for the SAHMs - does ur DH do housework??
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Topic: for the SAHMs - does ur DH do housework??
Posted By: BaAsKa
Subject: for the SAHMs - does ur DH do housework??
Date Posted: 21 October 2008 at 9:44pm
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sorry this is long but please bare with me...
OK so i have had a few days to calm down but anyway the other day i had a heated argument with MIL. It all started when DH and i were playfighting amoungst ourselves (we are big kids! thats what we do!!lol) and he was joking about my cooking being takeaways and my response was "haha well your meant to cook cos i cant" to which DH laughed THEN! MIL jumps in with her snarky voice and says "excuse me!! he works all day!!! he doesnt have to come home and do anything! he should just be able to relax!" .....yadayadayada as the morning progressed she made alot of snarking remarks about my housekeeping and how i sit at home and do nothing but drink coffee!! amoung other things that i cant be bothered mentioning because they are not irelevant to my question....... SO anyway we jump in the car to head home and i just burst into tears!!!! like a blubbering idiot (preggy hormones!!!!) and DH is confussed!!! he is so use to his mothers manipulitive behaviour and if they front up to her she doesnt talk to them for MONTHS!! so hes just gotten use to brushing things off as jokes but hell man that was not funny!!!!! So i have spent the past few days wondering if im the only SAHM in the world that expects DH to help out...now dont get me wrong i dont ask much - ocasionally i ask him to get astin into his jarmies or make a bottle and DH usually cooks tea (cos i cant cook for crap!) and maybe empty the dishwasher some nights. Im studying as well so im not just sitting around doing nothing!!! 
AM I ASKING TOO MUCH??? WHAT DOES YOUR DH DO AROUND THE HOUSE?????? |
Replies:
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 21 October 2008 at 10:03pm
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DH does some of the cooking, he empties the bin and puts the scraps on the compost heap (i did it with ms and threw up and have refused to do it since!). He also most days unloads and loads the dishwasher and will also sometimes do washing and will hang stuff out if he sees a basket of wet stuff in the laundry or that the washing machine has finished.
I do most things for Spencer but DH will do stuff if asked, i.e bath, bottle, put to bed, and occasional he will get him up and give him brekkie while I have a lie in. Obviously he plays with Spencer without being asked but tends to leave his actual care to me unless asked to do it. I don't think you are asking too much, especially not with being pregnant as well. But also the way I look at it is DH goes to work for 40 hours a week, in those 40 hours he gets lunch and smoko breaks and adult conversation. I look after Spencer for 12 hours (he's asleep the other 12) a day 7 days a week, I never get a proper break so some help around the house is the least he can do. I see my "job" as looking after Spencer and housework is done afterwards or a little around looking after him but is definitely not the priority. ------------- 
 
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 21 October 2008 at 10:09pm
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My DH does FA, however he also knows better to moan when the house is a tip and tea is rubbish cos he gets to do it himself otherwise. Also, sometimes I prefer to do it myself cos he does it wrong and it bugs me that I get mad that its wrong when really I should be happy that he helped at all!
However, he does help alot at the weekends and does the garden, lawns, maintenence etc, hee also cooks a big roast sunday nights and steak on thursdays. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 21 October 2008 at 10:20pm
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oh DH does tend to the vege garden and the dogs as well.
Sometimes DH will blurt out "WTF have you been doing all day! i have no clean socks!!!" my reply "wash them your F******* self!" he replies "i work all day, you..." sharp finish and deathly silence follows.....he obviously gets his views from his mother!!!
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 21 October 2008 at 10:27pm
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I ge that to, so I remind him that I do his washing, folding, cooking and keep the kids clean and fed and happy. And I often find that if I actaully "do nothing" for a few days, he gets the point pretty quick... ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 21 October 2008 at 10:29pm
I threatened to get Dh a preggy suit and go on holiday for a few a days and leave him and Spencer to it. Funnily enough he wasn't so keen on the idea -------------
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Posted By: tamiem
Date Posted: 21 October 2008 at 10:43pm
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I don't know why some people think males shouldn't have to do anything around the house! Don't they use the shower & toilet too?
