pm
The best think for us is that now that we are together and Willie doesn't have to pay child support he still hands over $200 a week...force of habit ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
|
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 21 March 2006 at 9:32pm
i,m in the no dad zone i, am going to tell james that hes is very much loved but his dad was not mautre anef to be in his life and so on and so on and i am hoping that works also if he asks i will give him his dads name ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 22 March 2006 at 8:21am
lol Emma. Excellent!
|
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 22 March 2006 at 8:23am
|
At the moment I am not going to get child support as I can't find Hannah's Dad. I'm starting to think after reading these posts that I should continue to go after him.
Don't know.... stuck in a dilemma |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 22 March 2006 at 12:09pm
i no that dilemma nicki i relly dont no if i want james dad in the picture(long storey) ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: skirts
Date Posted: 22 March 2006 at 1:01pm
|
Its def a hard one a guys!
I managed to get summers dad to pay child support or at least to be held responsible (long story, he's skipped to oz and hasnt actually paid anything, but he owes lots). The dumb thing is, its only just really been sorted now cos he mucked the whole court process round (only to default on the dna test in the end) so now he has to back pay child support to when she was four weeks old, plus pay all his legal fees and the judge ordered him to pay mine too for mucking them round!!!! So I kinda feel that the dads should be paying something, I might not be getting it now while Im on the DPB but eventually when Im working all the extra cash I can get will def help and stuff him cos he still has a life and everything, why should he get off scott free and I have to deal with it all!!! I know that someones bound to say 'You chose to keep the baby' but in saying that, I couldnt go through with the abortion mentally so it wasnt so much a choice but what happens if you dont have an abortion - you get a baby!!!! (I love her though) 
Okay, enough of my two cents, I think each to their own though as every situation is diff |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 22 March 2006 at 3:27pm
oz and nz have a child surport thing were they (dads) are still made to pay even if they skip over there james dad is a idoit and says one thing does a nother ( told a friend of mine that i would,nt let him in the room to see his son on he day he was born even though i could,nt get out of bed) aghhhhh he has said so many b### thing to friends of mine that i cantbe brothed and i think james is better with out him!!!!------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 22 March 2006 at 6:37pm
| Don't know what I'd do if I was in your situation Nikki, but I guess, you never know what he'll say unless you tell him. He could be really excited about it and be a great influence on Hananh's life - he could also be an ass and tell you to piss off. |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 22 March 2006 at 8:15pm
| I'm just embarrassed to tell the truth. He won't even remember me!!!! |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 22 March 2006 at 9:01pm
|
ohh nicki dont be embrassed u have a very much loved little girl and u sound like a great mum and if he dosnt remeber u then he cant relly denin it can he ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 23 March 2006 at 6:25am
| Oh Nikki, you are entirely unforgettable! |
Posted By: skirts
Date Posted: 23 March 2006 at 7:02am
|
I agree Nikki, who could forget you!
And I guess if I was a dad I'd want to know, whether it was a five year relationship or a one night stand, these things happen! And he has a gorgoues little daughter now and maybe he might be a good influence on Hannah, who knows! Dont feel embarrassed anyway, situations like this happen all the time, in the end I guess you've just gotta do what you think is best for you and Hannah. James - I know Oz and NZ are meant to have a recipricol (spelling) agreement, where the fathers are meant to pay, but so far he hasnt paid anything and when I rung IRD I asked them if he'd even made contact and all they would tell me was they'd sent letters! So I dont even know if they sent them to the right address cos he moves round so much! And IRD didnt seem to give a toss really, great a! I was so frustrated!!!!! |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 23 March 2006 at 2:41pm
|
man thats suxs sounds like u have tried everything u can poss do i no how u feel with dad beat dads and how angery u feel ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: skirts
Date Posted: 23 March 2006 at 8:48pm
|
Thanks, I def have tried all I could to get it sorted, if he's going to be a dropkick and never meet his beautiful daughter then he could at least pay a little to help out with bringing her up!!!
What annoys me more is the fact that he could still turn around when she's 15 or something, after having nothing to do with her and want to meet her, like so many stories I've heard!!!! Argh, males!!!! I like your part James bout saying how his daddy wasnt mature enuf etc, thats exactly what Im going to tell my daughter. How old is your babies dad by the way? Summers was 20 when she was born, just wondered if they were similar
|
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 23 March 2006 at 10:03pm
|
Hrmmmm... now how the hell am I going to find Han's Dad???
I guess I'm rethinking this because my fairytale with Zeke has finally faded. Not sure if he's "The One". I don't know if Nick remembers me as I don't know how many other girls he had one night stands with. I could be one of hundreds. Hrmmm... wonder if he has any other kids??? Yuck. |
Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 24 March 2006 at 8:53am
|
Yeah it's a gross thought for us, Nikki, that they may have other kids, but its important for Hannah that you at least consider finding out. It would suck for her to be our age and find a half sibling all of a sudden! ------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 24 March 2006 at 8:59am
|
you could a poster aroung town Nikki
( i am sooo helpful!) i can even help you make it. |
Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 24 March 2006 at 9:02am
|
skirts i just wanted to say i was a child that was raised not knowing my biological father and i met him when i was 15 and didnt like him and made the decision myself to not want to know him so there is always that possibility
|
Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 24 March 2006 at 9:05am
|
Here's my problem:
I had a one night stand at the end of June (with a guy who was a slut) then I met my ex and we got together August. Kiya was conceived either at the one nighter, or the first time my ex and I slept together (either way, a condom baby). I found out I was pregnant when I skipped a period in November. Yes, I was about half way through! D, my ex, knew about the one night stand... and once we found out how far along I acutally was he decided Aaron was the father. The only reliable way to tell (because I menstrated through the first half of the pregnancy) will be a DNA test, although my gut instinct, along with how Kiya looked when she was born (my midwife said she was probably a couple of weeks early) and some careful counting tells me it was more likely D than Aaron. The "relations" were 5 weeks apart... I've been in contact with D this year, to see if he'd give his permission for Nathaniel to adopt Kiya. He said he'd be glad to, IF he was the father, which he believes he's not. D has never seen Kiya (his choice) and I hadn't spoken to him since she was 6 weeks old. The next step is the DNA test... I've asked D to think about it, as we may ask him to do one in the future. D doesn't have any other kids... Aaron, on the other hand, probably does. I don't remember Aaron's surname but I could track him down through the airforce as the Defence Force doesn't like to hear that their members may have skipped out on their responsibilities...  ------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys |
Posted By: skirts
Date Posted: 24 March 2006 at 10:36am
|
Thanks Jezsika for that, I like that poss, the idea of him coming in then and getting to know her and missing all the hard work and stuff drives me mad, argh!!!!
Oh Nikki hun, I know what you mean, the idea of them having other kids weirds me out a!!! Esp cos then they'd be siblings and you'd have the issue of whether you let your kid get to know them, and then what if the dads involved with them and not yours? Summers dads never been good at keepin it in his pants (to put it nicely) so think bout this lots. Hmmm, maybe you could do a google search on his name to try find him? or search him on the reunion websites, like oldfriends and stuff, or even try finding a friend or sibling of his to contact him through. Know its really hard but at the end of the day just think of Hannah, and would be good to find out if his family has history of disease or heart failure etc etc Ooh Becca, thats a hard one for you, whos she look like? Any definate distinctions? Who do you think is her father? |
Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 24 March 2006 at 11:02am
Yeh no worries  the biggest thing is to let her know what happened when shes old enough but let her make her own decisions if she decides to meet him. I have half brothers and they are so foreign to me i dont see them anymore at all. They just dont feel like family and to me there is nothing worse than having your biological father come into your life and try to tell you he loves you when he was never there for you etc I have a father and that is the guy that my mum married who adopted me when i was 2 he is my father and i tell mum that i have no other father apart from the one that is at home with her He gave me away at my wedding and i could see he was so proud to do so, as was i for being such an awesome father.
Your daughter will be smart and she will know when shes in the presence of a drop kick dont you worry
|
Posted By: AnnaD
Date Posted: 24 March 2006 at 11:20am
|
Alrighty guys... I will give you the kids p.o.v!!
My mum was a solo mum, right from before I was born. She and my father had been dating for a long time but once she got pregnant he wasn't interested. I have always known who my father is, I don't remember ever being told so it must have been common knowledge since I was young. He would occasionally get in touch with me and/or my mother when I was growing up and she would never prevent him from seeing me. He never paid child support, despite being taken to court several times by whoever the people are who deal with these things. I have two or three half siblings that I know about but have never met them and have no desire too. I know that they know about me and I also know that they know specifically who I am and have some kind of contact to me (when I moved overseas my 'half-brother told my father I was leaving, absolutely no idea how he knew. I do not even no who his is aside from his first name but he somehow knows me? not fussed about getting more details at the moment tho, too much other stuff going on.) My mother gave me the option of meeting these half siblings when I was younger, 15 or so but I have never felt the need. I have never felt like I missed out on having no father, my mum and I found it a bit tricky sometimes but we have never missed out on anything. I did go thru a stage maybe when I was late teens/early twenties to find out more about my father and who he is but he just wasn't interested. It was absolutely gutting for a while but I got over it. There are several things that my mother did for me that made this all as easy as possible to deal with. She always made it clear that I was wanted and loved, that goes without saying. She never said anything negative about my father in front of me (until I was old enough to join in the ridicule!!),this was important. I think that a parent should always do their best not to put down the other parent in front of the child, your child is effectively half of each of you (even if the other half is scummy) and they may feel it in a less than positive way if you put their father down (even if he is a prick). My mother always let me have access to my father, she would give me his contact details if I wanted them and she had them and she never gave any opinions as to whether or not she thought I should get in touch... And she was always there for me to pick up the pieces when he would let me down. I think all of these things have helped me in such a big way, making me the normal(ish) and (almost) stable person I am today. Once again, apologies for my long ramble. I am on fire today! Anything to get out of writing that damned essay! ------------- Anna and Quinn 10 July 2004 www.quinnariki.blogspot.com and one more on the way.... http://lilypie.com"> 
|
Posted By: AnnaD
Date Posted: 24 March 2006 at 11:29am
|
PS Nikki, if you want help finding this guy I might be able to help you (using my secret contacts) PM if keen!! ------------- Anna and Quinn 10 July 2004 www.quinnariki.blogspot.com and one more on the way.... http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 24 March 2006 at 12:09pm
|
Well skirts, I'm 95% sure D is Kiya's father, and that's what I've told her... same thing as Anna's mum: its common knowledge, freely mentioned infront of her. She knows he "helped God and Jesus make (her) in Mummy's tummy, just like Daddy helped make Josiah". Nathaniel has been a part of her life since she was 6 months old, and it was purely her decision to call him Daddy (which I stopped until we'd been engaged a couple of months and he'd got used to the idea!)
