In praise of solo mothers
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=1924
Printed Date: 07 October 2025 at 9:32pm
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Topic: In praise of solo mothers
Posted By: pixeldust
Subject: In praise of solo mothers
Date Posted: 25 March 2006 at 12:41pm
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I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Solo mums, how on earth do you do it? DH has been working late heaps this week, and working all this weekend, so I'm pretty much doing things on my own though with a little help from my mother - and I'm going mad! He got home last night to me in tears, I thrust the baby at him and told him I couldn't stand to look at Mason anymore. If I didn't have him there at least a bit of the time to take over I don't know what I'd do.
I can't even imagine how tough it must be to raise a child on your own, especially those mums who are doing it alone and without family support also. Any solo mums who visit here, I just want to say - YOU ROCK! Your strength is amazing. That is all  -------------  
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Replies:
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 25 March 2006 at 12:50pm
| I agree. I'm solo for another few weeks. However, I have the wonderful help of mum, whom I'm living with. I have NO idea how anyone permanently solo gets through the day without any damage to the children. I feel that given too many days alone, i would have one less child. |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 25 March 2006 at 1:31pm
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I couldn't cope very well on my own... so I moved in with my sister!!!
In some ways she's much better than a hubby, (don't have any "parenting conflicts") but at the same time she doesn't have a "responsibility" to Hannah in the same way her father would. So yeah, make the most of having a partner!! |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 25 March 2006 at 2:41pm
ok then ummmm i have my mother and lots of close friends but am way too proud to ask for help (have asked and it great)my mum or dad or a friend will take him if i,ve had too much but i would,nt swap him for all the tea in china and i get jelous of mums with panters so cherish what u have ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: skirts
Date Posted: 25 March 2006 at 2:45pm
Oh what a sweet post thanks heaps 
ha ha ha Lizzle I like your comment bout having one less kid if you were solo permanantly rofl!!!! Lucky I've only got one then he he he cos Im on my own and most of my family lives in Auck and Kerikeri and her dads not involved at all, so Im kinda hoping the permanant damage things not gonna happen lol! Summer seems okay so far....................... 
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 25 March 2006 at 5:22pm
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thanks pixeldust, i think parenting is tough no matter what the situation.
I am lucky in that i have a lot of help from my parents,when caitlyn was little it was things like how was i going to hold her when she didnt want to be put down and get undressed? easy learnt to do it with one hand! even my bra and knickers! no my biggest prob has been keeping on top of bills and things but id have that trouble even with out caitlyn cos i suck at saving and overspend! |
Posted By: robyn
Date Posted: 25 March 2006 at 7:26pm
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I soooo agree. I couldnt do it on my own. Just the knowledge that hubby will be home at some stage helps. ------------- KOBE born 19 March 2004 http://www.TickerFactory.com/"> 
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 26 March 2006 at 10:37am
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i think it just comes down too u have a burtifull bubby who didnt ask for this suitoin and they depend on u for everything so u (me) just do it u realy dont have a choise well thats what gets me thur the day most of the time oh and u do it for therev cubby smiles and giggles i,m so in love with my boy ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 26 March 2006 at 1:06pm
| yeah at the end of the day no matter how stressful it had been ...once caitlyn smiled it made it all worth it |
Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 27 March 2006 at 10:13am
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I agree with Lu and Kelly... once they smile it's all worth it!
Now, though, I so don't know how I did it with Kiya... having Nat around to help with Josiah was so much better! ------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 27 March 2006 at 10:27am
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It's funny tho, I think you just get on with it. I look back on when Maya was little, and she was sick and feeding hourly at night, and I was on my own, trying to finish uni with no family in Auckland and I have no idea how we survived. But I really do think you just keep getting up every morning and going thru the motions in the hope that it will one day get easier, and then it does as they get older.
In some ways I miss it just being Maya and I. Not that I would trade Willie for the world, but when it was just her and I we could live in this little Mum and Bub bubble where it was just us and I didn't have to share her with anyone. Crazy, huh? -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 27 March 2006 at 12:21pm
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no not crazy i treeifed to share james its scary a nuff to share him with his nannan and grandad ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: Donna.I
Date Posted: 29 March 2006 at 7:35am
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Hmm thanks great post. Like any other single mum, I have just got on with life. I don't have family support, and only have friends but one can only rely on them so much. Life for me has been a real hurdle, the kids health issues - reflux caused by Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, surgeries to boot, all three were diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome this year, and I have just been diagnosed with Lupus, something I have had for many years apparently. The kids fathers are no longer involved with them anymore, so I am doing this alone. It isn't easy, but I wouldn't trade my life for anything. ------------- Donna Ingram Co-ordinator Gastric Reflux Aide mailto:info@gastricreflux.org - info@gastricreflux.org http://www.gastricreflux.org - www.gastricreflux.org |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 30 March 2006 at 11:40pm
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sometimes the most frustrating thing is that i dont know if i'll ever meet another man (cos caitlyn scares them off with promises of muffins lol) and i dont know if i ever will have other children
but then some days i dont want to have other kids , just me and caitlyn in our little gilmore girls type world
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Posted By: skirts
Date Posted: 31 March 2006 at 12:36pm
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Oh my gosh, Caitlynsmygirl, I too think those same things! Especially with lots of people I know getting married or having second kids/pregnancies/ttc.
Sometimes i feel like how am i ever going to meet a new man when I dont meet new guys at all, and feel like my primes passing me by... lol But then in other ways its nice just me and her and having another baby kinda freaks me out ha ha ha |
Posted By: preggy_sunflower
Date Posted: 31 March 2006 at 12:48pm
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I'm facing the prospect of parenting solo for at least half of every month - Jono is in line for a job that is based in Sydney and if he gets it he will be away from home for at least two weeks out of every four. Financially it's a great opportunity for us, but I wonder how I'll cope with a newborn, all alone for a lot of the time. I also wonder how I'll be able to stop myself feeling resentful toward him, being in an exciting city, eating at restaurants every night, drinking at cool bars and then me at home with a baby, doing all the cleaning, cooking etc etc..... Anyone have any ideas? ------------- Joshua Hadynn - Born 3 May 2006 |
Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 31 March 2006 at 1:14pm
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Ummm... Liz, got any advice for Clare? ------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys |
Posted By: 98765
Date Posted: 01 April 2006 at 1:07pm
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I used to be quite the party girl and everyone expected me back out as soon as i had bubs and i thought i wud be out 2 but now i love staying home with Jack and my partner still goes out and i don't get jealous i love being with Jack. When u hav ur baby Clare u will love time wif bubs ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
www.jackkeith.blogspot.com |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 01 April 2006 at 2:58pm
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i was abig party girl even thu i love being with james i love getting out sometimes u just needed too ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: deharn
Date Posted: 01 April 2006 at 5:14pm
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preggy_sunflower my husband works away a lot and i find it extremely difficult not to become resentful and jealous. Although i trust my husband there is always that nagging "men away from home" concept in my mind which if you allow it to can start do your head in. Mine is away for the next 3 days then home for 1 day and has just announced he is then off to Malayasia for a week and 1/2!!!!! I am furious....................
I am not stranger to being on my own after raising my daughter alone for 11 years. However it is just so nice now to look forward to him coming home at night to give me a break whilst I cook dinner etc. Sam is 1 and just adores his daddy so I feel for him when hubby is not around for days as I am sure he must get sick of me day in day out. I haven't been any help - sorry just a whinger. If I need to be honest I would say bugger the money and go with the family. I do like being able to stay home because of hubby's wage however I would go without whatever I could just to have him around more. Especially seeing you have a new bub it would be nice to have all the help and support you could. Time passes so quickly when you have a baby that you want to enjoy and treasure what time you have with them! Best of luck anyway. |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 03 April 2006 at 12:39pm
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Okay, it's now time for Ask Dr. Liz (TM). this advice comes from experience and from regrets
First - talk to each other about what you want to happen BEFORE he leaves. It's funny,men seem to see home as "relaxing time", and no matter how much we say that being a sah mum is hard work, and they smile and nod, part of them still thinks their job is harder than that, andthat sahm spend most days lying on the couch watching Oprah. So that can be a problem. If your huby goes out to work and then comes home - that's "his time" to relax and you "nagging" him to help you encroahces on that. So i suggest talking about giving him his "own time", maybe to sit and read the newspaper, or watch TV for an hour or so, then he can give you the same thing, without bitching and moaning about it. Another thing that may be difficult and I'm finding this now, Lewis feels like he's missing out on making decisions about the boys. So I email him and ask him what he thinks about things all the time - Should Jake drop a bottle, should Taine have a bath in the morning or night? little things like that that make him feel a part of the boys lives. Even when I've already decided what I'm going to do! Webcams are brilliant for keeping in touch If you can afford it, get a housekeeper. maybe only once a week or something, but you may need that extra pair of hands Get some support - someone you can leave baby with, in an emergency, or just if you need a little time out. get out of the house everyday. Even just taking a walk to the shops makes you feel good Try to get dressedeveryday too. Organise your hubby to take baby by himself at least once a week, for just a few hours if you are breastfeeding. Give yourself a litle time out. Also, when hubby is with baby, try not to tell him the "right way" of doing things. Guys hate this. you cope Claire because you have to, but coming on Oh baby! if helpful for me, a little time out from the munchkins! I also suggest taking up a hobby - something you can do when bubs is asleep, something that is about YOU, rather than about you as a mum. Don't lose yourslef Ooph, last tip - when your hubby is home, do a ton of cooking and freeze in individual portions, then you can have healthy meals while hubby is a way, cause guaranteed you won't be aresed cooking, and you REALLY need to eat well in order to breastfeed. |