third baby?
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=21210
Printed Date: 08 October 2025 at 12:48am
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Topic: third baby?
Posted By: lizzle
Subject: third baby?
Date Posted: 25 September 2008 at 9:21pm
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we've been really lucky with Jake and Taine. Up until this last week they haveboth always had a parent home during the day - Jake had Lew during the day, then me at night from birth up until one. Taine had me full time until January this year. This was moredue to luck than anything else and our circumstances.
Now Lew has a daytime job as do i and am recosidering our original "three baby" plan If we have a third baby, it will probably go to daycare after the 14 weeks....full time. i love the thought of another baby, but is it kinda selfish, planning a child, only to send her/him to daycare immediately (not to diss others that have done this - different people, differnt circumstances) ????Nowwe plan to buy a house - possibly Jan 2010 we will be organised, so I would imagine that coping on just one wage willbe near impossible so going back to work will not be a "luxury" thing, but a "necessary" thing. so anyway, give MY circumstances, where I have two wonderful boys laready, do YOU think having a third would be selfish, given that it would go to full-time daycare at aboput 3 months of age??? ETA: we would be looking to TTC possibly this time next year. |
Replies:
Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 25 September 2008 at 9:26pm
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I think its totally a personal decision.
Looking back, do you think you'll be more upset not having a third, or having a third child and putting it in care from so young? Personally, I wouldn't do it- but just because I would hate the idea of having my kids in day care (totally not criticising those that do- its just not something I would want to do). But then again, I don't long for more children so I don't really know which would be the stronger feeling. ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3 
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 25 September 2008 at 9:29pm
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Gah, do it. I read somewhere that you don't miss the children you do have, you mourn the ones you didn't have. Also, with you teaching, the hours are a bit more flexi, yes? school hols and stuff you would be there some of the time? Teachers don't work 7 am to 7pm every day do they? Just asking, not assuming anything. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 25 September 2008 at 9:31pm
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but I will say, though, if you stay at home and have a third and stay out of work and not buy your house, you will probably never buy a house? not for a long time, anyway. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 25 September 2008 at 9:35pm
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i think you have to look at the big picture, not just the fact it may have to go in daycare... that aspect of its upbringing is only a small percentage really...
but then again, 2 boys are a pretty cool family!!! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 25 September 2008 at 9:36pm
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from someone who left full time job to have another baby 3rd - its not that bad. I took a years leave and then went back part time.
Although I can't give you any advise on the should you have another one cause we are deciding - should we have a 4th...... ------------- Ann 
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 26 September 2008 at 8:37am
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ask yourself why you want a third.......would you be happy with the 2 boys or will you be forever wondering the 'what ifs' and feel that something is missing
i say go for it, but that's because i want a #3 and DH doesn't, so i'm just living through you  ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 26 September 2008 at 9:44am
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We are potentially facing the same dilemma, but just bit the bullet and decided to hell with it. We've got a house so its just the fact that I have to work part time at a crummy job instead of teaching to help with the mortgage. At the end of the day we decided that we would mourn not having another child so we adjusted our lifestyles and we live by the bones of our bums but at least we will have a family.
I don't think its selfish putting a 3 month old in care, but I personally couldn't do it. I'm going to struggle when Jack has to go in full time (only in part time at the moment) and he'll be 2 maybe when that happens. |
Posted By: nictoddie
Date Posted: 26 September 2008 at 12:15pm
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Go for it! HEHE
I have been lucky to be a stay at home mum although it has been a struggle financially sometimes, but I now have a great job at night which I will prob go back to once this one is born and about 4 months old, and dh finally has a great paying job has always been on min wage thank god for WWF. My sister in law is a teacher and both their boys were in Daycare from 3 months and they are great kids. Really only you can decide together and you are not being selfish if you have to put it in Daycare. ------------- 
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 26 September 2008 at 1:17pm
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well, am contemplating it further and plan to talk to one of the ladies at work...what I had completely forgotten about, was that small schools are generally very famiy friendly. My friend took her baby to work - they had a portacot in the class for her and she worked part time, so that could even be an option perhap.s I don't know, but I'm not at the satge of ruling anything out yet.
OT but some dog crapped on my lawn. now we have a huge gate so it looks like it craped on the footpath and some "wonderful" person flicked it over the fence. am not impressed. |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 26 September 2008 at 7:09pm
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LOL @ the dog crap
It's always so tricky to "advise" in this kind of situation because like you say, everyone is so different with different circumstances. But if it was me, I think I'd probably look at the house idea first and basically work like crazy between us (DH and me) for this next year towards that goal, maybe a little longer if that's what it would take. I think I'd be ok (in your shoes) with daycare at 14wks but I'd want to get as much savings/own a house/income/budgetting under my belt so that I could have the option of working part-time. Maybe it's because I'm quite "motherly" already. But because you are not sure now, before having a baby, I suspect it will be even harder for you to "let go" of your baby at 14wks for full-time work and you'd want to have that option available if at all possible. -------------  |
Posted By: jaz
Date Posted: 26 September 2008 at 8:20pm
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I agree with Bizzy. If you live to you are 80 having a couple of years at daycare is pretty minor in the grand scheme of things. If you are worried about it perhaps delay the timing of buying a house or having the baby for a few months to give yourself six months off. You might be able to pay interest only for a few months or something. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 27 September 2008 at 1:08pm
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If that is what you really want then go for it I say.....Putting baby in day care is not a big deal. Z went to day care at 1 because I was lucky that my Aunty wasnt working and she looked after her. this bub will go to day care at 6 months and I am not to worried about it at all. If I could afford it I would stay home longer but we cant.....
I guess you have to do the positive negative thing with this....Baby #3 or house in 2010. And if it means you buy the house at 2011 then why not have a 3rd? DH wants number 3 but I never did...but now I am thinking..should I try for a 3rd (may be a boy??!!) ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 27 September 2008 at 3:10pm
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Roksana - lets get pregger together and if I have another boy and you have another girl - we can do a swapsies! no one need ever know
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 27 September 2008 at 5:51pm
Ummm except for the ethnicity?  ------------- |
Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 27 September 2008 at 9:21pm
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Yah good idea...Z is fair for an Indian child...we could pass it I think...My mum is European so if Liz's Son is Fair I will say its my Mums gene...LOL
------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 27 September 2008 at 9:37pm
| I;ll just tell Lewis that sometimes, I need variety |
Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 27 September 2008 at 10:07pm
LOL....., ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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