Are you atttracted to....
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19159
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Topic: Are you atttracted to....
Posted By: MummyFreckle
Subject: Are you atttracted to....
Date Posted: 15 July 2008 at 2:54pm
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like-minded people or people who will challenge you / debate with you? Are your friends all "just like you" or are they from different cultures, different socio-economic levels, different races, differnent religions.... I ask because DH mentioned to me the other day, that he thinks I have become a lot less "stroppy" since I have been a SAHM. I dont think I am less stroppy, I just dont have the stimulating conversation and debate that I used to get at work. I still have my strong opinions and I still love to debate / discuss these things....I just dont have a) the people to do it with or b) the opportunity. I also noticed that all my "friends" now that I am a SAHM, are all very similar to me - ie similar cultural / background / race / socio economic position. We do all still have different views and opinions, political beliefs, but we are probably all fairly similar in terms of the big stuff. Just made me think about when I make new friends whether I am sub-consciously attracted to people that are similar to me.
------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Replies:
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 15 July 2008 at 3:03pm
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Hmmm, that's a tough one! I have a pretty diverse group of friends, I guess the friends I have made in the past couple of years are probably more similar to me in terms of interests, beliefs etc. whereas my older friends I hang onto mainly coz we've been friends forever rather than coz we have stuff in common.
I think we probably are subconsciously attracted to people who are similar. That said, there are a group of us who get together quite often for coffee etc. and even tho we probably do have pretty similar beliefs and values in general we still manage to find plenty of stuff to debate about! -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 15 July 2008 at 3:06pm
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My group of friends has significantly widened since I became a mum. Beforehand, they were mainly 'like' me now I have a very wide variety of friends. I hate conflict so tend not to naturally gravitate towards people who are non-judgemental (well, we all judge so maybe it's more accurate to say those who don't talk aloud about their judgements of others). ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 15 July 2008 at 4:14pm
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i am neither attracted to like minded or challenging to me people... more to people who interest me. and those with a sense of humour...
i think tho we all end up with a bunch of like minded people as friends tho as they are the peopl you associate with... like for most of us now i imagine other mothers would make up a large part of our circle of friends, cause thats who we have the most contact with. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 15 July 2008 at 4:51pm
I can get along with people who share interests, but I don't have many good female friends, and the ones that are, tend to have not "loud" I guess, but definately vibrant personalities... so they will have some things in common with me, but can still put up a good fight  Mike is like that too, we were very good friends before we started dating, other men hmm... I think I go for more interests because I am slightly dominant  ! I do like them to be slightly submissive, I guess... but they have to know where to draw that line, and stand up for themselves.  -------------  
 
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 15 July 2008 at 5:00pm
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All my friends are different ...because there are so many of you here! LOL
On a serious note tho...I have selective friends...handful of close ones and they come from diff religions, different life style, diff set of priorities ...you get the picture!! I think its good as you get to hear of experiences that you yourself might never experience! I also love a good debate!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 15 July 2008 at 7:02pm
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ooh thats a good question , DF and i are on the same page about most things , but we can have a good debate if there is nothing on telly to watch
my friends are different, some i share a lot of the same opinions with , others i dont , but i like hearing peoples different views, i think it helps us grow 
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Posted By: Peace
Date Posted: 15 July 2008 at 8:08pm
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I have a lot of friends from all walks of life but I spend more time with friends that I do have a commonality with or are in the area. In saying that thought the friends that I have the commonality with, the commonality is just motherhood, the women I tend to "hang out with" have their own views. I am actually not up for debating parenting tactics with close friends as it seems to leave someone feeling hurt as though their choices are wrong (and most of the time that is me LOL!). So it is usually just day to day slog chatter. ------------- DD1 May 2006 DD2 March 2011 DD3 August 2012 |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 15 July 2008 at 8:34pm
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Well since I moved here I haven't met too many people like me, so I guess I make friend where I find them.
I do get a bit tired of friends who are all 'me, me, me' I find they get a bit tiring to listen to. Its interesting as I am in my mid 30s and working no children as yet, which is a bit unusual for Palmy, so my friends tend to be either a lot younger and increasingly a lot older like 40's and 50's. We have some good debates at my work, I will miss that if I have to stay home too long. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 15 July 2008 at 8:36pm
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I like a good debate at times but I'm most comfortable with people who are already coming from a similar POV to me - and build friendship from there. ------------- |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 15 July 2008 at 8:39pm
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I suppose if I think about it my friends are all of a similar socio-economic group (we all work) and have mortgages/rent. Most of us are all married now, and in Palmy in particular all my friends are of european decent.
So from the point of view we are all similar. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 15 July 2008 at 8:42pm
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Thanks for all the responses...its interesting to read! I used to have a good mix of friends from all sorts of walks of life, but that has changed since I stopped working and had Oli. I guess I miss the "diversity" of those friends, but I have made some lovely new friends since I had Oli. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 15 July 2008 at 8:47pm
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Cultural diversity is one aspect of living in Auckland I do miss. I grew up in Sandringham with neighbours of all different cultures, it made for an exciting and interesting community.
I find Feilding can be a bit bland. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 15 July 2008 at 8:49pm
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Most of my friends are the same as me white middle class. But I do have the odd one that isn't the same as me in that way. However we have had different up bringings. i have found that most of my friends these days have children as well. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 16 July 2008 at 8:53am
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I think the best thing about my little coffee group is that we are all from very different lives, have different opinions to eachother on a lot fo things but respect eachother enough to have a good chat about issues we are faced with, whether we agree or disagree, without it turning into a debate as such.
I've had friends who had the same interests/views as me and to be honest, those friendships fizzled out. My friendships I have now with my "different" girlfriends are much more substantial and there's never a dull moment ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
 
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