She Hates It..
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=22511
Printed Date: 27 September 2025 at 10:39pm
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Topic: She Hates It..
Posted By: weegee
Subject: She Hates It..
Date Posted: 17 November 2008 at 8:56am
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edited - that was weird - I posted a new topic in a completely different forum and it replied here! ------------- 
Mum to JJ, 4 July 2008 & Addie, 28 July 2010 |
Replies:
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 17 November 2008 at 8:56am
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What can i do, it tears me apart to see her cry so hard when i drop her off at daycare. Like that begging please dont leave me cry. It sucks so bad.
Its to the point where i actually want to take her out of daycare. The only reason i started her early was because i want to study next year and need her in daycare fulltiome come feb. What can i do, does it get better? This morning i just wanted to cry! ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 17 November 2008 at 8:58am
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I know i was like huh? Awww i really feel for your friend though.. i wouldnt know what to do in a time like that. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: weegee
Date Posted: 17 November 2008 at 9:04am
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Hugs to you too though, do you know if she stops after you leave? I used to do a lot of babysitting and it wasn't uncommon for the little ones to sob and beg while their parents were leaving but as soon as the car got out of sight they were fine. -------------
Mum to JJ, 4 July 2008 & Addie, 28 July 2010 |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 17 November 2008 at 9:05am
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It's a hard one..yes it does get better..but for some children it really does take a while:( I can only imagine how heartbreaking it is.. :( If I was you I would stick with it though.. does she settle later?(do you ring later on?) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 17 November 2008 at 9:06am
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sorry weegee didn't see your post:) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 17 November 2008 at 10:15am
| maybe drop her off and the sneak back in later to see how she is (without her knowing). You might be suprised to see a happy wee girl playing. Think how much they cry and rip out our hearts when we put them to bed sometimes. |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 17 November 2008 at 10:53am
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She always stops crying after i leave but its so hard having her screm, she snuggles into my shoulder and doesnt want me to put her down.
I always ring at 10am everyday to see how she is, i have just rung them and shes outside playing in the sandpit happy as. I just wish she wouldnt cry i feel so bad, like shes miserable and hates it! ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: Mum2ET
Date Posted: 17 November 2008 at 11:04am
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For the first couple of months everytime I left Ella at daycare she would cry...but I knew as soon as I left she was happy as. When you leave does one of the teachers give her a cuddle? Ella now doesn't cry when I leave, but still always gets one of the teachers to give her a cuddle as I am leaving. I read someone that it was good for them to be a bit upset when you leave and then for someone to give them a cuddle, so that they are know they are in a safe place and someone will look out for them.
I know it is hard....but it should get better soon. I think it was a good idea to have her go part-time now, so that hopefully by the time she starts full-time she will be fully settled. ------------- Mum to Ella (5) and Tom (2) |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 17 November 2008 at 11:30am
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Yup there is one teacher who she clings too. Shes always happy after 5 or 10 minutes.. its just so heart breaking to see her scream like that for me!
Im glad theres a light at the end of the tunnel though, i was seriously considering taking her out! ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 17 November 2008 at 12:42pm
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I had the same thing. In the end the only thing that worked so she stopped screaming when I left, was me changing my attitude! It got so bad with me getting so stressed with Isla crying and me feeling guilty about having her there that the head teacher took me aside, and gave me some good tips on making it better for the both of us,..and it worked!
I had to decide at home if she was gonna go to daycare that day - cos when she started crying there I would have all these things running through my head like ' oh god maybe shes too tired, she did have a bit of a runny nose yesterday maybe I should take her home, she was up in the night s maybe she s too tired to be here etc etc. So I would decide in the orning - yes she s fine to go to daycare, and that was my final decision! I have a diff bag that she only ever uses for daycare and I get it out in the morning of the day shes going, and talk about that shes going there and mummy will come back and get her later. All the time we get ready and on the way there I keep saying that, and things like "who's at daycare?! we list her friends and the name of the teachers etc', and u can do mummy a painting, and you like the sandpit etc etc. I started doing exactly the same routinue when I took her, sign the book, take her food to the bench then hang her bag up etc,..getting isla to help me by showing me where her bag goes etc- all things to help her feel like she belongs there. Then take her tpo an activity/sandpit of what eve, then after a few mins say "Isla mummy is going to go soon, and I will come back and get u later', then in a min or so,...;right mummy is going to go now Isla, give me a kiss,...bye, see you later",..all the while being ocverly enthusiastic and happy and positive,...then just leave and not look back. I always waited where she couldnt see me, until she stopped crying. You should see her now! She absoultely LOVES it there! She even often asks to go there on a non-daycare day! lol! I struggle to even get her to give me a kiss goodbye now, she is off and having fun! Im sure Kylah will love it soon too. Its definatly a good idea to start her now, long before u need to. She will be settled in by then, an u wont have this stress/worry like u are having now. Hope some of that helps!! ETA- Isla was 15months old when she started at daycare. |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 17 November 2008 at 12:46pm
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Kellz that was brilliant advice!:)
from a teacher's point of view we feel so helpless too and bad for the parents!!! but it's great she settles when you leave...sounds like she just has trouble saying goodbye...and I know it's awful:( but it will stop eventually.. ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Jessica
Date Posted: 17 November 2008 at 1:03pm
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Kandise, lachie does the exactaly some thing. He screams (goes purple the whole bit) and I feel awful but the teachers said he settles in a couple of min and then loves it and everytime I arrive back he is always happy and playing away in the sandpit or chasing other kids around the place - he LOVES the older kids. He used to start crying as soon as I returned but now he often continues what he is doing once he sees me heading over so I know that he is more settled. But I really do wish he would not do the screaming thing. Talk about tugging at your heart strings! I think it is great you are getting her used to it this year before she goes to full time next year. ------------- 
Our con-joined boys 20 wk |
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 17 November 2008 at 1:12pm
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Are you sure that she hates it? Or is it that you hate leaving her upset?
I think all mums and bubs go thru that separation anxiety when they start work and/or daycare. I'm pretty confident that she is enjoying herself and is loving the contact with new people and children. You are a great mum Kandice and starting her now is a really good idea. You will both be fine. Just give her lots of cuddles before and after daycare. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 17 November 2008 at 1:25pm
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Kandice - Didnt read what other have written! but I put Z at day care after she was one years old and that was the worse time because by then she is use to familier faces and she develops the understanding and so dropping her off every mornig was HELL!!
Just like Kylah Z was fine soon after I left but for those 5 min she was Blue in the face crying!! You wont believe it but she is 3 years old now and up untill recently she would cry when I left...Teachers did a good job distracting her but still she managed a few tears...and it was horrible. Finally tho she is a happy little girl and waves good bye and kisses and cuddles me before I go. I also phone at 1.30ish to see what she is upto and she is always next to the phone and has a small convo with me which is awesome! Hang in there hun...they do get use to it!! Our DC teachers told me...some kids take 1 week to get use to it...some take 1 month (in my case two years...LOL)...But they do get over it...and then they love it! Depending on the child ofcourse! Big Hugs...I know how you feel!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: ooEvaoo
Date Posted: 17 November 2008 at 1:28pm
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When Kahtrell first started daycare I spent the first few days alongside him to help him settle. After that when I would leave he would cry but as soon as I was out the door he was fine, and when I would return it would be like he never noticed I had been gone the whole time!.
Even now he still gets a little clingy but will always allow himself to be handed over to one of the teachers for cuddles while mummy leaves. ------------- 
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Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 17 November 2008 at 2:59pm
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Thanks for all your replies. i know shes happy when i go, but even when i come back to get her, as soon as she sees me she drops what shes doing and starts grizzling.. like she doesnt want me to see that shes happy. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 17 November 2008 at 3:30pm
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that's the adult way of thinking.she is just happy to see her Mum:) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 17 November 2008 at 3:44pm
dont take her out hun i know its hard jamescryed like that foe about a year but i was a hard ass and knew he relly had fun whens he here he now runs there and is relly settled just try to stick it out it will get easer ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 17 November 2008 at 5:36pm
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I hear ya about the crying bit. Alize has been in care since he was 8mths old. At 12mths he started at the DC he is still at, so been there for nearly a year and he loves it. Loves all the workers, sleeps well there durning the day etc BUT every morning he crys, throwing himself on the ground, doing the display of all displays. I just sign him in, kiss him goodbye and leave as he wont stop til I hav left THEN to make matters worse he by the time I have walked the few steps out the gate around to the car, he is always up at the window smiling and laughing waving and calling "bye, mum" or "mum work bye". Seriously sometimes you just cant win and I bet the display is only for us. Should get better hun and Im the same as Kellz, have a different bag just for DC, and we talk about it as soon as he is up. we call it school as the girls go to school so we say Alize's school. We drop the girls off then its his turn. Every DC moring the same routine and conversation, so he knows where we are going and that I will be back to get him. Best of luck Kandice and again I bet she has the best time at DC, I know my boy does. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 18 November 2008 at 8:55am
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Thanks for all the comments, im glad im not the only one. Im been feeling awful about it for a couple weeks now, wondering if im doing some damage making her go.
Well today was a little bit better. We got up and talked about 'kindy' (its easier to say than daycare) all morning. We drove there with me talking about the teachers, kids and the sandpit! She loves the sandpit. We get there and she does the usual cling to me, so i got down on the floor and played with her for 15min and she crawled away!! Thats a huge step. But she came back when i had to go and screamed! I stood out the door where she couldnt see me and she stopped like 30seconds after!! Made me feel abit better i tell ya! ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 18 November 2008 at 9:41am
Thats awesome Kandice! Well done to the both of you! I'm sure if you keep doing that each day will get better and easier  ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3)
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 18 November 2008 at 11:59am
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well done hun i know its hard but it does get easer ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: Shorty
Date Posted: 18 November 2008 at 12:57pm
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We went through the same thing.
I do what most of the others have said. Different bag for DC and talk about going then on the way talk about his carers....even the ones he doesn't have much of a bond with lol and the areas he likes to play in, sandpit, water play, if he is going to paint etc. Sounds like some improvement, she will get there. ------------- http://www.alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 18 November 2008 at 12:59pm
| Oh yay Kandice! So pleased it was better already! |
Posted By: Lulu
Date Posted: 18 November 2008 at 3:15pm
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I had my Daughter in daycare three mornings a week 9am-1pm. She started when she was 8 months. The days and times have been changed a few times, as she just did not seem to be adjusting to the daycare environment. I kept thinking that with time, she would get use to it. But unlike your Daughter, she wasn't happy even after I left in the mornings, she was basically miserable most of the time. The other children freaked her out, she did not bond with any of the carers. The daycare tried all sorts of things with her, I can't fault them. This went on for almost six months. She had the odd good day, and that would make me think it was going to get better. In the end I made the decision to withdraw her, and wow the difference in her personality and her sense of security in the last month is just amazing. I had a good talk to the daycare people, and they said that most children adjust after time, but there is the odd child who is just not cut out for the daycare environment - and mine is one of them. I am very lucky that I am able to adjust my work schedule around her and have a helpful Mum, who comes to us and looks after her on Fridays. Her bond with her Nana has become stronger because of this too. ------------- Lou http://www.babysfirstsite.com"> 
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 18 November 2008 at 5:03pm
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Well done Kandice , so glad it went better for you and Kylah today
Caitlyn thrived at creche, she loved kindy ...school on the other hand "im sick " * feeble cough* " I don't want to go " I just carry on as normal and by the time we are leaving she for school she is chatting away about what shes going to do that day , play with etc. Sometimes tho ,it does just break your heart . (Tho then I think "meh, well IIIIII dont want to go to work , so tough bickies " ) ------------- 
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 18 November 2008 at 6:05pm
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Yep as others have said they are totally fine once you do go. Josh took a few weeks to settle in at his daycare here and now he loves it. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |