? for those who live away from family
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Topic: ? for those who live away from family
Posted By: my2angels
Subject: ? for those who live away from family
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 9:48pm
| We are trying to decide if we should move to aussie or not and the only thing holding me back is my family. Im worried the kids will forget them even though I know we will make the effort to either fly back regularly or fly someone over but i want them to know thier family not just as some stranger on the phone. Also Ive never ever lived away from everyone and im really scared. Im really close to my family, we see each other all the time and all have kids around the same age. Is it horrible? Do you get used to it? Any opinions would be great...TIA |
Replies:
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 9:51pm
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Mine left me, and yeah you get used to it but I miss my mum so much more since I've had kids. I'm lucky that they come and go a lot so we see them several times a year and we usually go over a couple of times a year. The kids definitely don't forget them tho, Maya knows my parents phone number off by heart and even the gremlins will go to my parents instantly when they arrive even if it's been a few months since they saw them last. I'd love it if we all lived in the same city but my life is here and theirs is there and I just have to live with that. -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: 2bmumof3
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 9:55pm
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My parents moved to sydney when DS1 was just 6 months old, so 3 years ago. Just the other day I finally got up the courage to tell them that it's been quite long enough their stint in oz and it's time they came home to be closer to their family again. It's hard for me....as for the kids it's all they know and they have graet holidays and wonderful parcels sent in the mail all the time. We have a camera on the computer so they can see who they're talking to, mum rings anywhere from 2-5 times a day and texts as well.
So I don't think kids are worried about it but if they're you're support then it's really hard. Porbably not what you wanted to hear though. ------------- Sara Corban (22/11/04) Connor (18/04/06) Chelsea (21/05/08) 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 9:56pm
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theres always webcam too!!! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: kasbee
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 9:57pm
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My in-laws live in Aussie and the thing we have done so the kids still know their Granny and Koro is we brought a laptop with a webcam onit and they brought a webcam too. Its great (most of the time) the kids can talk and see them whenever they want. I know its not the same as seeing them in person but was just a thought.
Hope it helps you with your decision :) ------------- Kelly, mother to 4 wonderful children. http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 9:58pm
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I have the flipside story.... My grandparents moved to NZ when I was 6 and my brother was 4. So we were in the UK and they were here. We prob only got to see them about once every 2 years when they came back on holiday....it was always a huge deal! I moved to NZ to live with them when I was 13 and the rest of my family followed 6 months later. I think because my brother was so little when they left, he didnt have (and still doesnt) a really close connection with them. I guess because we didnt see them often that it was special when we did see them IYKWIM? I have strong memories of really missing them as a kid, but am not sure if I was actually missing the people or the concept.
------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 10:11pm
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thanks everyone. We would definately have a webcam and I have already told hubby we would have to put aside money for travel because i am determined we would see someone at least once every 6 months at the very most.
My family are my support but so is my best friend who is over there, she is like a sister to me so its been really hard being away from her. Im just worried Im doing the wrong thing by taking the kids away from family. arent family suppose to be the most important thing..... |
Posted By: WestiesGirl
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 11:19pm
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Dh and I have been here in Brissy for 2 years and I am still homesick!!! Although we dont have children yet but one on the way, we've had enough of this place to know its time to go home. Even if baby 1 wasnt on the way now we would still be heading home in January.
Personally, my family mean the world to me. I dont always get on with mum and my sister but when your away from them you appreciate how much they really mean to you and how much you miss them. Good luck with your decision, its a hard one. But make sure its an informed decision because IMO Aus isnt the 'be all see all' IYKWIM! If I knew what I do know about Aus I would have never moved here but thats JMO!!  ------------- Our Angel July 08 Gone but not forgotten
And to complete our family, our princess has arrived 
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Posted By: MelanieAndBree
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 11:32pm
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My mum moved to England a couple years ago. Before i got pregnant. It was really really hard. Same for her id imagine. We are also a very close family, so it would be hard for me to move away by myself. So i dont really know because ive always had at least 1 family member with me or close by (1 or 2hrs) And when i plan on moving to the UK ill be moving there with my mum and aunty lol. So sorry im not much help. But i guerss if its what you want to do then do it, it will be hard at first but if you are travelling back regularly im pretty sure the kids wont forget the family either. ------------- Melanie. Mum to Briahna Robyn, 3yrs |
Posted By: MelanieAndBree
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 11:34pm
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Oh yeah and we use skype with my mum and aunty. Its great!! ------------- Melanie. Mum to Briahna Robyn, 3yrs |
Posted By: WestiesGirl
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 11:38pm
Yep totally agree. Best web invention out so far!!!  ------------- Our Angel July 08 Gone but not forgotten
And to complete our family, our princess has arrived
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MelanieAndBree wrote:Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 23 July 2008 at 8:03am
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My Dad could be the PR guy for Skype, he is so in love with it! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Neeks
Date Posted: 23 July 2008 at 8:53am
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I don't live in another country, but I live in a completely different city to both my mum & dad (now separated and living at opposite ends of the island) and even though it's a quick plane flight away it's still really hard going through the milestones without them. We do however talk 3-4 times a week and take turns at doing the visitor thing so it all makes up for it... and Keziah just loves visiting her Nan and Granddad and even she at 9 months old knows who they are as soon as they come into the room so that makes it all the more special -------------  
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Posted By: T_Rex
Date Posted: 23 July 2008 at 9:24am
My mum's mother lives in australia and has done since before mum had any kids. Her and mum talk on the phone at least once a week, and she visits every few years, but I am definitely not close to her and she isn't much a part of my life. When I got engaged, she sent me a card wishing me and Ben a happy life together or something. My DH is not called Ben, and I've never even known a Ben! Wasn't quite sure how to take that. Turns out some other extended family member (her great neice or something) that she sees a lot more often than me was dating a Ben at the time 
My paternal nana lived at the opposite end of the island also, but would visit a couple of times a year. I her,. She's pretty frail these days, and doesn't travel, but I still try and make sure I see her regularly. So probably not the answer you wanted to hear, but for me as a kid, having a grandma as a voice you occasionally heard on the phone meant she really hasn't become an important part of my life (and its the same for my siblings). I know that fact hurts my mum though.------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 23 July 2008 at 9:39am
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Yep my mum and dad left us about this time last year. I have only seen my mum once and havne't seen my dad since (in the flesh), but we havea webcam and that gets used a lot. Andrew still knows who they are and Josh gets all excited when he sees them on the computer so he must know who they are. We also ring at least twice a week, I use the cheap calling number before dialing the oz number and it is only 8c a minute off peak. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 23 July 2008 at 11:36am
everyone you're suppose to tell her not to go!!!!! 
just stay in nz robyn, it's so much nicer here
------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 23 July 2008 at 11:40am
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but seriously.......just remember you may not be over there forever. in a couple of years, you may decide to come back to nz. i've heard alot of people that move over there end up coming home after 2-5yrs.
my SIL has just moved back over there (she's an ozzie) with my neice because she missed her mum and siblings. she's only 19 so you can't really blame her, but my god, i was sooooo upset to see my neice go  she's nearly 3 and got on really well with jack, they were best mates. as soon as they saw each other they'd start laughing and run up and cuddle, it was so cute. i'm worried that she'll never come back, even for holidays because she's so tight with the money, and then jack won't know her if he saw her again
anyhoo, got off track.....sometimes you have to take chances in life hun..you'll be fine  ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: mrsturtle
Date Posted: 23 July 2008 at 1:06pm
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Hmm its not easy aye.... we moved away from our families just over a year ago and granted its only a 3 hour drive but i still struggle and now with #1 on the way we are seriously thinking of moving back. My sister lived in Auz for 6 years and she missed alot like birthdays etc she tried coming back never seemed to have the money. Good luck in your decision
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 23 July 2008 at 1:17pm
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We're on the Telecom plan where it's $25 a month for unlimited calling to Australia, saves me heaps! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: kezplanet
Date Posted: 23 July 2008 at 1:38pm
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I moved to aussie long before I ever intended having a family, I was 18 I was there for almost 16 years & at times the homesickness wasn't too bad. Yes I had lots of friends over there that I dearly miss now that I have come back. But it got to the stage that everytime I came home, mum & my sister came over a few times, it got harder and harder to leave again. Almost every holiday was taken up with coming back to see family and so wasn't really a holiday by the time you got to catch up with everyone. I loved being in Sydney for the time that I was there, I wouldn't move away now with children, and I am soooooo happy I am living back home. ------------- Kerryn, Mum to Ashlyn(29/3/04), Anastasia(1/11/05) & Abigail (24/02/09) |
Posted By: Bubbaloo
Date Posted: 23 July 2008 at 1:38pm
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Weel we don't live in different countries but we do different Islands Have lived away from Mum and Dad for about 7yrs now and still every now and then I wish I could move back to be around them more for my Kids sake than mine it maybe different though if I actually liked my inlaws I know its stupid but I hate the fact that they get to see James more than my family.
But in saying that moving away from my family was probably the best thing I ever did and I am not sure I would be the same person I am if I stayed just because Mumand Dad babied me (yep I am the spoilt one of the family) so I am not sure if I would have grown has much as I have and it's great just to experience new places and people as well. I say go for it and remeber you can always come back if you don't like it. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  Was danni-chick Mum to James My Angel 28/07/08 |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 23 July 2008 at 1:39pm
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oh everyone has such different stories (I should have guessed that really though)
Im so confused. Vanessa you can always come too!!!!! |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 23 July 2008 at 1:42pm
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I would say go, so long as you get a webcam and the grandparents get one too (and you show them how it works before you go ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 23 July 2008 at 7:49pm
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To be completely honest- I HATE it! Its just awful- my parents barely even know Kate- they have only met her twice and how can they have a connection when shes can't even remember who they are? I hate that we are taking that relationship away from her, and from them. I know for us its only 2 more years but I feel so completely and utterly shallow and selfish that we are basically over here for money and in the process destroying our childrens relationship with their extended family. Yes we are coming back- and yes they do get to see each other about once a year BUT it is not the same as having them down the road and being part of their day to day life. IMO no money can make up for those kind of bonds- in saying that, we've still made this choice so we're (or our children and parents) just going to have to have live with the consequences.
I wouldn't recommend it but can see your reasons for doing it! I was told all these things before we left but its only now that I am starting to see how important family is and am starting to really regret leaving for this long. ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3 
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Posted By: nuttymama
Date Posted: 24 July 2008 at 7:06am
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As you know we are off to aussie early September, and this what the main thing we struggled with. My family live in CHCH with us and although we have our moments we are quite a close bunch.
But DH family live up north and the kids have a wonderful relationship with them. We have photos up of DH parents and his mum rings every weekend and talks to the kids. The boys also send E-mails. And I send a weekly "newsletter" and photos via E-mail. They only see them around once a year but the kids talk about them as much as they do my family. We are planning to get a webcam when we go to keep in touch and I will do the same for my family as I do for DH's family. I know how much you have struggled with this, and all I can say having recently been there myself is deep down you will know what to do. My saving grace is if it doesn't work or we miss family too much we can just come home. Although we have given ourselves a minimum of a year there before we decide what we are doing. ------------- Abigail 06/01/2005 Jayden 21/11/2001 Micheal 03/04/1997 |
Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 24 July 2008 at 8:53am
exactly....you're better to try it and not like it, than to spend the rest of your life wondering.......
------------- http://www.alternatickers.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 24 July 2008 at 1:53pm
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I think apart from the family the hardest thing is we both have jobs we really like at the moment (and we all know its hard to find a job you are happy in)
My mum cant even work her telephone let alone a webcam but Im sure my sisters will help her out. I know we can come back if we dont like it but by then we have already given up really good jobs so would have to start careers again, well hubby would, my career is the kids but you know what i mean. Is it worth the risk. Jennz, thats exactly what Im worried about, I will feel like you do. But it does sound like a lot of you still have close relationships with family that arent close by so at least it can happen........ |
Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 24 July 2008 at 2:19pm
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robyn.......do you think maybe you should give nz another 12mths and see how you feel about moving then? ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: nuttymama
Date Posted: 24 July 2008 at 3:52pm
SNAP!!! It has taken us around 6 years to finally make our decision. There is absolutely no reason why you can't think about it for another few years. It sounds like you are putting a huge amount of pressure on yourself. ------------- Abigail 06/01/2005 Jayden 21/11/2001 Micheal 03/04/1997 |
Posted By: tishy
Date Posted: 24 July 2008 at 6:00pm
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Well we moved here from Ireland 3 years ago and while I do miss my family we have built up a life here that wouldn't have been possible in Ireland. I'm still in denial that we're staying here but TBH it's looking more and more likely that way.
If Ireland was just one plane flight away I would say that we would never be moving home. I would absolutely love to go home for a weekend and come back again. Unfortunately that's not possible and it's minimum 36hours to get there. It took us a year to settle into NZ, in fact it wasn't until we moved to Wellington last year that we really felt settled. We will work hard at keeping relationships going between the girls and their grandparents, aunties & uncles. I am currently making up a photo album for each girl so I can how them all the people who love them. Also Skype, sending photos & DVDs are important too. I think you have to do what you think is best for you not what is best for your extended family. For us we believe that the life we are building here is more important than having extended family nearby. |