When I first moved in with my (now) DH his brother was living here too - and we each took turns at cooking & whoever didn't cook was on dishes. This has continued now that it's just us. Now that I'm home with DD I do tend to cook more often as DH often gets home late as he's a farmer, but then I hardly touch the dishes so that's fair! Also he works at least 1/2 of each day on most weekends, but if he's not too busy I ask him to pick 2-3 things around the house that he wants to do, and I do the rest. Also he'll hang nappies, clothes etc out if he sees them in the basket. Oh - and he does all his own washing too! I do all mine, DDs, sheets, towels etc. I think you should tell your MIL to wake up to modern day living! My Oma thinks it's hilarious that my DH takes turns to cook and does all his own washing but I think it's fair - as you say it's not as if we sit around and do nothing all day!!!!!! Oh and we're practically neighbours - I see you live in Kawerau, we're in Te Whaiti (close to Minginui, up from Murupara). I have "issues" with my MIL too - aren't they fantastic !!!------------- The Sale Fairy is a weekly email newsletter, advertising online sales & specials for baby, children’s and maternity products. www.thesalefairy.co.nz info@thesalefairy.co.nz |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 22 October 2008 at 8:02am
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I would be a little dissapointed, and upset at DF if he didnt help out. As Marissa said, they get breaks during the day, we dont. When K is asleep im cleaning up or doing washing.
I cook, he doesnt, but i love to cook, and i dont think he can cook much lol. He cleans up though when he cant be bothered looking at the mess anymore, he will also make the bed occasionaly(sp). I do most of Kylahs stuff.. He does help when we have a bad night sometimes. DF folds the washing because i hate it. Well most of the time he does, yesterday i had to because i couldnt see the couch lol! I too have contemplated doing nothing for a couple of days after the 'what have you done all day' remark. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 22 October 2008 at 8:26am
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Ok so I am a little old fasioned I do expect DH to help with the kids eg nappies PJ's bath etc, he does not have to do clean washing etc. He does cook cause he get's home earlier enough from work to do so and he would rather eat his cooking mine sux. Oh and he does have to help tidiy toy's. I think what ever work's for your family is the right thing to do. My dh would never clean wtc as I like it doen so I prefere he leaves it to me.
As far as your MIL goes what a B*&^%! . It is so none of her bisness.------------- Deborah Mum to:   
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Posted By: Glow
Date Posted: 22 October 2008 at 8:32am
I think your MIL is an old fuddy duddy 
We live in the 21st centary & parenthood & household chores etc should be a team effort IMO My DP does heaps for the kids & around the house. But that was after a heck of a lot of training & now i can enjoy sitting around drinking coffe & watching soaps all day ------------- Mummy of Two Boys B: 2004 K: 2007 |
Posted By: Cassie
Date Posted: 22 October 2008 at 8:39am
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My DH does some housework, he'll put away dishes if they are there, he does the rubbish, mows the lawns, gives Ivy baths and will help tidy the place up when it needs it.
For the most part though I guess it's me - he'd never complain if something wasn't done because he knows he has it sweet and he'd get that 'well, you're more than capable of doing it yourself' response as well! lol If I don't do the dishes for a couple of days he'll take the hint and do them, and if I ask him to help with something he always will which I appreciate. I've been 'running' a house for so long now that it's kind of second nature - even when I was working full time, and flatting with a bunch of randoms I'd still do the bulk of the work, it's just a bad habit I can't seem to break. Now that I'm not working I don't mind so much, and he always really appreciates what I do and would never accuse me of doing nothing - hell I've got Ivy to run around after and he knows he couldn't do that full time! lol ------------- ~Cassie~   
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Posted By: Neeks
Date Posted: 22 October 2008 at 8:46am
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Ugh, aren't extended families (IE MILs) GREAT?? um no
Anyways, my husband is the SAHD and yet he expects me to get up... do laundry, make beds, tidy up (and that's all before i leave for my course) and then I get home, make Keziah's dinner, bring in the washing, bathe Keziah and do homework with the kids? All while feeling  from being away from home all day and just wanting to relax ya know?
He does do the cooking and I give him great credit for it, but he makes a huge mess and then expects others to clean up after him  I don't speak my mind, but I think I should LOL it's driving me mental-------------  
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Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 22 October 2008 at 8:48am
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I see things from the "Dads" perspective, as I work and DH looks after Isabelle and the house ...
And, I must confess there are days when I have said "What do you do all day?" .. when Ive walked in the door and then have to clean up and cook
Now, when DH worked and I stayed home he did help out with the dishes, rubbish etc .. and now I work I help out (mostly cooking and tidying up), however I do feel that the house is "his domain" ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: arohanui
Date Posted: 22 October 2008 at 8:49am
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No way are you asking too much! You've got 2 kids, you're pregnant, and on top of that you're studying. I think you're more than entitled to expect DH to help out a bit.
I work part-time, only have one bubba, and do some volunteer work. DH works full time. I do all the washing, tidying, most of the care for Harry. We share cooking responsibilities but DH does it more often than I do and he does the dishes too. He showers Harry, I bath him (different nights lol depending on what we feel like doing). We share cleaning stuff usually in the weekend. Here's a thread I think you should read to your DH!! http://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=17762&KW=what+do+you+do - What do you do all day?! ------------- Mama to DS1 (5 years), DS2 (3 years) and... http://alterna-tickers.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 22 October 2008 at 9:10am
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I dont think its unreasonably either. DH gets up before me so he empties the dishwasher adn tidies up after himself for breakfast. I then get up and get Tom up, feed him etc. During the day I try to get washing out and some part of the house clean but lately I have decided that some days my sleep and rest is more important and if DH had a problem he is more than welcome to do it himself.
DH used to do all the cooking.....he likes it, its his wind down and I was usually too exhausted. However now that we are eating with TOm at 5.30 I have had to step up in this one. It is totally ok though for me to either decide what to cook....and tell DH when he gets home what HE is cooking or give Tom something simple and leave it for DH to cook us a later meal. I try not to push my luck and do it too often.
I do most of the housework, but DH does the garden and the rubbish. He baths Tom most nights as I struggle to lift him in and out of bath (sometimes I like to be with TOm while he baths so DH will put him in and go and watch the news and then come and get him out when I call).
DH will hang out washing or even put a load on if it needs doing. He will also do anything I ask......although he may "forget" and I have to ask again.
Last night I was saying how I am struggling to keep up with it all and I need more help around the house. He was fine with that.
The way I see it is that I have more opportunity to do stuff around the house as I am there....but its not "my job" its just stuff that needs doing and if I left it to the weekend DH would do more...but I like to have the weekend to ourselves without cleaning. |
Posted By: weegee
Date Posted: 22 October 2008 at 9:18am
Glow - do you have any training tips you want to share with the rest of us?!  ------------- 
Mum to JJ, 4 July 2008 & Addie, 28 July 2010 |
Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 22 October 2008 at 9:22am
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Ahh.. MILs. Mine MIL is the same (actually its nana-in-law) She believes men should not have to lift a finger too. She B*tches about all her daughters in laws and how they make her sons wash up or comments on how we feed our husbands. Dh has lost a lot of weight and thinks Im not feeding him well!
DH plays the perfect husband when we go there (Holds Jackson, feeds him his bottle, talks about his 12 shifts and how hard he works) She goes on about how great he is with his son and how hard he works... Admittedly, mine does a lot. He has obsessive compulsive so things have to be super tidy EVERY night. He will come home and spend an hour getting ready for work (things are folded and refolded again) He does the dishes, the vacuuming (it has to be done EVERY DAY) and will fold the washing. BUT... he doesnt do the kids. He flat out refuses to do that because apparently they are "my job". He also cant cook to save himself. I make his lunch, his dinner, his lunch on the weekends. Hes stayed home ONCE when I was sick and took care of the household (didnt get up in the night though nor did he cook tea) and he wont stop going on about how much better the household would run if he stayed at home. ONE DAY. Yes, one day and hes an expert. And yes he wonders what I do all day too. ------------- Mummy to two beauties... Formerly Kaiz. |
Posted By: LittleBug
Date Posted: 22 October 2008 at 9:39am
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DH does heaps around our house. He probably got really well trained when I was so sick with hyperemesis when I was pregnant with Chloe
DH does most of the cooking (I can't cook either, he is a chef and loves it - yes even at home after cooking all day, crazy boy. Although if he is too tired I will whip up something quick for him like baked beans or something) He also baths Chloe most nights, does the rubbish, puts on the washing if he sees a big pile in a basket, unloads the dishwasher if he has time before work, etc etc. He even does vacuuming about once a week, oh and the vege garden is his domain.
Some days he teases me if I don't manage to get anything done around the house, and says "you should try working 12 hours"... and I say "you should growing a human while looking after a baby" and then he laughs and says good point.
Generally we each do what we can, and if one person is extremely tired then we just cut them some slack and go out of our way to make it easier for the other person. ------------- Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years). |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 22 October 2008 at 9:43am
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My DH used to do everything when I was pregnant and when we both worked.....but then he got sick of it(fair enough) and then I did everything:(
now we have Ethan he's an all or nothing person..if he cleans it will be the entire kitchen and it will take hours...lol not a little at a time!:) so I do all washing(I make most of it) and vacumm every day due to E crawling.. and dishes every day(no dishwasher here) ....we don't eat enough home cooked stuff but he cooks 70% of that..so there is that (just made me realise he used to do so much now doesn't do anything) I get sick of rubbish piling up so I do that and he puts it out.. he does outside stuff and will do anything with E when I ask him and always does the bath etc part of it.. In short your MIL is not being very nice.. my Mum has similar view about the tea issue!! and I think you are being perfectly reasonable. ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: monikah
Date Posted: 22 October 2008 at 10:37am
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i have a mother in law can be similaar with a few things and she was real manipulating whe the boys were growing up too. everything DH or his bro do is my responsibilty. anyways, i think you are totally resonable. i look after my sisters 2 kids about 30 hours a week and work 20 (about to cut down to 10) im pg as well and DH pretty much does everything around our house, dont know whether it is cos im lazy or just too tired. ill do whatever doesnt get done but he does the Rubbish, Washing, Hanigng out, Folding, Vacuuming, Cooking, Washing up after, his brother helps too esp whiile im pg. if im home during the day which is quite rear ill catch up on washing or cleaning the kids room or our room but i think he probably does more stuff around the house than me and when the baby comes he reckons he will be doing the bathing and night time feed while i deal with nappies and making baby food etc... ------------- 
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Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 22 October 2008 at 10:46am
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I work from home, and Joshua goes to daycare 3 days a week, so I'm not technically a stay at home mum. But I do everything in the house except the laundry (although lately I have been doing it occasionally), and Joshua's bath time 4 nights of the week. I do all the cooking, cleaning, tidying, Joshua stuff. I do the groceries online, pay all the bills and any ad hoc stuff that comes up. And I do my paid work.
Blimmin heck
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Posted By: MumsyMoo
Date Posted: 22 October 2008 at 10:49am
Yup, this is me too. I'm too pedantic, and if things aren't done my way, then I get grumpy and pissy, when as Fat's said - I should just be happy he's done it at all. To be honest, DF does S.F.A, and sure it bugs me, but at the same time I'm too much of a push-over to ask for help. I guess I feel bad that he's been supporting me financially for the last 2 years and goes and works hard for our wee family. It's biting me in the ass though, because now he's used to me doing everything so just expects it of me. What annoys me the most is when he doesn't use his initiative. He'll see something that needs doing, like tidying the dining table, throwing leftovers out, that kinda thing... But instead of just doing it, he asks me when I plan on doing it. Bugs the sh*t outta me. There've been many an argument over housekeeping and what's expected of one another. I'm not the tidiest of people, and I'll happily admit that. I'm not a pig or a slob, I call it organised chaos. But he's used to living in pristine homes worthy of being show-homes, so can't handle when things are untidy... Wouldn't be such an issue if we didn't have such a small house and so much crap! There's no room for anything. Ok, that went slightly OT. But going back to what you're asking... No, totally not asking too much of him - I wouldn't stress about it. I know it's easier said than done, but you know how it is. Times have changed from when your MIL was a young wife and mother with young children. It's all about equality now. -------------  My wee girl is the love and light of my life!
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fattartsrock wrote:Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 22 October 2008 at 11:03am
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Admittedly when I was a SAHM, once Michaela and I got into a routine, I did most of the housework and all of the cooking and when I went back to work I continued doing all the cooking but DH took over the majority of the housework. MILs are just weird IMO! They were raised in a different time and don't understand how the world is now (sorry for the gross generalisation). When I first went back to work and DH was a SAHD I got lectured on my tablecloths not being ironed and my kitchen bench not being tidy "because if your kitchen bench is tidy noone notices that you haven't mopped the floor" (I couldn't tell you how many times she's said that to me) so basically even though her son was the one at home all of the time and I was working fulltime my MIL expected me to keep house. Who irons their tablecloths anyway? Mine get changed daily (if I even bother putting one on). -------------  
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Posted By: tamiem
Date Posted: 22 October 2008 at 11:14am
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he he not too sure about the ironing table cloths thing!
I have an Auntie who loves ironing so much she even irons her boys (preschoolers) undies!!!! Can't say I've even looked at my iron for a few years.... I'm probably the tidiest in my family, but the messiest in my husbands family! I know my SIL comes around and isn't too impressed (she does the dishes for one plate - we just leave them on the bench until there's enough to do - usually a day or 2) but WHO CARES??? We're happy living with a constant pile of washing on the floor of the lounge and dirty windows - I say there are MUCH more important things in life than a clean house! Isn't it funny how we're all so different with housework, cooking etc! ------------- The Sale Fairy is a weekly email newsletter, advertising online sales & specials for baby, children’s and maternity products. www.thesalefairy.co.nz info@thesalefairy.co.nz |
Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 22 October 2008 at 11:52am
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oh gez! im so glad that i wasnt over reacting at her!!!!! now im more angry at her!!!
hehe tamiem i noticed your rotorua sidebar not many BOPers around here!! lol, are you actually in Rotorua or just outside of it?
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Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 22 October 2008 at 11:59am
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Dhs Mum and her friend came to stay for a month when I first went back to work and DH became the "Mum" .. they thought it was "terrible" how he did everything and I did nothing
WTF .. I work all day and you then want me to come home and clean up after you all and cook for you ...
MIL's !!! ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 22 October 2008 at 12:44pm
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Id be happy if DF came home and actually had time to do something with Kylah, like the bath, except he gets home at 4, has coffee and smoke till 4.30, shower untill 5, takes till 5.30 to get dressed and by that time Kylahs winding down ready for bed at 6.
I would love for him to give her a bath! OT i know.. sorry! ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: Rackhell
Date Posted: 22 October 2008 at 1:12pm
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DH does the cooking, as it unwinds him. So I get dinner and a happier DH to talk to. He also does the grocery shopping, as he works one block from paknsave and i don't think it's unreasonable for him to do the shopping as he also does the cooking. But I plan the meals and write the grocery list, which he does or does not adhere to depending on how he feels, we've had some weird substitutes when he can't 'find' an item, but on the whole the arrangement works out well.
I pretty much do everything else. kylahsmum, I put a biggish basin for Cath to sit in, in the corner of the shower, with her bathtoys in it while I have my shower. She plys happily in her 'bath' and it gives me a bit of a break too. I put her in with DH in her bath when he's home on the weekend and organise her clothes/nappie/towel to make it real easy for him. Perhaps your DP would do this too? |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 22 October 2008 at 1:35pm
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Yeah we do similar, so either Spencer will come in with me or DH and the other retrieves him and dresses him. I lay out clothes when Dh is doing the dressing though as otherwise he ends up in some interesting outfits.
When my MIL came to visit from the UK she didn't let DH lift a finger, it really annoyed me. He went to cook dinner she took over, he was gonna hang some washing out but nope she took it off him and did it herself It wasn't even stuff I had asked him to do. Still his dad wouldn't let him mow the lawn by himself either. They both treat him like his 12 not 31. Funnily enough when my mum came to visit she thought it was great that he did so much and said she wished my dad would do more around the house to help.
I say keep your inlaws on the opposite side of the planet, its a lot less stress for everyone. -------------
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Posted By: pomikiwi
Date Posted: 22 October 2008 at 1:48pm
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boy i'm lucky I dont have a MIL!
My Dh helps out heaps. Not with house work or washing as he usually makes more of a mess, lol! But he'll cook occasionally and he does all the gardening and anything to do with cleaning the cars or outside the house. He does heaps for DD too. In the evening he baths her and reads her stories. My dad used to say to my mum when he got home from work... 'I suppose you've been sat on your fat backside all day have you!' Thank god that my father lives in the other side of the world when I heard that he used to say this or a wudda punched his lights out!! How she got to sit down for 5 minutes with my brother and I would be a miracle!------------- http://lilypie.com">  
DD-Carys Amelia 17.03.06 |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 22 October 2008 at 2:11pm
Yep our house is a lot happier now the inlaws flew home to the other side of the world! ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 22 October 2008 at 2:12pm
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Darn it, I really mucked up there. Mine lives in the granny flat downstairs LOL, just kidding, she's actually better since she moved in with us. I suspect now that she sees me leaving for work at 6:45am every morning and coming home exhausted in the afternoons she's a lot more understanding. -------------
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 22 October 2008 at 3:32pm
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LOL Mojo, my MIL said to always have a clean table cloth on the table, so when DH comes home and asks what you've been doing all day, you can at least say you've set the table for dinner!
I have a MIL who is firmly on my side, and thinks I let DH get away with too much. We installed a dishwasher as we were constantly having disagreements about who should do the dishes. I have noticed that DH doesn't do any where near the amount of work at his parents place, compared to what my Dad expects me to do at his place. No way would I get away with not doing the dishes after eating a meal that someone else has cooked. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 22 October 2008 at 3:49pm
 My brother and I do at our parents house ... my Dad does them lol------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 22 October 2008 at 3:52pm
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yeah my parents still do everything for me no matter how often I offer ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 22 October 2008 at 8:07pm
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That's a really horrible attitude for your MIL to have but it's the old-fashioned "way". Both DH and I were brought up like that and (like your DH) it seemed reasonable. So when we had DD1 I tried to do the whole lot at home. DH was studying full-time and as far as I was concerned, that was his work. At times (especially when I was pg with DD2) I would ask him to help out with the dishes. Other than that, I expected him to put his washing in the laundry himself (you shoulda seen MIL's face drop when I told her I don't wash it unless it's in the basket!) and do the lawns.
When DD2 came along (19mos gap, and silent reflux), I needed a lot of help and I told DH so. It was a totally different kettle of fish from having just one child. Anyway, to his credit, he did start helping out a lot more. When we had DD3 I insisted (and DH was happy to agree) that we get the lawns done and two hours of paid housework each week. And he still helped out where/when he could. It wasn't until we role-swapped last year, with 3 kiddies, that DH realised just how much work there was to do at home. You just don't know it until you live it. So with the role-swap, so also are our arguments about helping out, unfortunately . But generally speaking (on a good day ), this is what I do:
Work 35 hours/week Grow baby #4 (but it does make a difference!)
Entertain the kids when I get home and DH does dinner (ie about an hour each day) Cook dinner on weekends We all grocery shop together, including the vege market Help out with clearing the dinner table and bedtime routines (btw we usually bath the kids during the day so we don't have to deal with that when we are all tired) Help out with washing and dishes (equates to about a load of dishes in the dishwasher each day and getting a load of dry washing inside) ------------- |
Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 22 October 2008 at 8:18pm
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My MIL has offered to buy me a frontpack so I can get more done around the house ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 22 October 2008 at 9:11pm
She needs a slap -------------
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 23 October 2008 at 8:36am
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My DH does SFA at the moment. He's working 12 hours a day, then gets home and works from home. He doesn't see Jack at all until the weekends so that's all up to me. I do the bills, washing, dishes, cooking, cleaning, baby stuff, and work part time. He mows the lawns. I wish he would do more but I'm not pushing it cos he's only getting 4-5 hours sleep a night at the moment, he's like the walking dead.
My MIL always goes on about her doing everything for her husband (ex I might add). Sometimes I just feel like slapping her and saying 'yeah and he appreciated it so much that he continued to walk over you and walked straight out the door'. I will not take any sort of relationship advice from someone who failed at their own marriage. Sheesh! |
Posted By: BugTeeny
Date Posted: 23 October 2008 at 8:48am
Ditto. But by the same token. she'll often offer me little "handy hints". "Oh, if you wipe your kitchen bench with a dry cloth after sponging it, you'll get rid of the streaks the spray n wipe leaves behind". OK. And when Hannah was really little, things like "Gosh, aren't you doing well with keeping up the housework?" But that's off topic
DH and I share the cooking and dishes (we have a dishwasher though). He looks after the lawns (but I do the weeding and trimming, etc). I do the inside of the house, but he'll sometimes (sometimes) clean the bathroom - usually after he's shaved and there's facial hair all over the place. He gives Hannah her bath and puts her pj's on. He'll sometimes give her her dinner, but generally that's up to me (as is all her other care). ------------- 
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Posted By: sally belly
Date Posted: 23 October 2008 at 10:55am
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I honestly feel for you girls that have nasty MILs. Mine is brilliant & has never told me what I should be doing/cleaning in my own house.
In response to Amber’s question, my DH is pretty good around the house. He vacuums once a week, does the dishes & will hang out & put away the washing. He does all his own ironing (one thing the military is good for ). I clean the bathroom & toilet but he’d probably eventually do that if I asked (nagged?) him to. I just prefer to do it myself so I know it’s clean as his idea of cleaning the toilet is to put cleaner under the rim – never mind the seat & lid
I was really determined to not get into the habit of doing everything for him & then you're stuck doing it for life!! -------------    
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Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 23 October 2008 at 12:02pm
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I am a control freak so prefer to do things myself
I do everything inside and DH does everything outside - very old fashioned but it works for us. I do all the washing (including putting his away or it would sit there for a week), tidying, bills, shopping, cleaning every second week (we have a cleaner come every second week), all the baby stuff, all the present shopping, running round etc. I have to get the rubbish ready but he takes it down the drive. We share cooking and whoever cooks does the clean up as works better for us. He baths DS at night but I run it, put out the night clothes etc. He does the garden - all of it as I hate getting dirty .
Will help if asked but tends to avoid if possible. MIL's - mine is a pain in the butt but really doesn't comment on my house keeping or how we run our house. My house is VERY tidy and she did comment lots that it wouldn't be like that once baby arrived....but it still is!!! -------------  
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Posted By: My3Sons
Date Posted: 23 October 2008 at 12:31pm
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This thread is reminding me how much I love my MIL, she is fantastic! I am like Peanut and prefer to do the house things myself lol!! I do all the "kid"stuff, including changing nappies, baths, bedtime etc. We have our own business and DH works long hours so he isnt here alot. He does all the man type stuff, the gardens, mowing the lawns etc. It works for us (most of the time!! Amber, I bet you sooooo have to bite your tongue from saying something to her, she sounds like a snarky you know what!! ------------- Mum to Mr 10, Mr 6 and Mr 4
 
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Posted By: KiwiL
Date Posted: 23 October 2008 at 12:47pm
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I also feel very lucky - my MIL would never make comments about housework. Her own DH does his fair share, so I guess they are pretty modern in that respect. She also trained my DH pretty well.
DH has quite a high stress job, so I have been trying to keep up with the housework ok. But he still cooks occassionally, will help load the dishwasher after dinner and will often offer to help with vacuuming, cleaning bathroom etc on the weekends. He also does all his own ironing (but I do the washing). DH baths Jackson every night, and is now giving him a bottle of EBM a few times a week. I am lucky to have a hands-on husband and a hands-off MIL!! |
Posted By: flakesitchyfeet
Date Posted: 23 October 2008 at 1:30pm
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As above :) -------------  http://lilypie.com"> |
Posted By: MrsH
Date Posted: 25 October 2008 at 10:17pm
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Wow - what an interesting thread!!!
When we started living together we decided to pretty much split everything down the middle. I wash dishes, he dries. He does all washing, I bring in and fold. He vacuums, I do the bathroom and toilet. He also mows the lawns and washes the cars (but I negotiated that because cleaning the breville grill - which we use quite often - is such a mission. Um lets see, we do other things together like windowsills and ceilings, gardens, maintenance, DIY etc A year ago things were threatening to fall apart as I was suffering from depression and wasn't able to do a whole lot. He wasn't helping and we had words (to put it mildly) and what we got out of it was: - If someone drops the ball, you need to pick it up and run with it. Don't stand around waiting for them to pick it up and then moan about how long it took - Stop working against each other and start working together - Don't sweat the small stuff. (DH used to get so upset when the bathroom didn't get cleaned and I have since told him that 'hey, it doesn't matter. The house isn't going to fall down' - I think he realises now that it's not that big a deal) Anyways, it's never perfect but when you remove all the housework from the equation (done or not), it's pretty close. And I know what you are all saying "All good and well but until you've got kids....." ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 26 October 2008 at 7:43am
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I dont keep that house as clean and tidy as we would like, but if DH dare maons Im very quick to say right I'll go back to work then and u stay home! He knows jolly well he wouldnt cope doing half as much as I do, and quickly shuts up.
He usually gets Isla out of bed and throws her in with me for hugs in the morning, then will get her breakfast while I get up, then he puts her in the highchair and goes for a run. He makes his own lunch and often moans that I havent got what he wants- but I just point out the notepad on the fridge where he is meant to write what he wants! He baths Isla at night, but I run it, he jumps in, then I chase Isla, undress her, then get her out again, dress her, give her milk while he gets out of the bath then he reads her books then I put her to bed. Thats as much as he does to help with the house and childcare. He does mow lawns/wash cars. I was different until we moved towns a year ago cos now he is gone at 7.15am to work and gets back at 5.15pm and works 6 days a week. He used to do a lot more as he worked 7-3.30pm 5 days a week so had heaps more time in the afternoon/ evening to help, and wasnt as tired either. I would like a wee bit more help in the evenings, cos it can get pretty stressful juggling cooking dinner with sorting Isla out at the same time, but when I do need more help I tell him and he does step up. He does play with Isla and /or take her for a walk or to park agfter wrk tho which is great. I do get a break from her. He is not just sitting doing nothing! I would like him to cook once a week so I can have a break, but hes conviniently forgotten how, lol! He does moan when I want to get takeaways to have a night off from cooking, but wont cook himself, so that does peeve me off a tad! |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 26 October 2008 at 7:45am
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MIL has always done everything for FIL and nothing will chnage even tho she does moan about it. When I have admitted Im way behind with the house etc and stressed she has come and given me a hand which is great. We do wish she would occasionally help out with Isla tho. She drives past our hosue most days but never pops in. She does keep Isla very well clothed tho
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 26 October 2008 at 9:02am
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When we lived near my in-laws i found it really really stressful as I felt judged. Looking back now, I think some (not all) was in my hedad. nowadays, the place is often a mess and my dad often comments on it.
He rabbited on about how not doing the dishes right away (like straight after the mean rather than leaving it til the morning -which is what i often did), is a terrible habit and could make the boys sick. I retorted that the several smoke butts he left on my sidewalk would make them a lot sicker and if he was not happy with the way I did housework, he was welcome to pay for a cleaner for me. he has since shut up. DH is pretty good - he works full time as do i so it's a bit different. I find that he is fabulous with the kids, but the dishes, rather than just doing them - "soak"...for hours. so it's a looooong affair, with frequent "breaks", Which often result in six pans half submerged in wtaer, remaining the next day. |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 26 October 2008 at 9:09am
| Hey that sounds like our sink- but its my doing. Mind u DH couls help fix the problem I suppose! Lol! |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 26 October 2008 at 9:45am
Im the same, I just get mad when he does it wrong when i should be saying thanks lol but I'll go out to the line and he has hung my good top by its arm!!! and I cringe and yell and he sayd "well I just wont help anymor ethen" and then i get madder LOL ts a vicious cycle hehe My DF does the dishes fore me(most og the time lol) and I grt him to makes bottles and change cadens bum and stuff, he dosnt dress him cos he has no idea what to dress him in, wich cracks me up! lol I get him to bring washing in and stuff. However most the time he ont do it on his own accord, I ahve to ask, serval times sometimes until he gets off his butt!! ETA-sorry for the crap typing, caden is on my lap lol ------------- |
Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 26 October 2008 at 1:52pm
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im sure that MIL has realised that she pissed me and/or DH off because she has been texting DH all week things like "are you ok son?? we havnt seen you all week" his response "yes im busy working" "ok love you"!!! the next day a similar conversation via text!!! WTF!!!
I thought we were ok until last weekend and now i just think that she can stick it up her ass!! lol I told her that she can take DH back and clean up after him but she said nop i married him so done deal!!!
My BIL said last week that is he won lotto he would still live at home so MIL can do everything for him!!!
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Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 26 October 2008 at 2:00pm
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DF does heaps for Kylah, now that i think about it. When hes home he will take turns feeding her, he plays with her and changes her. He loves dressing her and always dresses her nice. She loves his attention too. Hes usually pretty good at putting her to bed, except he cant just walk out and leave her to cry for a bit and take herself to sleep.
In all reality i think hes great. Hes helping out more around the house and we try to spend Sundays together. I do get really upset when he works all weekend. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 26 October 2008 at 2:02pm
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Amber! She needs a slap!
Thats a horrible attitude to have. I personally think its very degrading to woman for a man to expect that a woman will run round after him like a blue ass fly! ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |