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Toddler totally unfazed by discipline?

Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: Toddler Times
Forum Description: Is bubs growing up and getting into everything? How do you train them to use the potty? When do you start feeding solids? Share your tips and advice here!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=22570
Printed Date: 21 May 2024 at 2:07pm
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Topic: Toddler totally unfazed by discipline?
Posted By: FionaS
Subject: Toddler totally unfazed by discipline?
Date Posted: 19 November 2008 at 11:49am
I hate the word discipline but it is probably the best word in this instance!

Does you toddler get it when they are being told off? Elle thinks it is great fun and smiles away not matter what we try. We have been having the same 2 issues (below) for a year now and are not seeing any improvement at all despite being consistent with our response.

Issue 1: ALWAYS running away when we ask her to come here or stop. If I let her walk from the front door to the car she will ALWAYS run off down the driveway. She has done this since she can walk. I deal with it the same way every day (I changed my approach after many months of no success but still she doesn’t get it).

Issue 2: Squealing happily at the absolute top of her lungs for hours and hours in the middle of the night. During the day if you ask her to be quiet she will freeze and stop talking or whisper but at night, as soon as we leave the room again she starts partying at the top of her lungs. We have been in every night recently and used the same approach:
First visit: we explain it is night and everyone is asleep and nighttime is for being quiet and sleeping so she needs to close her eyes and go back to sleep.
Second Visit: Tell her very firmly to be quiet
Third Visit: Tell her in no uncertain terms that she must be quiet.
We don’t usually go in more than 3 times but she almost always continues beyond that.
When we go in she smiles and is VERY happy.

Prior to this phase of going in to her at night we would just leave her to it (we didn't want her to get used to seeing us in the night) but as her night wakings were getting longer and louder, and she is old enough to understand "be quiet" we are now trialling going in.

If we put her in time out, she thinks it is great fun and sings or plays. This is fine as I know she doesn’t need to be miserable BUT it does mean she never actually gets it when she is doing something wrong so her behaviour in those areas doesn't change.

I know she understands emotions as she role plays all sorts with her toys…tells them off, tells them to stop and not run away, cuddles them when they are “sad” etc.

Is it just normal for a toddler to not understand or be fazed by discipline?


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Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley



Replies:
Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 19 November 2008 at 1:19pm
yes! well at least i hope it's normal because charli is exactly the same

no matter how much time she spends on the naughty chair, she just doesn't get it.

no suggestions other than to keep at it............i sympathise!

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http://www.alternatickers.com">
http://lilypie.com">


Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 19 November 2008 at 1:54pm
I don't know about the night time wake ups but for the running away I'd put a harness on her whenever you go outside (even for short walks) and explain when she's old enough to listen to instructions she won't need it anymore.  If you're really concerned maybe you could make an appointment to see someone like Diane Levy.

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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 19 November 2008 at 2:04pm
Jack has started with the night time thing too. I've told him not to yell and be quiet if hes going to be awake but I think they think if you can't see them then you can't hear them.

With time out I found I had to change it a few times to get someplace Jack doesn't like so doesn't want to go there.

With the running away I would just hold on to her hand so she cannot run away.

In one book I read it said although toddlers understand what you are saying and know not to do something they still haven't got that willpower to stop themselves. She might just really love running down the driveway.


Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 19 November 2008 at 2:08pm
Have Elle and Ella been talking?? Maybe a little strategy-swapping?! We don't have the night playtime here but oh, the car/driveway/going anywhere dramas! Yeah, I think some kids are just completely unfazed by discipline. Ella quite liked Time Out in her room. She isn't a fan of her new TO spot (the laundry) now. Though that said, while she'll cry about being put in there, she often comes out still refusing to play ball. Some kids figure out really quickly that if they don't care about he punishment, it won't really matter. Little monkeys.

Thought about bribery for some things? I've used these tiny little bickies in the nappy bag... 'if you get in the car you get one of your bickies'. I don't use it a lot, but there are times when I'm trying to negotiate with her (offering a consequence if she doesn't do what she's asked) and I wish SO much that I'd just bribed her in the first place and it'd be over with already. Hey, even the Bible says that bribery works. I don't know that it's being recommended as such, but read whatever you like into it!

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Andie


Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 19 November 2008 at 2:51pm
LOL Andie! We figured it is just because Elle is strong willed and is an explorer. She'll choose exploring an open space over any type of toy.

I don't bribe as such but I got sick of dragging a wriggling child to the car (games didn't work either) so now I give her a snack and she is so focussed on that she marches straight out the front door to the car. Without the snack she is everywhere!

Glad to hear it is just how some toddlers are :)

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Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley


Posted By: xnikx
Date Posted: 19 November 2008 at 3:17pm
If it makes you feel better at all, my daughter was basically the same at 2 years & improved HEAPS by 3.

We continued the whole "if you do such & such, you will go to your room".
Trick was we would just put her in her room for most things she knew was naughty, after 1 warning. We went on & on about listening. "If you dont listen, you will go to your room"
Suppernanny huh? And there was the apologising for stuff.
Eventually, she learnt.

Have you tired the whole "Do you want mummy/daddy to be angry" trick?
For some reason our daughter just HATES it when she thinks we are angry at her. That helps LOL

I can only wish you luck, hope it all works out!

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http://lilypie.com">


Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 19 November 2008 at 8:51pm
For the running away get a harness. I am at the point of putting McKayla back in one in the shopping. She is skipping and running around corners and she knows she is not allowed to do it.

Nighttime talking no idea. You might ask her to use her whisper voice or something but really dont know about that one.

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http://lilypie.com">

http://lilypie.com">


Posted By: pomikiwi
Date Posted: 19 November 2008 at 9:19pm
Have you tried ignoring her at night time, when she starts up with the happy noise (it sounds quite cute though, aw) just go in, tuck her back in or lie her down and walk back out? Or even dont go in at all? Just a thought.

I have the same problem with the running away so I just make sure i've got hold of her hand. Although this may become a challenge when I've got to get baby #2 out of the car too, aarrgghhh!

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http://lilypie.com">
DD-Carys Amelia 17.03.06


Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 19 November 2008 at 10:26pm
The night noise has actually turned into non-sensical squealing and chanting. It used to be words now it is just weird sounds and giggling. It is really really really odd (even more odd now that it used to be as it makes no sense!). And yeah, we ingnored it for about 6mths!

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Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley


Posted By: pomikiwi
Date Posted: 21 November 2008 at 7:57am
Maybe she's going to be night owl

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http://lilypie.com">
DD-Carys Amelia 17.03.06


Posted By: LJsmum
Date Posted: 21 November 2008 at 10:58am
Diane Levy is great and may have some good ideas to help you out with both issues.

I am reading both her books and they are excellent best i have read. i have her phone number if you want to ring her to have a chat just P.M me. I have heard her speak a few times i like her approach.

I have worked with children as an early childhood teacher for a number of years and haven't come across another behaviour strategey that is as effect as her's. Not keen on supernanny she's just a bit freaky!!

I think i read on here earlier about the night waking stuff and sounds like you've had it all checked out for cognitive related things. Maybe Diane could help with behavioural??

just a thought

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