Smacking!
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19035
Printed Date: 06 October 2025 at 1:32pm
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Topic: Smacking!
Posted By: 11111
Subject: Smacking!
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 1:04pm
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Ok so I know this has been done, but a post on TM got me thinking if you were in the supermarket at a playgroup and saw someone smacking would you
a) make a comment to the parent b) report it to the police or c) ignore it and let a parent parent they way tehy want too. Remember this is a smack not a beating. The following is a cut and paste of my post on TM and I want honest opion's I promise not t oget upset or offended I jsut want to know what you wonderful ladies think. well I usually shy away from thread's like this on here, but because i had something like this affect me personally I feel the need to post. I was at MM a few week's back and witnessed my Son who is not usually like this hit and push another child smaller and younger so I grabed him slightly roughly and smacked his bum as far as I was concerned his behavour was totally unacceptable and needed to be punished. However a lady who witnessed this went to a leader of the group and informed her she was considering calling the police on me. Now I am a great Mum who loves my kid's more then life itself, but if I think my child has hurt another child for no real reason's then I am going to punish him the way I see fit. Now everytime I see that person(I worked out who it was) I am totally parinoid to even raisemy voice to my son. I do think if you witness something that is out of control and abusive then something need's to be said, but threating to call the police on a good Mum is a waste of police time and taking resorcese that are already streashed to teh max form the families and kid's who really need it. CYFS have enough real abuse cases that they struggle to deal wit hdue to lack of resorces and People who want to report good parent's are jsut making thing's worse for Kids who really are being abused. In hine sight smacking for smacking is pretty reiculous and I must admit to be honest it certainly was not my finest Moment as a Mummy, but at the sametime I certainly don't think it warrented being threated with the police either. As for comfronting the woman I have thought about it, but she is a pretty strong personality So am I jsut not as strong I don't know I could get the gut's. I was thinking of speaking to the leader and explainign to her that i think i know who it was and maybe could we have a chat to her together to clear the ear as I have jsut discovered her son attend's the same preschool as mine and well I just wonder if maybe she has said something there. Just to add I actually really like this lady and don't think she was trying to be nasy, but I do think she was taking thing's too far and would of prefered her to come to me. ------------- Deborah Mum to:   
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Replies:
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 1:37pm
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c).
I don't believe in smacking my own kids - it doesn't work for us. and I do like the anti-smacking bill to tell the truth. but I am also able to tell the difference between smacking as discipline, and smacking as beating. In the case you mentioned above, i wouldn't do anything. If it was hitting across the face or something that looked abusive Iw ould however. I had some woman in the supermarket, while I was wheeling a SCREAMING Taine, say tome "If that was my child, I would give him a good smack" I replied "And if I were your child, I would report you for child abuse" it was fun! |
Posted By: Brenna
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 1:38pm
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If it was a small smack for something that was dangerous e.g. running onto the road etc then I'd ignore it.
As for the above post, well I'm not sure. I guess it depends how 'rough' she was when handling the child and how hard she smacked, but I'd probably ignore it. My opinion is that the anti smacking law doesn't work because I don't thing it is stopping people who bash their kids. I think that there is a BIG difference between a light smack for a child's safety and a hit/bash for the sake of dealing with behaviour. It will be interesting to read others opinions. -------------  My beautiful 2 girls...nearly 4 and 13 months
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 1:40pm
| I wouldn't have done anything in that case. |
Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 1:50pm
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thanks ladies I am going to read this all with great intrest.
------------- Deborah Mum to:
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 1:52pm
Good grief! This is exactly what people were worried would happen with the changes to the law. Good parents being made into criminals for disciplining their children 
I understand that there are people who are passionately against smacking but surely they have the common sense to differentiate between a single (not hard) smack on the bottom and the abuse that warrants contacting the police?! I don't believe smacking is an effective form of discipline but if I was upset or angered by seeing a parent choose to discipline with a smack, unless it happened more than a couple of times that I witnessed or they were unnecessarily rough with the child , I don't think I would do anything more than perhaps speaking to the leader or the parent themselves. edited to try and make myself clearer. ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: mrshouse
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 2:09pm
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butterflymum if i saw what you did i wouldnt think anything of it but that youre disciplining your child.......i think the antismacking law rely on peoples commonsense to what warrants police involvement and what involves minding your own business.....the antismacking law doesnt mean butt your nose into how others choose to teach their kids........but watch out for ABUSE of our kids........ i dont think you have to do anything or justify yourself to that lady or anyone who doesnt have the commonsense of a situation.....if the police was contacted im sure they would be annoyed at wasting their time..... ------------- http://www.baby-gaga.com/"> 
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Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 2:15pm
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I personally don't think smacking is ever a necessary step to take, but I can also understand that sometimes in extreme and stressful situations it may happen. i.e child was about to run across a busy road etc.
I don't think the situation above warranted a smack but I also doubt very much that it warranted police involvement or the threat of police involvement. What does concern me though when you see a parent smack a child is, if that is what they do in public what happens behind closed doors? I also think that sometimes perhaps it is better to alert the authorities because what about if something worse is going on? How many of us have wondered why the authorities weren't called in child abuse or worse still child murder cases, neighbors etc have quite often seen something go on but have turned a blind eye, probably because that instance on its own wasn't enough to make them pick up the phone but in hindsight it was just the tip of the ice berg and was just the public abuse with the more serious stuff happening away from the publics prying eye. Or it turns out that not one neighbor but 20 neighbors saw something going on, if 20 people had reported it it would been investigated before it escalated but individually they all just stood back and did nothing because it didn't seem that serious. ------------- 
 
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Posted By: My3Sons
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 2:17pm
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------------- Mum to Mr 10, Mr 6 and Mr 4
 
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ButterflyMum wrote:
at the lady threatening to call the police! Sounds like this mum realised she hadnt done the best thing at the time (smacking in anger) and was sorry. Depends on the situation I guess and your gut feeling, in that case where I had witnessed everything I wouldnt be involving myself. (I was going to say interfering but thats not the right word.......in the right circumstances I would certainly interfere!!). Sounds like a case of a mum who was angry and lost her temper and felt crap about it afterwards, yep Ive been there!Posted By: MissAngel
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 3:03pm
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Perosonally I would have applauded the parents for having the balls to not be afraid of what anyone else thinks! I'm sorry but if my child does something naughty after being warned/explained why he shouldnt be doing it etc, then he's gonna get a smack on the hand (bums dont work cuz nappies get in the way and its pointless) It is indeed an extremely touchy subject, but it needs to be brought up every now and then! ------------- Alex, Thomas and Lily http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 3:03pm
ok...here's my thoughts and i hope this comes out right because i'm in a hurry
i smack jack when he is being naughty simply because a) that's what works b) he's my child and i'll discipline how i like c) it's a light smack on the bum, not a beating! not that i should really have to justify myself and the way i do things with my children, but that's just how it feels these days. the other day he was being a right little brat in the supermarket and i couldn't do a dam thing about it because of this stupid smacking law! i was afraid someone would call the police like the woman mentioned above jack doesn't respond to the naughty seat...he puts himself there and loves sitting on the chair...i threaten to take toys away..he helps me pack them up! he went a whole week without a single toy in his room and didn't care. just made more work for me when it came time to put everything back 
know i've forgotten what the original post was asking 
oh yeah....i think the woman threatening to call the police is going overboard but that's just the way it is these days with that stupid new law. anyone seen the news the past couple of weeks with toddlers dying and being beaten? about 3-4? gee, that new anti-smacking law is really helping eh! ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 3:05pm
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Sorry Deb, but I would have come up and had a word to you.
I think it is totally wrong to smack children, for ANY REASON AT ALL. And especially because you were smacking your child for smacking another kid. How does that make sense to a 3 year old??? Smacked for smacking? Doesn't make sense to me and I'm 33. Also, as was mentioned by cuppatea - if I'd witnessed it myself, my concern would have been if you will do that in public, what will you do in private? I'm sure you are a fabulous mum, and love your kiddies to bits, so I'm not getting at you here. But if more people took a stand against any form of violence against children then maybe, just maybe, the message might start getting through to the ones who really need it. Just my opinion only. |
Posted By: Peace
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 3:16pm
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The repeal of section 59 was basically just to remove consequential smacking. So that means in layman's terms that smacking in any way can no longer be a punishment so no whack on the bottom for rubbing Mummy's lipstick in the carpet. BUT smacking IS allowed if you are physically moving your child or any part of it out of dangers way, so smacking your child's hand away from a hot stove element is just fine.
IMO this is a HUGE loophole that can be practically extended to 80% of consequential smacking anyways, I mean really that lady for smacking her son could be preventing an all out war between 2 children shoving and pushing that could ultimately mean that one of them gets hurt. So there for the consequentialness is basically just down to timing. Personally I am all down for letting others parent as they see fit and I say that as within my own moral standards. I don't believe that smashing your child about is parenting at all and I don't really use smacking myself as a parenting tool, this case is clearly not smashing her child about just parenting. ------------- DD1 May 2006 DD2 March 2011 DD3 August 2012 |
Posted By: Candkids
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 3:20pm
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i think every parent knows the difference between dicipline and abuse.
the only thing that is going to stop abuse is harsher punishments for people who do abuse their kids! none of this stupid 3years in a cushy cell with a tv and floor heating! thats rediculas. do the crime do the time i say. all the antismacking law has done is create a field day for bitter separated parents, custody cases and lawyers! think if your child was the smaller child that got pushed or hit what would YOU want the other childs parent to do???? but yes she shouldnt have grabbed him roughly. but calling the cops is a bit OTT. i actually find it really sad that a parent can threaten another parent with CYFS ot the police thats just down right nasty. and i bet that mother is really devistated. im also another parent that naughty, chairs etc dont work with sarah at all, she has adhd and is really testing shes another tanty thrower in the supermarket, yells screams hits me everything and im also another 1 whos petrified someones going to ring the cops for me smacking her hand., so the sad thing is i dont take her anywhere anymore, which makes me really sad  ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  DD 10.5yrs DS 6yrs DS 11mths 5 little angles watching from above |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 3:24pm
I wouldn't want them to smack their child. -------------
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 3:24pm
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I must admit ...I have smacked Z on the bum but very lightly and with a nappy on...she didnt know any difference. And so its didnt work for us!!
I just tell her that she will go on the corner these days and she stops what she is doing. But this works for us and not for every one. I would never hit or smack my child to the point were it would leave a mark because that is abuse!! and also I think as a parent you decide what you want to do with your children as long as its not abuse! While growing up I got smacked...lots ...not hit but smacked and I am fine!! Not to say that I agree of this method. So If I were that lady...I wouldnt have said any thing as I would have analyzed the situation to see if it was abuse or just a smack!! Just my opinion!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 3:26pm
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Yep, I agree with this. I believe that smacking is unnecessary, I think it is more about parents venting their shock or anger than anything else. I also think it sets up bad habits in children. From a child pov they are doing something you don't want them to do so you smack them, why then is it not ok for them to smack other people when they are doing something that they don't want them to do? (does that make any sense). As cuppatea said if that's what goes on in public what is happening in private? I don't think that the lady at MM handled it very well. I would have spoken with you privately (in an empathetic way rather than accusatory) and it would depend on the outcome of that conversation as to whether I would call the police (i.e. if you then became agressive towards me I would consider calling the police). -------------  
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 3:35pm
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havent read all the replies...
but wanted to say that i dont think smacking a child because they hit someone is very helpful at all...talk about mixed messages! it was probably more the rough handling that the lady was concerned about than the smack... sometimes rough handling of a child in public may be a sign of worse things at home...and dont we all want to help stop child abuse? (i am not saying here tho that you are abusing your child, i have no idea how you parent). you could always talk to the lady concerned and let her know that she has no cause for concern... but i do think that she would have been justified in calling the police. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 3:49pm
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OK, I'm not a parent yet so things may be different in the future, but I'd respond c) to the initial poll. While I don't see smacking as the main form of discipline I want to use, I do feel there are some times when it is appropriate (e.g. for child safety). I won't be at the extreme my parents were at where we got smacked with a wooden spoon for not eating our breakfast.
I think my reaction to witnessing smacking may differ depending on my relationship with the person and what I'd seen of their parenting/discipline style, but it's a really hard one - child abuse is scaringly prevalent and it doesn't just happen in the stereotypical households - it does happen in nice white middle class families as well, and if we don't stand up and say something, is this acceptable. I do agree that she should have said something to you rather than just the leader of the group, but as someone who is pretty bad about confronting people head on, I can kindof understand it. ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: NeoshasMummy
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 4:01pm
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Hmm interesting. Well I have smacked Neoshas hand once, we were at MIL house and Neosha knows not to go near the heater guard. She pulled it down and tried to touch the heater, in a panic I jumped up and smacked her hand telling her NO! NAUGHTY GIRL U WILL GET BURNT , well she just smiled and smacked my hand back lol. It simply doesn't work.
As a person who grew up with being smacked ALL the time im quite traumatised about it but won't go into details on that. Also smacking progressed to hitting with objects once the "smack" no longer hurt or gave me a fright. As far as seeing another parent tap their child on the bum.. well who am I to tell that person how to raise their kids. If it was a bit more serious than a tap I would probably say something. ------------- https://secure.fertilityfriend.com/home/30c4ec/" rel="nofollow">  Mrs Te Kani ❤️ Neosha 26/5/2007 |
Posted By: ellen
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 4:02pm
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There is a difference between smacking in anger and smacking to give a short, sharp shock. I have done both and am not proud of ever having smacked in anger. My children are teenagers now and it's been a loooong time since they needed to be disciplined in that way (besides they're all bigger than me now).
I think it's a parent's right to choose how they raise their children and I wouldn't say anything unless I thought the child was in danger - just as I wouldn't say anything to a parent that I thought was being too soft. My way of parenting is different to some of my friends but we've both managed to raise respectful children. Just because it's not how I would do it doesn't mean it's wrong. Slightly off topic but I personally believe society as a whole is too soft on youth which is the cause of alot of anti-social behaviour. Don't get me wrong I know plenty of lovely teenagers but some lack respect for their elders and environment. Authority has been taken away from police, teachers and now parents and kids know it. In my day (oh boy now I sound like my parents) you wouldn't dare disrespect authority and if you did dire consequences awaited you. Adults weren't afraid to put you in your place if you got out of line. I would certainly think twice about saying anything to some youth for fear of getting a verbal bashing. |
Posted By: Kelpa
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 4:52pm
I would have to say I agree with this...there seems to be not a lot of respect for people or property or authority ...or FEAR............................. or FEAR of consequences with teenagers these days because we seem to be living in a very muddled world..... I was smacked on the bum and with a slipper a few times and I am not affected by it..what it did do was taught me what I shouldnt be doing and if I did what the consequences of my actions were. My younger sister had a couple of smacked bottoms but she soon learned that it was the thought of a smack that kept her out of trouble. TRICKY TRICKY TOPIC! -------------  
 
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 5:43pm
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once Caitlyn ran out towards the road, she reached the curb and just as she did, i grabbed her and smacked her, this was partly a shock reaction , and partly a warning, perhaps not the best course of action to take, but try keeping calm when theres a car heading in your childs direction.
Shes never gone near the road since (except with an adult) and i've never had to smack her since, but thats because Caitlyn works better with timeout and sticker charts. My parents smacked me and my brother in public , and you know what they did to us at home? the same thing, just , a , smack. And it didnt do us any harm in the long run . |
Posted By: WRXnKids
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 5:48pm
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I think unless you genuinely think the child is in danger of being beaten then butt out! It would be a totally different story if her child had knocked the other child out because she tried other discipline methods that dont work for her kid. I hate parents who give their child a million warnings and their child keeps doing what they are doing which i think is just as dangerous still i stay out of it as their child their rules. Its simple if one discipline method doesnt work try another until you find what works for your child and dont knock other people for the way that works for them. -------------   
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 6:08pm
| exactly, dont knock other people for what works for them , what works for one child, may not work for another. |
Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 6:31pm
I totally disagree with this. How can smacking a child work for them? Does it make them feel better? Does it bolster their self esteem? I cannot even fathom how this could be so. All I can see is that it would make them feel afraid of their parent. Maybe I'm being too idealistic, but in a society that is overflowing with violence, surely the way to teach our children that violence is not the answer is to never use it against them - whether in anger or as discipline. |
Posted By: yummymummy
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 6:45pm
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I don't think smacking is the way to go - especially when teaching your child not to hit. Talk about mixed messages.
If I was in the situation I would have either done nothing (if I had deemed it not serious) or talked to the group leader. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 7:02pm
i was actually more meaning time out , or giving your child warnings. However, i was smacked and it didnt do anything to lessen my selfesteem, i always knew my parents were smacking me because they believed they were doing it for my own good, and no , i never felt afraid of my parents. And if you dont agree with a smack , cool, your perogative and opinion your entitled to , but some might chose to give the occasional smack to discipline their kid, its their choice to parent their child how they choose . |
Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 7:06pm
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Isnt that the problem with some families at the moment.....they dont know the difference....hence all the poor kids being abused. ETA - I know of several cases of "abuse" where the parents have used the "discipline" defense....one was a parent who beat his child with a kettle cord.
------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 7:12pm
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I have smacked my child, as i said earlier, and it was in anger ,it was in "oh F*CK my daughter is going to get hit by a truck and i want her to see how freaked out i am cos its serious"
But, after i smacked her, i talked to her about it, and said i didnt like doing it and didnt want to ever do it again . She knows how much i love her, because i tell her everyday , and i show her everyday |
Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 7:31pm
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I guess the thing about smacking children is that it is an incredibly emotive topic. Some people think its ok, others abhor it. I would never smack my son because I do love him so much. I cannot see how it is a positve way to parent regardless of the situation in which you feel you are "forced or entitled" to do it. I do not agree that it shows or teaches your child that you love them, regardless of how many times you tell them you do.
I'm really sorry if my view upsets or angers others. But parents justifying the reasons why they smack their children upsets me so incredibly much that I have to voice that. I do not judge those on here who make that choice, as I think by being part of a community like this you already show that you are a wonderful parent who really does have the best interests of their children at heart. |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 7:39pm
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My parents smacked me and ive never doubted their love.
I smacked my daughter, and no one can ever say i dont love her , just because i smacked her does not mean i love her any less than someone who never smacks In my situation with Caitlyn it was a spur of the moment omg thing , i was freaked out, and didnt react the same way i would have if i was calm, i dont lose any sleep over it, because i know we are ok . My parents smacked me because it was the 80s and thats what they were mostly told to do , timeout etc was a foreign concept...and im fine, one of the most self confident people i know . eta-sorry if im getting oversensitive,I can see where your coming from Joshierocks and i admire that you have decided you dont ever want to smack your son , but as i said , it doesnt mean i love Caitlyn any less than any other parent , i would quite happily lay down and die for her |
Posted By: ellen
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 7:43pm
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Just got this joke email and thought it was relevant to this debate?
A 7 and 4 year old are up in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 7 year old. "I think it's about time we started swearing." The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 7 year old says "when we go downstairs for breakfast I'm going to swear first, then you swear after me, OK?" "OK" the 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm. The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old "what would you like for breakfast?" "Oh sh*t Mum, suppose I'll have some Cocoa Pops." WHACK!! He flew off his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor and ran up to his room crying his eyes out. She looked at the 4 year old and in a stern voice asked, "and what do YOU want for breakfast young man?" "I don't know", he blubbers, "but it won't be fu*cking Cocoa Pops!" |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 8:29pm
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I am far more in the time out camp than the smacking camp. I don't remember the last time I used smacking for discipline, although I do think it can be done in a good/teaching way at times.
I think the anti-smacking bill has made people very nervous, not only about their own behaviours but also to wonder the worst about other people they meet. While I appreciate that taking kids out can be stressful even at the best of times, often parents do still act "on best behaviour" when in public and they are not as good about controlling their own emotions (anger/frustration). So I wouldn't have threatened to call the Police and I wouldn't have said anything to the mother, either. But that's not because I support smacking so much as that I do think smacking can have merit and one smack doesn't make an abuser. ------------- |
Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 9:14pm
i've smacked jack and i love him so so much! i would give up my life for him. what would you have me do to discipline him? he's nearly 4 and the past couple of years of naughty chair, time out, talking to him, sticker charts and taking toys away has done nothing. the only thing that makes him stop what he's doing is a) light smack or b) 'do i have to smack you' warning usually it's just the threat of the smack that will make him behave, but my god, i don't think i could ever say that in public now days! and if i did give him a light smack in public, doesn't mean i'm going to bash him when we get home. sometimes i wonder if the problem with youth these days is they know we can't smack them. i've heard a child say to an adult (presumably a parent) in a mall 'what you going to do, smack me? i'll tell on you' WTF???? i can remember getting a smack from my parents when i was little and it was enough to make me think twice about mis-behaving again. i'm not traumatised by it now. this is always going to be a sensitive subject that we will never all agree on. as with everything....what works for one, doesn't always work for all ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Candkids
Date Posted: 11 July 2008 at 9:37pm
 im in the same boat as you! nothing works with sarah at all.
i hardly leave the house latley and i have to really seriously think about where i take her, shes HARD work. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> DD 10.5yrs DS 6yrs DS 11mths 5 little angles watching from above |
Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 12 July 2008 at 12:23am
Basically agree with everything she has said. We don't smack- I have a 4 1/2 year old who is better behaved than most of her classmates and I've never had to lay a hand on her to do it. Its taken alot of research and practice but I think its perfectly possible to raise well behaved children without ever having to hit them. She knows not to run onto the road, she knows not to touch hot elements etc. Also, the entire point of the anti-smacking bill was to take the loophole out of the law so that people couldn't use it as a defence when they were using excessive violence against their children. I highly doubt the OP would get anything more than a caution, if that, if the woman had gone to the police as we have all been told time and time again, it was never about making criminals out of everyday parents who chose to use 'small scale' smacking as a disciplinary tool. ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 12 July 2008 at 12:34am
joshierrocks and jenn you both said it much better than i tried to... agree with you both... ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 12 July 2008 at 10:42am
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Me too. -------------
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 12 July 2008 at 11:03am
This is where I see a problem though, while I am totally in favour of the bill and the motivation behind it, despite the fact that it was never meant to, it does mean people who do choose to smack for discipline, and do so in a calm and controlled way, are open to being threatened by anyone without the common sense to see the difference between a gentle smack on the hand or bottom and someone abusing their child. Regardless of whether they would actually be charged by the police in that instance or not, if the police were called they would have to respond which means they would still have to go through the humiliation of being investigated by the police, their partner and children questioned, as well as anyone who witnessed the smack... You can't tell me that wouldn't be traumatic and would certainly affect your confidence as a parent. I don't believe smacking is effective but I don't think parents who choose to do it only as a controlled form of discipline should be made to feel afraid of being reported for something which so clearly is not abuse either. ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and:
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Posted By: WRXnKids
Date Posted: 12 July 2008 at 11:59am
Im glad not smacking works for you but every child is different your lucky your daughter responds well to your method but i know plenty of very well behaved kids that have been brought up knowing bad behavior will result in them getting a wee smack. You cant say that your way will work for every child. I dont know if i will smack yet or not as josh isnt old enough to understand yet but when the time comes i will try many different methods which all work in some children and what ever is most effective i will use be it smacking, bribery, threats or time out etc. Also the anti smackin law is total crap! The defence i was disiplining my child will never stand up if you have beaten or injured your child a light smack does in no way even come close to what this law was created to stop. It will never stop sicko's beating there children they have to want to stop or get caught and these people are smart enough (just) to know how to hide what they are doing. People need to be looking out for the kids who are afraid of their parent(s) or have unexplained or badly explained injuries. I mean if you see a monther give her child a light smack when you can see they were being very naught leave her be if your neighbour has their child tied to the clothes line then ring the damn cops!! -------------
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Posted By: WRXnKids
Date Posted: 12 July 2008 at 12:01pm
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Crap that wasnt meant to sound like it was all aimed at you Jennz sorry -------------
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 12 July 2008 at 1:25pm
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I get what you're saying WRX, abusing kids hasn't changed because of the no-smacking amendment. Surely everyone knew that beating your kid at least half to death was abuse, regardless of that law? I think we were just (attempted to be) sold that crap so that someone's agenda could get pushed thru. ------------- |
Posted By: nuttymama
Date Posted: 12 July 2008 at 3:17pm
I couldn't have said it better myself! I smacked my children on the backside just as my parents did to me and it never did me or my siblings any harm. In fact we always thought twice before considering doing anything wrong and it stopped us from making a lot of mistakes. All five of us have grown up very well adjusted and we all feel like we had a loving and secure childhood. I never once felt that my parents didn't love me because they smacked me. And I tell you what we never did the same thing wrong twice. Also none of us have grown up violent. Today everything is soooo dam PC, there is so much pandering going on that kids feel the right to do as they please, and they do. I have never seen so many children and teenagers with such a lack of respect for adults and each other as you do today. Why because they don't have to because if they aren't there are no consequences. If half these kids had, had a firm hand and a swift smack on the backside as they were growing up society probably wouldn't be in as much trouble as it is now. It's also pretty obnoxious to assume that a mother giving a child a smack on the bum in public is abusing her child at home. I think you will find that except for a few, most child abusers go to great lengths to hide the physical abuse so they don't generally do it in public. There is no difference between this debate and the debate on Breastfeeding/bottle feeding or the attachment parenting one. Everyone has a choice to choose how they parent their child and providing you aren't beating your child and they get more hugs and love than the odd smack on the bum I don't think anyone has the right to criticism. Because I can dare say that there are no doubt many things you are doing that others think are wrong. Personally and I will offend with this but I find that quite a few children that are not smacked and who's parents choose to use only positive parenting are complete and utter ratbags who have no respect and do what ever they want over and over again because the consequences don't bother them. EACH TO THEIR OWN!!!!! ------------- Abigail 06/01/2005 Jayden 21/11/2001 Micheal 03/04/1997 |
Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 12 July 2008 at 3:23pm
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ok I have read thru this thread and thought I would put my two cents worth...
I don;t think smacking the child for hitting another child was the right thing to do (how can a child learn that theyshouldn't hit another if when getting told off for it they got hit) BUT I do beleive in smacking for disapline... I have smacked as displine for my older 2.. and I DO love them that i would die for them so I dont think a parent who smacks (and when i say smacks I mean the non abusive type) loves their child any less than one that doesn't nor do I think a parent who smacks is a less of a parent than one who doesn't. I have been told by most people who meet my older two how well behave, polite and respectful they are - and guess what they were smacked as kids - I can't remember the last time I smacked them now as there comes a time when other things worked better. Now I have not smacked Rhyley and will attempt the time out method - perhaps I will come here when hes 15 and compare the two boys (as girls are different) and see if there was a difference..... see you back here in 13 and half years LOL  ------------- Ann 
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 12 July 2008 at 3:25pm
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Mind i would like to know what people do to stop a 19 month old playing with switches.... hes too young for time out and pulling away he just grins and does it again grrrrr ------------- Ann
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: NeoshasMummy
Date Posted: 12 July 2008 at 3:35pm
Oh yes please I need help with that too!! ------------- https://secure.fertilityfriend.com/home/30c4ec/" rel="nofollow"> Mrs Te Kani ❤️ Neosha 26/5/2007 |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 12 July 2008 at 4:41pm
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He's not too young for timeout Ann. I have always been very strict when it comes to doing things that are dangerous so Michaela started getting timeouts before she turned one (she'd pull herself up on our tv and play with switches). In fact I find that the younger they are the less they enjoy time by themselves and therefore the more effective it is. I would say "Stop.... dangerous" in a very firm voice. Pick him up without cuddling (i.e. hold him safely but at a distance from your body and don't make eye contact) and either put him in a hallway or his bedroom for 1 minute or if you're unable to do that or you think he's too young to leave alone in a hallway or bedroom then sit him on your knee, facing the wall and hold him there for 1 minute. He will quickly learn to relate the words "Stop.... dangerous" to the consequence and once he does you can -------------
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Posted By: ellen
Date Posted: 12 July 2008 at 4:53pm
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I agree this subject is emotive along with the breast feeding/bottle feeding and attachment parenting debates. I don't think parents should feel they have to make excuses or defend their choices.
Alot of parenting choices are made because of the environment we were brought up in - if you were smacked then you either decide that is an appropriate form of discipline or if you suffered because of it then perhaps you would be determined to use other methods. Like Nuttymama we were smacked as children and all five of us have grown into respectable adults with sound moral barometers. Like Ann C said hitting a child for hitting is sending mixed messages. My biggest concern with using corporal punishment is when it is done in anger, which can easily happen. I have used smacking as a form of discipline when the kids were younger. It was not my only form of discipline though and if used really depended on the child, their age and the circumstances. I also used time out, taking away privileges, etc. I also get lots of feedback that my boys are well behaved and respectful - for me that is one of the ways that I know we've done a half way good job at raising them. They were all bottle fed and slept in their own beds (most of the time) as well so does that mean they had less of a chance at succeeding? Parenting is THE hardest job you will ever do and probably the only job you'll have to learn along the way. It's filled with guilt and second-guessing yourself - you have to do the best you can with what you know and believe. |
Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 13 July 2008 at 2:23pm
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Thank you all so much for your comment's and honesty. First off yes I get that smacking for smacking was not the brightest thing to do.
Secondly I also agree that as a child get's older there are far my effective form of dicipline to use. I really like how. CaraMel Wrote: This is where I see a problem though, while I am totally in favour of the bill and the motivation behind it, despite the fact that it was never meant to, it does mean people who do choose to smack for discipline, and do so in a calm and controlled way, are open to being threatened by anyone without the common sense to see the difference between a gentle smack on the hand or bottom and someone abusing their child. Regardless of whether they would actually be charged by the police in that instance or not, if the police were called they would have to respond which means they would still have to go through the humiliation of being investigated by the police, their partner and children questioned, as well as anyone who witnessed the smack... You can't tell me that wouldn't be traumatic and would certainly affect your confidence as a parent. I don't believe smacking is effective but I don't think parents who choose to do it only as a controlled form of discipline should be made to feel afraid of being reported for something which so clearly is not abuse either. I agree with this part even tho the police are not likey to charge in an instance like this if it is reported they do have to act and weather you think so or not the idea of being even remotly investgated by teh police is going to be hard on a family. And also take resourse's away for where they are needed most. Oh and i have tried really hard not to be offended by anythign said however I do think the comment implying i love my child less casue I choose to smack rather dishaterning beacsuse as I said my kids mean the world to me. ------------- Deborah Mum to:
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Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 14 July 2008 at 10:07am
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For the record.......I was not saying that anyone loved their kids less because they smack them! What I said was I love MY son so much I won't smack him. I was referring to myself only, not anyone else.
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Posted By: nuttymama
Date Posted: 14 July 2008 at 10:44am
I think it's more the insinuation of what you said, these are some pretty strong comments, that are quite obviously going to cause offense to some. I have to admit I got the same meaning out of that as butterflymum did. And I could quite easily say i smacked my children the odd time because I love them so much!! Also I don't have to justify why I smacked my children when they needed it, for the simple reason that I don't expect others to justify how they feed their kids or dress them or name them or any other part of parenting for that matter. It upsets you when other try to justify smacking, well it upsets me when parents who choose a different style to others TRY to make those parents feel substandard because of what they choose. ------------- Abigail 06/01/2005 Jayden 21/11/2001 Micheal 03/04/1997 |
Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 14 July 2008 at 11:04am
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Fair enough nuttymama. If offence was caused then I perhaps worded things too strongly. Sorry to all of you who took it personally and thought I was trying to make you feel substandard for the way you parent your kids.
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Posted By: nuttymama
Date Posted: 14 July 2008 at 11:21am
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Joshierocks, I may have come off a bit strongly as well. Like you this is a very emotive subject for me. It wasn't meant to be an all out attack on you! I apologise as well.
It's great that you choose the path you choose and you are very lucky that you have a child who responds to other methods. Others unfortunately don't. I have three children and two needed the occasional tap on the backside, whereas my last one didn't she responded really well to time out and distraction and has never been smacked. So children can be very different. Once my kids new I meant what I said I found I no longer needed to smack and was able to use timeout which is what we do know. I think a lot of it depends on the way you see smacking. I view a smack as one tap to the bum (not leaving a mark) or the hand (if young and touching something or about to touch something dangerous). I always sat down with my boys after and explained why they got "smacked" so that it wasn't just me walking up and hitting them so to speak and walking away. I think like you said that it's very clear we all love our children, it's just quite obviously we all have different parenting styles and believe in different things at different times. Believe me I can understand being passionate about a topic. ------------- Abigail 06/01/2005 Jayden 21/11/2001 Micheal 03/04/1997 |
Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 14 July 2008 at 11:28am
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I agree with many when they said that they were smacked and they turned out fine...as did I!! My Brother was hardly ever smacked and he was a bit out of control at one stage...but is it because he wasnt smacked and had no fear of my parents...who knows? I on the other hand was worried that every time I would do some thing BAD that my parents would be upset with me....because after the smack they would tell me that they did it because they didnt like what I was doing etc!! I also think its the personality of the child that plays a big role....for one the smacking would cause them to become more violent (may be) for others they would become better in listening!!!
Also Clare...I got a similar meaning from what other have said from your comment but chose not to reply because I know you would never offend any one in purpose. Like I said before, I dont smack Z any more as it doesnt work for us as all......saying that "you are going to corner little miss" does.....and like many mothers here I would die for my child or Kill for my child because I love her soooo much. Inly the parents knows what works for their child....and yes if you could not smack and have a perfect child then please dont smack but if it does...then do!! I doubt that any one one here doesnt know the Diff between abuse and a light smack! And like many I am always told how nice my child is and how she does what she is told...in a public place (like the wedding we went to) she was being a bit naughty and I pulled her close to me as if to give her a hug and told her quietly that she is going to the corner if she is naughty...she said "NO" but listened anyways!! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 14 July 2008 at 12:10pm
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What she said. I have smacked all my children. I tried the naughty corner and timeout with Alize, as I thought I would give this no smacking a go but alas I was always ending up with a definant child who was always screaming some random shop down for not getting his own way but now bliss I tell him he can have a smack on the bottom or he can settle down and relax while I get whatever I am doing done. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 14 July 2008 at 12:12pm
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Ooops forgot to add about orginal post. calling the police the lady would have got laughed off the phone and cyps would have binned it. There are more important things they ahve to deal with. a light smack isnt illegal its a beating smack that is the illegal part so no one will every get done for a light smack on the bum or a hand. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 14 July 2008 at 12:15pm
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Thanks nuttymama for your comments. I actually really appreciate them. I haven't been on OhBaby all weekend, as I was really feeling pretty yuck about the whole hornets nest I stirred up without meaning to. And then when I came on today and saw all the angry mums thinking I was tarring them with the "bad mother" brush I was horrified. So thanks for realising it was not that I was trying to say you were all bad mums and I am totally fab and perfect. Cos I will be the first to put my hand up and say I'm not. I was just trying, pretty badly, to make my point in my own way.
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Posted By: nuttymama
Date Posted: 14 July 2008 at 12:42pm
 ------------- Abigail 06/01/2005 Jayden 21/11/2001 Micheal 03/04/1997 |
Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 14 July 2008 at 2:30pm
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Ok I'm a bit time-poor at the moment so I've only read the OP and I apologise in advance if this has already been covered but I thought you guys would be interested to know this...
My mum is a primary teacher and currently they have the police in visiting for 'keeping yourself safe' talks. As part of this they cover physical abuse. The policewoman doing the talk got a child to pretend to be the naughty child and hold out their hand. She then smacked it lightly and explained that this sort of smacking was 'ok' if they were being naughty so that they could tell the difference basically between a smack and a beating. So I don't think you would need to live in fear of being reported to the cops. They're pretty clued up and I doubt they would have taken action against something that was obviously a parent reprimanding and not abusing their child. -------------  
 
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Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 14 July 2008 at 9:46pm
------------- Deborah Mum to:
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