Your parents
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=21390
Printed Date: 30 September 2025 at 2:17am
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Topic: Your parents
Posted By: busymum
Subject: Your parents
Date Posted: 02 October 2008 at 9:44pm
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Do any of you have parents who are still raising children/teens? My mum just sent me an email saying:
"[sister] believes that I haven't been there for her growing up as I was always in bed or having babies. By the time I stopped she was twelve, independent and feels now that she no longer needs a mother." What am I supposed to do with that? Especially since I felt like that sister does when I was a teenager too?  -------------  |
Replies:
Posted By: T_Rex
Date Posted: 03 October 2008 at 1:48am
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Been there/am there too! Although my sister is the youngest, and for her it wasn't that my parents were still having babies, its just that they are over the whole teenage angst thing, and they really don't parent her at all. I'm pretty annoyed at them about it. I figure if they chose to have 6 kids, they have to deal with having 6 teenagers, and they should be parents to ALL of us. I was kept on one heck of a short leash, and the one who is left basically has free reign. I've given up trying to get my parents to do anything and instead, I do my best to be there for my sister (hard given we live in different cities, but I talk to her a few times a week, and tell her off if she's being slack at school, and congratulate her when she does things well etc. And I let her vent as much as she likes about the parents).
Thats probably all you can do - let your sister know you understand how she feels and be there for her. Make sure she knows that she DOES have somewhere to go and someone to turn to if she needs it. I guess your question was more about what to do with your mum - honestly, I'd maybe respond (in person, not in an email) something along the lines of "well, [sister] has a point!". If you think your sister is justified in feeling the way she is, then I think your mum has to realise how her having so many children and being spread thinly between you all has affected you. Once she's realised that, maybe you can help her come up with some actions that might change the way your sister feels. Just my opinion, anyway  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 03 October 2008 at 10:37am
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ahh do nothing with it... not your problem, you have your own kids and family to raise... and yeah it sounds typical of a 12 yr old.. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 03 October 2008 at 11:29am
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We all bug bear on our parents for one thing or another.
Sucks to be Maya being so much older than her three younger sisters and them being so high maintenance, but she just has to man up and deal with it. I'm sure there'll be times she'll moan about it growing up but once she's grown up I'm sure they'll all get on really well. My mum spent three months in hospital having my youngest brother and countless weeks in hospital with the older brother as he's had ongoing health issues, surgeries etc. right thru to adulthood, and my dad worked overseas for months at a time. As a teenager it was a great vindicator to be able to say "it's all your fault, you were never here" as an excuse to act out, but I got over it. You realise that they were just trying to the best they could with what they had. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 03 October 2008 at 12:03pm
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Hmm well me thinking I know which sister this is (let me know if I am wrong). She is a very indepentant person and if your mum is upset by it she (your mum) needs to try and get the relationship back with her. Even if it isn't who I am thinking it is your mum still needs to try and get the relationship back. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: Lulu
Date Posted: 03 October 2008 at 12:06pm
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Hmm, I have become much more understanding of my parents 'parenting skills' since I became a Mother myself. I mean, hey none of us are perfect aye?!? It's a pretty hard road being a parent and I think that if you were fed, sheltered, educated and loved then you have nothing to complain about. They are just humans afterall. I think it's easy to take the victim road and blame parents for what happens in our own life, but I think that's rubbish really. I am the youngest of 7 children. We didn't have much money and my Mum was an alcoholic. But I know that they both loved us and did the best they could, so that's all I would expect. ------------- Lou http://www.babysfirstsite.com"> 
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Posted By: MelanieAndBree
Date Posted: 03 October 2008 at 12:09pm
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12? are you serious? 12 year olds dont know sh*t. ------------- Melanie. Mum to Briahna Robyn, 3yrs |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 03 October 2008 at 12:12pm
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The sister T is talking about isn't 12 now it as when she was 12 her mum finally stopped having children. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 03 October 2008 at 12:59pm
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Thats a hard one....I think both your sis and mum need to sit down and talk it over. I can see how your Sis could feel that way But at the same time your mum doesnt have to explain herself to her for wanting to have a extended family (babies).
May be you could set that meeting up for them.  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: MelanieAndBree
Date Posted: 03 October 2008 at 1:28pm
oh haha, my bad. bizzy said "and yeah it sounds typical of a 12 yr old.. " so i just assumed. ------------- Melanie. Mum to Briahna Robyn, 3yrs |
mummy_becks wrote:Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 03 October 2008 at 1:45pm
oops, my bad too for assuming in the first place... ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 03 October 2008 at 7:01pm
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She is going to be 17 next month. Oldest girl still at home. ------------- |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 03 October 2008 at 9:58pm
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Ahhhh teens. Delightful.
And I think at 12 you very much still need a mother... but at 16 you wish you didn't IYKWIM? My little brother is 15 but it's me that feels more like your sis. My mum worked full time from when were were quite young (I think I was 3 or 4 when she went back?) and Mum regretted not being able to be there for us when we went on school trips etc so she made a special effort for Rob. Gah. She most definitely goes out of her way for us now though... I couldn't do it without her! Anywayyy... I think this kind of stuff that it slightly teenage angsty, but that doesn't mean that it should be ignored. If your mum can communicate as well as she can that she is there to support your sister then she'll get through it fine. And maybe you could let your sis know that you felt a bit on your own too? Maybe not to the extent that your mum neglected ya  but just that everyone had to share her attention/affection.
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 03 October 2008 at 9:59pm
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Ah crap... just read post properly.
Maybe just think back to what you would have wanted to hear and tell your mum to tell her that? |
Posted By: MorgansMum
Date Posted: 04 October 2008 at 12:51pm
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Theres 9years between my younger brother and myself, so he effectivly grew up a only child as I left home at 16 in a sence it was great as we now have a great relationship because we didnt have to deal with the annoying younger sibling thing that usually happens whereas with my sister who is 3 years younger than me, we still fight like cats and dogs to this day.!!! ------------- Morgan, Libby http://www.TickerFactory.com/"> 
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 05 October 2008 at 2:04pm
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Well first of all, I put her age wrong LOL she will be 16 next month.
I feel a bit torn about the whole situation. Mum and Dad's marriage is already in strife (has been for over 5yrs ) and what my sister said is actually quite true. They are both so focussed now on their marriage problems that they really don't spend any quality time with any of the kids. As the oldest, I very much felt like my sister does now, at her age, except for longer because the littlest wasn't even born until I was a couple of months off 20!
But with all that background, and Mum having very few friends, I know that what my sister said to her actually really hurt Mum. She hasn't a clue that most of us feel/felt that way. In the end, I just wrote back to her saying that she really needed to talk to friends about the situation, not her grown kids! ------------- |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 05 October 2008 at 3:41pm
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Sounds like your response was a sensible one, and right on the mark. Maybe its taken your sister's remarks to make your mum stop and think.
------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |