Child Custody
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=20979
Printed Date: 03 October 2025 at 8:31pm
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Topic: Child Custody
Posted By: Jay_R
Subject: Child Custody
Date Posted: 16 September 2008 at 3:30pm
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Anyone know what the deal is with this?
A friend of mine is splitting with her hubby, and he's said he's going to go for custody of their children. She's beside herself cos he's a pretty determined guy and would probably go to great lengths to make out she's a bad mother. Which of course she absolutely is not, but she's terrified nonetheless. Do children automatically go with their mum, or does the family court get involved straight away?? |
Replies:
Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 16 September 2008 at 3:40pm
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I dont know much about it but I am sure if the father contests then courts will get involved. I would have thought Mum gets the kids unless some one can prove that she is a BAD Mother...now BAD has to be the extreme kind!! Surely!! (Well I hope).
Why doesnt your friend call the Citizen Advise and ask for some family Lawyer's contact details? most of them give you 10min on the phone advice for free and they dont even ask for your name or contact details. I have used this many many times for many diff reasons and it was great. Its a starting point surely!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Deez
Date Posted: 16 September 2008 at 4:36pm
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They will all need to go through counselling.....the children will have their own lawyer i believe.
I think but dont quote me on this that the lawyers try and settle things outside of court through mediation/counselling. If nothing can be agreed on then it goes to court. -------------  
Lycan and Peyton = Moon and back!! |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 16 September 2008 at 6:56pm
Will PM you  -------------  |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 16 September 2008 at 7:47pm
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Sounds like you have heaps of advice already but my two cents worth lol...
When I left Willie the Police told me that if he came and tried to take Maya they couldn't legally stop him unless they believed she would be in danger by going with him as he is her joint legal guardian. They advised me to commence custody proceedings immediately so the next day I rang the Family Court and found a lawyer that could do legal aid and got the process started. It was relatively straight forward for me coz Willie didn't contest it, we separated in June and the final order was thru in October. I only had to appear before the judge once and Willie never bothered to show at all. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: jaz
Date Posted: 16 September 2008 at 8:48pm
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I gather if the parents can't agree and both want the children the courts will appoint a lawyer who will act in the best interests of the child (rather than the parents each having a lawyer who tries to get custody no matter what is best for the child). Shared custody is often a workable option. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Candkids
Date Posted: 16 September 2008 at 8:55pm
YEP scary huh my ex swore black and blue he was getting custody and he was sooooo manuplitive i really believed he would when sarah was 6mths her dad got in a mood with me when he was dropping her back 1 day and took off with her! i phoned the police who basicly said oh well we hope he brings her back as we cant do anything! i got a lawyer ASAP basicly we had to go to councelling, you can choose to go seperatly or togeather, sarah didnt need a lawyer as she was too young. then i put forward a proposal of what i deemed sutible access arangements etc, he wouldnt aggree to any of them so 12mths later it went to the family court, and then . . . we ended up with the same arangement i had proposed in the first place.! i have full custody (for a number of reasons)and he has access 2 weekends out of every month. just make sure if in the event of your death you dont want the kids living with their father, you need to state why and also have your lawyer draw up a letter stating why and add it to your will ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  DD 10.5yrs DS 6yrs DS 11mths 5 little angles watching from above |
Maya wrote:Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 16 September 2008 at 9:06pm
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I'm pretty sure that the courts prefer them in their mothers care unless they are unsafe? Don't quote me on that though.
My cousin recently had to jump through hoops of fire and set an precident f r men in NZ to get his daughter removed by cypfs from her p addicted living in a gang house with an abusive boyfriend mother. It took a LONG LONG time for him to get her, I'm talking a couple of years, too,even though she was in such danger. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: BabyOnBoard
Date Posted: 16 September 2008 at 10:08pm
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I'm going through custody at the moment (totally differant situation for me tho)
They like to sort as much out through counselling as possible and as a good mother that has been there from day dot the worst she can get is joint custody. Well that is along the lines of what I was told :D ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 17 September 2008 at 7:09pm
The Court is sometimes accused (by men LOL) of being biased in that direction but you can't rely on it. It definitely is not a general rule, but more likely for babies under 1yr. ------------- |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 17 September 2008 at 8:30pm
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We had to do counselling, I went, he refused to go which wouldn't have helped his cause if he had wanted to contest custody. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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