Counsillor
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=20685
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Topic: Counsillor
Posted By: NobodySpecial
Subject: Counsillor
Date Posted: 05 September 2008 at 10:45am
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Hi,
I am a regular user of this forum but after what has happened to someone else here i dont want to post under my real name. I need help getting out of a controlling relationship. I need to speak to a counscillor before i attempt it to get the strength to make him leave. Does anyone have any recommendations of a good one in christchurch? I have been in this relationship for years kidding myself that its going to get better that one day i will be allowed to make my own decisions regarding friends, life, my future and freedom but as i said thats a joke. |
Replies:
Posted By: Mazzy
Date Posted: 05 September 2008 at 11:22am
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I have no advice, not being from Chch, but didn't want to view and run. Big hugs to you and well done for taking this first step, you are stronger than you know. ------------- Mum to two gorgeous girls! |
Posted By: sally belly
Date Posted: 05 September 2008 at 11:36am
 . Well done on taking the first steps to making your life better for you (& your kids?).
I hope someone who has been in your situation is able to come on & offer you some advice. Best wishes & stay strong. -------------    
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Posted By: Shorty
Date Posted: 05 September 2008 at 11:42am
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Sorry also not able to help.
Good luck with your future ------------- http://www.alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 05 September 2008 at 11:45am
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Not in CHCH either but Best of Luck. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: IVFGirl1111
Date Posted: 05 September 2008 at 12:15pm
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Hey,
Sorry your going through this, but well done on making the first steps - admitting you want to leave is the hardest step. There is a couple of good ones that we used in my old job that were really good - just depends on if you want to pay, go during the day/night etc? Also you could ring the Womans Centre. It is NOT right and you do need to get out now - believe me been there done that. Huge hugs to you, you will get through this and you WILL come out a better person. So let me know what sort of time you want and also if your willing to pay and I will let you know who we suggest. Hugs hugs and more hugs ------------- TTC 6 years IVF it is IVF/ICSI round one 10 eggs, 8 mature, 3 fertilised BFN IVF/ICSI #2 = 22 eggs! 20 mature, 15 fertilised, 1 fresh transfer and 2 frosties BFN 2 Frosties still in freezer thank god |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 05 September 2008 at 12:19pm
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http://www.womensrefuge.org.nz/index.cfm?objectid=0CFAF639-1321-AE99-691F2ED6D75A919D - Find a local women's refuge
They will be able to recommend someone or talk to you. Have a look through their site as well as it may have valuable information on it. xoxox Please do get out. It isn't worth it for you or your kids. |
Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 05 September 2008 at 12:59pm
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First of all....
Admitting that all is not ok is the first step to taking back control of your life. A controlling person takes over so subtly you barely realise its happening, until you one day notice you've not seen your friends for months, everything is done the way they want it done and nothing in your life is you. You get so used to being criticised, belittled, laughed at, put down, humiliated, it barely registers anymore when it happens. So having the strength to recognise it is a great start. There are many agencies out there to assist. Relationship Services could be a good place to start (0800 RELATE). They provide low-cost or sometimes even free counselling for family relationship matters. Or you could call LifeLine (0800 111 777) who provide a fantastic over the phone service for free. Also, given the nature of your treatment you could also be eligible for help from Womens Refuge. You are being very brave and strong. Its going to be a hard time, but there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Life can only get better from here..... If you want to chat more, then feel free to PM me. No questions asked 
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Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 05 September 2008 at 1:10pm
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Big hugs hun. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 05 September 2008 at 1:18pm
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I know through work we us EAP here in chch and Im 99% sure if you go through the courts they can provide coucelling.
Good luck |
Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 05 September 2008 at 2:21pm
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awwww hun!!
