Dr Phil - abstinence or sex education?
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19546
Printed Date: 25 September 2025 at 1:15pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Dr Phil - abstinence or sex education?
Posted By: Maya
Subject: Dr Phil - abstinence or sex education?
Date Posted: 28 July 2008 at 1:26pm
|
What do you think? Should we be giving kids sex education and access to birth control from a young age, or should we be teaching them abstinence?
Do we owe it to them to give them all the information to let them make their own decisions? Or should we be making those decisions for them until they are older? And if so, how old? -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
|
Replies:
Posted By: Mazzy
Date Posted: 28 July 2008 at 1:45pm
|
My opinion on this has changed over time. I used to think that sex education was the way to go, access to birth control etc. was the only way. But now I think abstinence should be promoted as the first choice, a lot more than it is.
I don't think we should hold back information from our kids, but I do believe in encouraging them to be abstinent and taking pride in their bodies. I think it's really special to wait until marriage or at least a lot later on to start a sexual relationship, and giving our kids the confidence and knowledge of themselves to be able to do that is really important and something great we can do for them as parents. That said, I don't know how I'm going to do that with my girls yet! Because there will be people/teenagers (or younger, as much as I hate to think of it) who will engage in sex at an early age, I also think it's important to have contraception available. Ideally available to those age 16 and over as that's the age of consent, but I don't see anything wrong with condoms for younger kids - better than them getting pregnant/getting someone pregnant at a young age. I'm not so keen on the pill or hormone type contraception for young ones, I just think it's messing with their natural systems way too early, when things are just starting to happen. Who knows what effect being on the pill since you were 12 would have on someone, or their kids for that matter? I hope to give my girls the knowledge and confidence to keep themselves for their husbands (although I have no problem with sex before marriage), if I had the maturity back when I was at high school, I would have done the same. ------------- Mum to two gorgeous girls! |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 28 July 2008 at 1:54pm
|
i can see all sides of it..i dont' think it is necesarily about maturity or confidence(though i totally understand what you are saying to do with your girls).. some people are mature and make stupid decisions or decisions they regret (or don't as the case may be)
I just saw the beginning she said lots of people got pregnant due to no sex education...hmmm.... I think that is a bit of a cop out..i think sex education is important ..unfortunately I think it's often one of those parts of life we make silly decisions about and regret later on..? ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Mazzy
Date Posted: 28 July 2008 at 2:07pm
|
I should add that I'm not watching Dr Phil so have no idea what the context is here - sorry!
I meant maturity for myself, in my specific situation. I think confidence has a lot to do with it, in the context of younger people having sex. Having the confidence to do something different to what your friends may be doing, having the confidence to say no and stand up for something you want to do, even if it doesn't fit with what your boyfriend/girlfriend wants. Yes, there are some who don't regret it and even those who meet their partners at an early age, but I would think these are the exceptions to the rule. I'm not saying sex education should stop, I think it is important, but perhaps with a difference emphasis. The fact that young people do make a mistake about this fairly important part of life and regret it later makes me think that encouraging abstinence is even more important - then those silly mistakes might not happen? ------------- Mum to two gorgeous girls! |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 28 July 2008 at 2:10pm
|
yeah i guess that is where different view points come in.. basically I think to each their own... IMHO it is good to arm children with the knowledge ... I do think a lot of people aren't emotionally mature enough at 16 though:(! ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Mazzy
Date Posted: 28 July 2008 at 2:16pm
I totally agree ith you on both these statements - I'm not advocating keeping knowledge from kids at all. Just from what I remember, abstinence wasn't a big part of that knowledge and maybe it should be - but that was about ten years ago! ------------- Mum to two gorgeous girls! |
foxxy_one wrote:Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 28 July 2008 at 2:19pm
in answer to your question I'm sure the primary teachers will be able to tell us when it happens atm..but I thought they were starting the education very very young these days.... I guess periods can start as early as 8 or 9 so I guess that sort of age would be good.. I need to think more about what age I would prefer it.. (thats education I mean) making decisions for them with limited input sounds good to me till they are old enough though:) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 28 July 2008 at 2:20pm
good point.. same for me..I don't remember it being taught much either.. ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 28 July 2008 at 3:26pm
|
Thing is kids are doing 'IT' whether they are educated or not. Being a parent of a teenager it is a worry - and a parent of a pre teen girl even more of a worry.
Education is the way to go and not making it something you would hide. but also in this education to teach that waiting is the best thing to do - not telling them Don't do it - cause they are going to even more. I'd like to say Abstanence - cause I don;t want my kids doing 'IT' till they are 35 LOL ------------- Ann 
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 28 July 2008 at 3:34pm
I would say education with them being educated that abstinence is the best choice until they are in a secure and loving relationship. Personally I don't believe in waiting till you are married, I believe try before you buy ------------- 
 
|
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 28 July 2008 at 3:51pm
|
I think hiding it is parents silly mistake. My parents taught me what the birds and the bees were, told me not to do it and never spoke of it again. I still went out and did it probably too young. I went behind my mums back to go get the pill because she didn't offer it to me etc.
I think being open about the whole thing and educating them on smart choices is better than saying no don't do it, because you can preach abstinence all you want, but they won't always listen. But then at least if you give them sensible information and they do it, at least they will be smart about protection and STI's etc that they can get. |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 28 July 2008 at 3:59pm
| I agree pretty much with Stacey....but I also believe that we should teach our kids about self respect, and making sure the other person has respect for you even if you say no....hard one. My DF waited until he was in a steady relationship (2ish years) and was 18/19 (from memory) before he had sex. I on the other hand, started at 14, and confused sex with respect.....back then sex = respect to me. No-one taught me any different. I'm older and wiser (well, that's a matter of opinion) now, and know otherwise, and sometimes wish I had waited. |
Posted By: 2bmumof3
Date Posted: 28 July 2008 at 4:10pm
|
Funny this topic came up. I haven't watched dr Phil but just this morning was so understanding why people such as exclusive bretherans (sp?) keep to themselves....I was considering joining or starting a commune, . My niece at 7 had girls in her class at school french kissing boys and one even encouraged a boy to touch her 'down there'. They know far too much about sex IMO at way too young an age. The more they here the more curious they get........Let them be kids for as long as possible I say.
I do realise this is the world we live in now and my old fashioned opinions are only new founded really (say since I had a daughter of my own) but I just really don't like how kids are growing up way too fast in general these days, be that clothes, technology and unnecessary knowledge. I say teach birds and bees in a more traditional style such as grow up, get eductaion, get married, buy house and have kids, teach abstinence...hehe geeze if only I'd taken my own advice ------------- Sara Corban (22/11/04) Connor (18/04/06) Chelsea (21/05/08) 
|
Posted By: MumsyMoo
Date Posted: 28 July 2008 at 4:22pm
|
Slighty OT...
But what about the issue they raised re: Teen girls being allowed 6 weeks maternity leave from school once baby is born? ------------- My wee girl is the love and light of my life!
|
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 28 July 2008 at 6:10pm
|
I didn't get to see it all as we had to go to the dr. But I can see both sides of the story. I don't believe that it should be hidden in the home and I did like how that 14 year old girls mum was so open about it all. I didnt like the pastor that was pushing abstience that hard down the kids throats. Learning about sex is a good thing and also letting the kids know that the best way of stopping STI's and teenage (school age) pregnancies is abstiance. I know me as a preson who lost their virginity rather early I wish I could turn back and maybe waited a few more years. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 28 July 2008 at 6:17pm
|
Coming from a Catholic School Girls background where sex wasn't really talked about, and seeing too many of my classmates become teenage mothers, I think there needs to be education.
Probably at intermediate level, and maybe abstinance should be one of the options available as part of the education process. As Aunt to a 12 year old who is in a big rush to grow up and be with boys, I think its important to arm her with the knowledge that she needs. Apart from locking her up there isn't much that is going to stop her from wanting boys and what comes with it. I do think the responsibility does need to be with the schools, I mean lets face it how many teenagers listen to their parents!  ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 28 July 2008 at 6:42pm
|
I personally believe in abstinence being taught as the first choice and I intend to teach Miss M that. But I do not believe in making sex into something hidden or dirty or anything like that. I personally think God gave us sex to enjoy and there is nothing wrong with that but I do believe that it should be preferably within marriage or at least within the confines of a committed adult relationship when they are at an age to handle the consequences or fall out.
I wish I had waited long past what I did...as odd as it might sound to some, I envy my friends who have gotten married and are virgins! And yes, I do know a lot of them. I hope that makes sense! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
|
Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 28 July 2008 at 6:57pm
|
Pro education here- I think its unrealistic in most circumstances to believe that teens aren't going to have sex. I want to give my girls the knowledge to make informed choices- and hope like hell we have given them the skills and confidence to make the right ones, waiting until they are in loving relationships with respectful partners etc.
Just look at the american states where they teach abstinence over sex ed! Their teen pregnancy rates are significantly higher. ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3 
|
Posted By: lovingmummyhood
Date Posted: 28 July 2008 at 7:16pm
|
Hmmmm, I think both sexes need to be aware of safe sex practices and it is a reality that some young kids are doing things they shouldn't be. Abstinence should be talked about as a real option, as well as how to say no.
Following on from Fleury re teenagers listening to their parents... as long as they are educated about the range of options it won't matter who told them about it - would be good if home/school taught the same principles, but ultimately young people are going to make their own decisions, well thought out or not, and they need know about the range of consequences. Apologies for this random post... hope it makes some sense  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 28 July 2008 at 8:12pm
what she said.  ------------- Deborah Mum to:   
|
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 28 July 2008 at 8:12pm
|
I think sex and all that comes with it, all outcomes both good and bad, need to be discussed, and i like the idea of suggesting to C that abstinence is a good idea,i think it depends on the child tho.
You have some that will listen to you , and some that wont, for eg , i was one of the ones that wouldn't ... but ahhh *sighs* this thread is bringing back a lot of memories, of the sex ed video we watched at intermediate, the cartoon one , and the boy is on the diving board and sees a pretty girl and SHAWINNGG , *immature giggle * |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 28 July 2008 at 8:29pm
|
I didn't see Dr Phil today, but if you do any research on sex education vs abstinence and the levels of teen sex/pregnancy in both cases you will find that the abstinence message does not work as effectively.
That's why in NZ schools sexuality education is now being taught as one of the main focuses of health education: respect for yourself, and your relationships (sexual or otherwise) with others. Sexuality education is not about the best forms of contraception etc (although that comes into it), it is about maing the right informed choices for yourself and those you love, and understanding the impacts of those decisions. The abstinence message is just ridiculous as there are always going to be people that have sex, therefore they need to be informed for when they do make the decision to have sex. You will never stop kids having sex - but shouldn't we do the best we can to make sure they do it responsibly. I said a while back about in Europe (Switzerland?) they are very open about teen sex and have the lowest teen pregnancy rate in the developed world. While we would all like our children to remain children forever it is unfortunately not going to happen in this desensitized world so we need to do the best thing which is inform kids. Informing kids does not lead to a greater level of child/teen sex. Anyway, can you tell I've studied sexuality education lol? |
Posted By: 2bmumof3
Date Posted: 28 July 2008 at 8:36pm
|
Great post Emz and very true.....but I still just want to hide/protect my kids from having to grow up too fast, unrealistic I know *sighs* ------------- Sara Corban (22/11/04) Connor (18/04/06) Chelsea (21/05/08)
|
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 28 July 2008 at 8:40pm
|
I always harp on about family planning and this is going to be no exception. ha.
It drives me bonkers that sex education isn't part of the curriculum and schools don't often get the advice of family planning for their 'sexuality education' teaching. The way they (family planning) approach it is from a sexuality point of view - they teach about the physical, emotional, and moral side of things in what they are now calling 'abstinence plus' (very clever way of branding ). They teach condom negotiation and tie it into esteem. They encourage acceptance of diversity and educate about 'sexuality' in all its forms. It ain't just the birds and the bees etc.
I'm all for educating Hannah about what goes on... but I would really like her to learn all that goes with it and I'm not sure I'm equipped to pass on all of it being that I model so badly myself (self esteem etc). But I'll do my best to get her to love and respect herself and others so that she can make the best choices. And here's where I launch into my own story... it just interests me that I started so young (TOO YOUNG!) but it wasn't the early sex that was the bad part... I tried it and thought it was overrated and made my boyfriend wait aaaaaaages until I was ready the next time. The worrying sexual stuff came when I was older (end of high school) where I went through a bit of a self esteem crisis and had issues of trying to get guys interested in me through sex. Didn't work. But just goes to show that it ain't really just about the sex, ya know? |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 28 July 2008 at 9:07pm
See Nikki, thats where i think you WILL be a good teacher for her , I used to think the same with Caitlyn but i now believe that if i "strip my self bare " so to speak and show her that i love and trust her enough to lay all my mistakes on the table , she will respect me more , for proving myself human and admitting i have faults, and for showing her that i have made silly choices and lived with consequences of my actions, than someone who just comes up to her and says "you shouldn't have sex, rubbers dont protect your heart blah blah blah " |
Posted By: NovemberMum
Date Posted: 28 July 2008 at 9:09pm
|
I haven't read the whole thread but I do think that teaching young ones that they do have the option to say no to sex. Sure yes condoms are good and I don't know if schools do teach that you can say no and I do believe that they should.
Im not going to say that people shouldn't have sex outside of marriage cause i sure as heck didn't wait till I was married (although I did end up marrying him). I hope that when my daughter is older i can teach her that she doesn't' have to "give her self" to the first guy she is with but only time will tell. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
|
Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 29 July 2008 at 12:03am
|
I saw bits and pieces. I liked what the guy said near the end about abstinence being the ideal, but that kids needed all the facts and support - i also saw his point of view about things being available thru schools and taking away from the roles of what parents should be teaching their kids.
I really want to try and be there for my girls and be realistic. - you can't pretend and hope it doesn't happen, all you can do is give them the facts, tell them how to be safe/help them be protected, and hope that the choice they make is one that's right for them. I spose that's probably what most of OUR parents hoped and thought too - I only hope my girls dont' fall for some idiot like i did originally. - by the time i was 17 - i thought i was the oldest virgin alive - so did it just to get it over with. Sad and stupid. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
|
Posted By: chonni
Date Posted: 29 July 2008 at 9:00am
|
i went to wellington girls and my years health teacher didint really teach us sex education she went all shy when she did so she stopd and we had her through out collage, and now most of my year has had more then one baby and we are only 19. i think that it is inportant to teach educatioon to teenagerrs when they start collage coz even some of my class makes where alread having sex at 13 and younger, and a lot of them have a strange idea that having a baby is fun and loving i think they should teach teenagers that babys arnt like that. (alot of people i know are just having sex to get pregnant!!!) sorry dont really know what im talking about didint really read the thread prob ------------- 
|
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 29 July 2008 at 10:12am
Ahhh so right. Thanks 
|
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 29 July 2008 at 11:58am
Some girls at my school had babies so they could get a council flat
They should give out those real life doll things to all teenagers as part of sex ed. Or instead of work experience they should all do parent experience like the baby borrowers. -------------
|
Posted By: EnJsmum
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 9:49pm
|
what kind of sex education will they be taught? From what age?
Personally I think (as a teen mum) that if you are going to teach sex ed you need to teach them about them consequences of having sex, like looking after crying babies (who I love very much and wouldn't change) rather than teaching them to cover up and protect themselves... there is no condom or pill that will stop them from getting hurt or making bad choices. Though there will always be teenagers who do recognise the consequences of their action and choose to go ahead, and manage well. I think abstinence is the ideal, though as I said I was a teenage mum so it obviously didn't work for me! lol
|
Posted By: gypsynita
Date Posted: 05 August 2008 at 7:46am
I agree -- right down to the simulated pregnancy!! That put half the baby borrowers off straight away ------------- Anita Mum to Cian (Aug 08), Josh (Jun 10) http://lilypie.com"> 
|
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 05 August 2008 at 8:25pm
|
I think sex education is important but I think sexual awareness starts too young. I think S.E. should primarily be the responsibility of the parents though, comon the schools have so many things to teach and it seems that parents are just doing less and less - even to the point of schools having to feed the kids!
I'm a huge promoter of abstinence until in a secure relationship, in my case I'd say until marriage. I really don't like the idea of the Pill or inj (hormones) in teen's bodies even while they are still finishing puberty etc! If they do choose to be sexually active, I more support condoms but I even said this to my single brother recently: so what if you got a girl pregnant, are you prepared to deal with the consequences? ------------- |