We've told her that D just wasn't ready to be a daddy. That's been enough to satisfy her for the moment. I've never said anything bad about him in front of her... in fact, the other day Nathaniel said that he cannot recall me saying anything bad about him at all! Mind you, although I don't really hate him, I do think that a 28yo should be mature enough to want to find out for sure if his girlfriend's baby is definitly his or not! As far as who Kiya looks like: she looks like my aunt! Both D and Aaron were average height, dark haired and green eyed. D had olive skin, Aaron also but not quite as dark. Kiya has olive skin, brown eyes and blonde hair! Baby photos of Kiya and Josiah at the same age are almost identical, allowing for differences in gender. ------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 24 March 2006 at 9:45pm
|
hay skirts james,s dad was 21 and not know to me a tottal freck i could go child surport but hislifesytle is way to dangerours for my son pluss he talks a lot of s##t sounds like we r similir in sution and dont worry about dad coming back it uselly turns out like what jess said it has for everyone i have know and as my fried said today "u could meet someone and he will be james,s dad it takes a man to raise a child" ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 24 March 2006 at 9:48pm
|
james has a big sister she was bron 1 year before james and i have no idea how to get hold of her and dont no if i want too ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 24 March 2006 at 9:54pm
|
thank u anna d now have a bietter idea on how to handle this place wehave found oursele in ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 25 March 2006 at 1:53pm
|
Hrmmmm... Anna... secret contacts... Might PM you actually.
My problem with finding Nick is that I have tried. The only things I know about him are his name and that he might be from Auckland. He only worked at our work for about 3 days and since then the business has been taken over. And I'm not even sure they had any contact details for him anyway! He's one of those guys that doesn't have a cell phone and doesn't do the internet. I've tried google, old friends and even posting on a Maori website until I realised he was a Pacific Islander, not Maori. My lawyer tried to track him down. I'm sure he would have had a student loan, so I don't understand how she wouldn't have found him through IRD, but that's lawyers for ya. I'm pretty sure he has left Dunedin (where he was studying) but no idea where he is now. I don't even know anyone that knows him. Except Chris (the guy i originally thought was the father!) they were only aquaintances though so I doubt he'd know, and I'm way to scared to ask. My option is to try the lawyer again, but if he has left NZ which is very likely, then I have slim to no chance of finding him. |
Posted By: skirts
Date Posted: 25 March 2006 at 2:56pm
|
Hmmm now thats screwed isnt it Nikki!
Maybe if you rung the Uni and said it was a matter of great importance and see if they can give you an address or even forward something on if they wont give it out to you. Then even if he's moved from there the people living there might pass it on. Um, what else, you could put a post on Old Friends saying your looking for him, in the "lost and found" also if he's from auckland do you know what school he went to or anywhere he worked???? Some schools have websites, you could even ask on forums if anyone knows of a guy called...... I know its a long shot but this world can be so small at times, i was chatting to this girl on a mummys website for ages before I clicked it was a girl I used to go to school with. Have you tried www.findakiwi.co.nz or www.schoolfriends.com.au (also does nz) Also, if he's from auck, I could always ask around people I know up there (which is quite a lot) ya never know...... |
Posted By: skirts
Date Posted: 25 March 2006 at 2:58pm
|
and thanks for the perspectives from the childs side, makes me feel heaps better
Man, James, dont know how I'd cope with knowin summer had an older sibling, you poor thing! And he's only 21, hmmm makes you wonder how many more there'd be a! Where bouts is he from??? Long as we're not talking bout the same guy here lol |
Posted By: Leish
Date Posted: 25 March 2006 at 4:32pm
|
This is a very interesting thread. I have a now 8 year old son and the father and I broke up when my little boy was only a month or two old. I met my current husband when Christopher was one and he has been there ever since. When Christopher was about 3, he decided that Steve was his 'dad' and asked Steve if he could call him that. Christopher's biological father has had nothing to do with him - ever. He took me to court to get access etc and then didn't follow through with it - complete loser really.
Anyway - we thought that Christopher knew that Steve wasn't actually his dad, but he didn't. Steve took him for a drive to have a chat to him last year and Christopher was really upset with him. He asked why did we lie to him etc etc and although we didn't actually lie to him, we should have been more clear about what the situation actually was. I guess all I am trying to say is that make sure that they do actually understand. In a way I am glad that we didn't have a chat to him earlier cos he would not have understood what we were saying but he does now and has made his peace. At first he was really curiuos about his biological dad and wanted to meet him but after he thought more about it, decided against it. I don't mind him having anything to do with him but I don't want my baby hurt. The biological dad is married with children and the thought that Christopher has half siblings out there kinda freaks me out |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 25 March 2006 at 5:10pm
|
wow what interesting stories we all have....i hope it works out for everyone and most importantly your kids
nikki i live in auckland -want me to hunt him down for ya?
now i have a question,its not about me,i have a sickenly great relationship with caitlyns dad chris and his wife angela,but in my case it was easy to,hes one of the good guys and is great with his daughter...but my question is actually about my friend-the one who i was at the birth of her child? well her dropkick of an ex -we'll call him dorkas malorkas went out with my mate for 3years and when she got pregnant wanted her to (of course) have an abortion,he "came around" when she started to show-if u can say that calling her fat coming around-he also said he should have kicked her when he had the chance
he finally left her for another girl,and has come round looked at bubs,held bubs and said nah i dont want her in my life (how can they do that?how can a guy look at their own flesh and blood and turn away?) now my question is he wont fill out the birth registration form...does she need to have that filled out in order to name him on the birth certificate or can she just name him anyway...ie do u need permission ? thanks guys |
Posted By: jax
Date Posted: 25 March 2006 at 5:17pm
|
For just the birth certificate I don't think you need anybody's permission !! Poor thing ------------- Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater 
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~ |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 25 March 2006 at 7:31pm
|
hi skirts we r in dunners so hope its not the same guy (now would,nt that be funny) he has seen his daugther once and she was bor when i got preggy lol should off run while i could!! 9only kidding would,nt swoop james for anything ! ) but saying that he has,nt seen james yet but claimas to want to ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 26 March 2006 at 1:18pm
|
also if she does put his name on the birth certificate does he and his parents have a better chance of going for custody?
btw can i just say his mums as bad as him? if my brother got a girl pregnant my mum would make him face up to his responsibility-u were "man" enuf to have sex ur man enuf to face ur consequences.But this women has allowed him to be a little victim and go on about how my mate has ruined his life YET when she wants to show bubs off to her friends its fine |
Posted By: jax
Date Posted: 26 March 2006 at 1:46pm
|
I don't think he stands a better chance at all, although I'd have to double check on the legality of my answers here... I think it's if she *doesn't* put his name on the certificate he isn't obligated to prove he's the father, but if his name *is* on it, then at the very least he has to prove he ISN'T the father - you know what I mean?
------------- Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~ |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 26 March 2006 at 2:20pm
|
from what i was told if u put the fathers name on the cert without his permission it will not be included as he (father) has to sign the cert u do have to go thur lawerys to get a fathers name on the cert ectectect and has for custoryed they have no legel right to the child if there name is not on the cert but if it is on the cert he has castdry of the child (legel pernatl rights half and half ) unless there is a court order saying he can not ust walk in and take the child ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 26 March 2006 at 4:08pm
|
I think Lu's got it.
The father has to sign the birth certificate for it to be valid. You can't just "pop him on there" and hope he doesn't notice. If he is on the birth certificate he has automatic guardianship rights, which you can get removed. It used to be that even if his name was on the cert then he didn't have guardianship, the mother automatically did. In order to get him on the birth cert if he doesn't sign, you have to get him to write a "Declaration of Paternity" or you can get a Paternity Order, which basically means that he has to front up and say he is the father or request DNA testing, then if positive he will be added to the birth cert. Does that help? |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 26 March 2006 at 4:10pm
|
And Amy, would love to investigate the previous address thing but students in Dunedin move around so much that no one ever passes on a forwarding address to the next tenants. And if anyone did, I doubt it would be him. He seems like such a 'no-ties' kinda guy.
But thanks for your help. I think I'm swinging the other way again and resigning myself to the fact that I don't think I'll be able to find him. Maybe in a few years, but that will be for Hannah and not for child support as you can't claim child support after 3 years or something along those lines. |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 26 March 2006 at 9:27pm
|
helps heaps guys thankyou...i'll let my friend know what uv told me
|
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 26 March 2006 at 10:47pm
|
this from justice dept website..
Parents as guardians Both parents are usually guardians Usually, a child’s mother and father are joint guardians of the child. They are often referred to as the child’s natural guardians. However, while a child’s mother is automatically a guardian, the child’s father is a guardian only if - he was married to or in a civil union with the child’s mother at any time from when the child was conceived until it was born the child was conceived before 1 July 2005 and he was living with the child’s mother when the child was born the child was conceived on or after 1 July 2005 and he was living with the child’s mother at any time between conception and the birth, or .he was recorded as the father of the child on the birth certificate on or after 1 July 2005. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
|
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 27 March 2006 at 9:51pm
|
ohhhh thankyou so much gs mum-that helps so much!
you guys are awesome (but dont be getting no big heads now) |
Posted By: skirts
Date Posted: 28 March 2006 at 8:12am
|
Wow, now some interesting info coming out here, thanks guys!
Definately true what Nikki and others have said bout the birth cert, the dad def has to sign to be on it! Otherwise you take them to court and get a Paternity Order (which is what I did) took me two years to get it (her dad mucked the system round big time, then finally defaulted on the DNA test cos he didnt wanna pay for it all once it showed she was his) but glad I did! Now Im just in the process of finding out exactly what to do to get that name added on to the birth cert, cos apparently theres a form or something, it doesnt just happen automatically! Nikki, good on you girl, you go with your gut instincts and do whatever feels right, we'll all support you k! And if you do ever want help finding him, just yell, so many of us are here for you to help or whatever. James - Lol nope dont think its the same guy he he he, her dad lived in Auck and now he's skipped off to OZ, phew :-) But was still quite a funny thought! |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 28 March 2006 at 2:41pm
|
thank god for that lol that would have been very interesting skirts u have to go thur the lawerys to get the name on the cert
nicki we r here as surport for u and do what u feel is right for u and your daughter we r here when it gets to much as i no it can  ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: Leish
Date Posted: 28 March 2006 at 3:57pm
|
This is kind of funny cos I posted on here last week but my cousin was in Auckland over the weekend (I am in Wellington) and she emailed me today and said this
"Hey, guess who I saw at the airport...(my son's biological fathers name here)!! I went to say Hi to him and he is really old looking and put on heaps of weight and is working as a cleaner at the airport. He didn't even ask after Christopher" Man - sometimes we are better off without these guys!! I haven't seen this guy in over five years. If he saw my son in the street with someone else, he wouldn't even know him... ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 28 March 2006 at 4:31pm
|
so ture my babys daddy has turned gay nothing wr ong with being gay butt it shocked the hell out of me ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: ange221
Date Posted: 28 March 2006 at 6:56pm
|
So, if you need the father to sign to be on the birth certificate how does this affect the child support he is supposed to pay.
Will I need to go through the court process to force him to sign before IRD can take his money??? He has now said that since I have taken his opportunity to be a father away from him then he doesn't want anything to do with the child so I can't see him signing the forms willingly. I'm having enough trouble trying to get him to buy me out of the property we own together. He said he'd rather kill himself and burn the house down than give me a cent. I told him he'd better get the matches. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 28 March 2006 at 7:02pm
|
ok not trying to b mean but he sounds like a loser u can get a exption from winz if he is danger to u or the child re child surport u will have to go thura lawyer to get pertinty and to get him on the brith cert then fill in a form at ird and they take things from there be strong and big hugs ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 29 March 2006 at 8:49am
| If you are going to be on the DPB you should get legal aid to cover the expenses of going for a paternity order and then DNA test. If you apply for child support as soon as your babe is born then they usually file it and his payments get backdated once the results come through. |
Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 29 March 2006 at 9:04am
|
oh my god! i'm sorry angel, but what an b****y ar**hole ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
|
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 29 March 2006 at 11:01am
| I would get a lawyer ASAP. You need to sell that property and get what you deserve. You may also want tio document your conversations with him for future reference. Write what he says, times and dates. |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 29 March 2006 at 1:51pm
|
Oh yeah, I forgot to actually respond angel!
Feck him! |
Posted By: Leish
Date Posted: 29 March 2006 at 2:44pm
|
What a complete a$$!! You do what you need to and come here for all the support you need - big hugs!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 29 March 2006 at 3:15pm
|
I agree with Liz - keep track of the conversations, dates time etc. - if he does burn the house down you don't want him to be able to implicate you in any way! What a major loser!
Getting a lawyer sounds like the best thing you can do atm, even tho they can't file papers etc. till after bubs is born, they can give you some advice and let you know what you can/can't do etc. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
|
Posted By: ange221
Date Posted: 29 March 2006 at 5:27pm
|
Thanks ladies. I do have a lawyer working for me on the property settlement but this has all happened in the last month so still in the teething stages. The lawyer is going to start court proceedings next week if he hasn't responded to the house settlement proposal.
His latest is that if I walk away from the house then he will agree to pay me child support. What a dick. He is going to have to pay the child support regardless of the amount we settle on over the house. I am just trying to get my head around the problems I am going to face regarding money once the baby is here. Better to prepare myself now. The funniest thing is he already has two children from a previous relationship and is happy to hand over $1200 a month for them. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 29 March 2006 at 5:52pm
|
hes being a d@@k and playing mind games with u and bubs dont worry about money it is dooalbe hard but dooable ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 29 March 2006 at 6:59pm
|
good on ya angel i would have stood there and told him to go ahead and try to burn down the house lol im kinda bad like that i wouldve egged him on to get him in serious sh*t lol
Stand strong chicka dont let some piece of sh*t like that try and take you and baby down
|
Posted By: ange221
Date Posted: 29 March 2006 at 7:21pm
|
There would have been no point arguing with him because then I would have got it if you know what I mean. Which is the reason I left him. Mind you, when I didn't argue back I still ended up getting it. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 29 March 2006 at 7:38pm
|
can u move away from him sounds lke u would be safeer and winz make excitions for domstic abause ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: ange221
Date Posted: 29 March 2006 at 7:54pm
|
That's the good thing. I have moved to Christchurch and he is staying in Auckland and I seriously doubt he will ever venture down this way. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 29 March 2006 at 9:15pm
|
thank god for that ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: k&jsmum
Date Posted: 25 April 2006 at 12:35am
|
hi girls. well its been so long since I have been on OhBaby! but am going to give this topic life again being that I have being thinking about the boys dad heaps lately. It sucks to hear so many of us are in the same postion with dead beat dads doing a runner but on the other hand I find it comforting that there are others like me going thru all the same emotions. All my friends that have kids are still with the dads so as much as they can empathise they really dont understand.
My ex hasnt seen the boys since 6weeks after their first birthday and other than promises in a letter he sent me about him and his new g/f wanting to take the boys for weekends (a cold day in hell before that happens!!) last may (he hadnt seen them for 6mths) I havent heard anything. I just really feel for my boys as they really crave male attention and I would love for them to build a bond with their dad. I spoke to a lawyer last year who informed me that I couldnt stop L from seeing the boys (unless danger to them etc) because he was paying child support. Well of cse L isnt seeing the boys but I asked the lawyer it there was anyway I could get him to spend time with them but the lawyer said i couldnt. Anyway at this point have been thinking constantly about L and him spending more time with the boys and am on the verge of getting back in contact with him for the boys. Anyway good to see all the great advice on here and will be sure to let you know if I decide to get in contact with L ------------- Marlene Keegan ~ 14 October 2003 Jaidyn ~ 14 October 2003 |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 25 April 2006 at 11:01am
|
i have been thinking along the same lines as u k&js mum but after all the things james dad has said about wanting to spend time with james then never following thur i diced its his loss and james has his grandad and uncles. i do no how u feel and if u need to chat just pm me ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 25 April 2006 at 11:36am
|
I've decided I'm way too lazy to go through with finding Hannah's Dad.
I think it might be good for both of you if you can get the twins Dad in on the job... providing he is a safe parent. You can only figure that out by observing... ah it's tough! |
Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 25 April 2006 at 2:24pm
|
There are these 2 fantastic books called 'raising boys' and raising girls'. Though they aren't completely about solo parenting they do have heaps of info on the roles each parent plays in raising children and ways they can help to fill the void of an absent parent.
Its awful that the kids have to pay for their father immaturity! My friend who grew up without a father- her Mum used to tell her 'your Daddy isn't here so Mummy loves you double' I thought that was so sweet!------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3 
|
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 25 April 2006 at 7:59pm
| Oooooer might steal that one! |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 25 April 2006 at 8:21pm
|
ohh i might too sounds so right ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: skirts
Date Posted: 25 April 2006 at 9:54pm
|
Yeah i think i might steal that one too Jenn!
What a sweet thing to say.... Oh and I so have to remember to borrow that 'raising girls' book off you too before you fly off overseas........ sounds so fantastic! |
Posted By: Donna.I
Date Posted: 29 April 2006 at 10:20am
|
A signature is required to place a fathers name on the birth certificate. You can use either yours or your childs fathers last name, it is purely a personal choice thing. To get the paternity, if the father denies the paternity, then he has to provide a DNA sample, in which he pays ($700 4 yrs ago). The law is more so on our side here. There appears a few of us where the fathers are absent. ------------- Donna Ingram Co-ordinator Gastric Reflux Aide mailto:info@gastricreflux.org - info@gastricreflux.org http://www.gastricreflux.org - www.gastricreflux.org |
Posted By: k&jsmum
Date Posted: 29 April 2006 at 1:42pm
|
Yep think im gona steal it too - but then on that note got an email from their dad the other day been nearly a year!! hE SAID HE DOESNT REALLY KNOW WHAT TO SAY BUT IF I DIDNT MIND COULD HE COME OVER ONE DAY. Oops have Keegan on my knee. Anyway I said fine as I think he needs to have a relationship with the boys but I will also have a wee chat to him about what I wont tolerate eg broken promises.
On the Raising oys book - Brilliant have just finished readin it ------------- Marlene Keegan ~ 14 October 2003 Jaidyn ~ 14 October 2003 |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 29 April 2006 at 2:08pm
|
good luck on the little chat i relly hope it works out for you and the boys as for james daddy still nothing from the useless b@@@@@@@@@@@@!!!!!!!! oh he makes me so mad!!!!!! ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: k&jsmum
Date Posted: 06 June 2006 at 10:16pm
|
oh well ladies have to share. My ex emailed me today to say if its ok with me can he comeover at the end of this week. Im a wee bit nervous about it all to tell the truth as I expect he is too. Dont really know what to expect but will definaltey be having a chat about things and how they are at the mo.