good on you for putting your foot down and saying 'no more!' it takes alot of strength to realise things are un-acceptable and changes need to be made! do you have a good relationship with your GP? that sounds weird...but i meant that if you can be open with your GP they may be able to recommend someone to you best of luck hun  ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: surfergirl
Date Posted: 05 September 2008 at 4:07pm
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Hi there,
We used Relationship Services (0800 RELATE) for an issue with DH's family and they were great. We used the Family Court subsidy too, so 6 sessions were free. You do not have to go with your partner/DH to get the free sessions. The Chch office is nice and central. Near Cramner Square. Don't worry, the first time is the worst (you think you'll see someone you know!) after that its just so good to have someone hold your hand through a rough time. Seeing a professional really helped us a lot (even thougth it wasn't really about us). You'll learn some great skills. Best of luck! ------------- http://www.alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: surfergirl
Date Posted: 05 September 2008 at 4:08pm
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AND - you are someone special (your fake user name made me sad!) ------------- http://www.alterna-tickers.com">
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Posted By: Daizy
Date Posted: 05 September 2008 at 4:49pm
Ditto to that! Big Hugs- Good on you for taking the first step and hope it all works out for the best in the end! ------------- 
 
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surfergirl wrote:Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 05 September 2008 at 8:33pm
Ditto to all of that! -------------  |
Posted By: Danaj
Date Posted: 05 September 2008 at 11:43pm
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I found mine through my GP and womens refuge are also very supportive and helpful with information.
I understand how you feel. My ex was the same and it turned nasty when he bought a gun with the intention of using it on me. Set yourself up a safety net first. E.g. support people, emergency contacts, caregivers if you need them for the kids, contact the kids schools so they know what's happening etc. Also important to copy and kind of insurance documents or anything pertaining to joint assets. I got stung badly money wise as he disputed the dates he moved out. I wound up paying half of debts he ticked up after moving out because I couldn't prove he'd already left. I know it's not the first thing on your mind but protect yourself legally if you can by way of documenting all behavior, events, problems etc. You need this information with dates, times and details if you need support from the courts or the police at any point. I couldn't get a restraining order as i'd never gone to the hospital to get the bruises seen to. Write it all down, physical abuse or not, just keep a diary. Sorry, i'm rambling now. It's just that i've been in your shoes and it is very very scary. You can do it. Making the decision is the hardest part. Now you just need to stay strong to get through the other side. It's far nicer when you don't have to deal with their cr*p. :) ------------- http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wyI1oWn/"> 
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Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 06 September 2008 at 8:03am
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contact womens refuge....you dont have to go into refuge - they do a LOT of work behind the scenes getting you to meet with lawyers and counsellors etc. They can help you formulate an "escape plan" for when you need it etc.
Also organisations up here like IOSIS (baptist family action) have social workers and counsellors - not sure if there is similar in chch? but ask around as they can be great help. |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 06 September 2008 at 1:13pm
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There's already lots of leads suggested here and I don't have another one to add, sorry, as I'm not local, but there will surely be a good counselor out there for you between all those different agencies. I hope you find one you 'click' with first pop.
I just really want to encourage you, because YOU CAN DO THIS and you won't regret it!! Getting some ideas and some perspective from a professional is an awesome idea, and I sooo think you're moving in the right direction, because you need to take care of yourself and your little one(s), and the best person to do that is definitely YOU. ------------- Andie |
Posted By: JadeC
Date Posted: 06 September 2008 at 5:20pm
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Preventing Violence in the Home is a great nation-wide organization and I bet they would be able to help.
http://www.preventingviolence.org.nz/index.php?section=1 - Preventing Violence And like others have said, you are worth more, and deserve more. I'm so impressed that you are taking this step for yourself, it's a hard, but incredibly necessary step. ------------- http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: kabe
Date Posted: 06 September 2008 at 7:42pm
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I've also heard really good things about Relationship Services. ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: JadeC
Date Posted: 07 September 2008 at 8:24pm
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Actually, you can get free relationship counselling thru the family court. You don't actually have to go to court, just fill in a form and send it to them. You get half the sessions (so 3 instead of 6) if you go by yourself, and they do have specific counsellors that are under the scheme, but hey, free is free.
Here's the http://www.justice.govt.nz/family/what-familycourt-does/relationships/counselling.asp#fc15 - info ------------- http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: IVFGirl1111
Date Posted: 10 September 2008 at 11:15am
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Bump
How are you feeling? I noticed you havent posted in this thread, I hope you are feeling ok. Please dont feel like you are alone - you are doing the right thing! Hugs ------------- TTC 6 years IVF it is IVF/ICSI round one 10 eggs, 8 mature, 3 fertilised BFN IVF/ICSI #2 = 22 eggs! 20 mature, 15 fertilised, 1 fresh transfer and 2 frosties BFN 2 Frosties still in freezer thank god |