Bonding with your bump?
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Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=22623
Printed Date: 23 August 2025 at 12:01pm
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Topic: Bonding with your bump?
Posted By: Emmecat
Subject: Bonding with your bump?
Date Posted: 21 November 2008 at 3:45pm
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Is anyone else having trouble doing this? I'm assuming becasue I have had a few miscarriages, 1 of them at about 12 weeks, that I have subconciously held off feeling excited about being pg this time around. Now after my 12 week scan which showed a healthy active bubba, and listening to the hearbeat via Doppler the other week, I'm still having trouble 'feeling' pg....and certainly don't feel clucky over my bump. Much of my pg so far has been taken up with some really bad ms, so alot of it I've just felt ultra sick and tired. It's hard to explain. I'm thrilled to be pg on an intellectual level but don't understand why I can't get my heart to feel that same thrill. At both scans I cried with relief seeing bubba was ok but outside of those times, I stillI think something could go wrong cos of course I'm not yet feeling kicks or anything. I *so* want to feel clucky and fall in love with my bump and the baby inside....any tips on how to get there?! -------------   http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Not the best start!Replies:
Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 21 November 2008 at 3:58pm
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hun, considering what you've been through before this pregnancy, i would think your feelings are completely normal. your probably trying to sub-consciously protect yourself from getting hurt again IYKWIM?
give it a little more time...once the ms subsides and you start feeling bubs kicks, i think you'll find it easier to bond with your bump 
i felt jack move at 17wks and first felt charli at 20wks, so you're almost there!  15wks is abit early to feel bubs, not impossible though, just not usually til a few weeks later
 ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 21 November 2008 at 4:15pm
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Im having trouble bonding with this bump,but I think its because im so preoccupied with Caitlyn .
And its the second pregnancy , so its not as exciting as the first time,when all I could think about was baby, and plans for baby etc, this time round...i keep forgetting im actually pregnant, and its a big effort to "talk " to my bump . I think you (and me ) will feel a lot more closer to our bubs once they start kicking us etc, perhaps you could start a diary, I did with Caitlyn , (or a blog) that might help a bit. But dont feel that you HAVE to feel a bond with bubs, some women dont have a bond even once baby is born , and considering what you have gone through its only natural that you are going to feel apprehensive ------------- 
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Posted By: Joscia
Date Posted: 21 November 2008 at 4:26pm
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Emmecat - I kind of feel the same way, even though I haven't been through any of the stuff that you have. I didn't cry at the scan, or when I heard the heart beat (though it was pretty cool) and I too feel like I'm more detached about it all than I should be. It all feels pretty surreal to me at the moment - half the time I don't quite believe it's happening - especially now when I'm feeling more or less 'normal.' Plus I'm just feeling fat at the moment and don't have anything close to a proper bump yet. We haven't started buying any baby stuff yet though - so I right now I kind of feel like I'm living just like I normally do... though without the wine and sushi, and feeling like a heffer. ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 21 November 2008 at 4:50pm
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emmecat- it's totally normal..after we lost bub at 12 weeks I was the same...and when he started kicking and i saw him at 20 week scan I bonded much more but really not totally till he came out (and he had APGAR of 3 so i thought oh no it's come true he's not going to make it) but once I had him in my arms I was bonded.. not right then but when the drugs wore off..lol:)
anyway I'm saying it is totally normal and I was worried cause other people after mc's seemed fine but it was just the way it was with me and I got there in the end. I guess it's hard to form a bond when it feels so surreal as well.. ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 21 November 2008 at 5:23pm
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emmecat I didn't have a MC and I still didn't start to bond with Rowan until probably about 30 weeks when she was really moving and I didn't bond properly with her until she was out.
I don't think it's unusual not to feel 'clucky' about it - even though on an intellectual level you know it's a baby it's still a 'bump' until it comes out 
ETA: And I had the exact same worry about what it said about my abilities as a mum - but based on Rowan's current state I'm doing a pretty good job  -------------  
 
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Posted By: Danaj
Date Posted: 21 November 2008 at 5:57pm
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I've only just started to feel like my bump is a real baby. I couldn't get my head around it before but now I can get reactions from her it's made all the difference.
Don't worry about it chick. I know heaps of people that said they didn't feel like a mum until after the baby was here. Just like the Dad's can have trouble bonding during pgcy as they only see a bump that moves sometimes. DH is still perplexed by the whole thing and i'm not fussed as I know he will fall in love as soon as he meets her, and you will do the same. Everything will change when you meet her/him. Try to relax and go with the flow. It all comes out in the wash in the end. ------------- http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wyI1oWn/"> 
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Posted By: Emmecat
Date Posted: 21 November 2008 at 6:24pm
Oh wise ones lol You always make me feel better. I thought I was the only one who wasn't finding a connection with her growing bump....and the word 'surreal' is a very apt description! I sometimes can't believe that DP and I managed to get pg, have it stick (I so want to add here 'so far'  ) and will have another little human being in 5 months or so! Very very weird lol  ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 21 November 2008 at 6:42pm
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Im much the same karen, I had my anatomy scan today and as usual held my breath until she started talking about the baby as if it was real (which it is )
Over the past few days baby movements have been getting much stronger and I am starting to catch myself talking to him/her which I had not been doing before (much). I feel like I can relax a bit now and start to enjoy being pregnant. Look at you, 15 weeks... gosh it flies by doesnt it! -------------   
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Posted By: Ella1
Date Posted: 21 November 2008 at 7:04pm
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Hi Emmecat,
I've had trouble bonding sofar. This is my first pg and I haven't had any mc. At my 12 wk scan I had tears in my eyes because I couldn't believe there was really a baby in there. But I was still so apprehensive about something being wrong, that it was only after my 18 week scan that I was able to buy anything for the baby. I'm now almost 28 weeks and not really worrying anymore about anything being wrong. I don't really talk or sing or read to my bump (that just makes me feel weird). I'm just really looking forward to meeting her. I guess everybody is different. |
Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 21 November 2008 at 7:55pm
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In my experience, sometime a sense of being bonded comes in times of trial OR after the fact.
I remember overthinking the concept of bonding with my bump but I found when she was born I suddenly REALLY really missed her being in my tummy. All of a sudden she was an independent being not a part of me like she had been. This will sound odd but I still miss my bump now even though I have the most amazing daughter! However, it wasn't until I had her that I realised how bonded I was to my bump. ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: whitewave
Date Posted: 21 November 2008 at 8:02pm
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I agree with everyone else, I can totally understand why you haven't felt much yet. You may find once the MS starts going away, and bubs starts kicking, that you feel more of a connection.
I talk to my baby a fair bit, but feel a bit silly reading aloud or singing! But everyone is different, so don't panic! |
Posted By: Emmecat
Date Posted: 21 November 2008 at 8:03pm
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Wow it's so amaing to hear about other women who have fel like me and not bonded with thier bump....I just wrongly assumed most people did as soon as they got a BFP lol. Melnel- I can't believe you are feeling bubba kicking already! Seems like only yesterday (and in fact I think it was June?) that we were having lunch and stressing about not getting pg lol! Ella- I'm pleased you're bonding with your bump now....I know what you mean about being apprehensive though. I think once I feel bubba kicking and/or have my 20week scan things might well feel different. Fiona- I think I will know what you mean once our baby is born- I can imagine it would be weird to suddenly *not* have someone as part of you, instead being their own little person..... your daughter sounds lovely btw ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: pomikiwi
Date Posted: 21 November 2008 at 9:02pm
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You will hun dont worry just wait til it starts moving and reacting to your voice etc. It will come. It's hard to bond with something that you can't see or feel. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
DD-Carys Amelia 17.03.06 |
Posted By: CarrieMum
Date Posted: 21 November 2008 at 9:05pm
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I didn't cry at my 12 week scan and still don't think of my tiny little bulge as a real baby bump. I'm hoping that after my 20 week scan and I find out the sex that may help me find it all a bit more real and then I can start buying pink or blue things and bonding a bit more??
As I've been a nanny before all I can really think about is all the hard work ahead of me.... I'm quite realistic about the whole thing and not romantic or fantasising about special moments, just all the sleepless nights and hard work! Not very nice, but that's how Im feeling! |
Posted By: rachelsea
Date Posted: 21 November 2008 at 9:09pm
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Aww! I've only really started bonding with my bump in the last few weeks, now that her kicks are getting stronger and I can put my hand there and feel a good kick! Before that I was like you, so grateful to be pregnant but a bit "removed" from the situation, as though it was someone else who was pregnant instead of me. It still feels quite surreal, like "oh my god, there's a living creature IN MY BODY!!!" but it's so cool
I'm sure once you feel him/her moving you'll be able to start the whole bonding process ------------- DD 4yrs DS 2yrs http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: LeahandJoel
Date Posted: 22 November 2008 at 9:44am
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It was only after the 20 week scan I started to feel pg. Wasn't showing by then with either and so had to wait for movements cos I didn't believe there was something in there - despite the MS which was nasty both times. You will get there don't worry about that, and anyway as soon as they put bubba on you after its born i'm sure you will feel it then. -------------  
 
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 22 November 2008 at 9:52am
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I know hun, I have been "feeling things" for a couple of weeks but wasnt sure if it was bubs or not. On Tuesday during relaxation at Yoga I got quite a bit of movement that I just knew it was bubs. Everyday I get those same feelings when I am lieing down an they are getting stronger every day. Last night i got a few thuds too! Cant feel them through the belly yet, thats a few weeks way. DH really wants to be able to feel it, but he was pretty stoked to get a big wave yesterday
I cant believe its been 5 months since we had lunch. I thought it was cool that we went on to get April, May, & June bubbas! -------------
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Posted By: Mum2L
Date Posted: 22 November 2008 at 11:29am
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I wouldn't worry Emmecat. I'm nearly 35 weeks, and I still haven't bonded to my bump.
Sure, it is nice to know that he is still happily alive in my belly, but I can't make myself bond with him until he safely in my arms. Sure, he moved around, and loves thumping my ribs to a pulp, but I still can't bond. People often ask me if I am excited about having a baby, and I honestly say 'NO!'. I can be such a pessimist, and even people have said that to me. It is different for everyone, and I am sure I will bond with him once he is born ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Emmecat
Date Posted: 22 November 2008 at 12:34pm
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Wow it seems that there are more of you than not who have had trouble bonding with your bumps lol It does seem that after the 20 week scan and once we feel the baby moving it all becomes a little more real. I hope that's the same for me.... I'll let you know but already I am feeling much better knowing I'm not the only one going through this! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 22 November 2008 at 12:42pm
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Aww hun, dont worry, I felt kinda the same when I was preg with the boy. But as soon as i felt him kicking i was in love! Then i would talk to my bump and stuff ------------- |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 22 November 2008 at 2:59pm
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I don't think I ever fully bonded with the 'bump'. Kicks were kind of cool and I would lie there for ages feeling him move, but TBH I didn't care much for being pregnant (we had a few issues along the way). But when those issues arose and also towards then end I started to realise OMG I can't wait to meet you! And then he was here and it was all OK. I honestly don't get the importance of bump bonding, it's not like you can see or hold the baby until they're out.
Oh and we had 14 scans and not one time did I cry other than when they told me he might have heart issues and I never thought it was odd. I'm just not a crying kind of person when it comes to that sort of thing. |
Posted By: mummytobesep08
Date Posted: 22 November 2008 at 7:37pm
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I had a m/c and then got pregnant the very next month. For DH he 'bonded' at the 20 week scan but even then for me it was the "what if it doesnt work out". I finally felt comfy with it when I reached 28 weeks as then babies have a huge chance of surviving if being prem is their only problem. Then I really felt I could enjoy my pregnancy.
After the horror birth I would have given anything to have bubs back inside me again! Charli-Rose felt that way too. But that's what happens when big meanies take you away from your mummy! I still say Charli-Rose is a part of me...she just happen to be over there *points to bassinet* instead of here *points down at tummy* ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3 |
Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 22 November 2008 at 10:42pm
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Emmecat, I didn't realise that I had bonded to my bump with my first preg, until I no longer had the bump & for a long long while I missed those movements at night. Then it was actually worse while we were TTC as I so wanted a baby back inside me.
This time around I have definitely bonded more, I guess because this bub was waited on & so anticipated but I deliberately held back bonding until just recently, much of that is probably because my bump isn't very big. Also this time I am sharing my bump with a 4 year old so I have had to personify it so that she doesnt' hurt me, it's helped her becoming a big sister as well
I don't think it matters if you feel bonded with your bump, you definitely will once you see that little face. ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: Danaj
Date Posted: 23 November 2008 at 11:26am
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I don't think there are any rules that go along with this anyway. Everyone is different and there really is no "Normal" to go by.
Even if you're not feeling bonded when she kicks or when you have the scan, don't worry about it. Half the time I forget i'm even pregnant! ( That's when i'm sitting down and nothing hurts lol). Other times I think "OMG what am I doing, I don't want a baby" and other times I get this amazing sense of elation that i'm going to be a mum. Hormones and fear make us do and think funny things. ------------- http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wyI1oWn/">
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Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 23 November 2008 at 12:43pm
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Hearing you on that one Dana.....except I'm going with the I don't like the one I have, why am I having another....& then they are sweet & angelic & you remember why.
I think being a parent is one of the hardest jobs out there, I'm thinking today why am I taking a year off when one weekend is enough to drive me insane! ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com">
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: Lulu
Date Posted: 26 November 2008 at 10:16am
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I also reckon that we are all so different, and we sometimes think that we 'must' feel a certain way about things and then if we don't, we feel like we are not 'normal'. It's like how lots of people say that you feel this enormous rush of love for your baby as soon as it is born. Well no, not everyone does! I didn't. I loved her and cared for her, but it was not overwhelming. Those feelings grew over time - now my love for her is overwhelming!
------------- Lou http://www.babysfirstsite.com"> 
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