Expecting too much?
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=21525
Printed Date: 11 October 2025 at 5:43am
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Topic: Expecting too much?
Posted By: Brenna
Subject: Expecting too much?
Date Posted: 07 October 2008 at 8:30pm
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How involved are your child/s aunties and uncles??
DH and I both have 2 siblings so Brenna has 4 sets of Aunties and Uncles and none of them show any interest in her at all. She is nearly 2 and none of them ever phone/text to ask about her or visit us (we always got to them, after inviting ourselves). I've never thought about it too much before but her bday is coming up and 2 out of the 4 aren't able to make it and have made no suggestion to try and catch up another time. I guess I feel sad for Brenna. I know I could ring them more but I don't want to be one to those people who only go on about their child and it would be nice for them to show an interest rather than us always having to initiate it. Is it too much to ask for family to make an effort??? -------------  My beautiful 2 girls...nearly 4 and 13 months
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Replies:
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 07 October 2008 at 8:35pm
| My brother has held Daniel once after my cousin gave him a lot of sh*t for never having done it (he was 14 months old at this time). I know it's never going to happen so don't worry about it. |
Posted By: KH25
Date Posted: 07 October 2008 at 8:52pm
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No I don't think you are expecting too much. I would be pretty hurt too if my siblings were like that. I guess I am lucky that mine are all in the same stage of life as me (settled with a family) whereas yours aren't I guess - but thats no excuse.
Anyway, it is their loss seeing as Brenna is totally gorgeous and such a lovely little girl  (Ashleigh keeps talking about her since our catch up last week lol)------------- Kelly, mum to DD, 19Jun06 (26wks 1lb15oz) DS1, 24Oct10 (32wks 4lb11oz) and DS2, 31Dec11 (32wks, 4lb11) http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 07 October 2008 at 8:56pm
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my sisters kids are much older than mine and they all adore each other.... in fact my oldest is having a sleep over with aunty tonight....
my husbands sister on the other hand... she says she is excited and so on but she just falls short in the aunty stakes. and it is her loss... ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 07 October 2008 at 8:58pm
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Do your siblings live near you? I don't live anywhere near my nieces and never have. I was overseas when my eldest niece was born and didn't get to meet her until she was 3 years old.
I don't have much to do with them on a daily basis, they're now 6 and 12 I stay in contact with their mum via email etc. But I haven't been to any of their birthdays, and as my own brother is in Oz I don't have much expectation of him as an Uncle either. Depends how close you are to your siblings to start with? Remember they have their own lives too, and may not be overly interested in their niece. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: Brenna
Date Posted: 07 October 2008 at 9:06pm
Of course I know they have their own lives. I think that family is important and that showing a bit of effort doesn't take much. ------------- My beautiful 2 girls...nearly 4 and 13 months
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fleury wrote:Posted By: MissAngel
Date Posted: 07 October 2008 at 9:09pm
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Funny one this..
My sister made such a fuss about being an aunty and wanting to have a really good relationship with Thomas - she wanted to be at the birth etc.. When my induction failed, she went back to Auckland and didnt want to wait another few days til we tried again. Once Thomas was born she started harassing me to fly up and stay with them etc, but I wasnt keen on that at all as it's a smoking household and we all smoke outside here - also I bloody HATE flying. She met him for the first time at the wedding a few weeks ago and cried etc, but hasnt shown any more interest in coming to visit. Matt has 2 brothers - one of which will NOT hold Thomas, hes got this weird thing happening where he doesnt want to hurt him or get puked on, the other one LOVES Thomas and gives him lots of cuddles when he comes to visit every few weeks. I guess people are all different and we have to respect them for what they want to do huh. ------------- Alex, Thomas and Lily http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 07 October 2008 at 9:17pm
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My sister is fantastic with all of my kids, infact when I had Conor she kind of became my "surrogate" partner and helped me out alot, infact she still does... and now that shes preggers I'll be able to return the favour.
As for DH's brother, he's freaken useless. He never calls, texts or calls DH. Forgot DH's, Mine and Conors birthdays, but remembered Nyahs and Coopers, and that was only because we invited him to their combined party. He makes no effort whatsoever to see the kids, and it farks me off. DH makes no effort in getting him to see the kids either, they hardly know him, they have no relationship with him at all and I guess I just have to accept that, it is his loss. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: Brenna
Date Posted: 07 October 2008 at 9:21pm
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Thanks everyone. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels like this
Argh, family  ------------- My beautiful 2 girls...nearly 4 and 13 months
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 07 October 2008 at 9:25pm
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haha put it this way , my brother today said "i met a girl who was born the day after Caitlyn ....the 29th of June "
" oh really ?" said i ," thats interesting, considering Caitlyn's birthday is the EIGHTH of June "  ------------- 
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 07 October 2008 at 9:36pm
| how old are ther siblings? |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 08 October 2008 at 7:24am
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I agree with the others who have said - how close are you normally to your siblings? I have 13 nieces and nephews, and a great-niece - they range in age from 7 months to 26 years old (I'm 25).
Growing up, I had a lot to do with the first 7 nieces and nephews, as we were all very close in age, 2 of them lived with us for a short time, and I lived with one of my sisters and her 3 kids for a short time as well. Since "growing up" though, and going out and doing my own thing, and living in different parts of the North Island, I rarely see any of them. I've never seen my youngest niece (7 mths) as my sister and her partner live in Aussie. I've seen my next oldest nephew (3) once when we went to ChCh. Have never met my great-niece, even though during the day she is cared for by my sister who lives across the road (I am at work while she's there). I see that same sister and her 2 youngest every few days depending on if we cross paths. Do I feel like I should make more of an effort? Hrmm....not really. I saw lots of one aunt and uncle when I was growing up, but not much of the others. I think that they had their own lives etc and for us, it's just not what our family is like (not hugely close) so yeah. I wouldn't expect anymore (from my family). |
Posted By: CuriousG
Date Posted: 08 October 2008 at 7:39am
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Short answer? Absolutely none. Charlotte has seen my brother probably the most but only in passing. DH's brother on the hand, I can not remember the last time she saw them - probably about 18 months ago?? And they dont live that far away! On saying that tho, her Auntie is very jealous of me and what we have so we don't get on all that well. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 08 October 2008 at 7:47am
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When I was growing up I only got to see my cousins during Christmas holidays' at the beach even though we all lived in the same city. We didn't even go to each others weddings or 21sts, my parents did but we're not close.
I will probably go to my nieces 21sts, but I think birthdays are for the kids and their friends not for lots of old relatives. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: pepsi
Date Posted: 08 October 2008 at 8:21am
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I have 2 older brothers and neither of them ask about Alyssa or anything, and neither of them have kids of their own. I don't expect them to be all clucky about it because they have never shown an interest in kids in general. Like someone else said, it's probably different if you're all in the same stage of life with families etc?..
Also, I know them well enough not to take it personally or anything. We never had a big extended family in NZ while growing up either so we don't know any differently. |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 08 October 2008 at 9:05am
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My brother adores Issy and was waiting in the waiting room as she was delivered .. however I never would have expected it and I dont really expect him (or any of my other friends) to dote on her just because they are related or me
I chose to have her .. they didnt ...  ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: surfergirl
Date Posted: 08 October 2008 at 9:11am
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My sisters will prob have a lot to do with our baby, because we are already close, make a big deal of all birthdays and family celebrations and we have already had a neice to practice on! On the other hand DHs family will not be very involved I'm guessing. We don't really get on with them or see them that often so won't be expecting any change. I personally saw at lot of my mother's side of the family and less of my fathers. I think that is based on the way my parents dealt with their respective families before I was born...either way, it wasn't upsetting to me as a child, I wasn't aware that anything was unusual in my family setup, if you don't make a big deal of it your wee girl won't care either (I think...) ------------- http://www.alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: ooEvaoo
Date Posted: 08 October 2008 at 11:53am
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All my siblings are very much interested in Kahtrell, even my older brother who is a little lost in the head holds him and talks to him. I have a huge family, with lots of neices and nephews ranging from 18yo down to 8 months and we love them all. Because we live so spread apart we don't get to see each other as often as before sometimes once a year for some, but we still stay in regular contact. DP's family is the same, though they're not as far away as my family are. ------------- 
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Posted By: Peace
Date Posted: 08 October 2008 at 2:17pm
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My brother didn't show any interest in Olivia's 2nd or 1st birthday, in his opinion it was merely a frivolous thing to have a birthday party for a child so young so he didn't bother. I still bitched and moaned at him though, I mean every age is special and I only have one child - his ONLY blood niece. He even expects a relationship out of her when he comes riding into town which really pisses me off on top of the other stuff too.
Anyway, it was his birthday in Sept and I reminded him when he came down expecting love, that he didn't really deserve anything from us. Why should he remember him when he can't remember his niece? He then logged her birthdate into his phone and promised to do better next year. I plan to remind him of that. (I am kind of mean like that though )------------- DD1 May 2006 DD2 March 2011 DD3 August 2012 |
Posted By: monikah
Date Posted: 08 October 2008 at 5:21pm
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yea i suppose it does depend how close you were before you had kids. me and my sis are really close. i ring her a couple of times a day and i actualy look after her kids for 30 hours a week so she can go to work (for $80.lol) though i hold down a job as well. hamish stays nights here on holidays and i hang out with them on days we coth have off or weekends and go to hamishs rugby games every now and then. i was only 18 or so when he was born so i was pretty slack then but now im older we are really close and she makes sure i dont have plans on the day she is holding their birthday parties or she'll change them.
if you family used to visit and ring but down now id be really upset. but if they werent involved much before the kids then i wouldnt expect it to change too much. i know its pretty rough and id be upset but unless you were close before they probably see no reason for that to change ------------- 
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Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 08 October 2008 at 5:29pm
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My brother lives in Sydney and has never met Sam, DPs brother lives in Christchurch and has never met Sam either. He is 16 months old now. My brother usually asks how he is when he talks to my mum and so does DPs brother, but I guess because of the distance, and lack of funds, they've never been in the same place at one time. DPs sister has two little boys aged 2 and a half and 5, so we try to get the three of them together as much as possible, which has been maybe 6-7 times since Sam was born. My stepsister has a boy three months younger than Sam, and we very rarely see her. She helped me out a lot before her son was born, but he has a WHOLE lot of health problems so she's always in and out of hospital. I'd like to see them more often and help out but Sam is pretty full on, so it comes down to the odd occasional catch up.
I would like for them to make more effort as it seems like all of them only really see us if I make the arrangements or I call or I invite. Sad! |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 08 October 2008 at 5:32pm
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Not much contact here, either, and all but one of them live in the same town as us. The exception is one SIL who has an awesome relationship with Ella. Ella has a LOT of uncles, but they're all teens or early twenties, I just don't expect them to be that interested to tell the truth! I expect more of my own sis, but she barely visits. Can't do much about it though. Ella is lucky to have 4 grandparents who all live here, so that more than makes up for it! ------------- Andie |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 08 October 2008 at 5:38pm
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Oh yeah - and I rekon birthday's make us think about this more, and if you're like me, feel a little more dissapointed by it than normal. Personally, if my sis had a child and we live in the same town, I'd get to know that kid and get to know them well! I know it's my sister's loss, but actually it's Ella's loss too. So I can see where you're coming from feeling a bit tender about it, too. ------------- Andie |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 08 October 2008 at 5:45pm
no oyu are not in my fam we are very close we see each outher all the time help each outher out when we can and my bro will take the boys out and comes round to see james all the time same with my newphew i,m so sorry hun i cant belive someone can ignore there own flesh and blood ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 08 October 2008 at 8:04pm
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I have a weird family too
My siblings are alright with my girls, one of my brothers is actually named as guardian in our Will.  My DH has 3 siblings: 1st brother lives in the same town as us with two preschoolers. We get on ok but don't see each other much on account of being so busy. 2nd brother is married without kids, lives in Welly, but when they do come up (not often) they definitely put in an effort. 3rd sibling is a sister still in highschool, she seems not interested or too busy... or perhaps just doesn't know what to do? So I guess our siblings are probably roughly "normal".
On the other hand, my parents (who live 16km from us) barely know my kids. We haven't created any obstacles to that, I just don't think it has occurred to them to get to know anymore of our family than DH and me. But in saying that, they were like that for us as kids too. DH's parents (same distance) are all over the show. If they are busy, we don't see them at all. If they aren't busy then MIL is alright - at least interested in the girls - and FIL is demanding - "come sit on my knee...or i'll be sad" etc when he hasn't even seen them for months. ------------- |