Some little (BIG) thoughts
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Topic: Some little (BIG) thoughts
Posted By: Chovynz
Subject: Some little (BIG) thoughts
Date Posted: 04 July 2008 at 10:50am
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For the past 4-6 months I have been struggling.
I've been trying to escape the pressure of being a stay at home dad, by playing games and being active in another forum related to that game. In amongst the mountains of housework grind I lost sight of what this is all about. I've been feeling like a loser because I couldn't "hold" a job down, and had to resort to "being a stay at home dad." I tried to convince myself otherwise, but I have only just realised today what I've been struggling with. A little while ago, our family stayed with some friends in Upper Hutt. They have a family of 4 kids. I only have to deal with 3. Seeing them in their everyday life, made me realise that If they can do it with four, then I can do it with three. Time to stop moping around. I've only got three kids. I struggled with the job thing. Everyday is the same. get up, deal with fights, do dishes, put washing out, put washing away, bring washing in, wash and repeat, make dinners, sort out complaining and fighting, go take a break, come back from break and see crayon on the walls, try to wash/scrap crayon off, fail, clear breakfast, drop off girls to activities, pick them up, tell them off for interfering with each other or touching the stereo, put on mivies, turn off movies because no ones watching them, dealing with 3 different learning styles and learning needs, change nappies, theres probably things I've missed but you get the picture. And even while im writing this i've had to sort out someone wanting to munch onthings they shouldnt (my shoulder, that apple, some pens, and sorted out an interference issue.) I had a shower this morning and was thinking how good it was to just feel the water on my body, and not have to worry about anything. Then i starting thinking about my previous jobs, and started to grieve that I was in this situation of being "SAHD". I started to mope and think "I prefered working, at least then I can just sit down and do graphic design." Then it hit me. This question entered my head. "What greater thing on this earth is there than helping your kids grow up?" I thought that through. Getting married and learning to live with my wonderful wife is up near there. Having wonderful sex with her is up near there. Getting and owning your own house is great and all but it's just a house. Playing and completing games does not give me any lasting satisfaction. Work is just making money, when you really boil it down. Doesnt matter what work you do. Yes there is satisfaction from certain works, but most work is centred around making money, no matter how much you fancy it up and "marketise" it. Out of these thoughts I conclude that there is no greater thing on earth than helping your kids grow. So what's my midyears resolution? Get off the computer and spend more time with my kids. My wife has talked to me before about how much time they need, but it didnt sink in until now. And now I'm accepting it, instead of fighting it - trying to hold onto my bachelor lifestyle and mindset. The purpose of this thread isnt to provoke anyone or ask for opinions on what i did or didnt do wrong, (however feel free to write anything that this post sparks  ), but is to share some inner thoughts that I haven't shared with anyone yet. I suspect Teresa could already see it, because of some things she's said, but I have been able to put it into words only today.
Thanks for reading. ------------- Defending the male species since 1980
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Replies:
Posted By: pepsi
Date Posted: 04 July 2008 at 10:57am
| Woah, deep! |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 04 July 2008 at 10:58am
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Congrats on the revelation. I couldn't agree more, there's nothing more important in the world than helping your kids grow and develop. I would love to be a sahm. -------------  
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Posted By: CuriousG
Date Posted: 04 July 2008 at 11:00am
Also know, there are others out there who feel very similar to how you are feeling. Maybe for different reasons but we exist.  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 04 July 2008 at 11:57am
Congrats from me too 
Believe it or not, mothers go through the same issues of not wanting to give up their pre-baby lives too. So I totally understand where you are coming from, and commend you for making it to where you are now. |
Posted By: ellen
Date Posted: 04 July 2008 at 12:10pm
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Well done on being a SAHD and sharing your feelings (not something many men are comfortable with).
You're probably not feeling anthing that all SAHP feel in varying degrees. I didn't find it very self-satisfying being a SAHM at the time but look back and think I could have done a much better job had I just surrendered to it and realised my life wouldn't be like that forever - hindsight is a wonderful thing and all that! My husband was a SAHD for about a year (while studying for part of that time) and he bonded really well with our youngest. It gave him a much better idea of what being at home was really like and is much more helpful around the house than before then. It gave me a better perspective on what it's like being the bread winner and coming home after a days work and just wanting to wind down. Remember you are human and your kids will love you (even if you think you're not doing a great job) just the same. Children are amazingly loyal and forgiving people. |
Posted By: LeahandJoel
Date Posted: 04 July 2008 at 12:15pm
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Congrats on being a SAHD first of all, and remember raising your kids is THE toughest job you will ever do!! -------------  
 
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Posted By: myfullhouse
Date Posted: 04 July 2008 at 12:36pm
 That's the first time any post has made me cry. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I have felt something similar at times and it is nice to know I am not the only one. Being a SAHM is hard but I expect it must be harder being a SAHD as they are so few and far between. As the others have said I commend you for the job you are doing!!------------- Lindsey 
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 04 July 2008 at 1:05pm
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I always have that revelation too (- the SAHD guilt)... about getting off the computer and spending time with the kid. It lasts about 5 minutes.
Feeling another kick up the pants coming on though. Thanks Nat!
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 04 July 2008 at 1:28pm
True... To be honest, it is something I struggle with daily. In fact, I have just gone back onto Antidepressants. Hats off to you for saying it out loud. I think the hard thing about being a SAHP is there is no recognition, financial or otherwise really or the job, and how hard it is, how mind knumbingly boring/frustrating/repetitive it iften is and how much harder it is than it looks. You are doing a great job. Lets be honest, not alot of men can "man up" and do the SAHD thing. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
joshierocks wrote:Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 04 July 2008 at 1:29pm
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ROFL -------------
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Posted By: MyBelly
Date Posted: 04 July 2008 at 1:43pm
Congratulations on your resolution
and if you heat the crayon with a hairdryer the crayon comes off really easily might make your day a lil easier
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Posted By: NeoshasMummy
Date Posted: 04 July 2008 at 2:34pm
  Good to see a guy stepping up!!
(Also good to see a guy who realises a mothers job isn't an easy one) ------------- https://secure.fertilityfriend.com/home/30c4ec/" rel="nofollow">  Mrs Te Kani ❤️ Neosha 26/5/2007 |
Posted By: susieq
Date Posted: 04 July 2008 at 3:04pm
| Yes congratulations on being a stay at home dad |
Posted By: Bel
Date Posted: 04 July 2008 at 8:16pm
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Chovynz, I am kinda struggling with the same thing at the moment, especially as Luke is now getting into more things and so needs more time from me. I enjoyed working for the challenge it gave me, and am currently trying to work out how to make this SAHP thing a challenge too... I know he loves the time I spend with him, so I guess that is what I should be remembering. Hmmm - is a stay at home dad any better than a SAHM? No one ever congratulates me for staying at home with my baby... ------------- Mum to two beautiful kids 
Luke (09.11.2007) Amy (01.04.2009) |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 04 July 2008 at 8:40pm
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In answer to your small question down the bottom Bel,;-) i personally dont see that being a stay at home dad is better than a stay at home mum, its just less common , so i think people are more likely to comment on it ....i congratulate you (and all sahms) on being a stay at home mum, i've been one (and want to be one again ) and i know that its definetly not an easy job , no sick leave, no late starts, no holidays......
good on you all
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Posted By: khhast
Date Posted: 06 July 2008 at 10:46am
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Personally I think you're doing awesome at holding down a job - a stay-at-home one sure, but it's a very important and vital job.
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 06 July 2008 at 10:58am
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You sound like you are doing an awesome job!
I think its OK to miss the working part of your life. I think particularly for men as so much of who they are is tied up in what they do. I try to remember that they're only babies for such a short time, soon they'll be off to school and you'll wonder were the time went. Sadly the computer is probably the biggest time waster invented, I know if we didn't have that or the tele DH and I would probably spend a lot more time with each other. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |