Help - what should i do?????
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Topic: Help - what should i do?????
Posted By: kebakat
Subject: Help - what should i do?????
Date Posted: 13 August 2008 at 8:52pm
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Sorry this is going to be long but I'm hoping someone will have some useful advice..
Bit of background first... My friend has been "dating" a chick online since feb roughly and she was overseas, a kiwi, and coming back to new zealand. They started out as friends but fell for each other which is cool. But she vanished in april for a while but eventually got back in contact and they stayed really close and were planning on meeting up yesterday. And it didn't happen. My mate is totally shattered. I asked him if he was ok yesterday and his response in his words were "not in the slightest. i want to die". He also told me the previous day that he had had heart attacks before (hes only 25) which is caused by extreme stress. So upon hearing his response and knowing about his heart I said to him that I was coming over and he had a minute to tell me he didn't want me to. He didn't say anything so I went over and he was on the floor hand clutched to his chest in obvious pain. He was having heart palpitations (heart speeds up and stops and then beats irreguarly). I wanted him to go to the docs with me. I was hugging him trying to convince him that he needed to see a doctor but he got angry with me so I stopped pestering him and just sat there holding him with the phone in clear sight so i could call an ambulance. Eventually he had some sugar water which he later told me does the same kinda thing as aspirin for heart issues. And we ended up going for a drive to try and find her. He was determined to go so I thought I'd drive, I didn't want to risk him getting in a car by himself and he said that if he did anything weird in a car I could take him to a doctor. I don't know what he wanted to accomplish by trying to find her because he had no clue where she was but I think it was just doing something. We got back to his place an hour or so later and he kicked me out and went to the bank (yes he went to the f**kin bank after all that!). I eventually convinced him to let me go see him in the evening to keep him company and I was really worried. He broke down but eventually he went to bed. I was happy to stay with him last night but he wanted to be by himself. He told me that I remind him of her and that he doesn't want to talk to me for a bit. I'm not sure what to do now. A few days back him and his best chick mate had a bit of a falling out so they weren't talking. And being a male I don't think he would turn to his guy mates. I don't want him sitting at home by himself with his heart issue and feeling lost with the world. I also don't want to push him too much to make him push me away. He was online earlier today which has made me feel a bit better, he didn't talk to me but knowing he was online at least let me know he was alive and all that. I'm not sure what to do.. I want to text him and let him know I'm around and find out how he is but I don't want to annoy him with a "how u doin" type text cause I'm sure that would piss me off if I was him and considering I apparently remind him of her I'm not sure how much contact I should have. What kind of text would you send? I've thought of calling his parents. I don't know their number but I know their names and the city they live in so I could call the people in the phone book and be bound to find them but I don't want him to think I've betrayed his trust and be totally angry with me. Prior to yesterday he's been doing some other things that worry me like not eating hardly anything and hes lost lots of weight and he doesn't sleep properly. What should I do???? 
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Replies:
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 13 August 2008 at 9:02pm
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I don't really know but someone needs to be able to give him a call tomorrow and check that he is alright. I presume he lives on his own? You could probably call his mum and just say "I saw x yesterday and he seemed a bit stressed and his heart was palpitating, I don't want him to feel like I'm pestering him but would you just give him a call sometime today [Thurs] and check that he is alright? And please don't say I said anything!" That wouldn't give away his circumstances but from the health perspective, palpitations are rather freaky. If not for the palpitations I'd leave him completely alone for a little while. But they complicate things somewhat. Does he see anyone regularly? work? -------------  |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 13 August 2008 at 9:06pm
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Yeah he lives alone which is why I wanted to stay with him last night because I didn't think he should be be alone but he didn't want me to.
I'm not sure that he has even told his parents about his heart. It just seems like he hasn't really told anyone about that.
He's in the army so yes he sees a lot of people regularly. One of his mates lives a few houses down from me too. |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 13 August 2008 at 9:10pm
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Do you know what unit he is in??? I would ringing them and letting them know as they can help him. Also talk to his mate that lives by you. Hopefully between all of you he can get the help he really needs. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 13 August 2008 at 9:28pm
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If there is anyone that you can ask to go round and check on him ,i would , only cos of the heart palpitations ,they dont sound very good.
Sounds like he has a lot of issues to deal with and would be well off talking to someone , but like most males is probably too proud to admit they need help |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 13 August 2008 at 9:34pm
| I've sent him a text, if he doesn't respond tonight I'll phone his mum in the morning - I'm hoping she will remember me as I met her briefly on anzac day. I'm going to have to think carefully of what to say because I don't want to totally freak the poor woman as well. |
Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 13 August 2008 at 9:35pm
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Just playing devil's advocate here because I've seen my sister go through something like this - does he definitely have heart palpitations?
I know that sounds really cruel but in my sister's case the guy kind of did this emotional stuff to get attention including telling her he was sick (life threatening stuff) when he really wasn't. She almost went out of her mind with worry and then found out. Anyway it must be really stressful for you either way and you sound like an awesome friend. I would probably do what busymum suggests and ring his parents. -------------  
 
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Posted By: Candkids
Date Posted: 13 August 2008 at 9:38pm
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if you know his parents quite well id ring them and say that your concerned as he was really stressed etc and ask if they would mind checking on him and lettting you know hes ok.
either that or text him and just say i respect that you want some space but just want to check your ok . ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  DD 10.5yrs DS 6yrs DS 11mths 5 little angles watching from above |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 13 August 2008 at 9:39pm
| No I believe he does. I didn't know about his previous heart attacks til he told me but he was bleeding from his nose yesterday and in serious pain and I could feel his pulse at times when I was holding him. He was weak and shakey. It was definitely not right. He told me afterwards of things the doctors told him after his heart attacks. |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 14 August 2008 at 12:32pm
| Well I had no response to the text. I'm thinking hes just ignoring me. I rang his mum and she was nice and appreciated my call. I didn't tell her about the heart thing but she's going to phone him tonight and not mention me so that's cool. |