Anyway wish me luck - thats if the s$$thead turns up. Oh and he better have some blimmin cool pressies for the boys or be prepared to immediately go shopping with the list I have prepared ------------- Marlene Keegan ~ 14 October 2003 Jaidyn ~ 14 October 2003 |
Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 07 June 2006 at 7:23am
|
hehehehehe, good luck!!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
|
Posted By: fairsk8
Date Posted: 07 June 2006 at 7:59am
|
Good luck Marlene, I hope it all goes well for you and the boys. ------------- http://www.bump-and-beyond.com/"> 
|
Posted By: Anna
Date Posted: 07 June 2006 at 8:17am
|
Marlene - keeping my fingers crossed for you and your boys that everything works out as you want it to. ------------- Anna http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
|
Posted By: lenabeanz
Date Posted: 07 June 2006 at 10:16am
|
All the best Marlene!!! Hope he does turn up and it is not a one off visit!! ------------- http://www.snugglepie.com"> 
|
Posted By: skirts
Date Posted: 07 June 2006 at 10:25am
|
Good luck with it all, hope he turns up and doesnt give you a hard time....let us know how it goes
|
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 07 June 2006 at 12:48pm
|
Ooooh good luck Marlene! I hope he comes thru for you and doesn't disappoint the boys! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
|
Posted By: k&jsmum
Date Posted: 07 June 2006 at 1:11pm
|
so do i. will just have to wat and see. have been practising a few speeches to give him lol he wont know whats hit him!!! ------------- Marlene Keegan ~ 14 October 2003 Jaidyn ~ 14 October 2003 |
Posted By: Angelme
Date Posted: 09 June 2006 at 2:27pm
|
Oh dear poor ex lol ------------- Cheers Angel NZ Single Parents http://www.nzsingleparents.com - www.nzsingleparents.com |
Posted By: mrs frantic
Date Posted: 09 June 2006 at 3:42pm
|
OK this is a bit off the topic but I was wondering if you guys could give me an opinion from the other side of the fence so to speak.
My brother got a lady prgnant a while ago and the baby is now 18 months old. They were never really together just dating for about 6 weeks. They had stopped seeing eachother when she announced her pregnancy. She came over and told us and he accpeted that it was him, no problems, and said that even if they had just casually seen eachother for a short time that he would believe her when she said there had been no one else. ok, so he stayed in contact through the pregnancy, called and visited, asked her if she needed anythign etc. Also my family all met her and said welcome to our family if you need anything just yell. And my parents were really lovely they called her and bought her stuff she needed and were really nice to her. Then came the birth, baby was born on xmas eve, we called on xmas to say merry xmas and she said "oh - baby was born yesterday". ok, well we thought she would let us know but ok. But then she didnt put my bros name on the birth cert, and said father was unknown. We were all a bit shocked but my bro said taht it was her decision and he would respect it. SHe is on the DPB and he has been giving her money under the table to help with bubs. SO nothing is documented. Our visits with baby have been less and less. Just recently she moves and she wont give us her new address or anythign we only have a mobile number. When we do see them she wants it to be in coffee shops and stuff, it is all pretty formal. It is tearing my parents up they are really keen to be a part of this kids life, it is their first and only grandchild and they so badly want to spend more time with her...but the mum always says she is too busy with baby. Now my question is this: why wouldnt she put the name on the cert? Is there really that much of a cash advantage to not naming the dad? And if her and my bro have a fall out can she take the kid away from all of us? And if she names him as the dad later on in life can she do him for years of maintenance cos everyhting he has given her (which has been some pretty decent cash amounts) has been under the table ofcourse? It all seems pretty sad at the moment, we really want this child to be part of our family but things are very much by her rules, and thats fine cos she is the mother, but sometimes we feel really cut off. Last time we saw the kid my mu just walked out and cried - she just said "öh she doesnt even know who we are!" And we have made a real effort, honestly not once have we said anythign bad or judged or anything. We have respected everyhting she said, kept our distance as she wanted, we never tell her how to raise her child (even though she has some pretty wierd philosphies at times), we have been really careful to be super good. I just cant get past the fact that she was so positive that my bro was teh father and he accepted it, and yet she wont name him as father - in reality it means that we can never prove we are her family even though we accept it and treat her as if she is family...it's wierd I just dont get why she would do that? What do you think? PS: No disrepect to any single mumns out there who have made a smiliar decision, honestly I respect everyone - esp people who have the huge task of raising a child on their own. I just find our situation hard to understand and my parents are really heartbrocken about it all and are constanly scared of losing access to their grandchild so I am trying to figure things out. ------------- Mrs Frantic Baby Maddisyn born 28 Sept 2006 http://lilypie.com"> 
|
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 09 June 2006 at 4:27pm
|
Grrrrrrrrr she sounds like she is doing it for the cash. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
The only advantage to not having the babies name on the birth cert is so that she isn't forced to get child support through the IRD (which means she would get nothing, or very little, because it goes towards covering the costs of her DPB). It sounds like she is getting less compliant with visits etc anyway so he should cut the money and ask her to get him put on the cert (which requires him to write a Deed of Paternity.) This means that he can then apply for proper access visits if she continues to be unco-operative. Otherwise he will have to get her to apply for Paternity testing... which will either get his name on or not (providing it comes back as a DNA match). It isn't going to be a pretty process unforunately. |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 09 June 2006 at 4:28pm
| Btw, I'm pretty sure it has to be the mother that initiates paternity proceedings. Which really pisses me off. These kinds of situations show how crap the system is. |
Posted By: mrs frantic
Date Posted: 09 June 2006 at 4:40pm
|
hhmm yeah but he wont do it cos he is scared she will get angry and cut off access to all of us - even if we go through al the procedures I am not sure we can force her to legally recognise him as the father and so I guess we will never really be able to insist on access - which bring sme back to my original point, that she controls the situation by means of access and no one will qiestion or argue with her cos she is all powerful in this situation....it just doesnt seem fair at all does it? ------------- Mrs Frantic Baby Maddisyn born 28 Sept 2006 http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: emeldee
Date Posted: 09 June 2006 at 4:43pm
|
A Deed of Paternity has to be co-signed by the mother to have any effect, however a man may approach the family court to establish paternity and have his name placed on the BC if she refuses. He can then apply for guardianship (because they weren't living together at the time the baby was born he doesn't get this automatically and guardianship will entitle him to have a say on big things like health, education, religion etc) and also apply for access through the family court. Be aware that this is a lengthy and expensive (unless you qualify for legal aid) process, but it is a sure fire way to ensure his parental rights. If he wants a free initial consultation with a lawyer for some legal advice, phone your local citizen's advice bureau (CAB) and they have a list of lawyers on file that will usually give you 10 mins or so free of charge to discuss things. Good luck.
http://www.justice.govt.nz/family/children/paternity.html ------------- |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 09 June 2006 at 5:36pm
|
Woah Maree... excellent information!
I know when I was doing paternity stuff for Han there was a law being passed that changed the situation of guardianship. (If it is in effect yet) Then as soon as the name is on the BC then guardianship is automatic. |
Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 09 June 2006 at 9:35pm
|
Hi
Just reading this and Becca mentioned about your partner wanting to adopt you child but had to get the birth fathers permission, my understanding is if he isn't on the birth cert he isn't legally the birth father so you don't need to get anyones permission to go ahead with it. Also if the birth father doesn't want to sign to be put on the birth certificate you just can't put him on there either (this was for those who didn't know whether to or not) I do not have the father on my sons birth certificate one because at the time I was young and naive and thought I didn't want him on there (no reason not to) but two because his dad had gone back to the Uk I could not get him on the cert because he wasn't there to sign it. Josh never really cared about his dad as he knew as much as I knew about him. A few years ago I set out to get back in contact with him and succeeded. all his family were full on at the start and now he hears nothing again (13th birthday came and gone and no word) We are heading to Uk next year and he wants to see his 'dad' which I have said he can and supported him, I feel it is very important to meet him and have to put aside what I think of how they hae just 'forgotten' about him again after I stressed that its important they don't stop contact. On the other hand my daughters father is on the birth cert and up until I got married last year (to my now husband not her father) he had her in the holidays but now she hasn't heard from him for a year (he lives in NZ) he was the one that took me to court for access and never did it. But I am glad that I do get child support because he too made this child (although what he pays is pathetic $30 a month)Makes me think no matter what you do where you are you will always have that to remind him he has a daughter. Anyway seems the norm to write alot on this forum but alot is to be said. ------------- Ann 
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: k&jsmum
Date Posted: 09 June 2006 at 9:47pm
|
aww frantic that really sucks. I get really frustrated when mums cut their children off fromt their paternal family only because i wish my exs side of the family would show interest my ex included. Although his dad (his stepdad) and his wife keep intouch but my exs mum wont have a bar of me or the boys as she thinks i have destroyed her poor babys life. Really hes ruiing his life all on his own.
Anyway good luck for your brother, you, your parents and the rest of your family. I really hope it works out as there is no better feeling for a child thatn knowing they are surrounded by loving people. PS on the ex front coming over to visit this week ....well surprise suprise he got "a really big care bill" and cant make it over this pay. So like i said we will wait and see......... Bloody men sometimes ------------- Marlene Keegan ~ 14 October 2003 Jaidyn ~ 14 October 2003 |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 09 June 2006 at 11:00pm
thay relly suxs k&jsmum men like that make so sometime this thread has hit me right in the hart james dad is not on the brith cert as he wasnt there when i signed it and he told me the baby wasnt his when i no for certain he is!!!! james da has told people that its my falut he donst see james when he he himself has made no move to see him  i relly do feel for my baby as he has just starting saying dad anyways mrs fratic your brother can go for patanery thur a lawers as a friend of mine has just done but it does have to have mothers apporovel i hope this woman opens her mind soon or its the child who will lose out all because she is shellfish ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: k&jsmum
Date Posted: 10 June 2006 at 12:09am
|
sorry i meant car bill lol ------------- Marlene Keegan ~ 14 October 2003 Jaidyn ~ 14 October 2003 |
Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 10 June 2006 at 9:22am
|
Thanks AnnC.
We got a little free legal advice from a family lawyer, who told us that as I know who the biological father is we have to get his permission even though he's not on the birth certificate. We don't have the money at this stage to go through the whole process (it will cost around $2500 all up if D agrees to a paternity test, and about $500 more if he doesn't) so the adoption has gone on the back burner for now. ------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys |
Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 10 June 2006 at 9:23am
|
Marlene, that sucks about the boys father! ------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys |