Before I go insane..help!
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Topic: Before I go insane..help!
Posted By: pomikiwi
Subject: Before I go insane..help!
Date Posted: 03 November 2008 at 3:01pm
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My friends little boy who is 3 in January is quite violent and hurts my DD ALL the time and it's been going on now for well over a year and it's driving me insane. DH is starting to get really angry with the situation, and it makes me not want to see my friend as I'm sick of DD getting hurt all the time. Don't get me wrong DD is no angel and will often have a go at him back by hittng or pulling his hair, but I'm certain she has learned this behaviour from him as she never does it to anyone else and never did it when she was younger, she just used to bare the brunt of his biting etc. He is 3 in January and has quite good speech so I thought this kind of behaviour was 'suppose' to stop once they could communicate better. He even hurts her for no apparent reason, like today we were in a kids clothes shop and they were playing with the toys in a pen thingy when he smacks DD over the head with a plastic firemans helmet! Then she wont go anywhere near him after that as she's so scared. And thats just one example of the endless pushing, hitting biting etc.
I'm at the end of my patients and not sure what to do about it? His mum doesn't let him get away with it, but his outbursts are not subsiding which is worrying to me. He seems to get smacked alot at home and yelled at constantly as he's a real busy boy and his mum is really highly strung and wont let him do anything! I personally think it's all about attention but his mum doesn't seem to think so. Help, what should I do before this ruins our friendship? ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
DD-Carys Amelia 17.03.06 |
Replies:
Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 03 November 2008 at 3:24pm
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Hmmm..... sounds like a pretty yucky situation for all concerned.
Ok, first of all, I think you need to talk to your friend, tell her how hard you are finding the way her son is hurting your daughter, and see if you can come up with some strategies together to deal with it. One thing I think may help is if it is you rather than your friend who reprimands the wee boy when he hurts your daughter. Something along the lines of "Joshua, that was really not a very kind thing to do to Michaela. We don't punch/kick/bite our friends, and Michaela is your friend, isn't she. It would be good if you gave Michaela a hug and a kiss and say sorry". All said in a firm voice, but with a kind face. Sometimes kids tend to listen to others a bit easier than they do their mummy! Also, if he's already getting smacked and yelled at when at home you'd want to try and keep it as kind as possible. Poor wee thing is probably just acting the way he is being treated at home. And I agree - its probably all about attention. |
Posted By: My3Sons
Date Posted: 03 November 2008 at 3:26pm
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Heya, when you say she doesnt let him get away with it, can you elaborate? Cause obviously whatever she is doing isnt working cause he is still doing it, and since its been going on for a year as well ------------- Mum to Mr 10, Mr 6 and Mr 4 
 
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No wonder your DD is scared of him. I have a zero tolerance policy for violence, they need to know straight away it is NOT ok to hurt another person or animals. Sounds like it is totally an attention thing too! Whether its positive or negative, its still atttention. Im not sure what you can do from your end other than say to her that you dont want your DD around him til he stops hurting her? Hard one!Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 03 November 2008 at 3:54pm
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IMO it isnt going to stop because he is being "hit" at home...so he thinks it is acceptable. i think that maybe you will just have to see your friend when you dont have the kids. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: pomikiwi
Date Posted: 03 November 2008 at 5:23pm
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^^ thats what I'm worried about Bizzy. Only thing is they will be going to the same daycare when they turn 3 :-( !
kiwimummy - she always makes him apologise and 'usually' puts him in time out. But she raises her voice quite alot and uses time out for EVERYTHING so it means nothing to him. If I look after him and he hurts DD I usually ignore him completely and pick up DD until see settles down then I explain to him that hurting is not nice etc. He is also really naughty when we're out in public, at playgroup or music etc and she's actually picked him up and taken him home a few times as he torments the other kids or hurts them. But when he;s at home she says he's just lovely. Thats what makes me think it's an attention thing as he's not getting it undivided from her. I'm just at a loss, DH wants me to say something but i'm too scared to as I wouldn't want to upset her. She can be scary if you get on the wrong side of her, lol! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
DD-Carys Amelia 17.03.06 |
Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 04 November 2008 at 5:46pm
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Its a difficult situation as the child is not yours and therefore you are not in a position to do much....however if this is upsetting you and your DH (not to mention DD) then you have to sit your friend down and tell her that tho she is punishing him for his naughtiness the fact that he continues to be violet towards your DD is making you not want them in the same place at the same time.
She needs to really step back and see what is going on with him. If she hits him and raises her voice all the time then for him it is acceptable. My DD hits aswell and yet we never ever hit her....she picks it up from Daycare...but at home instead of punishing her we explain to her that we dont hit and after several reminders we put her on the Corner. I find that she is way better by the time weekend is over and then she comes back from Day care the same....mind you she knows that what she is doing is wrong and is always quick to say sorry before she gets any further attention from us. Every parent is diff and therefore the method is different but if other parents + children are fed up then there is some thing wrong ...your friend needs to realise that before any thing can change! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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