Scared about birth - even puttng ttc off!
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19803
Printed Date: 12 September 2025 at 11:49pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Scared about birth - even puttng ttc off!
Posted By: IVFGirl1111
Subject: Scared about birth - even puttng ttc off!
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 3:35pm
|
Hi guys,
Wasnt sure where to put this so hope its in the right place. OK heres the go, we have been married 2.5 years and DH has for some time been ready to TTC. I am clucky as hell and WAS totally ready - but there was always an excuse to put it off for a month then another month etc etc. I know what the reason is that I keep putting it off - is that I am PETRIFIED about labour, absolutly scared sensless. 
I dont know why this has all of a sudden started bothering me SO much, enough to put off my dream of having children young. I am normally good with pain, even though overweight (but doing well at losing it), I am very fit so people reasure me telling me that the fitter you are the better etc - but I just cant see past this extreme fear that I have of labour. Thing is - I dont know what it is about labour that scares the living daylight out of me so I cant even really pin point the problem. Anyone please got any advice for me before I go even more nuts 
|
Replies:
Posted By: WRXnKids
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 4:04pm
|
I was scared of it as well and was convinced the only way i would get through it would be if at the very first pain i had an epidural. Once i was preg i convinced myself that i didnt need to worry about labour it was ages away etc i even watched some on youtube and it helped me as the women on it didnt really seem in as much pain as i thought they would (although this isnt good for everyone to do). Admittedly tho in the last few weeks when i expected the thought of labour to be the scariest i honestly couldnt wait because i just wanted him out which is why i think your body makes you feel so uncomfy that last month. Also i use to think all those people who told me you forget so easily after the birth or that they would do it all again cos it was so worth it i use to think were totally nuts but now when i remember what it was like i know i could do it again and although it was bad (ok mine a bit more complicated than the average birth so all the many staff in the room at the time said) it wasnt as bad as i had worked myself up for it is completely different pain and when it gets to its worse you really do kinda just zone out a bit.
This probably hasnt helped it is so hard to explain all i can say is that i went from being no way i could do it without drugs under any circumstances as i do not do pain at all to someone who did it with only gas despite complications that made apparently should have made it worse but i dont have another birth to compare it to yet -------------   
|
Posted By: IVFGirl1111
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 4:06pm
|
Thanks for your reply.
Even when I think of the Epi going into me I just about pass out! I dont know whats happening to me and why Im so freaked! I need to get over it pretty damn smart - but this crazy fear is so hard to push 
Maybe that is a good idea watching some birth videos! Pretty sad really that its putting me off TTC! |
Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 4:06pm
|
I've heard hypnotherapy works wonders?
I didn't have to think about labour until I found myself pregnant (my wee angel wasn't planned) ...I spent 35 odd weeks stressing about it completely and then when I got to 39 weeks I was ready to get this baby OUT! ...not sure what came over me, I think my antenatal classes helped A LOT ...as did talking with my Mum and reading up on labour/birthing experiences. The night I went into labour, midnight to be exact I just lay there calmly for the whole night timing my contractions. I wasn't stressed nor nervous. I was soooo calm, I can't believe how all my fears just melted away - all of a sudden I was about to welcome a life into this world - nothing else seemed to matter. Haha sounds cheesy, but your not going nuts hun. Is there any woman that actually enjoys labour/birth? and that ISN'T scared of it to some degree? |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 4:10pm
|
Maybe you need to write a list or something to try and figure out what exactly puts you off..
Labour scared me but I want to go back for more. Just think it can't be THAT bad since people go back to have more than 1 child. |
Posted By: IVFGirl1111
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 4:11pm
Thanks Steph you have been a star today 
That is one thing that worries the heck out of me - that I am going to be so scared about birth the whole way through the pregnancy that I will resent being pregnant - and that is what I DONT want! Yeah I totally know what you mean, I am sure most people would be scared/anxious or whatever. I feel that my nerves are just far to over the top though, which is weird because I normally dont worry about ANYTHING! I dont think its the pain that is making me so nervous when I think about it hard and deep - so what the hell is it that is making me so damn nervous! Maybe I'm just nuts
|
Posted By: DJ
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 4:12pm
|
I used to faint with period pain, so I was a little apprehensive about how I would cope with labour. I have to say it was one of the most incredible experiences, and while I delivered an almost 9lb baby, I'm not sure I would call any of the birth "painful" as such.
I highly recommend doing pregnancy yoga classes and getting your DH to do acupressure during the labour. Gas is awesome! I also wonder if you should look into getting some counselling to deal with your fear - it sounds like you are unusually afraid of something that is a normal and amazing everyday occurance. All the best ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: WRXnKids
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 4:21pm
|
Oh yeah every one is scared of it in some way or another. Definitely read lots of birth stories and labouring methods i really felt knowledge was power and like i was more prepared and aware of what would be happening.
To me now that ive done it i had myself so worked up over how hard the labour would be and instead it was the first few weeks coping with the disrupted sleep and struggling with the breastfeeding that was harder. Dont take this the wrong way but is there a chance your freaking yourself out about the labour because your not sure if you are really ready for the whole baby step so you are focusing on this on aspect? The day i got my BFP i was happy then had a major what the heck am i doing freak out even tho it was planned. -------------
|
Posted By: Mama2two
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 4:28pm
|
I was the same, absolutley petrified about the labour and birth part. I actually refused to think about it for the first 20 weeks of my pregnancy as i was so terrified about the whole thing! I didn't even read the end of my pregnancy books because I didn't want to know!
I guess the thing is once you get to 40 weeks pregnant you really do want that baby out. And yeah it hurts (lets not kid ourselves) but it wasn't bad enough to put me off the idea of having more. In fact for me it was no where near as bad as I had led myself to believe it was going to be 
I have a really good friend that was a god send when I was in labour. She is so positive about the whole thing and when I rung her she was so excited and jumping up and down because I was going to meet my baby soon. It totally changed my attitude about labour and made me feel excited too. Now that I have been through it, I don't really know what i was so afraid of. It was the most empowering experience and I am so proud and pleased that I got to do it. Plus I have a beautiful daughter to look at everyday and remind me what it was all for. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
|
Posted By: IVFGirl1111
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 4:45pm
|
Thanks guys,
Yeah totally know what you mean WRXandJosh - I even suggested that to DH saying that was maybe the reason why I was so scared, but quickly knew that wasnt the reason because I do really want a baby and we are totally ready - more than ready in many ways. I wonder if it has something to do with the fact that a couple of family members and a good friend had a hell of a time during labour - my SIL in my brothers words "nearly died" he honestly thought he was going to lose her - so it was a very emotional time. So I think Ive been working myself up with horror stories type thing? |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 4:53pm
| Maybe read the labour stories thread (wherever that is on here). It's got awesome stories on it. Good and bad. A real mixture of everything which could help you see its not all horror |
Posted By: WRXnKids
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 5:01pm
|
Oh we all say that after i believe my words were 'Never again 'and the nurses in the room were all saying how many kids they had had and that i will want to have more the last nurse said she had only one kid and i remember looking at her and saying 'you are the only sane person in the room' but here i am wanting to have another which i really didnt think i would expect.
As was said above it was bad but not as bad as i expected and you really do get to the end and just want the baby out no matter what. -------------
|
Posted By: Kelpa
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 5:35pm
|
I was so PUT OFF after having my first one it took 7 years to even consider going thru it again....I SAID never again so many times and I have gone on to have another two boys...THIS TIME IT WILL BE NEVER AGAIN! But for more than just the birth reason!! LOL
I talked myself out of the epi with these last two and relied soley on GAS....That whole EPI thing gives me the Heebie jeebies... I totally understand how you feel and the only consolation I can offer is it is such a short amount of time and is over and done with pretty quickly all in all! And if you are in pain and cant cope there are ways to deal with it and YES so many people have done it and go back for more!!! Bite the bullet ...then you have no choice!! he he he -------------  
 
|
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 5:47pm
|
I was more scared of the epi than anything else! Once they showed us the needle etc and how it worked at antenatal classes I decided that no way no how was I having one! I changed my mind after 30-odd hours of labour and it was a Godsend!
And I must be a little strange coz I actually enjoyed giving birth to the gremlins, it was an awesome, empowering experience. Having Chiara was even more empowering coz I did it with no pain relief at all, but it was so quick and intense that I felt a bit overwhelmed at the time. I agree with whoever suggested reading the birth stories thread, there's a great mix of stories and no two experiences are ever the same. But I also agree with whoever suggested that your fear of giving birth might be the conscious manifestation of your subconscious worries about getting pregnant and having a baby and everything that comes with becoming a parent. Having a baby does change everything, but as soon as you see them you forget that there ever was life before they existed! -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
|
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 6:17pm
I was soo scared of labour ... I just blocked that part out until I went into labour 
And Im not going to be much help because the first thing I said after the birthing process was bloody hell im never doing that again! However ... Im keen as to do it all again, even though Im more scared about the birthing process than I was the first time
(I do a good think only happy thoughts) ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
|
Posted By: LittleBug
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 6:23pm
|
I went into it thinking that it might not be so bad... but came out the other end terrified of birth! But now I have no choice but to go through it again. Everyone keeps reassuring me that the second time around is easier.
All I can say is that despite how awful it might be at the time, it's only a day (or a few days if you are unlucky) out of your whole life and you end up with the most wonderful, precious gift at the end of it all. And people go back and do it multiple times, and live through it... so it can't be all that bad, really, can it!??!  ------------- Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years). |
Posted By: ellen
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 6:53pm
|
I was absolutely petrified of going through labour and everything medical that came along with it. I'd never even had blood taken before I got pregnant. In saying that I really enjoyed being pregnant and when I went 10 days overdue I was quite happy as I really didn't want to go through the labour. I think I was my own worst enemy and fought the labour and ended up with gas, pethidene, epidural, forceps and episiotomy (sorry not trying to scare you). I swore I'd never do it again but after a couple of years got the yearning for another one.
I decided that I knew what I didn't want to happen again so set about finding a great midwife and changed my whole mindset. I had a similar lengthy second labour but kept active during it and let myself go and took one contraction at a time. I delievered him within an hour of arriving at the hospital totally naturally - WOW I couldn't believe I'd done it and such an empowering feeling knowing that your body will do exactly what it's designed for. Even had a few stitches from a tear but don't remember having them put in. With my last baby I decided that I wanted a homebirth (more because I'd roomed with really young teenage mums who continually had their mates visiting and wanted privacy this time). Again I found a fantastic homebirth midwife who didn't feel the need to intervene AT ALL (obviously I didn't need it) and I didn't even have an internal exam in labour as she trusted my body to do what it should. That was an even more incredible experience to completely trust in yourself and your body!!!! So the best advice I can give you is to relax (easier said than done I know) and trust in your body and the professionals around you. And even if you don't have an ideal experience it's only a tiny part of the journey to becoming a mum. I'm terrified of flying and I keep telling myself every time I have to fly "if I can give birth I can fly for an hour". I'm the biggest sooky bubba in the world so if I can do it three times anyone can. Now I just have to find a way to cope with my flying paranoia!
|
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 7:30pm
|
Labour is such a short moment in the scheme of things. I think the thing that freaked me out the most about it was actually the nakedness!!! LOL But somehow it's like we were made for it or something because within a couple of weeks it almost seems like nothing - and here I am about to have my 4th baby in just over five years ------------- |
Posted By: monster
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 7:52pm
|
I didn't really think too much about it (pregnant and in denial that bubs will have to come out somehow ), but in the last couple of weeks I read a book that helped me a lot. It talked about the pain being 'healthy' pain as opposed to 'sick' pain - the difference between the aches you feel a day or so after a big gym workout and the ache of a bad cut or bruise. It just made me look at it differently IYKWIM.
I agree with others that reading about people's experiences will help too. -------------   
|
Posted By: DJ
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 8:01pm
|
LOL - I'd say ignorance is bliss, and not to read anyone's birth stories or watch vids - your labour is your labour, not anyone elses.
I totally agree with Jezika in that your body takes over and it just knows what to do. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 8:15pm
|
Hmmm I actually found "comfort" of sorts reading about other peoples labour experiences....especially the onset (as I had no idea what to expect).
------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
|
Posted By: peachy
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 8:25pm
|
I agree with Jess in the fact that your body just takes over! I found labour extremely empowering to tell the truth. I could not believe how powerful my body became to help me have my baby!
I honestly didn't think much about the birth pre-labour, it didn't really scare me that much, but what I did fear was having to have a c section. Unfortunately I DID have to have an emergency c section, I have to admit that was far more scary than being in labour for 27 odd hours. I was petrified of being cut open, BUT I survived to tell the tale ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: Spirals
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 9:13pm
|
I agree with DJ - don't read other stories or watch u-tube videos, they may just make you even more nervous.
OK - I possibly can't talk cos I haven't been through it yet, but I do know I was just as terrified as you. My 'friends' would tell me their stories and I would go deathly pale and weak, to the point of almost fainting, and feel so sick I couldn't eat for hours afterwards. Once I was pregnant, I decided that I needed to read the birth stories thread on here, and watch some live births on u-tube. BIG mistake. If I thought I was ill and freaking out before...!! So I now don't listen or watch horror movies *lol* But then one friend heard I was having a hard time and contacted me to tell me she'd done the same and ignored everyone and she'd signed up for a hypnobirthing course. She said the education you get there about what your body is supposed to do, and how to deal with it every step of the way is amazing. She had an amazing birth, 17 hour labour with no pain relief (ok not sure that part would be good for me) but she loved it. I am so convinced by her story that I am going to look into it myself. And although I still feel a bit nervous about the birth, I know I will find a way that suits me, that I will be comfortable with, and that I will be able to handle it. |
Posted By: J&Ls mum
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 9:36pm
|
Hey D,
I was petrified of going into labour and TBH it wasn't anywhere near as bad as i thought it would be. I thought i still had 6 weeks to get used to the idea but in the end i had 24 hours (the doctors decided she need to come out NOW) I was induced and decided after my waters were broken that i wanted the Epi and i think that was the best decision i ever made! LOL! I had Jorja on Saturday night and when Stew was taking me home from the hospital on the tuesday afternoon i told him "I'd do it all again tomorrow as long as i don't have to leave the next one behind" Leaving J in the NICU was the hardest thing i have ever done! But so totally worth it cause she is the love of my life! And i wouldn't want to be without her. You'll do it, you'll be great and it will be the BEST thing you ever did! ------------- J - born 26th April 2008 and L - born 3rd Sept 2010 http://alterna-tickers.com"> 
|
Posted By: kakapo
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 9:41pm
|
When I first talked to my midwife about labour I asked whether there was any way I could have an elective C-section as I was so terrified of the idea of giving birth. You can't have one on the Coast, have to go to Christchurch. Luckily for me, someone in our local Active Birth group asked me to come along to their monthly coffee group when I was in my first trimester. Best thing that could have happened to me. They suggested I read "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" which I did, and it's the only book I ended up reading during pregnancy. I believe that book and my wonderful midwife (who was an independent one, not a hospital one) are the reasons why I had a great birth experience: natural, drug free and only a little painful |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 9:49pm
|
I just convinced myself that in the 9 months I was pregnant someone would invent a startrek style transporter and the baby could just be beamed out
In seriousness (if that is a word) my worst fear was having a c/s, I had never had a surgery and really really don't like the idea of being cut open, or more so worried about my guts falling out afterwards. But low and behold I did end up having a c/s and it was no where near as bad as I had imagined. Although when the midwife wanted to take the tape of my wound I did feel freaky cos I thought my guts might fall out, like a piece of tape was keeping them in 
I think you need to decide what type of person you are and what will work for you, i'm an information person so when I found out I would be having a c/s (he was breech) then I read anything and everything I could, everything that could go wrong, every minor detail of what they would do etc. because that is how I process and cope with things. So by the time it came to have it done I knew what was happening and why without having to ask anyone and that allowed me to stay calm (well a lot calmer, i still got the shakes when they put the spinal). So yeah, if information works then research it but if ignorance is bliss works for you then probably best not to. ------------- 
 
|
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 11:43pm
|
I know how you feel, I was totally freaked out at the thought of giving birth, It made me feel sick when I thought about it! But my midwife was great at easing my mind, and also you have SOO much help these days and you know you are in good hands. My birth was really traumatic for me(I wont tell you the details lol!) but I would do it all again in a heartbeat cos when I look at my little boy I know it was worth it  ------------- |
Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 05 August 2008 at 12:10am
Yup I second this, I had nearly everything go wrong (tear, episiotomy, stitches, drugs, ventouse birth, bub went into distress etc etc) but I wouldn't change anything for the world, and I would do it all over again just to have my little man in my arms. Labour & Birth are so insignificant in the big scheme of things |
CadensMum wrote:Posted By: IVFGirl1111
Date Posted: 05 August 2008 at 8:54am
|
Thanks guys I really do appreciate everyones honesty and words.
I do think I should just take the plunge as I think Im working myself up and up and up! Its things like being naked down there etc that really freak me out - I know it sounds dumb, but yeah I just cant cope with that sort of stuff. |
Posted By: peachy
Date Posted: 05 August 2008 at 9:24am
|
Hey D, when you are in labour you really don't care who sees your "bits", all you want is your baby out
I laboured fully naked, and I had numerous m/w's, obs and an anethitist in my room while I was in labour and really did not care what they saw! To me it was like as if they are going to remember my "bits" after all the thousands of women they see every day. Honestly it was the last thing on my mind ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: ginger
Date Posted: 05 August 2008 at 9:41am
|
Birth is something that scared the hell out of me as well - and still does (am considering avoiding antenatal classes for this exact reason - what I don't know won't give me a heart attack), BUT I saw my SIL briefly while she was in labour with my niece (not during the actual birthy bit though) and seeing how strong she was, and the strength she was able to harness makes me feel quite confident that I'll be fine ... even though I'm a wuss
A friend of mine said something to me that I remember well - it's only a day (more or less!). That's not much. Plus the amnesia thing is quite true for unpleasant stuff - I'm aghast at how fuzzy my memories of the nastier parts of IVF are. I thought they'd be burned into my memory, moment by moment forever. Not so. ------------- Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00 Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41 |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 05 August 2008 at 10:13am
|
Oh and seriously when I got my epi I didnt even think about it hurting going in as Id been in labour for 40 hours lol! You just dont care when you are in labour, you sort of just have that "JUST DO AND GET THIS KID OUT" attitude Well I did anyways lol
But honestly hun, labour and all the pain is SO SO worth it, I have my little boy on my knee right now and I couldnt inagine life without him now so he was definitly worth it all ------------- |