Regretting parenthood?
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19851
Printed Date: 29 September 2025 at 5:56pm
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Topic: Regretting parenthood?
Posted By: busymum
Subject: Regretting parenthood?
Date Posted: 05 August 2008 at 8:31pm
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Not me, but a friend of mine struggles on and off with being a parent. She's a SAHM but I don't think that going back to work would "solve" things for her. It's more that she feels she has lost her freedom, options to stay up late, being able to make decisions for only #1 and all those things.
What do you do when(if) you struggle with regrets? -------------  |
Replies:
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 05 August 2008 at 8:36pm
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When in Palmy I hand the children to the in laws so I can have me time. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 05 August 2008 at 8:37pm
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cliche , but i just count my blessings
sure , being a single mum (tho im not anymore) ive missed out on some stuff but i what ive gained is far more important, and the only time life stops , is when your dead , so you just put somethings off til your better able to do them , eg when babies older. Most of the time all i have to do to remind myself how lucky i am to have her, i just have to miss her for awhile |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 05 August 2008 at 8:43pm
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I remind myself that it's only hard for such a short time. That the baby/toddler/preschool years will be over so quickly, that makes me want to make the most of them. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 05 August 2008 at 8:49pm
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i don't regret anything as such, but sometimes it would be nice to just say "hey, lets go to Taupo for the weekend" and not have to pack everything to get there. going in when they are sleepy and hearing the sleepy "i love you mummy" helps.
I've also started diaries for the boys - where I put the funny things they say, so reading that and going through the pics helps too. |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 05 August 2008 at 9:38pm
After Issys tantrum today .. I went for a run ... that made her seem easy  ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 05 August 2008 at 9:56pm
you just have to get on with it... regretting it wont change it... ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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busymum wrote:Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 05 August 2008 at 10:11pm
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Yeah, as Robbie WIliams says "no regrets ,they dont work ..."
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Posted By: kathyandbub
Date Posted: 05 August 2008 at 10:40pm
| hi im new here, but this is something i have had to deal with to. i dont regret my son at all but mayb the timing a little bit. it forcrd me to grow up fast and i now have to think about somone else b |
Posted By: kathyandbub
Date Posted: 05 August 2008 at 10:42pm
| sorry i didnt mean to post that lol!! its a bit late haha. anyway i now have to think bout somone else besides me and i cant just do what i want but i enjoy it now and i wouldnt change him for anything |
Posted By: tishy
Date Posted: 05 August 2008 at 11:04pm
If I was in that situation and didn't feel as if I was improving then I would try to talk to someone about it. There are lots of options like Counsellers, NLP Practitioners or Life coaches that could help get some direction back into her life. |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 06 August 2008 at 3:47am
we were just talking about that today but just like everyone here i just have to miss him or even look at him and it all goes away maybe your friends feel the need to take back some control in her life maybe haveing some "me time" may help her ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 06 August 2008 at 10:27am
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I never regret having DD and Def not going to regret having this one....altho some times I feel down when DH goes out to parties or "Boys night Out" and I stay home either because DD is sick or what ever! I choose not to go out much as I am a working mum and feel that every min I have with DD is precious....But thats just me. Like LIZ...I think the big cuddles...I love you mumma...Mumma youre my friend ..etc helps loads.
I also like Liz's idea of keeping a note book of all the funny things they say or do to remind us how wonderful our kids are!!  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 06 August 2008 at 10:42am
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Yep, I totally get that too. I don't regret Hannah for a second but man alive I wish I'd not got preggo in the first place sometimes! (I think my reasons are pretty obvious)
I think you just have to ride it out... and remember that kids aren't young forever and you get a bit more of your independence back every day. And also, that they are fairly adaptable and you don't have to give up your life for them. I remember when I was a kid, being carted off to my parents' friends houses and crashing in their beds after dinner and then being taken home later. I don't think I suffered for it and mum and dad managed a social life. Sometimes I deprive myself of a social life because it's easier to stay at home and do nothing. But then when I do get out I feel so much better and more in touch with the world. So maybe invite her over for dinner or something? |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 06 August 2008 at 11:27am
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I don't regret it but I totally wasn't prepared to still have no sleep at 6 months:)but then I look at him in the morning and realise how lucky I am ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: My3Sons
Date Posted: 06 August 2008 at 11:49am
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Try to look at all the stuff I DO have, instead of what could have been, and like Emma said that the time the kids are little is so short, although it can seem neverending at times! I notice this with my eldest being 7, it was only a few years ago that he was one of my babies too, and now I have to chase him to get a kiss or a cuddle lol!! ------------- Mum to Mr 10, Mr 6 and Mr 4
 
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Posted By: My3Sons
Date Posted: 06 August 2008 at 11:51am
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Soooo true Nikki!! Or its cold out, the kids wont settle without me, I have nothing to wear etc etc... ------------- Mum to Mr 10, Mr 6 and Mr 4
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 06 August 2008 at 1:07pm
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Now , for me the main thing that puts in perspective is thinking how blessed and lucky i am to be part of my childs life and see her grow up , kiss her when she cries, feel the exhaustion that only a mother of a sleepless baby can know....because there are plenty of mothers out there whos children have passed away, who would give anything for just a minute of what im often complaining about .
And i think of my friend, and what she didnt get to see, because she passed away so soon after her daughters birth . I know that doesnt work , or apply for/to everyone, just what I try and do |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 06 August 2008 at 1:19pm
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I think it's fair enough for some people not to enjoy parenthood! It's just not everyone's cup of tea. I have times when I don't regret becoming a mother as such, but I miss having time to myself, the freedom that it brings, more energy and just more time spent hanging out with friends over coffee and movies and dinner. But when I weigh it up - would I really rather have my 'old' life or this one, I can't honestly say I'd want that life back. It was great while it lasted, and this surely is harder work, but it won't always be so hard because my kids will go to school one day and I won't know what to do with myself once that happens! I look at Ella and think how much I love her, and I don't feel guilty about having moments of missing my freedom, because the two don't have to be mutually exclusive. Maybe as her friend you could let her know that you think it's OK to have those feelings and you can still be a great mum at the same time. ------------- Andie |
Posted By: Shorty
Date Posted: 06 August 2008 at 1:20pm
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I hold a strong opinion. I do not regret anything in life as I would not be who I am today, or where I am in my life.
For me and my son, I am very blessed to have him in my life and I know when we struggle with situations that there is always someone worse off than we are. When he is unwell we have worked through it knowing we have him in our lives and could not live any other way. ------------- http://www.alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 06 August 2008 at 10:00pm
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You know what having kids is about the only thing I DONT regret in my life. I used to think I would of liked to have them a bit later but now I'm actually getting some sleep I love my life and don't miss my old life for a second.
Every now and then I go out like old times and I hate every second of it. I way prefer to have mummy nights out with my new Mummy friends. |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 06 August 2008 at 10:16pm
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I know what you mean rach , i love my single non parent friends, definetly , but my idea of a great night now is one where im at home, by my fire, watching a movie on tv with DF with my daughter tucked up in bed.
When i go out clubbing, im all excited to be going out, all dressed up etc, ...but once im there, i just want to leave |