Arghhhh... Vent...
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=21557
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Topic: Arghhhh... Vent...
Posted By: AnnC
Subject: Arghhhh... Vent...
Date Posted: 08 October 2008 at 9:19pm
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I get on well with my mil as far as mil goes. Somethings she does really p#sses me off and tonight is one of those times...
She texted (she away). I texted back saying had a good day with kids as took them to the pool and Rhylz loved it (this is great cause he use to hate it) and she texted back NOT asking anything bout Rhylz but all about her other grandson (who she is with) Going on how good he is in the pool etc... Now IF this is the only time she changes it to her other grandson I would just brush it off BUT she always turns a conversation about RHylz into a converssation abotu other grandson. We live in the same town as MIl and her other grandson lives 2 hours plus away and you know he knows she is his Nana, Rhylz doesn't even know who she is when she comes round (how rare that is). She sees other grandson more than rhylz and makes the effort to see other grandson. She also compares them both. The other week (on a rare visit - the first for 2 months) she said to Rhylz can you say Nana??? well he is a little shy with people he doesn't know so wouldn't say it (and he CAN say it) so MIL says 'Other grandson (omit name on purpose) can say Nana' I bit my tongue was wanted to say something snarky back to her. Its not fair! Its not just me who notices this so does other people and it gets me down. Dh knows how I feel and he has said to his mum she needs to come and see Rhylz more... she doesn't and she expects us to take all 5 of us up to hers rather than just her coming to ours...I said once again to DH it is really upsetting me how she is and he goes what can he do? ... I told him he needs to be honest and say that it upsets us when you change the subject to other grandson instead of Rhylz and also she knows other grandson more than Rhylz. For the record RHylz and other grandson are only 4 months difference in age. (other grandson is older) Sorry for the vent but I only get the answer above from DH. I am not normally someone who won't say how she feels to someone but I have been very good at keeping the peace with his mum. Anyone have the same problem? At the mo its not a biggie in Rhylz eyes but when he gets older hes goin to see it.... thing is hes soooo close to my parents and loves seeing them etc... and I want that relationship with MIL ------------- Ann 
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Replies:
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 08 October 2008 at 9:25pm
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OMG Ann I soooo know how you feel... my only advice is to just keep telling DH to say something to his mother....she clearly favours the other grandchild and thats sad and her loss.. How is she with Josh and Brooke? ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 08 October 2008 at 9:36pm
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haha Mel how did I know you would be the first to reply to me - you sooo know what i am getting at! ------------- Ann
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 08 October 2008 at 9:37pm
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She is good with Josha nd Brooke. Welsomes as family.. not trouble there its just the constant comparing (unhealthy0 of the two and favourtisum. ------------- Ann
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 09 October 2008 at 12:19am
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Huge hugs hun, I know we have discuss this before and so msorry it is still happening. Just think MIL is missing out on not only Rhlyz but also Brooke and Josh. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 09 October 2008 at 1:30am
Is the other grandson her daughters son or another sons' son? I do think sometimes parents can be closer to their daughters children- obviously not in all cases, but it does seem to be the way in alot of families I know. MIL is definitely closer to her daughters children- and my girls are closer to my parents. Thats my doing as well though 
As for the comparing- that would p*ss me off too! No further suggestions though other than getting DH to broach it- his family, his responsibility. ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3 
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Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 09 October 2008 at 3:33pm
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jenna - its her daughters son.. and I do know that can be the case but still feel its so unfair.
I have warned dH HE needs to say something - hes like i don't want you and mum to fall out over it so i said well say something and then i don't have to! ------------- Ann
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 09 October 2008 at 3:36pm
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I have thought if she says something like 'other grandson can' again (and she will) I am going to say to her its not nice to compare them. i know she might get upset but its only the truth and she will see that. ------------- Ann
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: surfergirl
Date Posted: 09 October 2008 at 4:42pm
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I used to be comapred to my cousin (a boy) - in fact I still am - by my father's parents, they *love* him and he can do no wrong. Why? Well, cos they only had boys and had no idea how to relate to a girl. My parents explained it and I got on with life. It was more of a joke than anything, so hopefully you can explain it to R when he's older and like me he won't let iftphase him. (I agree with above poster who suggested it might be cos of the daughter's son v. the son's son thing...I've seen it many a time!) Good luck, and try not to let it come between you and DH...(I hate my outlaws and have big dramas with them too, so I know how you feel!)
Edited cos I can't spell! ------------- http://www.alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 09 October 2008 at 5:08pm
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I think you have the right idea Ann...You just tell her to stop comp the two as they are two different kids. May be throw in that "you would know what my kid can and cant do if you spend more time with him.....and since you dont, I think its best not to compare"...How I see it is that she wil be upset either way so might as well get it off your chest!
I cant imagine how it must feel for you hun as my DD is the centre of my parents and MIL's life and they cant see past her! I worry that they wouldnt do the same when DD2 comes or when my BIL Kids are here but I wouldnt know untill they are here so no point stressing. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 09 October 2008 at 6:39pm
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Rokana - I thought no one could compare to my dads eyes than Josh - but he has never showed favourtisum infront of the other two. So your #2 should be ok(heres hoping) ------------- Ann
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 09 October 2008 at 6:41pm
surfergirl - I don;t think it will cause Dh does agree with me and he will say something - just I might end up before him LOL 
Its not so raw now as last night but still bugging me... always will i guess. Oh and LOL @ the spelling mine would of been terrible  ------------- Ann
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 09 October 2008 at 6:47pm
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My brother and my cousin are the same age, and they were compared for all their lives, and yes my mother got really sick of it, in the end my mum got fed up with it and wouldn't go and see her mil at all.
They never compared me to the younger cousin, cause she was a year older than me but we were in the same year at school. Only the bright straight A cousin. We don't have close relationships with them even now as adults. I do think you are well within your rights to tell her how you feel. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 09 October 2008 at 9:25pm
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I hope so too Ann...but I know my parents and they will love this one just as much. My Mum said that one night they were talking about Zaara and then mum said to Dad...then there will two of them climbing all over you...and apparently he had a smile on his face and he said "YAH...Cant wait".
I would sooooo tell them off if they ever fav Z over number two...or MIL for that matter!! I am not the type to keep quiet...and neither should you!! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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